76 answers

Little Girl Is Harassing My Daughter for Having Two Moms

I have a gorgeous wife(we're not legally married, but I call her my wife)and almost six years ago, I gave birth(through artificial insemination)to a little girl. She's happy and intelligent, naturally curious, so she did ask why she didn't have a daddy. We decided to be honest with her, and she accepted it completely. However, we've been having problems with a family in our neighborhood. They are very Christian(even though my wife and I are both Catholic, we don't take it to such an extreme)and they openly disapprove of us. Their daughter(eight years old)has been bullying my girl, calling her "dyke child" and telling her that she and her mommies should die and go to hell. Becca-Marie was very afraid, and timidly asked me if we would really die. I assured her we wouldn't, and that she woouldn't go to Hell ever. Becca-Marie seemed happy and confident the next two weeks. However, yesterday sher came home, crying - apparently, the girl had been throwing stones at her, telling her to burn in Hell's flames, saying that her moms were sinners and that she didn't deserve to be born. What are Reagan and I supposed top do? Becca-Marie has been so scared and sad, and it is just not okay for a girl to be treated like that. What should two moms do?

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What can I do next?

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Call the police NOW! Trust me, these arent people you are ever going to reason with. These are hate CRIMES. Go to the police please!

9 moms found this helpful

This sort of behavior is not appropriate in any child of any family, whatever their religion or non-religion.

6 moms found this helpful

Call the police. That kind of ignorance runs deep, and talking to the parent might stop the physical attacks, but not the verbal, which can be just as scarring. People that ignorant need a BIG message sent to have behavorial changes, b/c mindset changes will sadly never happen.

Oh yeah and staple a WWJD bracelet to the order of protection :)

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Call the police. File a report against their threats, assaults and hate-crime behavior.

Then contact their church, tell them what their parishioners are doing and say you will call the local news station if this behavior isn't stopped immediately.

13 moms found this helpful

First, as a Christian, I am soooo offended! I have NEVER called someone that or thought that way. I have many gay/lesbian friends and even though we don't agree on some issues, there is no reason to be hateful or disrespectful about their sexual orientation. Being a christian, you are called to LOVE EVERYONE! Its not our job to determine whether or not someone will go to Hell or judge them period.

In my opinion, I would go down to their house-confront them and say you have been hearing X, y,Z comments from your daughter. She has said it was from ___their daughter's name. Tell them that you don't know if they are aware of this hateful behavior(they may or may not) but tell them it needs to stop! Say if you hear the comments again, you will be making a report to the police. Not sure what they can do, but I would say its borderline harassment! Good luck to you and I am so sorry they are doing this to you!!!

M.

12 moms found this helpful

Two moms should do what two dads, a mom and a dad, a single mom, a single dad...ect, would do. You march over to that child's house and tell the paretns what is going on. You lay it on the line....her daughter is bullying your daughter, it's not okay, it's not to continue. You let the parents know what is going on because maybe they are not aware of how their child is behaving. IF they are aware...shame on them! You tell your daughter to stay away from them, that there are people in this world who are closed minded and hateful and continue to love and support your daughter. Also, give her persmission to have a voice! To tell this other little girl off, that she is perfectly fine in telling this other little girl to get away from her and show how she does not want to speak with her.
I didn't read through your answers...sometimes it's hard on this board since some people areso very "right"...
Just knowthat if your daughter wasn't getting made fun of for this than it would have been for something else. It just so happens that kids (and I find little girls in particular) are really nasty little creatures sometimes!
Good Luck mama(s)
L.

12 moms found this helpful

sorry I haven't read the other responses. This is so horrible what this little girl is doing to your daughter. Obviously her ignorant parents have taught her to behave in this manner. I would press charges if I were you--contact the police. This is harassment and violent. Please seek the help of an attorney and the police and keep your girl away from this sick family. Some Christians these people are!

And it is really ignorant for people to say things like "Gay couples shouldn't have children because then it is hard on the kids". Maybe if you taught your child acceptance and tolerance instead of hatred, then other kids wouldn't have to be bullied. Since when is it the fault of the victim? This is a very illogical argument that is far outdated. Maybe years ago before the civil right movement black people should not have been allowed to procreate either, because we know their children were discriminated against. Such garbage! It is the attitudes of the people who are causing harm that need to change, not the lifestyles of the one's that are doing nothing wrong. Sorry, but hearing stuff like this makes me sick.

And I actually disapprove of people like JO F having kids because then she will be passing on her outdated and ignorant beliefs onto her kids and we just don't need anymore of that.

12 moms found this helpful

i agree with other posters. I would march over there and tell them they need to keep their mouths shut. they can not agree with your life-style all that they want, but until you are having sex in their living room it is NONE of their business and does not effect their life at all. You tell them that is this continues you will be contacting the police for a HATE CRIME and if their little monster wants to continue than she can have that on her record the rest of her life. what kind of mother really wants to raise their child like that?

10 moms found this helpful

I agree with many of the other moms. Call the police about the rock incident. Sadly they can't do anything about words (unless she threatens to hurt your daughter) but the rock throwing incident shows an escalation in the situation. This needs to be addressed. Sadly because this child is hearing this from her parents, you going to them and addressing it wouldn't help the situation.

I'm sorry that these people claim to be Christians and are treating you like this. True Christians do not judge. We accept everyone and leave the judging to God. I like what the one mother said about letting "he who is without sin cast the first stone."

I hope that things get better. *hugs*

10 moms found this helpful

Call the police NOW! Trust me, these arent people you are ever going to reason with. These are hate CRIMES. Go to the police please!

9 moms found this helpful

Bless her heart. Give her a big hug and tell her some people are hurting inside themselves, they want everyone else to hurt.

Also let her know that little girl may think she is a Christian, but real Christians, love EVERYONE. This little girl has not learned the true lessons yest.

I wonder where they attend church? You may want to find out if this is something the church itself is teaching.. That is where the hate could be coming from.. or it could just be the sick parents..

Do file a police report. This has escalated to physical violence and that is very dangerous.. The Police need to have documentation..

I am sending you all peace. I am so sorry this is happening to your child..

9 moms found this helpful

Are you kidding?? This is a circumstance where I would march on over to those bigots' home and make it clear if this harassment didn't stop there were going to be charges filed with the police.

Tell your daughter that sadly, there are a lot of stupid people in the world (like Jo F.) , but fortunately, most people are kind and intelligent, and she has nothing to be afraid of.

Where was she when the girl was throwing stones at her? This is also an instance where I personally would confront that little brat and scare the heck out of her.

I also agree with teaching her to fight, and fight back.

Or, you could move to wonderful Santa Rosa, where diversity is embraced.

9 moms found this helpful

Wow...what horrible people! I am so sorry to hear that your family is going through this :(. The first thing I would do is hire a lawyer. That way, the lawyer can send out a letter to them, and it will be documented that you sent the letter and tried to handle this situation outside of court. If things don't get better after the letter, I would press charges. I also agree with a couple of the posters...you should contact the school and their church to let them know what is going on. The church may be able to help...that family is obviously very very confused on what it means to be Christian...the church may be able to clarify that with them. I will keep your family in my prayers. Keep us posted, please.

8 moms found this helpful

Teach your daughter how to stand up for herself not only physically but mentally too. It's your job as a parent to teach her not to be timid around others and leaning this at such a young age, will make her a very strong person. The fact that you're gay, doesn't matter here, because even if you were straight, a bully would find another reason to pick on her. Bully's go for weak, timid people.

7 moms found this helpful

Go to the parents, tell them to get it under check.
Document all the instances of bullying/harassment.
Go to the police, file a complaint. Repeat as necessary.

7 moms found this helpful

My heart hurts for your little girl and for you both as mama's:( I'm sooooo happy you are getting such wonderful support here (ignore the one response from someone still living in 1910!). Slowly but steadily such ignorant and hateful views are becoming the minority...praise God;)

I might try talking to the parents of this other little girl and letting them know if it happens again you will have no other choice but to report the bullying as a hate crime to the police and school system. What many parents don't realize is that in some cases, the parents get in big trouble with the law for fostering the crime due to the living environment of the child. I might also find out what church they attend and either have a conversation with the minister (or whoever 'leads') or write a letter asking for them to use this incident(s) as a vehicle to teach the lessons of love and acceptance to followers.

Then I would absolutely follow through!

It sounds like you both are wonderful mama's so helping your little girl through the emotional pain is probably well under way. It might be good to even have a conversation with her about how you posted a question about this to a ton of other mama's and hands down everyone, including Christian mama's, are on your side. Maybe even talk to her about how yucky this all feels and how the bully is stuck carrying all of these yucky feelings with no one to help her. Find compassion for the bully so your little girl can understand this through a less negative lens but teach your daughter that being safe comes first.

I am as angered as the other mama's, rightfully so, but young children don't know what to do with adult anger, even if it's on their side, so maybe explore what kinds of anger and hurt this has caused her and help her to not turn it inward.

Good luck and I'm soooooo sorry this is happening. Silver-lining: you are all probably much happier and loving than the other family so try not to let them hold your hearts and joy hostage. They can't have what is yours!

7 moms found this helpful

I think you should employ the services of a lawyer, to be honest. Your child is not just being bullied - she is being physically abused. (Not to mention psychologically.) Her parents have told their daughter this stuff and don't care what she is doing to hurt your daughter.

Hitting them where it hurts,their pocketbook, is the only thing you are going to be able to do that will help. And it needs to swift and tough. Your lawyer will know just what to do.

You mention that your little girl is intelligent, so she hasn't asked why she doesn't have a daddy. That isn't really why she hasn't asked - she hasn't asked because she is secure with her own family and isn't really paying much attention to the world around her. But now she is, and the world is going to be a pretty scary place. I would talk to PFLAG and ask them what resources you can use to help get your daughter the kind of counseling that she will need to help her get through the homophobic rhetoric that she is going to encounter, in addition to these awful people she and you are dealing with. And YOU need to know what to do to counter this kind of stuff, too. It might be a dfferent age we live in now, but people like your neighbors are proof positive that there are those who will still violate others' civil rights and even resort to physical violence.

Don't gloss over this and allow your daughter to just "live" with it. She has to learn to be strong in the knowledge that she has a loving family. Though she is not gay, she should not have to put up with others treating her as if her family is subpar. Teach her, with expert help, to rise above that and not allow herself to be bullied as such. This will especially help during her teen years.

All my best to you,
D.

7 moms found this helpful

I was raised in a VERY devout Christian home. I raise my own children in a Christian home. Not once had my parents ever taught me or my brother & sister to act that way to others in same-sex relationships. When I came home and told my parents that my best friend happened to be gay, they accepted him and never said one thing against him. My own personal thought is as long as you keep your physical relationship behind closed doors, what you do is your own business. The people who are raising this little girl can not be Christian people. They teaching her hate. Do her parents even know you? Does the little girl even know your daughter? I would have a talk with this little girl's parents and explain to them that if the actions don't cease immediately, that authorities will be contacted and further legal action will be taken. It's such a shame that your completely innocent child has to endure such harsh treatment for something she's not even old enough to totally comprehend yet :( Prayers for you and your family.

6 moms found this helpful

I am so sorry your family has to deal with such ugly, hateful people. If their daughter is throwing rocks, I would not go and talk to these parents. Imagine what violence you may meet. Bullying is bad enough. Throwing rocks raises it to the next level. Start documenting everything and notify the police and school. A lawyer is not a bad idea to strategize future steps that may need to be taken. Hopefully if you make a police report that will be enough to scare them into leaving you and your daughter alone. Notifing the school is also a good idea. They have to take bullying seriously. If these parents are confronted by the police and school - maybe it will have an effect. Make the issue about the hateful behavior of this girl. Your life style in no way justifies such behavior. Again so sorry your family has to deal with such ugliness. Please teach your daughter that most Christians are not like this. This family does not understand the meaning of Christian.

6 moms found this helpful

Since everyone gave you great responses I just say since mommy's are the everything in a child's life then aren't 2 mommies better than one?!! Good luck with this hateful family and use it as a lesson to your daughter what NOT to grow up and be.

6 moms found this helpful

This sort of behavior is not appropriate in any child of any family, whatever their religion or non-religion.

6 moms found this helpful

not sure why bobbi is so belligerent. many of us have homes where our kids can play outside just fine, and we know how to dress our children appropriately. and yes, one might well hesitate to call the cops on one's neighbors when there's a possibility to work it out in person.
it will be difficult and uncomfortable, but i would start out talking to the parents. obviously the hateful behavior stems from them, but it's possible (unlikely but possible) that they are unaware of how their daughter is acting on their teaching and it might just jolt them into awareness. i doubt they'll stop the hatemongering, but they might just be decent enough to discuss it with their daughter and stop her from acting out on their family beliefs.
i would also alert the school to the potential for problems here.
but your main focus is of course becca-marie. work with her on empowerment techniques, on role-playing and even self-defense if necessary.
there is generally a path between 24/7 oversight and leaving one's child to face adversity alone. it may well get to the point where the police need to be informed, but do everything first to see if you can help becca-marie to become a strong little individual who is proud of her moms and her family and isn't bothered by name-calling.
stone throwing can't be ignore, of course.
good luck and please keep us posted!
khairete
S.

5 moms found this helpful

I agree with the other poster that said to press charges AND i would teacher your daughter how to fight. I was teased relentlessly about my weight and many time have had to use my knowledge of how to hurt and run in order for me to live. I don't believe in violence, but when it comes to your life or your daughters, sometimes it's necessary.
And to Jo F. I disapprove of you bringing children into this world thinking that straight is the only way to go. Don't "disapprove" of things when it is not your life and your family! This question is for a mom that needs help. She DOES NOT need to be ridiculed or brought down anymore.

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I just have to ask .... why is your 5-year-old playing outside in this cold weather unsupervised? Is this at school?

You should have already involved the school, police and made a visit to this family's home. I can't imagine why you haven't. What is stopping you?

(Suz, when reading this post, my B.S. detector went off. Sorry.)

5 moms found this helpful

i work at a christian preschool and a little girl in my class has 2 moms, and i know from experience they are THE BEST parents i have come across! these ladies will drop everything for her and i love them for that! but i would call the police! if this little girl is throwing rocks who knows what she will do next,also maybe teach your daughter to stand up for herself. i cant imagine going through any of this! its hard to imagine the little girl in my class going though this! just know theres always people praying for you! because i dont believe God makes mistakes he made all you wonderful ladies for a reason!

5 moms found this helpful

There needs to a charge filed. Your daughter is in harms way. What happens after the stones are thrown. What will be the next step? This makes me sad that your daughter is being harassed like this and it breaks my heart.

5 moms found this helpful

Document everything.

Talk with the school if things are happening at school - if the school won't intervene or don't handle things effectively, go to the police.

If you feel comfortable talking with the parents, let them know what their daughter is doing to your daughter and it needs to stop - otherwise you will get the police involved. If you don't feel comfortable talking with them or their response is anything less than apologetic and helpful, go to the police.

You might want to even consider consulting with an attorney about this.

Good luck to you - you have my full support...

5 moms found this helpful

I would contact the police immediately. Get all incidents documented. This is a hate crime and is escalating. She is only 8 years old but she is old enough to know not to throw rocks and be mean...may not be able to press charges on her but possibly on her parents (at this age they are responsible for her behavior). At the very least, you need a restraining order.

Since your daughter is 6 and your neighbor's child is 8, do they go to the same school? If so, you need to let them know what is happening so they can watch for any signs of this at school. If any of this is happening at school, you need to have them address it immediately as well.

Since this 8yr old has probably learned this from her parents (maybe not all of it but at least the hate part) talking to them is probably not the best option.

I get that people may not agree with your lifestyle but if they were true Christians, they would know that the only person that can judge you is not them. They would also not be so full of hate.

4 moms found this helpful

Teach your daughter how to handle bullies. Have a talk with the bully's parents about how your daughter is being bullied. Then leave it at that. Dont overdramatize like all the pc posters below.

Geez! People need to chill. Little kids arent always repeating their parents. My kids call each other dumb dumb pee pees and i never taught them that. For all the people overreacting below, go read dr martin luther king jr alongside 1984 again.

4 moms found this helpful

You have gotten a lot of responses! I think what I would do is
1. Go speak with the parents and alert them to the situation, ask how they're going to help solve the problem, and let them know that if ANYTHING like this happens again you will be contacting the authorities and pressing charges because that behavior is unacceptable.
2. Get your daughter in some sort of Martial Arts (it changes a person's whole demeanor giving them a confidence that oftentimes deters bullying, and lessens the chances of becoming a victim)
3. Talk to your daughter about how wonderful LOVE is, isn't it nice to feel loved, and to be around people we love (family, friends, pets, ice cream, summer...there's so much to love in life,) isn't it sad that anyone could think that love was a bad thing? How 'silly' of these people to not realize what a wonderful thing love is, and how much they will miss out on in life by having that attitude.

That girls behavior was not by any means even a little bit okay, there is NO excuse for that, and I am so sorry your daughter (and you mamas) experienced this.

4 moms found this helpful

start with trying to talk to these parents before you go to police. If there is any chance they will resolve the issue without officials intervening than in the interest of remaining neighbors (doubt you'll ever b friends) you must give them a chance first. the little girl may be a bully but she is very young and doesnt really understand, If the parents have not in any way harassed you then maybe she is getting the attitude from a grandparent or just exaggerating her parents attitudes and maybe the parents will talk to her.
Also teach your daughter ways to respond and the right tone of voice- "Dont be ridiculous" said in the right tone. even a sarcastic "yeah right" will earn her the respect of children for standing up to a bully. May be hard for her to learn the confidence but eventually will get the other children to start looking at the little 8 yr old like she's kinda crazy for what she is saying. This girl is looking for a way to feel important and powerful. Keep practicing with your daughter because other bully's exist out there and they only prey on kids who are really bothered by it.
Of course if this continues after you talk to the parents you need to talk to the school, the police, the neighbors, the clergy at the church where this 8 yr. old attends (It is their job as well as the parents to teach her to be a Christian,lets give the church the benefit of the doubt-you need to try everything!)

4 moms found this helpful

Bullying is a very serious ordeal for children. It can have lasting effects so it is terrific that you are trying to address the situation. I think the other posts have given great advice about talking to the parents, the school, and possibly the police. Also, I would look into getting Becca into some type of martial arts ASAP to help her feel more empowered. Unfortunately there is most likely more of this hate that is going to come her way. Another idea might be to get actively involved in a church as a family that does not support this type of hate so that she can see what true faith and love is all about from others. Hearing a more positive message hopefully can offset some of the "hate in the name of God" that she is going to hear. I know several denominations have made strides in recent years in changing their views on same sex relationships. Along those lines I would just try and build your support system so she has many people to hang on to her through tough times. Maybe join a meet-up group with same sex families or something along those lines. Because of the ramped bigotry in our culture she mostly likely will continue to be hurt in various relationships throughout her life so I think it is important to have as many healthy and supportive relationships in her life to help her weather the storm. I wish you luck.
K.

4 moms found this helpful

First- call the police so at the very least you can get a report started and on file.

Second- those neighbors are not Christians. They may say they are, but they are not. So they think you are sinners who will go to Hell, huh? Well, maybe they should be reminded of Christianity 101....... We are ALL sinners! No ones sins is worse than any others! It is not our job to judge people and we should leave that part to God.

Third- I am sorry your daughter has to deal with ignorant people and the kids they are raising (or brainwashing). Really, that 8 year old has no idea what she thinks, she is just repeating what her parents tell her and say around the house. Unfortunately, your family situation in not the norm still and I know you two did not go into having a baby with the thought it was going to be easy. There are probably going to be more tough times and rude people ahead of you. So always be prepared for that.

4 moms found this helpful

That is totally NOT OK.

So these people call themselves Christians???? The bully is hearing this info at home and the said bully is not making things up. Bully is hearing her Christian ( yeah right) parents talk about you.

Those are no Christians in my book.

I'd go to the police, file a report and have the police notify the family. I'd probably be a little worse too and go to this Christian church and let the staff know what this family is doing.

If if didn't get any better, be firm with police report..........and go to a local news reporter.... they'd love to stir this up. Bullying is a hot topic these days.

Bless you and your sweet child. I hope this gets resolved soon.

4 moms found this helpful

This is not christian behavior. If the girls are in school together you should report this bullying. If not, you should talk to the parents about their daughters behavior. If this dosent help call the police and talk to your priest about reassuring your daughters fears. Im sorry to hear about this.Please post what happens so others may know how to deal with this as well.

4 moms found this helpful

You can certainly try to speak to the parents - wouldn't be my first option as they are probably the reason bully child is as she is.

You can move - probably not an option.

You can call the police and ask them to intervene.

I am so sorry your family has to deal with this nonsense and more sorry your daughter has to learn these lessons about intolerant people at such an early age.

3 moms found this helpful

Okay even though I am a Christian and I believe in the bible and its teachings I just do not agree with this little girl's behavior. It also teaches in the bible do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Even though I don't agree with the lifestyle it doesn't mean I judge anyone for it-it isn't MY place to make that determination. If they ask my opinion then I will give it. I teach both my girls not to judge anyone by the cover. This little girl's behavior is being expressed by what her own parents have said or done in front of her so honestly poor girl it isn't her fault. Just like racism for color -it is taught. My heart honestly goes out to this poor family and to yours for being scorned by them and their daughter and your poor daughter is getting the grunt of it all and for what? She is so innocent in the situation. Honestly I don't think approaching the parents would be such a clever idea because if their daughter expresses such ugly behavior towards your daughter they are not going to be any better. I think the best thing at this point is getting the school involved to make sure its not happening at the school. If its happening outside the school unfortunately I think you or your wife is going to have to be there. The girl will be pretty ballsy to try something in front of you and if she does I would point blank tell her that what she is doing is illegal and the next time it happens you will call the cops on her.....Normally I would go to the parents first but based upon the little girl's comments and her actions which are so cruel and ugly I wouldn't even bother....go straight to the law but I would catch her in it and pre-warn her first because that in itself might stop her but then it might open up a whole other can of worms if she goes crying to her parents which she probably will and of course it will upset them but I just don't see any other alternative unless you are willing to move which I don't think you should have to move because of ignorant people..........good luck and this type of behavior really saddens me.....it really gives the wrong impression of God's love for each one of us and I don't think God would approve of it by any means because he himself was scorned and I think this is one of those very top no-no's to do......I'm so sorry please do not grow a bitter heart towards christians.....this is not the way I have been taught or read in the good ole bible. God doesn't condone this behavior....God is about love and forgiveness.

3 moms found this helpful

Wow, this is amazing. I am very conservative Christian and would never condemn another person, regardless of how I felt about their personal choices (so long as they weren't being incredibly abusive or something!)

You really need to address this to the school for one so the principal and teacher are aware of what is going on. That family is teaching hate and judging, which is a sin in itself. People who claim to be Christian, but act in this manner, are not true followers of Christ.

She is being targeted and bullied, and if needs be, you may need to file a formal complaint with the police against the family for harassment.

3 moms found this helpful

this is horriable, and i am so sorry for what your family is going through for this. i also think its horriable that in the world of children this is considered bullying and in an adult world it is considered assult. where is this happening, can you talk to some higher authority. seriously if someone was throwing stones at my child (even if it was another child) i would go to the police. she could get seriously hurt!

3 moms found this helpful

Wow.......What a horrible thing to do to both children. Parents teaching hate to kids. The kids then spew hate on others. I feel horrible for your daughter. We have 3 really nice couples who are women live in our neighborhood.. All with great kids. We have been to parties, holidays, cookouts at every home here. No one judges each other. I am sorry that you have such ignorant people living in your neighborhood. Your daughter is to young to stick up for herself without your help. If talking to her parents do not help, I would go to the police and report the family. Being bullied and harassed is not acceptable. I hope this all stops really soon for you and your family.

3 moms found this helpful

I'd go over to the other child's house and ask when a good time would be to sit down and talk to the girls' parents. Make the appointment. Then talk calmly about the specific words used. Stay away from 'you' statements and 'your child'.

Say, "It is okay that we have different views on marriage. But to say those things is abusive. We don't have to agree on things to still practice being neighbors. How we as adults treat each other, with respect, will teach our children how to deal with all sorts of people we find difficult for the rest of our lives."

3 moms found this helpful

I am Christian as well and in no way is this acceptable as a Christian we are to love everyone no matter their choices there is no reason for someone especially a child to be acting this way. If they were truly Christians they would reach out and invite you to service weather you accept or not is your choice. This is definately harassment and profiling your daughter as Kathleen said I would definately contact the school. Out here in PA there is a no bullying policy/rule and it is taken very seriously!

3 moms found this helpful

That girl needs to be reported both to the school and to the police if she's throwing stones! I don't care how young a child is, that is crossing the line! If that child thinks that is OK there is no telling what else she could consider OK to express her ill placed hatred as the days go on and she gets older. You are in a loving relationship raising a healthy and happy child that is very much loved. My gosh there are tons of hetro couples who can't even say the same! You live in America, that child and their family are violating your rights and compromising your safety.
Tell your daughter that girl is wrong and bullies lie.
I wish you all the best.

3 moms found this helpful

I would confront the girl's parent(s) because an 8 year old isn't getting those ideas on her own. I am sorry some people are still so ignorant and hateful in 2011. I am sure you and your wife are doing an excellent job with Becca-Marie and you will help her rise above it! Maybe you can find a playgroup for children with same-sex parents. It might help her know some other children with the same situation. (We are a military family and have lots of non-military friends. But, my kids really identify with other children who have parents that deploy, etc.)

3 moms found this helpful

Thats horrible!! Im so sorry you have to deal with such things. I would file police reports and make sure the school is aware of this issue as well. I also find another area for my child to play, not around those kids. Keep explaining to her how some peoples different beliefs can clash and those who throw stones and hate are going against God's will.

I know it might be hard but maybe you can find a LBGT group in your area for support.

2 moms found this helpful

Call the police. That kind of ignorance runs deep, and talking to the parent might stop the physical attacks, but not the verbal, which can be just as scarring. People that ignorant need a BIG message sent to have behavorial changes, b/c mindset changes will sadly never happen.

Oh yeah and staple a WWJD bracelet to the order of protection :)

2 moms found this helpful

Please don't be shy about reporting the bullying to the school, even if it is a private, Christian school. That behvior is bullying and never acceptable.

I get that sometimes people say "Don't involve the school or it will make bullying worse." I disagree. Schools can and should step in.

I too would go to their church leader. I might not mention I am lesbian at first as the meanness is not ok even if you are. I would say "My child and I are very scared and need your help. X's daughter y is doing this...Can you intervene so my child is not spiritually abused?

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If you haven't already, speak to the parents about her actions. Just because they disapprove of you doesn't necessary mean they approve of their child's violent and abusive actions toward yours. If they refuse to help, or god forbid, even condone it, I would call the police on the child the next time she attacks your daughter- she is committing a hate-based crime and should be punished accordingly.

FYI, anyone who condones such behavior is not a Christian AT ALL !!!! Good luck, and god bless you.

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That's not bullying that is a hate! I partially blame that other girls parents if they take it to the extreme she probably hears them talk that way at home. Are these things happening at school? If the school doesn't do anything take it to the police they will go up to the school and find out why nothing has been done.
If it is not happening at school go straight to the police before it escilades even further. Technically I think it could be considered a hate crime. Hugs to your entire family.

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Without reading all 50 responces...have you called the police? You need to file a police report for the stone throwing which Is a crime of hate. Further the threats should be filed too, child or not.

It is unfortunate that someone would lash out through their child but that is where this child is getting it from, is the parents.

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I see you have plenty of replies, but I will offer this. That other girl is threatening your daughter, which is not allowed by law. I would report it to the school immediately. And I also wanted to lend my support for this difficult time you and your family are going through. Please keep us updated.

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This is not Christian behavior and it is sick and threatening.I suppose calling the police if it continues, however perhaps a gentle letter to start letting the parents know what their daughter is doing would be a start. They might actually not know this part. I would tell her teacher, too or crossing guards (you don't have to reveal the actual issue if it is private) and if these people are christian like they say (I was raised Catholic too so I don't know the name of the head of the Church-pastor? rector?in various churches) anyway, perhaps you can call that person and arrange for a safe meeting with that person as a mediator. This is vicious and it does need to be stopped for your little girl's sake. No one should have to move in cases like this, sadly sometimes that is what happens.

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I definitely agree that you should have a conference with the school teacher and principal. I would also not let your child be outside without one of you moms or another adult you trust. I am concerned that the actions of the bully could influence other children's behavior. Bullies have a lot of power over other children, especially when there are no adults around. If you don't already, I would find some other girls her age for her to play with that have parents that are accepting. Your daughter needs to feel safe in her relationships with other children and adults.

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Call the police. First of all your daughter is being bullied and that is against the law, so is discrimination. Have to ask what the school is doing about it? Have you both (both moms) gone to the school together and addressed this? If not I sure as hell would. Tell Becca-Marie that that little girl is the sinner and if I were your daughter I would tell that girl that it is a sin to pick on others; "do unto others as you would do unto you." Sorry my Italian temper is getting the best of me. My daughter was picked on for being uncoordinated and having a birthmark on her face, one mother told her daughter she could not invite my daughter to her birthday party or house because my daughter was a "freak" and because it was done at school I went to the principal and teacher and ended up having the parents come to the meeting along with both girls. The girl's father was furious at what was going on and apologized to us. Eventually the girls ended up being very good friends but my daughter and I have always held ill feelings toward the mother. Remember something, their is an old saying in our family which was translated from Italian and that is "what goes around comes around", that girl and her family will get what is coming to them in good time.

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I would file a police report. The girls are now throwing stones in addition to the verbal attacks. This is a hate crime.

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I would also let your other neighbors now what the girl is doing to your daughter, so they can help keep an eye on your daughter when she is playing outside or even walking from the bus stop.

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That is a hate crime - that little girl may only be eight, but she is not being taught properly enough. That behavior certainly is not being a very good Christian. I see you are in NYC, so I am sure that the police are very busy, but I would stop in there to see about your rights - sticks & stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me - this 8 yr old is saying hateful things while throwing stones - your daughter could be seriously hurt by a stone. If they go to the same school, please make sure to meet with the principle too. If you have an attorney friend or a friend of a friend that is involved with equal rights, then maybe they can give you some ideas. I am a christian, my church would condemn this type of behavior. I wish you luck, but I would find out your rights and remember the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

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Some people may not agree with this but I think Becca- Marie needs to kick this girls Arse and you need to tell the parents to control their child and stop raising a hateful person. Then you have to tell the school and the authorities your daughter is being bullyed...with all thats going on in the press about bullying, I belive someone will listen. I live in NJ and after the suicide of the Rutgers student, amongst MANY OTHER issues, this makes me soooo angry, but those of us who are smarter, tolerant and more respectful have to rise above the ignorance, but we also can not just ignore it and walk away. Bully's bully b/c they do not understand, are insecure, they can get away with it and most likely they do not come from a good family b/c afterall WHO'S TEACHING this little girl to do such hateful "christian" (LMFAO to call it that) things. The most christian are sometims the most hateful! Two moms should make sure they they and their daughter DO NOT take this! If she cries and gets upset - this girl wins! She needs to stand up, be proud, be tough and together as a family you all must be tough and proud and FIGHT BACK...intelligently! Your daughter needs so much support and guidance right now - I'm sure you will be able to give it! Good luck! Keep us posted please!

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*hugs* HoW AWFUL! No child deserves to be terrified. I would march over to that house immediately with your wife and ask the parents to have a meeting with you. Arrange to meet somewhere neutral like a nearby coffeehouse or restaurant. If they refuse, or spread their hate before you, let them know that if their child continues to torture, threaten and attempt to injure your child, you will be involving the police.
If they agree, lay your concerns out and ask them how they plan to deal with this, obviously, inappropriate behavior. Perhaps they are unaware that their behind-closed-doors talk has spread to their little child. Hopefully this is the case. GOOD LUCK!

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I just want to add that it is obvious that this girl is learning her hatred from her parents, but I couldn't tell from your post whether her parents know the extent she has taken it to. They may be spewing dirt about you and your daughter (not nice, but not illegal) without knowing that their impressionable child has decided to take matters into her own hands. If you know that the parents are aware of what their child is doing, I think your approach should be different (such as going to the police, notifying the school) than if the parents are yet ignorant of their daughter's behavior (at which point, you should address it with them first). I think this is very sad, and my heart aches for your entire family.

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Go to their Pastor & Elders. If they feel it's ok to shame your daughter then they too should be shamed at their behavior, and I truly cannot think of a better way!

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I would of flipped if I seen a child doing this to another even if they weren't my own kids I would of pulled over yelled stop to this child that you are being very mean & cruel those are hateful words your saying at the child who was throwing stones at the other.I would then console the child who was hurt take her home of course calling the parents or school to tell them know what I just witnessed.Does this child really think she isn't a sinner or the parents?My goodness she was thorwing stones or rocks at this child bullying her saying mean things & thats not sinning?I'm sorry to say this but this isn't the end of your daughter being bullied there are many bullies out there who believe the are in the right & will call names & do hurful things just to prove their point (thye are sinners too)This is going to take you & your partner some team work Becca-Marie may need counseling now or in the future to help her wiht what she is feeling,she may go overboard & then retaliate on those who have hurt her & go for it hurt them back.
Is this occuring at school?Is there any issues at school?The name callingis this at home when she is outside playing or walking home from school?If it is a school issue I would certainly talk to the teacher plus the principal on what is happening how to handle & what consequeces will this bully be face with.If you go knocking on the front door of these so called Christians thye may call the police on you but first they will have to tell you that you need to get off their propert if the police do come please explain to them that your child is being hurt by their daughter & by the parents.All that youwanted to do is talk to them aboutyt heir daughters behavior towards Becc-Marie & that she is hurt fearful of them & for the sake of your Becca-Marie you want to ensure her safety that no further harm will be done to her she has already had stones being thrown at her that has damaged her self esteem as it is what if it popped her in the head or eye gfave her bruises I wouldn't tolerate it & you shouldn't either regardless of how you choose to live your life & bring up your daughter.
Keep us posted....

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I know I hate this when I hear it, but I would take them to court. Put a restraining order on them. This is very serious. I would never tell someone to do this put there is a child involved. There is no way I would let this go on. They have the right to there opinion, but to have there daughter talk to your child this way. I heart goes out to you and your family, its so up setting to hear things like this. I hope you someone can give you really good advice and get you help. Good Luck! Please keep us posted, I hope it all works out.

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I am SO sorry your family is going through this! This family obviously doesn't know what being a Christian is really about. If you feel like you can talk to the parents I'd do that first. But this little girl is getting this behavior and ideas from somewhere so it may not help. I would definitley document everything as all the other moms have said. That is harassment and they can do something about it. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope this has a positive outcome!

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I am so sorry that your little girl is going through this. As for the bully, kids get this from their parents, she is just 8 and is only spouting what she hears at home. Where is the older girl doing this to your daughter? Is it at school? If so, report it to the principal immediately. No matter what her parents' beliefs are, she should not hurt a child and cannot do this at school. If it's at a public playground or somewhere like that, do not let your little girl go there alone. Where ever she is encountering the bully, be sure that she is not alone with this girl. I would say that confronting her parents would do no good, I guess they think it's okay to bully a child this way, but if she is at school or an afterschool program, administration should not find this acceptable and should put a stop to it. Good luck and I am so sorry this is happening. I know how difficult this harrassment can be, I am the parent of a gay teen.

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This family sounds very ignorant indeed. If you decide to go the house be prepared for their remarks as well. Definitely charge harassment charges if need be, and address it to the principal too. I can't believe they call themselves christians. Hypocrites...

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Obviously this little girl is learning this from her parents. They should be ashamed of themselves for teaching this evil to their daughter. I would contact her parents and make them aware of what their daughter is saying. If they are so "Christian" they would not be teaching their daughter to be mean to others. I also agree that this is bullying and you should get the school involved as well. Good Luck!

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I am late in responding, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you STILL have to go thru stuff like this in 2011. The narrowmindedness that continues in our world doesnt cease to amaze me. Hang in there!

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Hi--
You have plenty of answers and suggestions, so I know I don't really need to weigh in. I just wanted to offer my support. Honestly, the whole situation just sucks! I would explain to your daughter that some people live in fear of what they don't understand, and that fear can make them act mean because they don't want to feel weak. I am sure with your background you have had to deal with some prejudice, so you are therefore uniquely qualified to teach your daughter how to handle this in a mature manner. I would contact your local law enforcement and ask for their suggestions, as well as the school. I wouldn't go farther than that at this point, but it is good to get it on the radar of those who can help keep your daughter safe.
Again, so sorry. There's nothing worse then when someone uses religion for persecution. You can tell your daughter that all of us Mama's think she is absolutely perfect and we're all sending you lots of love!!
J.

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I would go so far as labeling these people as terrorists. ANY religion taken so far that HATRED is the prominent attribute to their lives and actions is Terrorism. Because of that you need to act but when you do, make sure you have support, whether it be police, or several supportive neighbors or community members or a lawyer. I'd have your back if you were my neighbor! Lastly, I am so SORRY that you have to endure this but KNOW you are in the right and the sooner you act to squash this the better!

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I would call the police and file a complaint against both the child and the parents. This comes from the parents but if something isn't done to confront the child about this behavior it will not stop.

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i feel bad for your daughter. it should not matter if your gay, straight, ugly, or whatever people should be treated with kindness. i still see that type of behavior with some of the moms at my middle childs grade school. i dont have any good advice..but i will say a pray for you. good bless.

You need to make the counselor/s at school aware of what is going on-- my children's school would never tolerate such behavior-- and I am sure neither will Becca-Marie's. They in turn should not only talk with Marie but should reach out to her parents to enlist their assistance in stopping the behavior. It is a form of bullying and against the law. Perhaps her parents don't even know she is doing it. If is happening on school property during school hours they have an ogligation to correct the behavior-- They will want to ask Becca-Marie for her side of the story so you may want to just let her know not to be scared-- just be honest and tell them what is happening. If not happening at school but just in the neighborhood-- you should call her parents and ask if one of them can meet you for coffee or somewhere to talk about some concerns you have for your daughter...again, they may not even know what is going on-- stay calm and just tell them that it is very hurtful for your daughter and could they please address it with their daughter-- Best of luck to you- :)

call the police and get a file going. that is I believe sexual harrassment. there are laws in place to proctect you, for your sex, religion, color, race it does not matter, get help right now that girl is wrong and sick. your little one does not need to be treated that way. contact your local GLAD organization they will be able to better steer you in the direction you need to head in and may also get you some legal help you may need it.

I am a Christian and what that girl ids doing to your daughter is wrong! The bible tells you not to judge and you need to let you daughter know that it is not right what that girl is doing. Then you need to report it to her school and tell them to keep the girl away from you child. Some schools have school restraining orders that would keep the girl away from your daughter at school or you could go to the cops and file one with them that the school would have to follow and it would keep the girl away even when not at school. I am sorry you are going thu this. Stay strong and be careful how you do this If you little girl hits her or starts calling her names she could also get into trouble.

I'm so sorry you're going through such a horrible thing. I'm a Catholic/Christian and I would NEVER JUDGE anyone! There is only one who judges and that is God. I'm so happy you are happily in a loving relationship and have a beautiful daugher. I would go to the police, principal, and anyone else involved with your daughter. If you are religious, I would go to your priest or someone else you feel comfortable with.This is not acceptable and you need support. I wish you luck and God Bless.

I would take it up with the school, first. The principal *should*
be able to advise you of any further steps that can be taken.
That sort of harrassment isn't usually tolerated in schools.
Secondly- I would assure your lovely daughter that the other
child is ignorant with ignorant parents, and often times ignorant
people say and do stupid things.

These days a child is lucky to have 2 parents- I would count
Becca-Marie amongst those children. Sorry that you're having
to suffer the slings and arrows of ignorance- as a family.

of course its her parents putting these thought in her head go over there to talkk calmly if not call police fine harassment complent goo luck what a world we live in and never let kids play together

I agree with Jenn D, but be very very smart about how you choose to stand up for you, your family, and your daughter and how she (DD) chooses to stand up for herself. This family sounds like it might be the type to "fight back" themselves...with a lawyer. Everybody seems to have a lawyer waiting in the wings in the event they are somehow wronged socially, physically, mentally....the list goes on and on.

Anyway, if any sort of physical contact does ensue, this family seems the type to take advantage of it. Possibly even go to much more extreme measures to provoke a situation either when there are no witnesses or they are a set of chosen witnesses.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid but it is something to factor in. Best of luck to you and your family.

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