Trauma

When my daughter was young she sat on one of those self flushing toilets and it scared her. She is now 7 and will NOT go into a public toilet without me and she will NOT sit fully on the toilet and she wants me to hold my hand over the sensor, (even when it is not a self flushing toilet!) Airplanes are the worst - we have to both squeeze in there, then she sits so far forward that she usually ends up peeing on the floor. So, I went to a counselor to ask for suggestions. She told me that by trying to make her conquer this fear before she is ready I am most likely reinforcing it. And by trying to minimize her fear I'm making her feel powerless. She suggests talking in over in a situation other than in the bathroom and letting my daughter lead the way into changing this fear. She will one day realize that nothing is going to harm her in the bathroom. It's just not today. Recently before a long airplane trip we sat down and I asked her to write me a story about a little girl who was afraid of the toilet. It was an interesting story - the girl was afraid because there were alligators in the toilet! She still had trouble with the bathroom situations on the trip but at least she was able to talk about her fears with me.

-- Oh, don't we wish we could always be perfect - but alas- we are human. I promise, K.S., this will resolve--. the key is to be calm and happy and perhaps make a big deal out of -- '''oh, I can take a NICE bath-' and go on and on about how much you enjoy it- perhaps a small bath toy or two -- or give a bath to one of her dollies - and talk aabout how much fun dolly is having -

It WILL resolve- and the more calm and relaxed you are - the faster it will resolve.

Blessings,
J.
Mom, Grandmom, preschool teacher - and kid-oriented almost-old lady
:-)

It is going to sound odd, but does she know how to blow bubbles in water? Maybe seeing how they are made, would help. Also, relax no one is perfect, and it doesn't sound like you handled the situation bad. Parents don't always know the exact way at the exact moment on how to handle things, and heavens knows we weren't given a book that talks about every possible thing that could happen. Just take it in stride, and try not to make a big deal of the tub to her.

Oh! It's ok - we all react in situations! I have done similiar things and kicked myself afterwards.

I'd suggest showers for awhile. Are you ok with her showering with you? Having you in there may help her feel a bit more secure. Put some toys in the bottom of the tub. Then, after a few showers, plug the tub and let a little fill in the bottom for her to splash. Each time let a little more fill up until she seems comfortable again. Be sure to give her a bath option each night.

I hope that things go well. She may just need a little time to get past it.

C.

KS,

My first thought is to fill the bath tub so there is like 2 inches of water and have her sit in that. Or have her get in when it's empty and fill it while she's sitting there. Or just have her sit in it dry with her clothes on. Or get in and take a bath with her until she feels safe again. Or have her take showers/shower with her until she feels safe.

Okay, that was more than one idea, but they all just popped into my head. I would also give her lots of praise for being brave for even sticking a toe into the bath tub. This is a hard one, especially since she's still fairly young. I would encourage, but not push until she's over this.

Best of luck,
Melissa

I think the bubble blowing is a good idea. you can have her try to blow bubbles with a big straw. if she's scared to do it in the tub, start with a cup or a small bucket. I wouldn't stress how the tub is different to her. If she doesnt want to sit, just let her stand, use a cup to pour water on her and wash her standing for now until she relaxes, i wouldn't even mention the incident. Eventually she will relax, just let her do it at her own pace. good luck.

I've got a story for you that may not offer a whole lot of comfort,but perhaps it is still worth reading. I think it may help for some experience perspective. First, I will say that simply ignoring the problem as best as you can may be your best bet. It will likely work itself out after no too long. About a year ago my son (then 3) had a fire alarm test at his daycare. He was never scared of ANYTHING at all ever...no matter how loud or anything. He saw the other kids scared and realized that all his friends were scared, so he should be too. He became deathly afraid of all the ceiling vents in our house (the ones the air comes out of from the gas furnace were the worst, but also fire alarms...anything in the ceiling). He wouldn't go in the bathroom for 2 or 3 months (good bye potty training progress). We tried many times to point them out and explain what they did/show him what they did so that he would not be afraid of them. The only thing that did was solidify the fear and set it in stone. It ended up being about 3 or 4 months before he was not afraid to even set foot in the bathroom. One night, just as he was starting to feel comfortable getting in the tub and walking into the bathroom without one of us there, a spider in the bathtub startled me. I am not afraid of them, but since it startled me, I screamed and jumped. Today, when he sees a spider, he freezes and cries until we go and get him and walk him past it...even if it only looks like one or he thinks there could be a spider there when there really isnt any at all.

The moral of the story is that I think the fears of others, myself included only made things worse. His friends taught him to be afraid of things. Now, I cannot say that he would have never been scared of anything because everybody is scared of some things and at around the age of 3, the imagination begins working very well and kids imagine all kinds of scary things that could never happen. You may be better simply acknowledging her fear and doing your best to let it rest until she is over it. In my personal experience, trying to explain that things were okay only reminded my son that it was scary and made him even more scared. Another thing you might try, since your daughter is likely imagining the bubbles coming on (or perhaps something even more scary) is helping her to imagine safe things...things she knows cannot hurt her...that way her mind is not clouded with things she percieves as scary. Good luck. Fears at this age due to a traumatic event of sorts are very difficult to deal with.

my daughter got freaked out by a bubble bath (it was the first time we put bubbles in). She mainly showered with me for a few months. We slowly reintroduced a bath and got her new bath toys that enticed her back in. I didn't want to push it since she was still getting clean and let her do it in her own time. Now she like baths enough she was at a playdate in the evening/bed/bath time and she stripped down to take a bath with the other kid.

K S,

Best bet would be to let your daughter take a shower or help run the bath...work slowly through it...

T.

GOOD LUCK!!!

Hi K.S.
I have had something like that with my second son only it was in his crib while with a sitter not knowing the source he just refused to sleep there, managed to work our way back there doing it in the daytime playing games he was 4 months then, As for you try playing with her as if it was a swimming pool inside you put on shorts or a bathing suit an get the toys and her in a bathing suit too and get in the tub and play have fun she will catch on to the fun and not the scary thought dont say a word to her about the time just act like its something you thought of to do that day for fun. take care, S. lopez,

Have you tried allowing her to either watch the water fill then turn it off before she gets in or You fill up the tub without her and only bring her in after the water has stopped and it is all calm...Maybe even spring for thise cool messy paints or crayons you can use in the tub?

K.

I concur with the showering idea. You can get in first and show her it's okay (even fun!). Maybe your husband could help with undressing her and putting her in with you. After doing this a couple of times, put the plug in the bath partway through to fill it up an inch or two. Hopefully, this will help her work on her fears gradually.

My 18-month old daughter has been showering with me for around a month now (she loves water and it makes it so much easier to keep an eye on her when I'm getting ready), so your little girl is certainly old enough. If your daughter likes running through the sprinklers in the summer, she should dig the shower.

Good luck!

Hi KS,
Sit in the tub then bring her in with you to show her it is OK (I am assuming it is your normal bath tub at home and not a kiddie bath). A few new bath toys and maybe she will be comfortable again =)

You could try filling the bathtub and explaining to her that a button turned on the bubbles at the hotel. Then let her push all the buttons and flip all the switches in your bathroom to see if she can turn on bubbles in her bathtub. When she sees that she can't turn on bubbles, that might help her be comfortable with her tub again.

a few ideas: 1) buy her a few new bath toys.... 2) see if she'll take a bath with you a couple of times... (what a great time for bonding, too) 3) see if she is willing to take a shower... you can have her in with you a few times.. that might even be easier getting her clean since you'll be doing the both of you at once! Another idea might be to see if she wants to put on a swimsuit and pretend she is in the pool in the tub a few times.. make a game out of it.

best wishes..

J.

We are on the other end, I can't take my son out the bath. Taking showers worked best for us. Give her some control over the whole thing like chosing when and what and she will be fine. Good luck!

I would suggest letting her draw the bath. From plugging the tub to turning on the water, help her to get it to the right temp? Or maybe introduce showers? I know she is a little young, and you would have to be in there with her, but if it's less traumatic, at least you could bathe her without fear! Good luck to you!

This is hysterical! ONLY because the exact same thing happened to me. Let me guess, the water line was pretty much right where the jets outlets were making the water stream even louder and splashier, the switch was on the wall and someone thought it would be fun to find out where it went to? Okay, in that case the curious "person" was me.

My daughter was scared of the bath for a good couple of months and it was hard. Screaming and crying led me to jump in with her, just give her washcloth baths, you name it. But the point is - she DID get over it. It basically took time and a couple new fun water toys.

I wish you luck - and sorry for laughing - only because I remember it well.

Try letting her play in the tub in just her bathing suit with some toys, or a bottle of bubbles and wand - no water. Then slowly add warm water, you could pour a little shampoo in the running faucet water and and play with her - blowing out the bubbles or trying to catch the bubbles. Keep the bath water level low. Talk to her about things she likes i.e. Sesame St., Strawberry Shortcake, Finding Nemo, etc. You could make it a "make believe it's a hot summer day" by having a small picnic on the floor, and of course "because the bubbles are slippery and we don't want to get it on the floor we have to play with it in the make believe swimming pool(tub). Try to get her imagination going and she should forget about the upset. If she has a small friend or cousin that can help play and make-believe too. Don't forget to take pictures and post them in the bathroom and her bedroom.

I would start by filling the tub to two inches. Turn off the water, and let her stand if she wants to. Don't push it. Put her toys in the water. sponge her off and encourage her her to splash with her feet. Or let her take her take showers. But I don't think that is a good idea. She should slowly conquer her fear. Add a little more water every time, but don't push it. If she hesitates, sponge her off or drain some of the water. Let her dictate her own progress. But she should always be sponged when you want to sponge her off.

Hi KS!
In time, try making it a fun time. Get into a tub, any tub first and let her watch you. Have fun, show off how grand it is to be in the water. In time, make bubbles (blow bubbles)
and have your husband join in sometime. No rush. I suspect the bubbles were from the jets.. and they were not the little champagne bubble kind, but the forceful loud kins, perhaps? That would scare me too if I was three! Make it fun, no bubbles, YOU get in the water, and in time she will join you.

Enjoy your darlings,

NE

If you haven't already tried this, maybe put a few bath toys in with her and/or get in the tub with her. After a while she'll get used to the idea that the water won't hurt her, especially if you show her it's fun...
I hope that helps.

I would take a bath with her if possible and hold her while she cries. Crying and trembling are actually the discarges that need to happen for her to heal. Just hold her and listen and tell her she is doing a great job. When she quiets down (herself, w/out shhhhing), she will be good as new and no longer afraid of the tub. This has worked and been great for all of my kids.

S.

My best suggestion is diversion. Instead of explining it to her or talking more about it while in the tub, you can show her new fun things to play and when she gets engaged, she'll sit down adn forget all about it. Try squirting syringes, or tub crayons.
Also, when you do talk about the incident, you are rationalizing and explaining which might make her feel like you don't get it and therefore don't understand her fear. Try agreeing with her that the tub was mean, but your tub is nice and won't do that. I know it sounds odd, but it is along the same lines as using a squirt bottle as moster spray to scare away monsters before bed. With some kdis, you can deny until you are blue in the face, but it doesn't make sense to them until you agree with them and come up with a rule or solution that makes them feel safe.