Toddler Hitting and Throwing Things While I Am Nursing My 8 Week Old.

Will he sit with you while you nurse? Maybe read a book to him or watch some TV or DVD while you nurse. Your right it is jealousy , and the reason it get's worse is because once the novelty wears off of having a new baby , and they see just how much you hold them (to him you are holding/cuddling not feeding) they feel left out and see the baby as the reason why they are no longer getting the attention. Try and include him as much as possible in the feed times , his is still so little himself and cannot express himself properly except for throwing stuff. I know how hard it is , I have 3 kids and they were all 2 1/2 yrs apart.

My 2 1/2 yr. old son would nurse his bunny when I nursed my daughter. He held the little bunny to his chest, and said the bunny was getting carrots & lettuce. It was so cute...maybe you can tell your son to nurse his favorite animal...it may seem a bit odd, but my son did it frequently when I nursed, he felt like he was being a mommy too.

I read your other replies & I would not put him in his room at this age, while you nurse. He will just feel more dejected & get more jealous. I also would not stop nursing earlier than you want simply b/c the big brother is jealous. This is unfair to you & the baby. Your older son is so young & it's a very hard transition for him...if nothing else, stick on a show for him to watch. My son didn't start watching tv until I needed him to so I could nap his baby sister, he was 2 1/2.

You have to be firm and repeatedly tell him that it is not ok. When you are not busy with the 8-week old (maybe at nap time) sit down with your 2-year old and try to (in two year old words) briefly explain to him that it is not ok to hit or throw things at ANYONE (including, or especially, his baby brother). You should also try to find a type of discipline that will work for your toddler. Examples can be a time out for him or a time out for one of his favorite toys. Another idea is to reward positive behavior - so when you are able to nurse your baby with out the 2yo hitting or throwing, give him recognition such as a sticker, a big hug or an extra book at bedtime. Also, it does sound like your 2yo is jealous and he may need some 1-on-1 time with you. If you can work it out, try to take him to the park just the two of you, and maybe leave your baby with Dad or a grandparent or something, even if its for 30 or 60 minutes, just to reassure your 2yo that you can focus solely on him. My boys are 20 months apart and I've been through exactly what you are going through and it's not easy - but you can do it!!! All the best!!!

With both of my daughters, I have always seen an increase in their tantrums when they are ready for a new responsibility. There is a great series of videos called pre-school power that shows kids doing things like learning to put on their own jackets, playing with clay, arranging flowers, helping mom cook, folding washcloths, etc.

Maybe you can engage him to "help" you more? I have a 2.5 yr old and it seems that for the past year, each day means she is ready for a new challenge. They are growing and learning so quickly, but that also means they are bored and ready to move on to the next thing, next thing, next thing! It does get exhausting.

I would do special things if possible during nursing time, though I know that nursing an 8 week old can often take up the majority of the day! Maybe have him fetch you things, have a basket of books near the chair to read, have playdough at the ready on an old shower curtain spread on the floor, etc. If you have a laptop, you could play on pbskids.com together or watch funny youtube clips, etc.

I hope this helps some.
M.

Eldest kids become the 'eldest' because they have a younger sibling... NOT because they are developmentally or emotionally older or more mature.
So keep this in mind.
Keep expectations about him age-appropriate... otherwise, there will be, continued frustration from him, and by you.

He is acting his age.
Ditto Kate H. below.
Kids this age, ALSO do not have any fully developed "impulse control" yet.
Try looking up "2 year old development", online. With this knowledge... you will be better able to discern him... and know what is age appropriate or not. And then, address him or help him, or correct him, accordingly.

Many times, kids act out because they are frustrated and acting their age and their emotions, at this age, is NOT fully developed, yet, either.
So they have feelings, don't know how to handle it much less say it, and they don't know how to cope. They are only 2 years old.
So yah, they can and do get jealous. Which will not go away over night. But, the handling of him, can help him. But if your "expectations" of him is not age-appropriate... it will not get better.

You have a baby now.... to your 2 year old, his "Mommy" changed, his life changed, there is a crying baby in the house, and he is a satellite floating around all of this.
A 2 year old young child, does not know how... to self-manage, nor do they have instant coping skills to manage it all.
He needs routine, a routine for himself by you.... and daily things to look forward to, too. JUST for himself, too. And make sure he naps.

all the best,
Susan

Hi,
I had the same problem with my daughter(at that age too)
Try to involve him as much as possible with the care of the baby. have him help burp the baby, bring you diaper cream. Maybe he has a baby doll that he could give a bottle to while you are nursing? doing all these really helped us.

Yep, yep, yep. At 8 weeks it got rough, and then again when baby started to crawl, then cruise, etc.

Get thee the crayons or another "sitting" activity --something he loves that you never let him do, playdough, finger painting, etc.. Get him occupied, then nurse. But let him do something he LOVES that he never gets to do, that requires supervision without actual "involvement." Let him make a bit of a mess, ignore it, he will get better at it and the mess won't be as big soon enough.

My daughter made a lot of cards with stickers. We made cards for some really silly reasons, but it gave me time to nurse and she wasn't climbing on the furniture. I would literally spend 2 minutes getting her started and then I would go nurse.

Also, talk to him while he is doing it. Sit across the room, but engage him in a conversation.

A few other things, get a routine going. Your 8 week old will soon have a real sleep schedule, so start putting things in place, getting your new rhythm established. Think about what you need to do to keep both happy. I got my baby napping early, at 8:15, so he was up by 9:45 the latest, so we could go to the park, to playdates, etc. before coming home for an early lunch. I literally woke my baby up at the same time every day, and still do. Sleep is a habit, so I decided to figure out a schedule that worked for all of us, and my son literally got on it without even blinking! I was shocked at how easy it was. Second thing, find a way to spend alone time with your oldest one, even if it just means taking him shopping on the weekend while baby sleeps. Shower him with love and kisses (I got into the habit of saying to my oldest, "i need a hug for energy, can you charge me up so I can keep running?" She loved it! and it made her feel special, like a real mommy's helper. Third, give your oldest a few jobs. Have him start cleaning up his plates and things if he isn't already doing that. Have him set the table, etc. Direct his energy and jealous into activities that make him feel like mommy's big special boy.

It's hard, but hang in there. He will settle down soon enough. With the hitting, find something he loves and take it away. My daughter likes to hit and bite her brother. Since instituting a "withdrawal of special something," she has been much, much better. Our something is one of those new solar strands of lights that change color? She is obsessed with watching our neighbor's lights every evening, and when she engages in any physical behavior towards anyone, she doesn't get to see them.

If he won't sit calmly while you nurse put him either into his highchair or his crib/bed. if he gets out of the bed them put a gate across his doorway. It is not ok for him to throw and hit and a 2 year old is too young to try to reason with.

I've heard the most wonderful things about the book Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish. Though I haven't read that one, another book of theirs is my favorite, most effective parenting book ever, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. Your son might be just a little on the young side for these experts' approach, but it should be pretty easy to adapt the principles to younger ages, from what I've heard.

Children's behavior, no matter how negative, arises out of needs that are legitimate for them, and are not being met. Your little guy is obviously terribly jealous. Sending him off to stew during time outs might only be making it worse. Can you ask him to sit beside you so you can read a book together while you are nursing? Notice and comment every time he does anything positive?

My grandson is being raised on the effective techniques in How to Talk, and we almost never have cause to discipline him because he almost never has cause to act out. It's a wonderful, peaceful, and mutually respectful way to raise children, and if you try it, I think you'll quickly be impressed by the positive changes your son will show.

When I was nursing was the only time my almost 2 year old showed extreme jealously. This may not be the kind of help you are looking for, but what worked for me was when I weened my son at 3 months (I was already supplementing so it was an easy transition). That allowed my older son to help with feedings and not feel so left out and corrected all of his jealous behaviors.

My daughter went through a jealousy phase when I would nurse my son. It wasn't aggressive but she would intentionally do things she knew made me mad whenever I nursed. What finally worked for me, is I got her a special box of Duplo Legos (she loves building with them). She only got her Legos when I was feeding her brother. As soon as I was done they got put away. It got to the point where she would ask me when I was going to feed her brother so she could play with them. Maybe try getting your son a really special toy that he can only use when you are nursing; when you are done it gets put away and out of reach!
Another thing that worked well for a friend of mine is she made her son feel really important like he was a "helper." When she sat down to nurse she would say to her son something like, "mommy really needs a red car, can you go find me one or I need a book about a dog, do you know where one is?" Then her son would leave her to go find what she asked for. When he brought it she would make a really big deal out of it and praise him. He felt important and was entertained too. Good luck!!