To Control, or Not to Control?

Find a princess toy box & put all her stuff in there. It doesn't have to be neat, but it can just be a box where she can throw everything in there at the end of the day.

My son use to change clothes 2000 times a day - I use to try and control him - I am the same way as you - I finally let it go and he stopped. It is just a phase - Hang in there.

A.

I know others have said this, but let it go. Let her be a little princess for as long as she wants.

Why do you feel the need to clean up after her so much? Let her make a mess. Let her take down all her clothes and shoes and accessories. Then, 15 minutes before bedtime create a "clean up" time and have her help you pick up. Who cares if everything is perfectly put in it's place, as long as she is helping with the process.

If you teach her now that she has to be responsible for her mess it will go a long way in her life. But don't make it a "put it away NOW" type of issue.

So many times, we moms think that the sign of being a good mom is having a tidy, clean house. I say that is nonsense. The sign of a good mom is that the house is such a wreck from the kids and the mom playing!!

Lighten up a bit, let her have fun, limit the amount of stress you are putting on yourself. Heck, DRESS UP WITH HER!!! She would probably love that and you may enjoy it too!

If this is an issue you can't let go of you may really think about getting some therapy. I'm a control freak too, but when I became a Mommy I slowly let go of control. And since I did that, I've allowed myself to have fun with my kids and not worry so much about my house being spotless. In my house, the sign of a really good day is how many toys are thrown about - BUT, we all pitch in at the end of the day to pick everything up.

Good luck -- now go put on a tiara!!

She will only be this age once - let her enjoy!!! What a wonderful time in her life when she has no inhibitions. I think it is wonderful for her to see that she can make choices and put together beautiful outfits. I can't tell you how many times, when my daughters were younger, we would walk into a store and someone would say "Oooh, I can see someone dressed herself today." My daughter would be very proud (in her ladybug boots, tutu, tiara, feathered boa, and purse) - and I would try hard to hold back a chuckle. Take pictures, enjoy -- it would probably be a lot easier if you had a costume box, trunk, suitcase - something that would allow her to put the items away easily. Yeah - go ahead and throw the shoes in there too. It will make for easy clean up. By the way -- my daughters are now 7 and 9. They still love to dress up - but keep those fashion shows at home now. However, they do like to perform in plays and dance recitals!

Again, take lots of pictures and laugh - it all passes way too quickly. There is plenty of time for a clean house later!

S.

Let it go. She will not be damaged from dressing in tutu's and slippers. My oldest has a favorite color and it is orange. From about the time he was 3 1/2 he would wear nothing but orange. Orange pajama's, white underwear but orange striped boxers and sleep shirt. Orange hoody, orange pants, shirts, jackets, shorts. When we ran out of orange and couldn't find anything in his size he relented and is picking up gray, black, and brown. but still goes straight to orange. He is 13 now. It was a battle I chose not to fight as long as the clothes were clean, fit him ok, were weather appropriate. My middle son did the same thing with camo. My youngest refuses to wear underwear briefs and wears boxers and started that when he was 3. We used them as jammies over underwear, Lord knows how he started not wearing underwear, only boxers, but that is what he wears and he is 8. I think that you need to let it go and let her be creative. Get rid of the shoes to small, take away her stool and do a room roundup a couple of times a day to keep the mess at bay. And turn the other cheeck. What is the use of letting her have things she can't play with or that you keep put away because they are to messy?
She won't be warped. She is only two. At least she is not wearing orange for 8 straight years or camo for the last 7. And wears underwear. Pick your battles. This is not one of them. She is a normal little girl trying on different things including her personality. You need to learn to let some stuff go or you will forever be battling with your kids over control of what????? Dresses. Wait until it is really something important to fight about. Until then put away some things that you don't want to constantly wash and work out some compromises that she can be creative and you won't be crazy.
Be thankful it isn't orange.
L.

I have two things to say. First--you totally are hilarious! I needed a laugh. Second--I pray my little girl does the same thing some day.

Now that thats out of the way (without reading others advice), this is what I would do. Make a play girl princess rubbermaid tub. Put dresses/barrettes/etc in there. When she is finished, they have to go back in the tub--wrinkled and all. Then when she gets bored of that particular tub, make another one with other princessy items. That means though that you may have to hide the more tempting stuff if she finds a way to get it. This is what Im having to do with my son because he drags EVERYTHING into the living room...so, i divided it up into tubs that we trade every few weeks so at least half of it doesnt end up in my living room floor.

my daughter is also a princess/ballerina/fairy girl. & it does get aggravating at times but for the most part i let her have her fun, she is only this young for a little while & this imagination probably wont last forever so why take away her fun?
we do have a couple of rules, like she is not allowed to wear certain dresses to play dress up with (like expensive ones i dont want ruined or worn out) but i try to also keep these put up, in the back of my closet so they wont tempt her. & she also has to help clean up when it is time to clean up. i got her special boxes to keep necklaces & such in & she puts her dresses on hangers & i hang them up (of course i usually have to straighten them up a bit but she trys)
but as far as the rest i let her have her fun. & sometimes i even let her go out in her princess wear, she thinks that is soo much fun.
i know it is hard when you are wanting everything to be neat, but if motherhood has taught me anything it is to have fun with my kids & to let them have fun being kids too. that doesnt mean we dont have rules & dont clean up & such but i want them to have fun while they can, kids grow up to fast anyway.

I am laughing with you, not at you, for sure on this one! I see both sides here! And, no, there will be no damage done by a little girl with a big imagination! It is actually very healthy, and great that she has learned her limits to a degree. She understands that she must change before she goes out, which still means in the end, you are in control. Now, the next part of it is to scale down your dress up stuff. Have 2-3 outfits, a few neclaces, 1-2 pr of shoes that fit, a few barrets, and that is it. No matter how bad it might get, you could still clean it up in 2 minutes:) Get those small shoes out of her room, and give her a pretty special space for dressing up. And then, let it go! Take lots of pictures, you will miss it!! And, let her clean it up however she choses. If things are not perfectly in place, it is OK, no one cares but you really. You wont be teacher her that doing things half way is fine, you will be teaching her that this is her personal space, and as long as it is tidy, she can take care of it on her own..without you! Now, go get a tutu of your own, put your high heel shoes on, and dance with your daughter...you will NEVER look back and regret it:) ~A.~

i say let her play all day if she wants, at least she's having fun and is using her imagination. as far as the mess i'd forget about it until say you start making dinner and then have her clean up (as much as she can) then maybe she'll start to understand the process and not make such a huge mess. if she's not going outside or getting food, markers etc on any of the clothes i'd just hang them back up or throw them in the drawer. we have a special "dress up" drawer that she just throws that stuff into and it helps A LOT. so just sit back and enjoy the time she's playing by herself :)

Let her do her thing in her room. Everywhere else is off limits for tossing her stuff. Then just close the door and don't think about what mess lies behind it. I wouldn't wash her stuff she's playing in either.... not unless it was actually dirty.

Just let it go.

There is way too much to stress about later, so save up your energy for when she's a teen.

Find a balance - for your sanity, creat a "princess Dressing area" - call it that, make a BIG fuss about it. See if she'll buy into the idea that this is where the princess gets ready, cause "REAL" princesses don't change and get dressed all over the palace, they have a special place where they get ready. Maybe she'll buy into it and you'll only have one area of princess craziness. Then YOU can use that to practice letting go of a little control :) Win/Win!

It sounds like we need to get our little ones together for a play date!! I have a 3 year old princess too. She spends hours in her room playing in all her clothes. She loves to pretend and make believe. I would suggest hiding her stool so that she can't get into her regular clothes and putting a lock of some kind on her dressers so that she can't get into those. I would put all the "dress up" clothes in a toy box or chest that she is allowed to play in and that way she is not messing up her folded everyday wear. On occasion I do allow Haylee to go to Target or somewhere local in her dress up clothes. She loves the attention that she gets and it makes her feel even more of a princess. I too have a husband in the military and I think your need to control that situation comes from him being gone. I could be way off but I know that when my husbands home I don't care what the house looks like but when he is gone I want everything in order as if I am trying to prove something to my self.

I say let her be a princess. She isn't going to want to be one forever. And when that day comes you'll wish you had it back. Try it for a week and let me know how it goes. If anything maybe we can get them together sometime and they can compete for the throne....LOL

I'd say, let her have fun. She won't have time to do it once she starts school. If there are things you don't want her getting into, simply remove them from her room (ie, top of the closet or where ever) and put them in a comletely different place (say, the attic or a closet she can't access). If you do this, you may need to do it a little at a time so she doesn't miss it, or simply explain that she is too big for it and wouldn't it be fun to save it for her little sister.

I personally have a problem with my son going through several outfits in a day - for laundry purposes, so I tell him he's only allowed x number of outfits a day to minimize laundry. But if it's something that doesn't affect the laundry, I don't worry about it. I make him take care of his messes and don't worry about how neat his drawers are (although mine are VERY organized and my husband drives me crazy messing them up, but that's another story...) since I know as he gets older he can start to learn to put things away and take things out more neatly.

Remember, you have to pick your battles. I'd worry more about things that effect safety and such...

S.,
You are such a good mom! You admit your possible shortcomings and are willing to at least try to change if that is what is best for your child. I hope you are giving yourself a pat on the back!

My sister-in-laws mother was like you, but she never controlled the "neatnik" urge. She didn't even allow a brush on the dresser in the bedroom. Her mother is a nice lady, but she was h*** o* her kids. She has nice daughters but they, like all of us, have their own struggles. Obsessive-compulsive disorder among them. So, I do have to agree with the other moms that you need to "let it go." It would be reasonable to teach your little girl to clean up after herself, but try not to make her live up to your rather high standards! Try and be thrilled that your daughter has such a wonderful imagination. Please don't punish her for it. Who knows what that wonderful imagination will create as an adult. I wouldn't be worried about that AT ALL!

If this is really hard for you a little therapy might give you some coping skills. So far, it sounds like to me you really have shown great control!

I agree with the last response to limit the amount of dress up items you allow her to play with at a time. Put the others where she can't reach them, and rotate each week/month/whatever you want. This is also a good idea for toys, that way she doesn't get bored with her toys. Let her be a princess! As long as she understands that it's pretend, and she's using her imagination, then I don't see anything wrong with it.

Hey, my daughter is a total tomboy and is always outside finding bugs by digging into the mud. She comes in smelling like dirty dog, sweat, and frog poop.
If she wanted to make a huge mess of my house being a "princess", I'dve thought she hung the moon!
Kids are kids, but I totally understand not wanting the mess. I am a total control freak about some things, especially my house. I agree with the pricess area. Great idea! Just let her know that she has to pick up what she brought out.

I say let her "do her thing". Let her dress up. Let her wear the tutu to the grocery store if she wants to. She's only 2 (right?).

When my daughter turned three, she got a "Dorothy" (Wizard of Oz) dress. She wore it everyday, everywhere for over 21 days...after three weekends at church in the same dress, we finally make a rule that we could only wear the "Dorothy dress" at home...and she still wore it daily until she outgrew near her fourth birthday.

When else in life can you play dress up EVERY DAY, if not when you are two or three or four!

If it helps you, set some rules. Only in the house. Clothes must all be "put away" before bed. But don't stress yourself picking up after her all day. Maybe give her a reward as she learns to obey the rules/goals...maybe new shoes that fit?? :) Make the ones that don't fit "disappear" from her closet.

From someone that does not have a little girl, I hope you let her be a princess all she wants. :) I understand the cleaning up thing, but they are only young once. Having rules about cleaning up is great and needed- I just hope you don't take away her fun princess time.
I have a boy that dressed in his Diego Halloween outfit for about 6 months! He went everywhere in it- even on the airplane for vacations. I think it is fun and I never want to squelch his imagination. They grow up so fast and there will be a time when she probably won't ever want to put a dress on- so just enjoy it (as annoying as it may be).
R. B.