This Friendship Is Getting Weirder by the MINUTE!!! HELP!!

Lose her!!! I've been in this EXACT situation! I got pregnant, she quickly got pregnant, I got pottery barn bedding for the kids, she also did. I bought a jeep, she bought a jeep the next week. and so on.... When I walked into her house and saw my identical dinning room table in her home, I knew it was official. I was friends with a lunatic! She was also very quick to "one up" me. It was the most annoying friendship ever.

I would be a bit wierded out too. I guess, I would start distancing myself from her a bit. If she comes over and starts heading upstairs or snooping through rooms, I would be blunt and say, "Please, Sally, don't do that. It makes me very uncomfortable to have people going through my private rooms." And they are private! The only place she needs to be at in your house is your living room, kitchen, and bathroom. All other places are off limits, unless you tell her you want to show her something. That is common decency among all houseguests. Once you start setting your boundaries. she will either follow them, or distance herself from you. A win-win situation!
I wouldn't let the best friend thing bother me. Chances are everyone who knows her, knows what she is like too. Just blow it off. If she says you are her best friend. Just say something like, "oh how sweet." and move on. You do not need to reciprocate. If she asks you, just say something like, "Oh, I quit categorizing my friends in high school." She'll get your drift. And again, she will either accept it, or distance herself. Win-win for you!

The only comment I have is on the best friend thing. This is something my daughter did in her tweens, everyone is her best friend (she's outgrown it). It seems like something insecure people do.

Well that sounds annoying. If you're not getting anything out of this friendship but frustration why put your energy into it? If you don't want her following your steps maybe refrain from posting them on FF? And like the other post says tell her it's not ok for her to go snooping around your kids' room (not in those exact words of course ;)
I have a friend who called me her "bf" and then I would notice she would call just about every other friend she called that as well. That's just the way she is and maybe she really does think she has 50 best friends.
Anyways, if you're not getting anything positive out of this friendship slowly distance yourself, that's what I would do.

I had a similar situation (a person younger than myself as well). The mom copied everything from my daughter for hers. Her daughters got the same haircut, same clothing, toys, shoes, Halloween costume etc. Really tough on my daughter that she couldn't have anything that was just "hers". We went as far as to lie about what my daughter was going to be for Halloween since she would copy that every time. It was tough and a bit annoying at times but she was a good person and we learned to work around it. Unfortunately you'll just have to be more discreet about your day to day activities and such. Could be worse, right? Hang in there!

I would keep my distance from her. She doesn't sound like she is all there. I also wouldn't put anything on Facebook as to where I am going. There was a story on the news recently about a home invasion because a lady posted that she was going on vacation and then her home got burglarized.

M.

I think the term Best Friend is reserved for a few, true friends. I don't have any suggestions. I had a similar situation, this 'friend' eventually moved away. My 'friend' wasn't younger than I, but same age. Everything I did, she constantly had to "one up" me.
We moved to a bigger house, she moved to a even bigger house.
I love to work in my yard and gardens. One summer I had my front and back looking awesome. This "friend" hired a landscaper and had everything done, front and back, with a pond, fountain, etc etc etc. I even heard thru someone else that she told them she had done it all herself.
We upgraded our computer and replaced keyboard and mouse, within a week she bought a brand new computer. I could go on and on but you get the point. We were donating some furniture, in the process of them picking it up they damaged my car. Their ins. co. arranged for me to have a rental while my car was being fixed. Long story short: rental car place messed up and didn't hold the right kind of car, I wasn't leaving without a car. Ins. co and rental car place finally came to some kind of agreement. I ended up driving out of there with a lincoln town car. I was only supposed to have it for 3 days, dealer fixing my car, "forgot" it was sitting there to be fixed and I ended up having the lincoln for about a week and a half. Here's the funniest part of all: this "friend" had driven by and saw the delivery truck, thought we were getting new furniture, so she went out and bought new. Saw the new lincoln in the driveway and passed me while I was driving it, so assumed I had a new car. She went out and bought some kind of new Cadillac SUV. When she happened to be over one day after I had by own car back, you should have seen her face when she realized we didn't have any new furniture and the car was a rental. Priceless!
Sad ending to her and her story: they were living way beyond their means. Eventually the SUV was going to be repo'd so they returned it, they couldn't afford their house, so they sold it at a huge loss while still owing money on it and moved away to live with relatives. I think my "friend" shouldn't have been so worried about "one uping" everything and enjoy her life and be happy with what she could afford to do.

You know, I believe it was Colton who said "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." :) I am sure it is very irritating that she does this, but my guess is that she really admires you and has low self-esteem herself. So, in her mind, this is the way she can be "the best she can be."

If it is truly driving you crazy, you will just have to start pulling yourself out of this relationship. Or, simply ignore it. As far as the "best friend" thing goes, that is probably mostly age related and a little self-esteem related too.

Good luck!

Aren't people interesting? I'm trying to put myself in your position. I think I would find this behavior curious and perhaps a bit annoying, but not harmful. I have a friend from a discussion group who, over two years or so, somehow adopted me and follows me around like a puppy when he can. I never encouraged him, and find his behavior a little puzzling, but he's not a bad sort and he's rather lonely. I think he's somewhere on the autism spectrum and is really puzzled about how to put friendships together. He's making an attempt to be social, and that's probably a good thing.

This woman sounds like she's never found out who she is. I suppose there could be any number of reasons for that, anything from a genetic quirk to being raised by a clueless parent. She may even have had a rather extreme case of my own experience. My mother was so hyper-controlling that it took me years of crazy experiments and bad decisions to even understand that I had feelings and desires of my own.

Your friend sounds like she's going about discovering "how to live" by a rather scientific and sensible route – finding a friend to emulate. I hope she makes some useful discoveries along the way. If it becomes too annoying for you, you might either distance yourself, or try asking her about it. I hope you'll do so gently, however, because she might be horribly embarrassed and ashamed to have been "caught" in her odd behavior.

That does sound a bit out there. We have a similar situation with toys and clothes. If my son gets a new toy or t-shirt, within a day, if not sooner his friend down the street has the exact same thing. One time it was as they were leaving my son's birthday party, they stopped by the store so that their son could get some toy that my son had just been given an hour before. That one was REALLY weird.

The next time you host a party, close your bedroom doors. Most people won't open them, but just to be sure put 'do not enter' signs on them.

As for her copying EVERYTHING, maybe she is mimicking you because she is younger and is trying to keep up with the Joneses and your the Joneses. Just for fun I would do out of the ordinary things.
- borrow and OUTRAGEOUS lamp or blouse or comforter from a friend
- post that you are thinking about going one place, but really go somewhere else.
- dye your hair and see what she does.

Just be aware of the infatuation and work within it.

I agree that this seems to be an insecure issue, which is common in teen years. You said that she is 8 years younger than you...maybe she is seeing you more as a role model, then a best friend.

I just thought your post was interesting. I don't have any fantastic suggestions for what to do.

One thought about the 100s of "best friends". The fact is she sounds younger -- Gen Y. Now consider this in the context of Facebook. Yes, I finally gave it and joined FB last year but am sorta particular about inviting and accepting "friends". But...Gen Y feels very comfortable with having 300-500-882-1,500 "friends" which is to this Gen xer's mind crazy and sort of insincere. Gen Xers have a tight "tribe" mentality and guard who joins the tribe very closely. Gen Y seeks many connections whether they are close or distant and tenuous. That is how they grew up and that is their "truth". No harm in it other than the insincerity it inspires for those who didn't grow up in that world.

It sounds very strange. Maby she is on the autism spectrum; Aspergers syndrome and is mimicking your behavior as a way to learn social skills?

She sounds like she lacks self-esteem and imagination. Like her choices aren't good enough or something, so she gloms onto yours. Maybe her step daughter whined at her one day, "Why can't you be like MrsT? I might like you more!" Who knows?

I agree that her behavior is irritating, but most likely harmless. Maybe back off a bit - not talk to her so much. I'm glad she's not showing up at the activity on the same day as you. It would be uber weird if you say you're at the beach and she shows up 30 minutes later - at least she's waiting a day! I'm thinking she looks at your FB posts and says, "What a great idea! I can do that with the kids tomorrow." I know I do that if my friends are posting activities that didn't cross my mind.

As for the BF stuff, I don't have anything to say.

8 years could be a significant age difference and maybe, like others said, she's following your lead b/c you seem to be normal, well adjusted, have good kids, liked in the neighborhood, etc. Also, if she's the girl's step mom and your kids are BFs then she knows that her step daughter probably likes you...so, she's trying to gain points in that area as well. Maybe if she can be more like you her step daughter will be able to relate to her better. It IS totally weird and I would likely say that you should just sort of let it go and accept it's kind of odd...BUT, it seems to be extreme and it would totally weird me out too! As far using the term best friends, I don't think it's odd based on her personality as you described it. She's just trying to fit in and wants to appear popular. Plus, maybe she really does consider everyone to be very close to her. Some people, especially those who don't have good social skills, tend to cling onto people and not really have a clear concept of a what a "real" friendship/relationship looks and feels like.

You are really not being stupid, but I just don't know what advice to give you! What does your husband or other people in your group say? Does she copy EXACTLY the lamps, bed spreads, etc. you buy or does she just go out and buy stuff? If it's not exact, I would probably just continue your relationship the way it is and take her with a grain of salt. If it is exactly the same, I would say probably start distancing yourself from her. Good luck! And keep us posted! ;)

Wow, that is a bit strange and definitely see being annoying. My sister used to do that for a little while with me, even down to the hair cut and getting pregnant. But then just sort of stopped without me having to say anything fortunately. Can you hang out with some different friends, not making it too obvious, but don't hang our with her as much. That way she won't be able to copy everything you do. Or is there something you can do/have access to that she can't/doesn't. With my sister, I was sick of her copying my hair, so I grew it long. She has thin hair and can't grow it long. Which gave me a sense of relief. I don't think you are wrong in anyway for finding this to be wierd. Like I said I went through it too and I wanted to scream- you feel like you loose a sense of self cause they are copying you all the time. Or that nothing is 'yours'. I would just try to distance myself from her a little. But certainly not to offend anyone. Good luck

Scary, but this illustrates why I refuse to use Facebook, I don't want people knowing my business or trying to insert themselves into anything I may be doing. I'd try either making that part of your Facebook private (if that's even possible), so that only your closest friends and relatives can know what you're up to, or, you can create a new profile with a new username that she's unaware of (like a silly name or a nickname) so you can post your events for relatives to see, if you must do so. You can also try using another social networking site, like MySpace, Twitter or Friendster that she may not know you have. As to her entering your kids' room, why is she doing this and who does she think she is? My parents have a very strict rule that NO ONE is allowed into the bedrooms, especially guests, as that's a private area, unless permission is given. They can hang out in the common areas, but unless they are relatives, they are not welcomed to make themselves at home and snoop around every room of the house. This woman's being very rude by doing this, and you should tell her that it makes you or your husband uncomfortable or heck, blame it on your daughters that they will only allow certain friends of theirs (as in "KIDS") to come into their bedrooms. Teens are usually very selective of who they want around so this wouldn't sound so far-fetched. I would sever ties with her though as she sounds like she is very co-dependent, and she sounds like a user who has no personality. She must find someone to copy as she cannot make her own choices as to what haircuit or hair color to get or what to do in life. I used to have a similar friend, a co-worker actually, that would call me her best friend whenever I helped her out, but I noticed every time she got something from someone, that person became their best friend, hence why I say your "friend" sounds like a user. Honestly, if you're uncomfortable and irritated around her, there's no point in surrounding yourself with her, friends are people you should feel comfortable and happy around, not frustrated with, because life is short and there are too many people and situations that stress one out as is. Good luck.

I have run into "those type of people" more than once. To me, those people lack of substance. What I have done, is withdrawing from them. However, what it really catches my attention is why you waited " three years" to realize the type of person she is? I can tolerate some sort of "copy and paste" ideas, from me, to my friends, but getting into your kids room to see what they have or not, that is out of my comprehension! A funny anecdote, is that one of a neighbors asked me what type of furniture I was going to have for my new house and where I was going to put it. That was it to realize this man was not all there in the head. In regard to that "best friend" labeling idea, I just can laugh at it. Once again, it tells you the lack of substance this woman is. My best friends are very special and very few. I do not go easily calling people " my best friend", it is simply something I take seriously. Summing up, this woman is a joke.

Friend is a very vague term. You clearly already know this woman is not your "Best Friend", and she uses the term loosely, so ask yourself why it bothers you and move on.

If you don't want this person copying all that you do, stop puting it out there for public consumption.

If you don't want this person going through your house, set limits. "I have decided since the girls are getting older, their rooms are off limits except to their friends they invite in" or some other polite line.

I would call the person you describe a social aquaintance, or casual friend. Because she is a parent to a child yours is so close to I would not make big waves.

I think she just admires you, maybe a little too much. I don't think it's harmful, but on the other hand, I wouldn't want somebody copying everything I do either. That's not what I look for in a friend.

Have you ever seen that movie, I think it was 80's or early 90's, with I think it was Chyna Phillips and Jennifer Jason Leigh, with a plot very similar to your situation. If you watch that movie you won't be friends with this woman much longer...

Its definitely a little strange that she copies everything you do. It sounds like maybe she has low self esteem and feels the need to copy someone who is more mature, confident, and well liked. Maybe she is insecure about being a mother since she is actually the step-mother, and thinks that by copying everything you do she is being a better mother to her stepdaughter. You could try distancing yourself bit by bit if you're ok with not being close friends with her. If you really like her then you could just mabye casually bring it up next time she copies you and see what she says. It can't hurt to talk about it if its really bothering you, but try to be more inquisitive than accusing.

sounds like she has way too much time and money on her hands. who can go out and buy everything her "best friend" buys? and go to all the same places? i think she has serious issues. distance yourself before she REALLY starts to get comfortable!

(and by the way, i would be extremely annoyed too - you're not alone! ;) )

I had a neghbor like that. She actually trained my very protectie shepherd to let her into the house by bringing treats every time she came over so after about three months my dog let her walk into my house.
She would also walk into the house if I wasn't home and forgot to lock the back door.
So I had to start to distance myself form her. I just didn't call her or I would screen her calls. I didn't let her upstairs after she would come up and comment on what my kids rooms were like then start her own "project". Sound familiar?
She would make comments to me when I dressed up like, "Oh I see you're practicing to be an officer's wife." Her husband was enlisted and mine an oficer, so what, but she had such an unferiority conplex she would bring it up every Sunday.
I was able to blame alot on my husband after he came home from his second deployment. I just said things like We need some famiy time.
She has since moved.

I wouldnt post where or what your doing anymore. Tell her your going to shave your head, see what happens. I would just back off a little from her. She sound needy to me.

Personally I use the term best friend for my best friends. Not all my friends. But I do know people that refer to all of their friends as best friends. I honestly have very few friends. But the ones I have are very close friends. If you don't want her to know what your doing why do you post it on Facebook. Not only are you encouraging her to follow you but you are telling everyone where you are at. It also tells people that no one will be home and gives them an opportunity to rob you. It's okay to say what you are doing but don't give days and times or make sure someone is going to be home when you are gone if you post it. As far as her copying you it is normal for some people to do that. My sister in law (passed away 4 years ago) always copied what I did and my other sister in laws did. If we had a party she had a party. When I bought my mobile home she got a new double wide just a couple months later. If I bought Mom something she bought her something better. Even if she couldn't afford it. When she came to visit the first thing she would do is look in the frig to see what I had in it. Then she would look around the rest of the place to see what I had changed. She not only did this at my house but everywhere she went. I did not let it bother me. Actually I started doing the same when I would visit her, look in the frig, check out the house, etc...It didn't bother her a bit. My sister in law was my best friend. We shared our secrets, hopes and dreams. I miss her terribly. This just might be her way of doing things and who are we to judge. Talk to her, let her know it's bothering you. Ask her right out why she is doing it? You may be surprised by her answer. But don't let it destroy you worrying about it. So big deal if you go bowling and then she does. Why not invite her to go with you sometimes? I would love to have a friend living near me to come over and look at my home and do things with. It's been very lonely since I moved to FL 17 years ago. I didn't have time to make friends because I was a single Mom and working and taking care of my girls full time. You can send her my way. I would love to have someone to visit and that copied me..

Ya know...she is probably harmless.

She obviously thinks very highly of you, and (depending on how she was raised/her life experience) she is deathly afraid of making the "wrong" choices. She emulates you b/c she respects you and believes you make great choices that she, left unto herself, wouldn't be able to make.

She is obviously very insecure, so be gentle, but firm. Ask - don't accuse. Remember to use the question: "What makes you say that?" in response to her answers as often as is appropriate. You'll gain great insight as to her true intention and possible underlying fears.

Best wishes!
Oh - Please update again, so we can know how it all went after you approach the subject with her.

hi, i can say that i dont know anyone like this but, it sounds like she ethier has a very unique pesonality, or a personality disorder or sorts. i would probably be like you if i were in your situation, (taking as a compliment until i have had enough.) you could maybe talk to her about this issue/ then see what happens, and/ or end the "friendship", if it gets to the point where you need to. good luck!