Things You Shouldn't Do After You Turn __ (Insert Age)

I learned two years ago that you shouldn't be doing head stands if you're overweight. I did one to show the kids how to do it, lost my balance, came down hard on my shoulder/neck and ended up in a sling and a neck brace for several weeks. Doctor told me to either lose weight, or learn my limitations, lol!

BTW, I lost the weight.

hahahahaha!!! Love it!!! After 40, don't try to act like you're rock star, playing Rock Band. I jumped off the couch while rockin out on the guitar & broke my ankle. A year later I broke the same ankle while jumping on a trampoline with 4 kids!! I try to keep my feet grounded now days!!:)

hahaha! I just spewed coffee on my keyboard!
Hope you will be okay. :)
Gravity is a horrible thing when you arent used to defying it anymore, lol.

You should not try to ride a skateboard after 40. My husband tried to show off in front of my little brother about 20 years ago, landed flat on his back and knocked the wind out of himself.

Don't go to one of those indoor trampolene parks. I took my 5-year-old and some friends of his and several bad things happend:

-Upon putting my foot down on a trampolene upon arrival wound up flying like a super ball across the court and thanks to kinetic energy didn't stop richocheting until I crashed into a padded wall.

-Jumped into a foam pit because my son asked me to, and literally almost suffocated because I didn't have the core strength to pull myself back out...and the zitty teen full of angst who was on duty to help pull people out was too busy talking to a girl to notice me dying.

- We were booked for an hour. You can only jump non-stop or go into a foam pit the whole time. After 10 minutes, every joint in my body was crying out in agony, I had whiplash, and I had a stitch in my side and was breathless. And I thought I was in good shape because I exercise and eat right...yeah...whatever.

-When I finally was released from this purgatorial experience and took the nasty, weird, space age rental shoes off my feet, they smelled like sweat and mold and I had to dry heave until I could toss the socks in the trash and take a shower.

-My only consolation...my 5-year-old was just as wore out and beat up from the whole experience and begged me to never take him or his friends there ever again.

Sit in one of those rubber swings (squeezes your thighs lol)
Crawl in the plastic playground equipment at McDonald's, etc. (HOW did our knees handle that?!?)
Slip n slides (oowwwwwww!)

I'm sure there are more!

ANYONE after age 10 should NOT wear leggings as pants. Leggings are not pants, people!!!

One should not wear midriff-exposing tops beyond the age of 12. I really don't want to see your belly-button unless we're at the beach.

One should not wear droopy pants down low beyond the age of 5. I also do not want to see anyone's underpants. And I'm sure they would be just as affronted if I was showing off my white "Hanes Her Way" panties with my jeans hanging off my butt. I now go to the grocery store and have to look at some white hipster's nasty boxer-briefs while he stocks the veggies. Save'em for your girlfriend, buddy.

At age 53 the list is getting longer and longer. After having children don't go on any rides that go round-and-round. The need to puke is very overwhelming. (Haven't done it but came really close a few times.)

After 40 & having children don't try the trampoline. Too many things bounce along. The knee drops and sit drops work - but not nearly as easily and you will need to change your panty-liner. (TMI - I know - sorry!) It's also time to hang up the short skirts - evn if you're at the gym all the time and have a great body. It's just too obvious that you're grasping desperately at your youth. It's gone. Say goodbye and gracefully move into your middle years. these are really good years in so many ways.

After 45 stop drinking. Our bodies just don't metabolize the alcohol anymore and it is just not worth the splitting headache the next day. You act like a fool when you've had a few - and an old fool is soooo much worse than a young one. And it's rough on your body and gives you wrinkles.

At 50 it's time to go easy on the roller coasters. I LOVE coasters - but my neck & shoulders do not. Pick out the ones you really, really want to go on and let the kids go on the others. It's also time to get rid of your warm clothes. Hot flashes come when least expected. Wear layers - no matter where you're going so you can take your clothes off, then put them back on, only to take them off again. When your "power surge" makes you so hot that being in your underwear is the only possible relief you need an in-between level of attire - especially in a business meeting. Jackets, sweaters, sleeveless shells underneath, cotton... Consider sleeping in the nude - those night sweats are a killer. Realize it may bring on unintended other consequences - use birth control if it does!

Finally - use make-up judiciously. Look at yourself in broad day light. Heavey make-up on a tan 25 yr old can be over-looked. But as you get up there, there's nothing more scary than a wrinkled, overly made-up lady in a leather miniskirt turn around and look at you.

Youth really is wasted on the young. Can you imagine if you could combine the wisdom and confidence of age with the looks, health, flexibility and energy of youth?! How I wish I had known then what I know now. Clearly God knew what he was doing. Our wisdom makes up for our loss of speed, dexterilty and skill. ;o)

Drink a bottle of wine by yourself....at any age. But, it hurts worse the next day after you turn 30. I'm 32

Baaahaaahaa! I did a cartwheel last year and threw my back out for four days! I feel ya, I'm 43 as well.

A few months ago an Ozzy song came on and I showed my daughter how to headbang. We were whipping our long hair around and cracking up! Guess what? Threw my NECK out that time! Oh man.

All I'll say is that I won't be attempting the monkey bars while pregnant. Never again.

Feel better and thanks for the laugh. :-)

So how long did your wife giggle? I am probably older then most moms in here since my kids are all grown and I have 3 granchildren. So after the age of 50, I find that sitting on the floor playing doll house is great, for a little while, after a certain time it is hard to get back up. Other things you don't do after 50 is eat spicy food before bed and at times running after an active 2 year old let's me know that naps aren't just for toddlers.

Dana Carvey does a comedy sketch that basically says once you pass 40, you don't even have to do anything special, your body will just twinge for the fun of it! Turn your head - twinge, get out of a chair, twinge - blink, twinge. Honestly, sometimes I think he's right! LOL

I'm a couple years behind ya, but I hear ya.

I should not pick up my son with my arms outstretched in front of me. I learned that one last year.

Up until then, I never understood the whole "throw out your back" thing.

Took me a week of yoga before I was feeling back in the game again. He's only 15 months, so I fear I will be learning more about my body as he gets more active.

Ahahahah I did the cartwheel thing. Didn't hit me till the next day how bad an idea it was.

Everything seems to be getting harder though it doesn't stop me I just have to find better pain meds. :p

Oh yeah, I haven't been able to do the monkey bars since 30. :(

lol....hahaha.
It reminds me of the last page of is it good housekeeping or mccalls that lists funny things like "you kow your an adult when...."

I realized when I turned 35 and my recovery from my birthday lasted 2 days, that I was too old to compete for champion with under 30 yr olds in a beer pong game.

No jumping on a trampoline after giving birth or after age 30!
Trampolines always look so fun to me...till I get on. Even moderate bouncing just hurts my insides, I can feel my inner organs bouncing around and it is awful! For a lot of us ladies, the urge to pee your pants is also overwhelming :(
I used to LOVE trampolines, waterslides, rollercoasters, anything fast and wild...now I get woozy on any of those things.

hmmm put my stomach on a swing and twist in in circles and let go...OUCH....it was fun though

It makes you realize, kids sometimes think the pains worth the fun, when did we get so old that we decided it wasnt? I mean their bellies hurt and are red after doing that and they continue. My daughter has blisters on her hands from the monkey bars and continues....they fall more than us running and continue with the risk.
It seems adults and kids both get hurt playing and we J. turn into "scaredycats" all whiole telling our kids to shake it off=)

WOW. THAT is so funny. When I saw the topic/question, my first thought was:
When I was 42 (less than 2 years ago!), being out in the yard on a cool evening with my kids, and doing a cart-wheel and a handstand.
Yeah... I was sore all day the next day. I never had any clue about how many muscle groups were used to perform those things "back in the day"....

I felt your pain. Really. I did.

ETA: oh.. and about 3 years ago (so when I was 40) I did the teacups with my daughter at Disney. Not a good idea. I thought I was going to be sick. Stuff like that never bothered me a bit when I was younger.

When I was 18 my best friend and I went to Cedar Point, Sandusky, OH, and rode the Gemni 18 times because we were 18! When I turned 36, we went back to Cedar Point and I said "there is NO WAY in hell I'm riding this thing 36 times!" We rode the stand up roller coaster and my friend hit her head so hard, she had a mild concussion. We went home!!! When I turned 45, I tried to do the splits. I don't know why, it seemed like a good idea but not so much! I got stuck. My husband was like "what in the hell are you doing"? While he was laughing hysterically! It hurt!

I'm now a very young 48, and the proud owner of 4 titanium rods in my back so I don't do alot of stupid stuff anymore! :)

Thanks for the post! I hadn't thought about this stuff in a long time. I'm laughing at my desk and everyone thinks I'm mental!!!!

lmao I just did a cartwheel with my 11yr old son on Memorial Day weekend and I pulled a muscle on my inner thigh. My husband laughed and even though I landed it perfectly he said that just doesn't look right anymore..

You shouldn't agree to sit on a merry go round with your other kids ( or any kids for that matter) and allow another child to "spin" it after your 20's. I'm not really sure how those were so much fun when I was younger! I think there is more to the story on why the adults should spin it than just the safety part of it!

Oh man, you made me laugh. I could see that exact thing happening to me, so now I'm warned - do not try a cartwheel! I have recently done a few things that I probably shouldn't at age 38 but the worst was two days ago. My kids wanted to see what it was like when someone went off the high diving board at the public pool. We were there before the pool opened for their lesson, and the teacher said it was fine if I went to the diving tank. So I did a simple front dive. No issues. But then the girls wanted to see something fancier so I did an inwards flip. Used to be simple when I was 18. But this time I barely cleared the board and I feel like I was put through the ringer. Even my legs hurt. I do not think my inner ear liked spinning around and my body certainly didn't like hitting the water in the ungracious manner that I did.

We're headed to an amusement park later in the summer with my mom and we're both dreading all of the round and round spinning rides. We just don't know what we're going to do if my kids want to ride them since both adults will probably puke or be dizzy the rest of the day.

:))))

Not 'there' yet perhaps (am 29)...but I already don't do mini skirts, and other clothing that (maybe) looks cute on teenagers but just looks so wrong on me. I go on all roller-coaster and other rides, but one of these days when I spew my lunch all over everywhere, I'd have learnt my lessons..
I don't do cartwheels in the first place, so my back is safe. But I dance. I'll probably still dance in my kitchen even when I start looking like a baby elephant...
I can't wear 'pink' lipstick anymore...dang... :))

OK....I have stopped laughing. Yes no rolling skating after 50 if you have not done it in 30 years....falling is a whole different experience when your older. I also went big ball bowling and ended up looking at the ceiling with my arm behind me and twisted legs. I am a good sport most of the time so I do still try things....maybe I should try knitting. lol

LOL...this post has been terrific. Thanks, J.. With an 18 month old we haven't gotten there yet but I am making mental notes over things to avoid in the future. I won't warn my husband, though. He's such a daredevil with no sense of age appropriate. I have no doubt there will be many good moments in store for us. I promise not to laugh too hard until after helping him pick up the pieces. :)

A somersault after the age of 17. Rollercoasters after the age of 30.

J., I am right there with you. It's so hard trying to explain to your child and the kids you teach how agile and athletic I was when I was their age. They just don't believe me. But, I have been smart enough not to try to demonstrate. I would make a complete fool of myself and probably end up in the hospital.

I could do cartwheels, front handsprings, you name it when I was a kid. Not anymore.

I could also (as a 9 year old) hurl a softball from behind homeplate on my knees to 2nd base and have a base stealer thrown out. I'd probably make it only to the pitcher's mound today if I tried and pull every muscle in the process. lol

I remember 15 years ago I got the bright idea of going by the batting cage to hit a few. Did great, had a blast, vowed to go back on a regular basis for the exercise. I was so sore for days afterward I could barely move my arms.

I asked myself a couple of days ago, how strong I must have been as a kid. I'm not half that strong now. Wish I was.

LOL! Well good for you for trying! Cartwheels were something I was never able to do. I am skilled in several types of dance but never could do a cartwheel. (maybe because my body is alot smaller on top then on bottom I don't know.) For me it isn't an age thing, but I struggle with not do things when there are stricter limits. For example the day I got out of the hospital with my newborn daughter I insisted on taking her and my toddler son grocery shopping. I pulled something in my abs lifting my son into the cart (really how do I not lift things when I have a toddler.) and was so exhausted by the time I got home I was in tears.

I will be 42 in a couple of weeks, and I still love the trampoline, but it's probably because I never stopped jumping on it. I also love to hula-hoop, and I can still stand on my head.

I had to stop any sort of spinning years ago, though. I get sick on the first round.

Last summer I went off the high dive, and so did my dad - and he was 72 at the time! :)

I don't think there will be a repeat performance by me this summer, but my dad may do it. :)

I don't think it's a matter of age but of phyiscal condition. If you try to do something you are not in the condition to do your body will let you know. LOL

Funny. I did a cartwheel just the other day to 1) show my kiddo and 2) see if I could still do one. I hadn't done one in years (and years and years...). I did it! And then did several more. Fun, and no bodily injury. I was not sure what would happen.

I also have been trying the hula hoop lately, and have been able to get it to keep going for longer than I expected, though not nearly as long as my very proficient 5yo.

One thing that is much more difficult is spinning/twirling. I used to not get dizzy at all. Now, I spin a couple of times and need to stop. Apparently, as we age, the little hairs in our ears get damaged, which affects not only hearing but our balance and sensitivity to dizziness.

LOL! As soon as I read the title to your question, the first thought that came to my mind was a cartwheel. I was trying to teach my almost 4yr old how to do one and I pulled a muscle in my thigh. It hurt for almost 3 days.

Use a slip-n-slide after age 35, hubby threw out his back for weeks after demonstrating proper 'rolling slide' technique to the kids.
Wear shorts with words on the butt after age 5. Tacky, tacky, tacky - even on 8 year olds.
Dive to save a goal in a soccer game after age 40, broke my shoulder doing that last summer. Also tore 2 ACLs playing soccer, but that had nothing to do with age :)

jump on a trampoline or do jumping jacks. idk if its my extra belly flab or just that i had couple babies. but after no more jumping for this lady. fearing my insides are going to let gravity take them to the outside.

Thanks for the chuckle. You will find after a "certain age" that your body will surprise you and disappoint you, mostly disappoint - even the most "fit" person will see changes. If you have concerns about arthritis or back related issues (any family history?) check with doc before any strenuous exercise programs.