"The Talk" with My Daughter

I am 100% in agreement with Audry, My oldest girl is 9 and shes seen a thing here and there and started to ask..so imma be talking with her about it soon as i started mine at 11 and it scared the hell out of me lol! And since girls talk and Stephie is 8 May as well as tell her too otherwise Lizzie will be anyway! lol! So Imma kick the guys out for a bit here within the next weekend or so and have a girls night lol! Wont that be fun? ;)

~C.

WONDERFUL book at a decent price. I let her look over it and then we talked about stuff that was in there. She continues to ask me questions and keeps going back to her book to see where she's at. We've always had open communication about this type of stuff, but it gives her a way to see what's coming before she gets there. http://store.americangirl.com/agshop/EndecaForwardServlet...

DD started her period when she was 10. It surprised me because I was 13 or 14, but we had talked about it, and she knew what to expect. I think by age 9 at least, girls should know what to expect. My mom said she started when she was 11 and she thought she might be dying, because she had no idea what was going on.

~A.

Instead of "the talk" think about it as a lifelong conversation. Certainly with 2 younger sibs, she had some questions about where babies come from. Of course you have talked to her about the difference between boys and girls and about parts of your body that are private. I hope you have covered who can touch/see privates and who can't. It is just a continuation . . . she will be curious, you will answer questions. It might come up from something in a movie, a commercial on TV, noticing that an older cousin is wearing a bra . . . Obviously as you start to see signs of prepuberty with your daughter it is time to step up the conversations about washing hair and body, how old is time to shave, starting to wear deo, and what to expect about periods. It can all be a very natural conversation. It can all be very relaxed. You want her to understand little bits of info and come back to you with more and more questions whenever she thinks of something else she wants to know. If you appear nervous/uncomfortable with the topic of her body, she will go elsewhere with her questions - not what you want!

All that having been said, the best book ever is American Girls The Care and Keeping of You! It covers everything from body changes to pedicures. Excellent explanations and very calm manner. My daughter has read and reread it. In fact all of the American Girl books about friendships, emotions, etc are great for preteen girls. Good Luck!

At 11, some of my daughter's friends have started asking me questions because they aren't comfortable talking to their own mothers about this stuff - with three girls, you want to be the mom that is very calm and open to talking girl talk.

My daughter got her period when she was 10. I had always answered her questions honestly as she asked them. I told her the truth--at least as much as she could understand--when she asked questions. She always wanted to follow me into the bathroom when she was little, and the first time she noticed blood on a pad, she thought I was hurt, so I explained to her that when a mommy doesn't have a baby inside her, the lining of the baby's "house" sheds because there's no baby for it to take care of. She seemed to understand that well enough, and when her period came, she wasn't scared and knew what to expect. (Of course by then we had had more grown up talks than that.) The main thing is not to be nervous or uncomfortable when talking about this--or if you are, don't let it show. She'll take her cues about this conversation from you, and if you act like it's something to be embarassed about, she'll be embarrassed; but if you treat it like a normal life process, which is what it is, she's more likely to be comfortable discussing it with you. You can also find books in your local library about how to discuss topics like puberty, sexuality, etc. with children of all different ages. You might check some of them out to see if they might be helpful to you. Good luck!

I would listen to her leading when she begins to ask you questions about things answer her honestly. Also there is a good little Pink book about Christians vales on these like dating , sex ets call What the Bible Say.

The best way to do this is to start now by making talking about her body a "no big deal" thing. You might start out talking about how different body parts work or what they are for. Don't make this a BIG one time talk...make it natural to talk about these things at any time that there is an opportunity. Once YOU get over the nervousness about "the talk" it will be easy. Your daughter is a curious young girl that doesn't realize the stigma placed on such conversations. So if you make it a natural thing, she will never feel uncomfortable about talking to you about anything. I am sure there are all kinds of good books out there on the subject...but like I said. Don't make it into a big deal. Just talk to her normally and often about things that she shows an interest in. If she wants to talk about how fast she ran in a race at school, take the opportunity to talk to her about her muscles and her bones in her legs. This can lead to what other body parts do and how they are growing and helping her do things. Just make it a normal topic of conversation and she will learn it in an unstigmatized way. Good luck. D.

My daughter turned 10 in September and we had the talk just this last month. Around the time of her birthday, I purchased for her a copy of The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls (American Girl Library) by Valorie Schaefer and Norm Bendell. I'm not sure what question she asked to set off the specific discussion about her period but I directed her to that chapter in the book and told her to come back to me when she was done reading it. We had a great discussion about it afterward and, thanks to the book, I didn't have to fumble over the specifics.

We started the "talk" using books about animals etc, that I researched at the book store. Of course, I started the information at about 7-8 years old. I wanted to make sure that my daughter and son understood.That it was age appropriate and not too overly discriptive because some books can be very explicit. As she gets older about 8-10, "Hello God, This is Me Margret" is an excellent book about girls periods. I bought the books instead of borrowing them from the library because she could read them over and over. As time went by she understood more and more. Some of the books were transferable to my son, so he read them as well. I just passed the books along to family members. It's important that you daughter understand everything. Don't be afraid. I'd be more afraid that she'd get the wrong information from her friends. It's always better that it comes from you mom. At the very least, you will give her the "talk" with love.

BTW/FYI, the more meat and animal products she eats, the earlier her period will come. Also, exposure to plastics and chemicals like cleaners has a significant effect. Some girls are developing breasts and pubic hair as early as age three!

As far as everything else goes, can't help you there :) But my philosophy is, I'll answer my daughter's questions, however old she is, in an age-appropriate way. Then there will be the big one whenever I figure out it is time to lay it all out for her. I think that, for us, it will happen in an unexpected way, just spontaneously, as just another part of life. We might be driving to softball practice or doing the dishes.

L.

you start out early and I am sure there are books to help you a long I just don't of any but you enlighten her to her age level in other words explain in a way she will understand and the part about her period should come at about 10 to 12 but there are ways to explain her body parts and what she can do and can't do and the bad things that other people can do and so forth I don't think I would wait till she ask questions cause someone else could fill her in in a way you don't want them to I am sure there are christian books that can tell you how to explain it to her I think the most important thing is to teach what is not proper for some one else to do to her in these day and times good luck

OK, so you want to get ahead of the game, but you really need to wait until she starts having physical changes or starts to ask you questions. Otherwise, she could possibly blow you off or get mad/embarrassed by such a talk. My step-daughter is 9 1/2 and just asked this school year to wear a bra...Her mom got her a sports bra (she wanted a padded bra because that's what her friends are wearing! - 3rd grade) My husband and his ex do communicate about the kids and we are all in agreement that when the kids want to know something, they will ask..don't rush them.

I would answer her questions as she answered them, but I had the "talk" with her when she was 9. She did start when she was 10 1/2. She was ready and did not freak out. She knew what was going on. We did not talk about sex at that time and I waited until she was 12 to talk about that part. It all seemed to work out. She took all of it better to break it all up like that. I hope this helps.

My daughter walked in on me in the bathroom while I was changing a tampon when she was 4, and was concerned about why I was bleeding, so I explained to her what was going on then. When she got her period at 9, she knew exactly what was going on.

An excellent book that was recommended to me for her by my OB/GYN's nurse was "Our Bodies, Ourselves."

I don't think you are anywhere close to needing to have this talk with her. I have 2 sisters-in-law who are just now wanting to learn about this stuff at ages 10 & 11. All you would do now is scare her and she probably still wouldn't understand. Don't sweat it. If she comes to you with a direct question after hearing something,then give her a simple but truthful answer but leave it at that. No sense in maturing her any earlier than really necessary. Hope this helps. Good luck.
A.

I started talking to my daughter when she started asking questions and the answers were just enough to satisfy her for that moment. Focus on the family.com probably has information that will help. I go to their website quite often.
The thing is keeping the communication open with you and your daughter-they learn more at school than reading ,writing and arithmatic and it is up to us to teach them-my Mom couldn't talk with us so she bought the Life Cycle library when I was young but somebody WILL teach your children and sometimes it is twisted so I choose to look for the times mine are teachable. My daughter is 12 now and we first talked about having a baby and where they come from when she was 5 when she started asking.
So always tell the truth and answer enough to satisfy for that moment

T.,
I have a 13 almost 14 yr old daughter and we have had the talk for years now. It all started when she heard something on the bus and she came home and asked me about it. I would suggest that when she ask you questions about anything like that you answer her truthfully and only in a way that she understands. With my kids I can't go to the bathroom by myself so when she came in there one time I had to explain to her what a pad was and why we (women and girls) have to wear them. I just told her that we do this once a month and it helps clean us out, etc. It doesn't really have to be intense. As the years have went by she has came back to me with other questions and the BIG TALK wasn't hard at all. I'm very open and honest with her and we talk about everything all the time. I know this is very rare but I suggest this all the time to new mothers. Just be open with your children and it makes talking alot easiler. Hope this helps. Good luck
J.