The R Word

I use it. It doesnt bother me.
Understanding the context the word is being used for makes it a pretty benign adjective in my opinion.
Retarded pretty much means that something isn't working right... whether it's a person, place or thing.
I think the term retarded hardly ever gets used... most mental afflictions now have new, more specific names. Retarded was a broad term.
Anyway, I think it's just an adjective that means something isn't quite right and nothing more.

I guess I'm in the minority, but it doesn't bother me. If a person uses a word I don't like, it has no effect on me. I ignore and use the language I want to use.

If someone IS retarded, I'm sorry...I'm going to call them retarded. They aren't delayed, they aren't "slow," they are literally retarded. I'm not going to feel about about it. At that point, it's not my problem...it's other people's problem for their connotations.

I agree w/ Jo W and Grandma T. I use it to describe something that isn't working right whether it is an object or process. It's kind of like midget and handicapped - those words have been replaced. The words that have replaced the 'negative' terms will eventually become negative terms as well b/c people will use them in a derogatory way and another word will just replace them. It is a viscous cycle being PC and annoying too!

And then the actual definition is "slow" or "to slow".

Fire retardant
Tardy for school
Mentally retarded

The word doesn't bother me in the least.

MOCKERY bothers me. Insults bother me. But specific words? Not so much. ANY word can be made insulting. Genius is a favorite insult of my own.

I'm ADHD-c. People OFTEN use that word to describe being an idiot. Doesn't bug me. My cousin is an extremely low functioning autistic. Doesn't bug any of us when people use the word retarded. UNLESS its being used as an insult "Hey! Retard! Guh! Guh! Guh!"

Course, "Hey supermodel! Guh! Guh! Guh!" is equally offensive

Do I use it around people I know it offends? Nope. Nor 'moist'. Nor 'crazy'. (I had someone JUMP down my throat a while ago because of 1 of my 2 favorite people watching games is "Crazy or Cellphone?". She went in at length that if I had any experience or compassion for mental illness I would never use the word crazy because it's offensive to schizophrenics (which is no longer a current term, although she didn't know that). Honey. I've got mental illness in my life in spades. Crazy is not 'mentally ill' except in the broadest most outdated sense. Heck, I talk to myself/inanimate objects/etc all the time. And furthermore, FAR more people than people with schizoaffective disorders talk to themselves. Shall we break out the DSMV? I can think of at least 9 disorders, and a huge number of diseases, and even more illnesses where talking to yourself is in the symtomology.

To be honest, in a world where we are getting extremely precise, general terms used in ignorance bother me far more. Like crazy does NOT equal mentally ill which does NOT equal most disorders. ADHD, just for example is not mental sickness. Neither is low intelligence. And 'retarded' falls into that spectrum with me: having as lite to do with most intelligence/ neuro issues as crazy does with mental illness.

Just my .02

I had no problem with your using "retarded" - I didn't take it an negative way. I took it as a fact. She's not "delayed" - in the PC sense of the word....

My next door neighbor is mentally retarded...not delayed...

I use it because I refuse to give the word the power people are giving it. To me it means a stupid act, not a stupid person.

I am strange when it comes to words so just ignore this if it doesn't make sense. Like Andy jokes he rides the short bus. Why because it is a joke and I would rather him laugh about it than cry. Because there are awful kids that will give him trouble for riding the short bus. He just laughs along with them and it isn't fun for them so they knock it off.

I don't know I just feel like there are assholes out there that will use some words in anger, meant to demean. I don't understand why we give words that kind of power. Like I said I am strange in this regard but I just cannot give someone that power over me.

Yeah I am strange, sorry.

If used properly, then it's no problem. But I do have a problem when people use that word instead of stupid. It makes "retarded" detrimental when the term should not be.

Hey Ms kitty-

I do not know what to tell you.

It seems, that in this ever 'politically correct' world...it is very hard to keep up with the 'appropriate' terminology.

I am older than you (soon to be 53...(did I type that???)...!).

I was working in special 'pre school' settings with 'profoundly and severely retarded' kiddos in the 70's. I had a chance to work at 'Southbury training school' in CT for a summer during college (basically a WAREHOUSE for adults and kiddos...happy to say it closed a few years later...).

I personally prefer developmentally delayed...FOR ME...it gives hope - that there is further development to come for my daughter...and there has been...but it is a very S L O W process.

"retarded" for me...suggests there is NO development to come...no growth...no learning...kind of a 'stuck' place.

But that is me...and the PC crew keep coming up with 'new and better' ways/words to say basically 'different'.

And...when did different become a bad thing?

Whatever word makes YOU and daughter (and hubby) comfortable works for me!

Best Luck!
michele/cat

I feel exactly as you do.

I remember when I was in 3rd grade, we said this word like it was going out of style. Everyone and everything was "retarded."

My kind teacher at the time, Mrs. Whitehouse, came over to my friend and I after we said this and gently told us that her brother is retarded and that it is not kind to call someone this in a mean way.

We never said that again, that's for sure. It made it personal (and from a favorite teacher to boot), as we had never even met a retarded person and didn't have any real knowledge about what that meant.

I think the word has been used so often to describe someone or something that is stupid or uncool, the fact that it's actually a medical term is offputting, to be honest. It feels insulting, eventhough it's a factual statement.

Calling someone a retard is no better than calling someone who is black the N word or calling a woman the C word or calling someone who is gay the F word (the other one). I can't see any reason why someone might 'need' to use these words except in a clearly hateful context.

I thought this was a fantastic public service announcement which really gets to the point.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T549VoLca_Q

I'm 47 - I grew up hearing the derogatory terms for Puerto Ricans, Japanese, Chinese, Jews, blacks - I don't use them and I sure will not have my child using them either. Just because 'I grew up with them' does NOT make them ok.

A girl on our school bus in elementary school was (as you use the term) retarded. And the way the term was used by the kids on the bus - NOT in any way ok.

I personally do not use the word 'retarded' as a descriptor; only if a parent has given me this information as some sort of diagnosis, and then only in conversation with that parent.

I believe in calling a spade a spade, but for the most part, because the word is used wrongly as slang, I prefer "developmentally disabled" or "differently abled" depending on who I am talking to. (the former, perhaps in conversation with adults, the latter, in conversations with children who ask questions.).

What really burns me is the derogatory use of the word. It's pretty offensive and sounds ignorant.

ETA: Jessica, thanks for clarifying the difference between 'delayed' and 'retarded'. I think I'm always careful because I work with little ones and don't want controversial words repeated. I'll be thinking of some other sensitive ways to explain this...

I would simply use handicapped or delayed intead, since retarded has taken on such a negative meaning through inappropriate and derogatory use. As with retarded, mongoloid used to be a medical definition until the medical community got a little more sensitive to the labels they were placing upon people and to the way those labels were used by society in general. Lots of words were innocent once, but their meaning has been twisted into something dripping with venom and malice. I choose to diminish that power by using other words instead.

I agree with you, as you probably caught from my post in your other thread. My autistic daughter, while delayed, is not retarded. My brother-in-law, while retarded, was not delayed. He had a progressive degenerative brain disorder that took everything that made him who he was and all of his abilities away. Make no mistake. There is a huge difference.

People don't seem to understand that there's a very specific meaning to the terminology which yes, is a medical term. Saying that someone is delayed versus mentally retarded suggests very different diagnoses and a very different set of challenges and needs. Is it nuanced? Yes. Is it political correctness gone overcharged? No. It's common sense.

It's using a disability, a legitimate disability, and turning it into an insult. Turning it into something that has to be defended, something offensive, and forcing people who advocate for people who are mentally retarded to have to educate and fight incorrect stereotypes such as what's running rampant in this thread and in other threads. The same thing happens with Autism. I see if every day.

It has nothing to do with the actual word and EVERYTHING to do with intent. There are still many people who use it in a derrogagory way, like "don't be retarded" which I DO find offensive. My 9 year old knows that to say that ranks up there with the F bomb in this house---and in his life!
That's why it has shocked me when it's been used on this site in the way I described...by adults...

I am offended when people use it as an insult, or to say something is "retarded" instead of "stupid"....

I work with special needs students in a local middle school.... and just hate to see someone call someone else a "retard".....

I don't like hearing it used as a derogatory term. Just plain ol rude to say that "this game is R" or "this movie is so R" or "You are such a R!"

If a parent is saying 'My child is retarded' I think nothing of it, unless of course there is a rudeness/annoyedness to his/her tone of voice. If a doctor/counselor is saying it, no big deal. It's just when un-educated people use it as a 'bad' or 'rude' word does it rub me the wrong way.

Heard a comedy skit on tv. Made me laugh. Went something like this: "If someone is late for Special Ed, I don't believe it is politically correct to call that person tardy."

I respect it and recognize that it has valid meaning and use in our language. I also don't mind it being used derogatorily, because the word literally means late or slow. We apply it to mental and social development, and in some areas, I believe that I encounter people who are at least a little retarded in those areas. I don't believe that it makes fun of those who have actually been diagnosed.

I don't use it, mainly bc of the negative connotations associated with it. I either say Downs Syndrome (if that's the case), or Special Needs (which seems to cover more).

I also grew up using retarded in place of stupid. It's a hard habit to break. Whenever I saw the label "fire retardant" I had a mental image of someone spraying it on an angry fire only to turn it into small bumbling idiot fires, that stumbled about until they accidentally doused themselves in the toilet or cat's water bowl. It never failed to give me the giggles.

I'm a horrible person. =/

I find it offensive when someone uses it as a slang word, to call someone's actions retarded.

I worked in that field for over 13 years and find that many of the people I worked with get their feeling hurt by hearing anyone using that word.

So I do not allow it.

I don't like it when it's used in a derogatory sense... There are a myriad of words I would like people to stop using in a negative sense.. Retarded is one of them , followed by redneck and or white trash.. the list goes on... really, it's the intent behind words that counts... hey can't we all get along :) hahah

If the term is being used appropriately it is fine - like in your daughters case - it is her diagnosis so it is being appropriately used.

When used as a slang or a put down etc. it is NOT ok and I am offended by it. There's a girl I work with that whenever there is something she disagrees with she says "it's so retarded" and so far I've kept my cool from going off but I feel like one day I'm going to lose it on her!!!

It is not allowed in our house, and my kids are aware of why.

I used to say it all the time, but have become much more sensitive to it in the last 2-3 years. My husband still says it a lot and I cringe every time. I've asked him a couple of times not to but, as you said, old habits are hard to break. I actually said it myself a couple of days ago for the first time in a loooong time, and I felt really guilty!

I don't really care for it. For the past few years, I guess more like 10 probably, I have actually tried to remove it from my vocabulary, except of course for it's dictionary definition. I think it is hurtful and if I were the mother of a retarded child I wouldn't want it thrown around like that. I don't necessarily get offended when I hear it used by someone else, but I do sometimes cringe, especially if it gets used over and over in the course of a conversation.