Terrible Two's....AGGGHHHHHHHH!

I would sit my MOM down and explain about baby proofing the childs room....it's not just about protecting MOM's fragile things but what the hell is more important then protecting her GRANDCHILD...

Next time you are out buy the house enough of those baby proofing thingies for the elec. sockets and install them.
If Mom still objects to them....call upon her close friends or relatives to TALK some sense into her and as she pulls them out...YOU put them back in and be firm about it.

I tend to think until the childs room is completely safe for her....it would be safer for her to stay with the crib...at least she's not yet climbing out of it and at least until she reaches that stage, she's safe while in her room.

My heart goes out to you with facing back surgery. I too have a back from hell and was told I need surgery. My attitude about it was and still is....maybe in my next life. I've been told it's a painful and long recovery process and may not be successful. So after I finished my physical therapy process, ((((learning how and how not to use my back)))) I found a Pilates studio that has Pilates machines and a great instructor...my physical therapist and pilates instructor talked and I signed myself up for 2 classes a week. They started me off slow and now 4 years later I'm doing level 3 and 4 exercises. I can now even do some of the same exercises without the machines on a mat. I'm not saying these gentle exercises cured me or would work for everyone, but along with pacing my physical chores and going to class... it's REAR now when my back hurts. The exercises have made my mussels strong enough to protect my back...not to mention it has corrected my posture. If you like, Google "Pilates" to read more about it...especially about the history of it and "John Pilates" who invented it along with the machines he built to make the exercises pleasant and easier to do.

In terms of your little girl's fuss about bed time, know little ones go through so many stages and it all takes alot of patience without back pain so you must be finding this so hard.

Does she take a nap that's to close to her bed time?? Or maybe she's to active and excited right before her bed time??? Make sure she's not eating stuff with suger in it before bed time....

Among all the things you have tired to settle her down at bed time, have you tried staying in the room with her until she actually falls asleep??? Maybe move a chair close enough to the crib for your comfort...put her in and hold her hand,or pat her and talk softly to her...let her know you are there or maybe even hold her in your arms until she falls asleep before putting her into the crib. I don't think it's a good idea that once you put her into the crib, she should be taken out again...
I have friends who take their little one for a car ride right before bed time which knocks him out for the night....So I tend to think it's the movement or the sound of the motor that does it for him. Maybe try rocking her and playing either some soft music or some talk program on a radio.

Hi!

I speak french, so sorry in advance for my english! I had the same problem with my little girl, I have tried all recipes: big voice, sweet voice and try to explain that all will be all right, and so on... the first time she falled asleep alone was when I put her in her bed and take that like a game: I was enthousiasm and sayed (in french) "he little girl, we will play a new game: trying to go to bed and sleep by yourself, we will see and ..... oh! I dont believe it, but it was ok, she dont cry like if I disapeared in the ocean!

But she has sometimes problems to go alone to bed, but now it's quite ok, I read a story, we speak about what happened on the day and then I stay five minutes with her and she fall asleep....

So you can try to be happy with her when she went to bed, instaed of that, she will believe that going to bed is something not fun to do. Sometimes I say: oh it's so good to have a rest, or things like that.

Good luck!

S.

How long is your daughter napping during the day? I would cut back on her nap, so she's very tired at the end of the day. And then start a routine that you plan to do every night... and stick with it. I would not transition her to a bed until you have a bedtime routine that works. My son was hard too, but then I cut back his nap and then like clockwork, we bathed, brushed teeth, went potty, read several books and then laid him down. Those first few nights that he fought it, he would cry and I would stand next to the crib, rubbing his back or some kind of comforting him, but never taking him out of his crib. And because he was already tired, he fell asleep after not too much of a meltdown (first night took 30-45 minutes though), but it got easier each night. Now he's in a bed and and some nights it takes awhile because he wants "one more book" but he knows the routine and it works.

I remember those days... Have you tried giving her some warm milk in her bottle or can she drink out of a sippy cup. I would also tried to get her in a routine. I would turn on some soft bedtime music, warm milk helped my little ones, keep the tv downstairs low, start early. Like right after dinner time. It takes a few days but it will work. You have to be patient!! But start right away and stick to it and within a few days she will get it. Put in the covers for the outlets, explain to your mom you need to move certain things out of the room to pervent them from getting broken or put them into a closet and remind your little one that those things are Grammas not hers. You will be surprise how these little angels understand more then we think. You have to explain to your "loving" family that you need some help in getting your little one to bed and that you respect their home but you really would appreciate them helping you out until your little angel can get into a routine. I wish you the best!

I can only guess that "THE STRONG WILLED CHILD" by Dr. James Dobson might help.

A.- my daughter did the same thing! It is very hard, but you can't give in to her nighttime demands. Once she is in bed (make sure you have her go to the bathroom, give her a drink, etc. BEFORE you put her to bed!), tuck her in, and tell her goodnight, you must resist going back in-her headbanging WILL stop- especially when she realizes that you won't respond to it and it is only hurting her! It was sooo hard, but it doesn't last if you are consistant about your bedtime routine, and stick to your guns about not going back in!!!Really!
As for childproofing, I'd talk to your mom- she cannot possibly object to the safety of her grandchild!?!

I understand your pain...I live with my in-laws and you can't always change everything, BUT the bedroom must be safe....have a sit down and tell them your concerns, they will understand....you have to leave her in there unattended and it needs to be safe...you can only prevent accidents...put a lock on the closet...whatever. In reguards to the head banging... as long as it works she'll do it...and she won't really hurt herself( I've had headbangers)...it will pass. Your parents want to help, that is why you are there...they love you and they want your child safe...stay strong, some thing need to be sacraficed but safety isn't one of them.

Why wouldn't your mom agree to making the room safe for your toddler? Is it possible to block the closet and secretary and still put outlet protectors in and various other saftey gear?

Do you have a set bedtime ritual? This really helped me (I have 25 mo b/g twins). Settng the stage to go to sleep helps them prepare for what's to come. She may not be mentally ready to go to sleep! I also found that putting them down to sleep when they are drowsy helps too. If I just drop them in and they are not ready- they get creative on what to do to keep me there & not go to sleep. I get them ready by either reading books (two at most!) or sitting quietly with them in a chair in their room & talking about the day and what to expect for the next day. Then I tell them it's time to go to sleep.

I recommend keeping your daugter in a crib for at least 6 more months. That will help with your babyproofing issue. If she starts to climb out- you can get an inexpensive crib tent to keep her in (for her safety). I will keep my kids in the cribs as long as I can!

A., your child is at an age that she desperately wants to prove her autonomy (by saying 'no', etc). Give her choices and decisions to make (you offer her 2 things that you know are ok), and she will be a happier child when she gets to do what "she wants". Try to avoid power struggles because it will just escalate.

It is not that expensive to child proof the room with outlet covers and cabinet locks. Go to Home Depot.

Good luck...from a "Terrific Two's" teacher and mom.

A....my daughter just turned 2 and was doing a lot of similar things. She just wanted our attention and we didn't know what to do. What seems to be working now is that we go through a regular bedtime routine: brush teeth, pjs on, read a book, sing a song, pray and then down for night-night. When we lay her down she immediately pops up and cries for us, "I need you". My heart breaks...if I leave the room she gets absolutely hysterical but if I pick her up, this whole thing could go on for hours. We started sitting in the room with her. I would either sit or stand by her door and look down. I will firmly tell her once that it was time for night-night and that I would stay with her until she was asleep. The first several nights she would cry and carry on for a LONG time. Sometimes I would physically have to stop her from trying to climb out or from throwing things out of her crib but I would not pick her up for cuddles. Once she realized that I was not going to pick her up, she started settling down faster and now I only stay for about 5 minutes. By that time, she is asleep or so tired that even if she does cry when I leave, it doesn't last too long. She doesn't get herself all worked up anymore because she knows that I won't respond and she also is assured that I am there with her even if I won't hold her. This is working for me, but I know that every child is different. All the best. J.

I have a toddler, and she is smart as a whip and spirited. Your daughter is frustrated. Are you expirencing stress, depression, lonliness? She can feel that, and she is acting out. You need to get your life together, because I an assure you with no doubt the stress you are dealing with is going directly to her. She can feel and sense it in you.

One writer lists sleep, she definately needs atleast 12 hours at night and 1-2 hour nap.

Put a gate at the steps, that solves the problem of her running around.Or shut the doors so she can go upstairs all she wants, there will be nothng to do. DO NOT change her bed until you get her stress under control.

My daughter threw 2 tantrums, and that was it. She doesnt do them anymore, and if she starts I nip it in the bud. I am proud of my parenting, and I know by NO means it makes me qualified to give advice, I know it worked for me and several others who tried this way.

When she starts to yell at you, look her in the eye and tell her not to yell at you. Speak to her in clear, english. If she yells again take her face to make her look at you and tell her you are not going to be yelled at and walk away. Each time she follows and yells walk out of the room, and tell her periodically when she sits down and calls your name quietly you will come to her and talk to her. Tweak as you need. Tantrums, they are nothing but a product of frustration, tiredness, and hunger. Being 2 she cannot voice her needs too clear, so you need to eliminate 2 things, is she hungry or tired. Kids need to have a HEALTHY snack every few hours between meals. Not too much sugar or you just stoke the fire.

When the throws herself around, tell her she is acting like a little baby and walk away. She will FIGURE out that a tantrun is not working, and why yell and scream when she has noone to put a show on for. She will stop, and if she doesnt with no one in the room,after a minute or so, and does this often, you need to get her evaluated for any psycholigical problems.

For the house, comeon A., put in some outlet covers and be firm about the boundries where your child can and cannot go. She will be able to understand you, and if you need too but on cabinet child locks. You are the parent, and you are letting your child control you. Take the initiave and your house or mothers, you need to control with loving and firm attention. Make sure your daughter is NOT bored, and not infrom of a TV more than an hour or 2 a day. Science or no, I have yet to see an intelligent kid who watches a lot of TV. Stimulate her, color with her, play those parental mind numbing games of the baby wipe she is so amused by when you put it on your nose. You can do this, and if you establish calm playing patterns, when you have your surgery you will be able to play with her while resting and taking it easy and she will not be stressed at a change in your situation. You can do this, but it will take all of you (parents included) to take an active and firm teaching and dicipline parental role.

Hi A.,
One thing that used to work for me was for me to bring my own book in to the room and just sit quietly with a night light and do my own reading. Baby can have some board books and read in her crib - with the rule of no talking - no sounds! Like quiet time. You can see who falls asleep reading first.. of course you can fein sleep, or actually take a nap.

looks like you've gotten alot of helpful ideas for bedtime... how is it going?

another suggestion at this age is to give your daughter 2 options that are BOTH okay with you... for example, do you want to wear red or pink pajamas? (show them to her) or do you want juice or milk to drink? this gives toddlers a sense that they have some control over their life... and increases their confidence...and it cuts down on tantrums.

i agree wholeheartedly with having a consistent bedtime routine... sounds like she needs help winding down. we have alot of issues with sleep in our dd... and the best advice i got, was "sleep begats sleep". try longer naps (i would say no more than 2 1/2 hours) and earlier bedtimes.

i hope things are getting better.

HTH

If she can not get out of her crib leave her in there as long as you can. It will make your life much eaiser until you get her to understand bed time is bed time. As far as the tantrums first check on her make sure she is ok then let her cry I promise she will eventually stop. She knows that you will keep coming in her room and she will not stop until you set up a routine that you control not her. At first it will be hard but before you know it she will be sleeping all night. Then down the road transition to a todler bed.Let you family know that you have to change this routine now or her behavior will just contiue.

Childproofing is NOT NEGOTIABLE.....
simple, easy, slam-dunk.....it must be done.

Good luck dealing with your Mom...but you MUST...

I totally understand. my son will be 2 in april and he pitches a fit when you tell him he needs a new diaper-IM WITH YOU ON THE CRAZY.

can you pull her crib away from the wall??? when my son discovered the light switch (that was before he figured out dropping the side of his crib so his mattress is now on the floor making bedtime here fun.) we would just pull his bed into the middleish of the room so he couldnt get at anything.

I say you should keep her in her crib. AS LONG AS YOU CAN!!!! my son used to go to bed at 7pm now he plays untill he passes out in the middle of the floor at 830/9.

i hope this has helped,
K.

She is going to bed too late. By the time you put her down she is exhausted and wild. Start the process at 7. Have a calming routine and put her to bed. Walk out of the room and that is it. She is manipulating you and getting away with it. She needs much more sleep than she is getting. I would continue the afternoon nap also. My son just turned two and has no problems. He is very well rested - sleeps 7 to 7 and a 2 hour nap. I firmly believe that part of the "terrible twos" situation is due to the child not getting enough asleep and than they act out.

Your mother is very ignorant. Your daughter must live in a child proof home.