Teacher Child Relationship

Updated on March 12, 2008
A.G. asks from Port Charlotte, FL
16 answers

This year my husband and I made a choice to change our daughter (10), 4th grade, from the school she has attended her whole life. When she was as young as 3 I dragged her in for classroom partys with her older sister. Everyone always knew who she was. I was the PTO president there for 4 years. This school was destroyed in Hurricane Charley, we were on split schedule while she was in first grade, sharing a campus with another school. Then we were in a portable campus until our new school was built. We made the choice to more her because this was not her doned school since the hurricane and we lost our house. My in laws have a family business and my father in law had some medical problems which recquired me to go back to work full time. It is very hard to have 2 full time jobs so I resigned as PTO president. The move was to make it easy for me, blend in where nobody knows your name. With all that being said my daughter got the meaniest teacher possible this year. She has seemed to have it out for my daughter since the beginning of the year. I did not come to this opinion by just listening to my daughter. I have had lunch with her and talked to other students, I have volunteered in the classroom and talked to support staff, and other parents. After I really began to see that it was not just my daughter I had repeated mettings with the teacher to try to discuss the way my daughter was feeling and how I thought this teacher could help the transition be a little smoother. When this did not seem to be working, I chose to get administration involved. We had a conference with the principal, and then a second follow up meeting. Things seemed to be getting better. Than my daughter got in the car after school and said my teacher greabbed me by the face and wanted to see in my mouth. How would other parents respond? I don't want to over react. I also don't want to do everything for my daughter?

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone who responded. I went to our principal and compplained. He was very polite and offered to move her to a different class. He explained in detail that she was in the advanced class and the class that he would move her to would not be the advanced class. He also said he could not gurantee that this teacher would not have contact with my child, because kids go to lunch, recess, sand other activitys at the same time based ob there grade. At this point I went to the school board to try to get her school changed. Although it was a lengthy process, and my child missed 3 days of school, we got her back into the school she had attended for previous years. She went to school today and seems excited to go back on Monday. Thank you again to all who made me feel like I was making the reght decision.

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A.T.

answers from Lakeland on

A.,
I know transitions are very difficult for kids and getting the right teacher/school is key to making the change go smoothly. Are you sure this is the right school? Any other choices? I know you don't want to OVER-react, but I absolutely think you need to REACT! I am very concerned that the teacher touched your daughter in this manner. I read your posting and got all worked up. I would march down there today and get this dealt with. A teacher has NO right to "grab" your daughter's face. This is completely unacceptable. You are your daughter's advocate...how you react to this will send a loud message to your daughter about your love for her. Find out the details and get to the bottom of this asap. Be careful with your words, they speak volumes to your daughter about how people should and are allowed to treat her both now and in her future. This is completely disrespectful and this is a perfect opportunity to show your daughter how a difficult situation can be handled gracefully. It sounds like this teacher has some issues and I (being overprotective by nature and having high expectations of those interacting with my child) would never allow my child to be her class. School should be a time of nurturing education. Kids have enough to deal with just getting along with other kids, following all the rules, listening closely, paying attention, learning new skills, taking tests,etc... they need to know that their teacher is a good person they can count on, not a threat. Good luck...hope my ranting and raving helps. I am very passionate about my kids and expect only the best for them. Life gives each of us enough curve balls, I will not tolerate a bad teacher, they spend so much time with our kids that they MUST be held to a high standard.
A.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.G.

answers from Tampa on

First and foremost, you must ask yourself whether your child had ever complained about a teacher before in this manner...if not, and your child is normally a well behaved honest kid, there is a problem. Second, why was she wanting to see in her mouth? was she chewing gum and it isn't allowed in school?? Third, no one should be touching your child irregardless. Asking a child to open their mouth to look in should be sufficient. A good example is that I myself as a child had a horrible teacher in the third grade... very mean. Not just to me but several in the class. She had her favorites. No one would believe me or the other kids - she was a horrible person. I have never forgotten how she treated us. Please keep that in mind. I was a good kid too and never had a problem before or after this teacher. Good luck! bring it to the principles attention...

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C.W.

answers from Punta Gorda on

A.,
I am sorry your daughter has to go through this. This teacher should be reported, again. She should never of touched your daughter. Are you at Deep Creek? (I have a daughter in second grade there. I don't want her getting that teacher.) Learning in this kind of enviroment must be difficult for your daughter and her peers. This teacher might be doing the same to other children. Some children don't tell their parents or some parents tell their children they are over reacting. I would tell the school they need to switch teachers for my daughter. Maybe threaten to go to the school board. This teacher should be investigated. If they do not, I would recommend contacting the School Board and maybe bring this up at the SACS meeting. Good Luck! C.

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P.N.

answers from Tampa on

1) Find out if your daughter had placed anything harmful in her mouth. Ask the child. Ask the teacher is she thought she had.

2) Go to admin and request that your child be placed in a different classroom immediately. If they refuse, inform that that you are going to call the area director for your zone.

3) look on the districts website, determine which zone your school is in, call the Area Director for your zone. Inform them of the problem, and on-going conferences with little change. Ask them to have the school switch your daughter to another teacher.

Don't be afaid to step on toes here. I teach high school. I know the damage a "bad" teacher can cause in a child's academic career.

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K.J.

answers from Tampa on

Sorry to hear that your daughter has to deal with a teacher like that.You did everything right so far,but with the grabbing of her face ,that crosses the line in my book.In any means no teacher should grab a child like that.I would call the school board on that issue besides talking to the principal so that he/she can be aware of what took place.

A little about me I'm a SAHM of 3 boys 15,8,5.I'm married to a wonderful man for almost 8 years.He is a great father.

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L.M.

answers from Fort Myers on

Document everything that has happened with dates, times, witnesses, etc, and call a meeting with the principal and this teacher. Explain everything and demand that this behavior changes. If you have another incident that upsets your child, I would request a different teacher. The most important thing is to support your daughter and be her advocate. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING and good luck!
L.

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S.S.

answers from Tampa on

Gosh,
I am sorry to hear that. I have never been in a sticky situation like yours .. but if there is another classroom (the same grade), ask the Principal to transfer your child to that classroom. Go and meet the new teacher and explain your concerns before you move your daughter.

Also, file the complain against the first teacher in writing and keep a copy. Your child is most imp. to you .. so don't feel bad .. Go and ask for a classroom change .. if that is not heard by the administration, then you can complain to school board.

Take Care
S.

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K.H.

answers from Lakeland on

I dont care if the child set the school on fire and was caught holding the torch. NOBODY lays thier hands on your child but you. Everyone else should be considered improper behavior. They get away with that and the child thinks every touch is ok, especially the young. I would show your daughter you care and show that teacher you are on top of things.

Good luck.

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J.S.

answers from Naples on

I am a teacher and under no circumstances should a child's mouth ever be grabbed. The teacher should have asked her to open her mouth. If she thought the child was in trouble then she could of started emergency steps and a report of some kind should of been filed. For example in our school each time a child goes to the nurse a copy is sent home to the parent.

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K.T.

answers from Fort Myers on

A., I was a school bus driver for many of year and the number one rule is you never touch a child evening if there in a fight with another you call the proper authority to dill with it, She has valated your daughter and was wrong to do so she need to be reported there are why teacher and bus driver are to handle thing and have been taught too. She has clearly step over the line and needs to be reported. There are no reason what soever that she sould of done what she did even if she thought your child had gum or ect... in her mouth if she asked your daughter to open and let her see and your daughter didn't she sould of set her to the office. If your daughter is not the only child being treated this was get a pettion sign by other parent and take to the principle.

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M.F.

answers from Sarasota on

She should not be touching your child unless your child is a threat to her own safety, or the safety of others. This does not sound like it meets those criteria. Request a room change.

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T.C.

answers from Tampa on

When my son was in second grade his teacher didn't like him! When he used to cry and say she was mean we tried to reassure him until we had the first parent teacher conference! WOW! She didn't have one nice thing to say about him! He talked too much,too disruptive in class,seat got moved all over the class, wasn't reading at second grade level(after just 6 weeks in second grade). We realized she had some serious issues with life and kids. We went straight to the principals office and he was moved the next day! He ended up with one of the best teachers he ever had who reassured us he was just being a boy and all kids his age are eager for attention. He's now in 8th grade and is in advanced and honors classes. Some teachers are in the wrong profession. Change teachers ASAP.

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S.D.

answers from Lakeland on

I hate to hear that you & your Daughter are going through thus. Most likely your Daughter is not the first or only that she has treated in thus. Nor will she be the last if administration does not do something about her.
I can understand your not wanting to overreact so I am wondering if there was a valid reason for this. (tho I cant think of one but maybe she thought your Daughter was carrying a bomb in her mouty. lol)
First I would find out the background and give her a chance to explain if there was a valid reason. Then I see you with a couple of different options. Administratrion may want to be involved. Is it possible for her to return to her original school?
Good Luck on this one as it is a rough one. I personally do feel that something has to be done to stop her!

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B.P.

answers from Tampa on

Dear A., One of my children had a teacher who did not like him. We were unaware of it for a long time because he was convinced that if he said anything to us he would get in trouble. He went from a happy "A" student to a young man that struggled through the rest of his school career. It turned out that his desk was in the corner of the classroom for a quarter of the school year. She claimed she tried to reach us, but I was a SAHM. Don't want to terrify you, but that said I will never allow any of my children to stay in a classroom with a teacher who does not like him and allows the other students to know that. The advice given above is right on.
As parents we should be aware that all teachers simply can't love all children. Some they can't even like. I guess there just isn't a venue for the teacher to say "this child should be in a different class" without making him or herself look bad. We don't need to get hysterical or threaten, just say "look, you can't love 'em all, let's just get my child into a different class." IF the administration does not go for it, but is rigid, then you know that this isn't the school that cares about the needs of your child or your desires for her. Good luck.

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S.G.

answers from Tampa on

NO ONE has the right to grab a child's face in that manner. I would calmly confront the teacher and let her/him know that this will not be tolerated and file a formal complaint. I think all of our children will at some point have to deal with a mean or unfair teacher, but physical attack should never be tolerated.

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V.

answers from Tampa on

Wow! This is nonsense. That teacher has absolutely no right to touch your child. It sounds like you have taken all of the appropriate steps; and the school administration is failing you & your daughter. Your child has every right to feel comfortable and safe (if not loved & appreciated) in her classroom. Perhaps you can have her moved into another class? I'm happy that you're being a pro-active mom. You are certainly not over-reacting. If you don't watch out for your precious daughter, who will?

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