Issues with My Child's Teacher

I believe that teachers ALWAYS deserve the benefit of the doubt. She deserves the right to a discussion with you before going to the principal.

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Have you spoken to the teacher? That must be the FIRST thing you do. Sure you can go to the principal but I can guarantee the first thing they will ask you is "Have you spoken with the teacher?". The knee-jerk reaction is to run to the principal and 'take it to the top, kicking and screaming', but that really isn't the best way to handle the situation. After all, your kid is going to be in this school for a while right?

There was a similar posting a few weeks ago on this, and I gave pretty much the same advice.

You absolutely need to talk with the teacher first. I know our little darlings are always 100% truthful...but you need to schedule a time to talk with the teacher (face-to-face if at all possible) and open with "I'm a little concerned about some things my son has been telling me." Lay it all out there and then give her a chance to respond without interrupting, getting defensive, or trying to figure out what you want to say next. Her response will tell you everything you need to know and/or do regarding the situation. It is absolutely quite possible that she is in over her head and does not know how to effective manage a classroom. If you get this impression or if you are not satisfied with the results of the meeting THEN you need to go to her supervisor or the principal. Just remember that right now you are only getting half the story - while it may be true that she is doing the things that your son says she is doing (in which case, that would be grounds for taking things to the next step), it's also possible that your son might also be exaggerating. I'm not saying your son is a liar and this is not happening, but you need to listen to both sides of the story and then decide how you want to act.

2 moms found this helpful

I am a second grade teacher and I agree with the other poster that said talk with the teacher first. I agree with you about the lunch issue, so I would ask her about that.
I also agree with the other posters about kids exagerating. I find it hard to believe that she would "grab his neck". She may have redirected him in line and touched his hood. The more you act in shock, the more your child will tell a story. Good luck to you and your son. I hope he can learn to love first grade...it's a great year!

2 moms found this helpful

As a teacher, I say, approach her directly and non-confrontationally. Ask for a meeting to express your concerns and find out her side of the story.
As a program administrator, I'd say, try to talk to the teach er first, but if she avoids you or dismisses you, go directly to the Principal.

As a parent, I found the best defense for such situations was a great defense. Join the PTA or Local School Council, whatever it may be called at your school. Then make sure your face is seen in the building regularly. Volunteer to help inthe classroom for storytime or recess, etc. This gives you a chance to see for yourself what's happening and then if and/or when you need to talk to the teacher or principal, you enter the conversation as an ally.

Beyond this, if you can't do teh above but had/have a good relationship iwht the kindergarten teacher, approach her for guidance.

Good luck.
About Me: Married mother of 3; ages 7, 5, 2.5. Teacher/educator for 12 years, PTA for 3 years

1 mom found this helpful

WC--Have you talked with the teacher? I recommend you make an appointment to speak with her. Speaking at the dismissal time won't allow you the time you need to ask about the incidents. Group punishment and denying lunch is not appropriate punishment at this age. If that yields no success, then I would urge you to talk to the principal. A good way to start the conversation is to say,"I need your help understanding something." Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

That is absolutely NOT normal behavior for a teacher. And you should expect her to be buddies with them. These are little kids that need to be comfortable with their teacher.

I learned the hard way with my son's first grade teacher. He was a model student the year before and in preschool. He gets this teacher that during conferences admitted to us that, "I just don't know how to handle little boys, why in the world would he play army". It's a long story...but guess what, this year he is back to being the model student because he has a great teacher.

You really need to have a sit down with the principal and discuss her behavior. She never has a right to touch your child unless he's in a dangerous situation and should in no way ever miss lunch because of one student. There are rules set in place to deal with a child's behavior that doesn't involve punishing the whole class.

1 mom found this helpful

I know you have already received a ton of responses, but I have to chime in: meet with your teacher and make sure you take notes. Approach the meeting as a partnership - tell her that your kid is a great kid and you want to make sure that the year is successful. Tell her you will reiterate school rules at home. Then you need to be clear about your expectations - whether they include daily check ins from her on email or an email when there is a classroom issue or something to address with your own child. Tell her what you need in order to help your child be successful in her class. You are the best advocate for your son! Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

WC:

Issues with teachers can be especially tricky for the parent, the teacher and the child. It's best to begin by listening to your child and providing empathy about "how that made them feel."

The next step is to get to know the teacher. You don't want to begin your relationship with the teacher in a "He Said/She Said" atmosphere. Rather, you want to ask questions about their philosophy of education, how you can help them with your child, requesting information on any issues they see with your child. Find out how they would prefer to handle concerns that you and/or your child might have about events that happen in class, on the playground and in the halls.

Only after you've begun the conversation and established the ground rules will you know best how to address your child's concerns.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

As a woman doing her student teaching position right now, i'm writing to try to help. I'm also a mother of two teenagers. Did this teacher send you a letter at the beginnng of the school year concerning her classroom management style? how she handles things throughout the day? her philosophy on her teaching? In that letter there should have been a clear explanation as to the steps she will be taking in dealing with disruptions. Also, You MUST set up a conference with this teacher. Calmly, politely discuss with her (i know that can be hard!) your concerns about what is going on in the classroom. If you walk in there mad that will send up her defenses! Stress how important it is for young children to eat and nourish themselves for a good day at school. Also ask her about what behavior plan is being set up for "John." "John" seems to be effecting the class's education and hence, your son's education and you would like to see some improvement. Then ask about the neck thing. Stress to her that you don't want your child hurt in ANY way. If after your conference with the teacher, you still don't feel right, if the conference didn't go well, or if afterwards, the climate still doesn't improve. Then go to the principal. IF the conference did not go well, when you get home, take careful notes. Write down, as exactly as possible, what was said, who said what, her body language, demeaner, etc. This will help you with your principal meeting. First grade is a tough year for kids; for some its the first time being away from home all day, its a whole new set of routines and a lot of rules. There should be some fun. THere has got to be a little softness in a teacher in a room full of 6 year olds. (note: i have taught 1st graders - God Bless 'em. I'm going to be looking for a job in junior or high school!) Good luck! And remember you are the advocate for your son! He has a lot of education to go to yet and you don't want him hating it already!!!!!!

1 mom found this helpful

I would talk to the principal and tell him that you want to set up a meeting with him/her and the teacher to address the issues. Don't just "talk" to the teacher, the principal needs to be aware of the situation. I would also try to talk to other parents regarding and just say "how are things going with your kids" "How does your child like their new teacher." You don't have to tell your issues, just get a feel for what is going on in the class. Set up a meeting- these things are unacceptable and need addressed. The teacher sounds like she is bully the "john" and having the kids do so to by taking their lunch time away. Speak up!!

1 mom found this helpful

Dear W C,

I'm on the school board with my school and our policy is to take the issue up with the teacher one on one. Without you child present. So make an appointment and call her out on these issues. If it doesn't get resolved this way you will need to bring the administrator/principal into the picutre. No child should be scared of his/her teacher. Really make that appointment and good luck.
Jenn

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As a veteran teacher (16 years), I can honestly say it's so nice when a parent contacts me first before he/she goes directly to the principal. We really try to stress that at my school. Our principal has an open door policy, but it's nice to follow the chain of command. I'd start with her. If she doesn't give you an adequate response, then by all means, contact the principal ASAP. I know we have e-mail at our school and occaisonally a parent will e-mail me and cc: the administration.

And honestly, while experience is fantastic, I have worked with 1st year teachers who are incredible and veteran teachers whose classroom management skills leave a lot to be desired.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I know this may be a hard pill to swallow, but it sounds like your son might be the "John" he is always referring to. I would encourage you to put aside your judgment of the teacher until you can have a conference with her and find out what has been going on with your son's performance in class. Ask her if she has had any behavior problems from your son. Ask her if your son been paying attention in class. She may have gotten the impression you didn't like her when school started and so she just looked uncomfortable around you. It could be your son has picked up on your disapproval of the teacher and is giving her a hard time. It is tough being a teacher and being new to the profession can be difficult enough without disruptions in class.

Just a thought.

1 mom found this helpful

I use to be a teacher before I became a SAHM and I saw some teachers of young children act in horrible ways towards the children....it is a tough situation, my gut advice would be to have a talk with the teacher without being too confrontational.....you want to be on good terms with the teacher because you do not want her to take out any ill feelings towards you on your child. I would just set up a meeting and address your concerns and see what her rationale is....being a second year teacher, she mighht actually appreciate the feedback. And as a teacher, it can be overwhelming at times, especially in the beginning of the year, so she may just be getting into a routine and the environment may become more comfortable as the year goes on....but do not wait to tell her what your concerns are...first grade should be a good experience and teachers should build children's spirits and curiosity, not break them down. Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Oh My Goodness! I taught first grade for many years and mentored many a new teacher. Trust me - this woman is not a typical first grade teacher! I first would approach the teacher with a list of concerns (call her, or just make an appointment to go in and talk in person). Maybe it was a bad day, or a one time incident. Maybe John needs to be dealt with individually, maybe there is a personality difference btwn the teacher and your con, but you won't know her side until you talk with her.
NOW, If you do not get a response you like, go straight to the principal. Teachers do not have tenure in their second year of teaching, and if she is not cut out for the profession, better that she know now.

1 mom found this helpful

Go and talk to the principal. He/she may have no idea what is going on and this way she can observe the teacher. This is no way for a teahcer to behave especially the lunch part. I would be furious. We have a great principal with an open door policy you just need to make them aware.

What school is this?? I will be sure to not go there... Thanks!

Hi WC,

Please schedule a meeting with this teacher and/or principal as soon as possible. This behavior is disrupting your child's ability to enjoy first grade and/or may be discrupting his ability to learn the necessary 1st grade skills.

In defense of the teacher, she may be overwhelmed wth ths behavioral problem and is managing that to the detriment of your son and children. However, as advocate for your child, it is necessary to root out the problem and get either the teacher or the disruptive child some help. Do not let this type of behavior go on for another day.

You are absolutely correct in that Kindergarted/1st Grade Teachers set the stage for children to like or hate school. Dealing with behaviorial situations that disrupt the classroom are teacher/administrative issues that should be addressed accordingly. Also, possibly mention this to a few other parents in your sons' classroom to see if they are experiencing any of these same issues.

If so, this will make a case for the Teacher/Principal/Parents to handle the situation accordingly and quickly.

Having experienced this in my daughter's classroom, we were able to have the disruptive child removed and this in turn allowed the teacher to teach and not be stressed.

MLS

these are not appropriate things for a teacher to be doing. i would absolutely call her and calmly discuss your concerns with her. if you don't you will just sit and stew about it. maybe during the first call i would just discuss your three major concerns since you say you have more than what you mentioned. i would try to stay as positive as possible giving her the benefit of the doubt. after a few minutes on the phone you will be able to get a better idea of what happening at school. good luck.

You have to document these happenings (i.e. exact day) in an email and send it to both the Principal and Vice Principal. This is very serious and needs to be dealt with ASAP. If you have other mom friends in the class, voice your concern to them and see if they have heard any similar stories from their kids. Ask them to do the same: write the Principal and V.P. Also, while it may be awkward, schedule a meeting with the teacher and voice your concerns directly to her. She can't correct her behavior if she doesn't know she's causing harm. (And yanking a child by his hood is inappropriate. So is punishing the entire class and causing them to miss lunch.) If enough people voice their concern, action will be taken. Good luck!

It is possible the teacher needs to "adjust" to dealing with so many children at one time. Even when taking classes and doing their teaching for credits, they are not truly on their own. She may need a mentor and may not realize that she pulled the hood as your son says. As others indicate, it is possible that the pull was exaggerated but if the teacher was not very close, it is possible she grabbed what was available, though it was inappropriate. I would schedule time with the teacher and principle that way she can get the help she needs. Not to stand up for the teacher and not the child if it sounds this way. My kids had a teacher for 2nd grade that could not handle the kids in her classroom. She had a second teacher join and then she decided it was not meant to be because she could not handle it.

No teacher should treat children this way. Report her to the principal immediately. Let him know everything. He'll speak to her but you have to get these things on "record". No shcool administrator wants to hire teachers like that. Report every unfail deed she does or at least document them until you have a few to go to the principal with...you don't want to go him daily.

Could you ask any of the other mothers what their take on the situation is. Then if there are more of you, if you approach a higher official, principle, you be heard instead of blown off as an over protective mother. It sounds like this teacher needs some intervention fast before it gets too far into the school year and this becomes routine behavior. Good luck.

I just wanted to mention that with holding food is a violation of the law in IL schools and daycares. So I feel that issue must be addressed to the principal immediately.

N.

I can tell you from years of experience working in schools that kids today don't behave. It is very frustrating and sometimes teachers will take out their frustrations on someone that isn't really being a problem. Is that a good excuse? No. Unfortunately it is not the world we grew up in. I don't believe most parents even understand the pressure, frustration, and stress that is associated with trying to get kids to behave, pay attention, and follow directions these days.

I personally left the field. I left for various reasons, most importantly to raise my own children. One of the reasons was I'm a very strict disciplinarian and I have huge problems with children that don't know how to behave. I didn't do anything like you described because I could keep my emotions in check...but I internalized much of the stress I felt and it affected my health a great deal.

I don't believe that this teacher should ever put her hands on any student. A gentle hand on the shoulder to get someone's attention or praise a child is one thing...but no teacher should ever jerk a child by the hood or body part. She is really running the risk of a lawsuit and she needs to be notified of the dangers of her actions immediately.

I would make an appointment with the teacher and ask that a guidance counselor and an administrator be present. I would express your understanding that kids today do not often listen and the job can be very stressful, but you don't believe any teacher should physically grab a student.

Remember to be kind and calm...don't do anything to put her on the defensive. Try to be as understanding and compassionate about her stress as you can. That way she won't take her frustrations out on your son if she happens to be that kind of person. You will be letting her know in a kind way that you don't approve and you have notified her superiors of potential problems as well. She can defend herself or whatever with everyone present and there is no room for she said/he said.

If you can quietly, politely talk to other parents to see if there are any others concerned then you can all try to help her with any disciplinary issues.

I would also point out that you aren't against lunch time being used to discipline students, but after everyone has had a chance to eat first. She can require "Johnny" to stay in for his entire lunch period if that is what needs to be done. I don't believe she can cut into the time children are given to eat before they have had a chance to eat. I don't believe her principle knows this is happening.

I could go on and on, but I have a little man that wants to eat himself.

Please try to be understanding of the environment she is trying to work in. And understand she went to school for four years with grand ideas and she's probably finding that it isn't at all like she expected. She may someday need to find another line of work, but that takes time. As long as she's teaching required curriculam, then whether she's nice or not is not a necessary part of the job. It takes all kinds and your son will learn that soon enough.

Good luck!!!

Go in and speak with this first grade teacher immediately. Tell her in no uncertain terms is your child to go without his lunch on any day no matter what actions another child may take or even any actions your child may take that she dislikes. Also tell her she should NEVER touch your child or his clothing. Tell her your child told you that "his teacher hurt his neck today". If she doesn't apologize or agree, ask to speak with the teacher and the principal together immediately and straighten this out. If you don't nip this in the bud your child may develop a dislike for school and that is not something you want to happen. Also, remember to always go to bat for your child. As a parent you are your child's first line of protection and he should know you will always defend him -- especially a very young child such as yours. Good luck.

Hi WC,

I have total sympathy for you! We had the WORST experience with 1st grade last year and I made the mistake of allowing the teacher to have her way all year. I look back and wish I had had the nerve to take him out of the class and demand another teacher. Talk to the principal!!

SuperMommy

My advice would be to talk to the teacher. There could be more going on then what your son says. She may not realize there is an issue. Talking to her may solve this quickly. Express your concerns honestly.

1st thing you should do is talk to the teacher, if you don't get what you need from her, then you talk to the principal. I have four sons and have run the spectrum of good, bad and "no way they should be teaching". You have to be your child's advocate and speak up when something is going wrong. Otherwise you r child will start to show signs of stress and start to do poorly in class. You never know how many other children you might be saving by confronting this teacher.

I would have a little 'chat' with the principal. For all you know, your 'chat' may be one of several that have already taken place. If you know any of the other mothers from the class, you could ask about their experience. A group 'chat' with the principal is even more effective. This problem could affect your son's attitude towards school for a long time.
Good luck!
P.

As a parent of a third, kindergarten and preschooler it is so hard to hear or see unpleasant things happen to your child. I firmly believe, teachers are catergorized into Warm and Fuzzy or All Business. It sounds like your son's teacher is all business, traditional and strict - something you can not change. First, ask other parents if they share the same feelings with you. Do it in a discreet, professional manner. Try not to expose your feelings and opinions. Seek and uncover information through stories/experiences. If you receive similar feedback from other parents, schedule a parent/teacher conference so you may share your situation with the teacher. Explain to her what type of child you have, environments that he thrives in, information he has shared with you, his feelings about the teacher. Please stay away from sharing your feelings ABOUT the teacher WITH the teacher. It takes awhile from kids to transistion from summer to school. Typically, by mid-to end of October things start smoothing out. If things don't seem to be improving and you've had a parent/teacher conference, then speak to the principal. Right now, the issue is between you and the teacher. Bringing in the principal at the beginning will make the teacher very upset. Good luck.

I would ask to meet and talk to the teacher and share your concerns. Right now you just have your son's version of what happened....sometimes kid's versions are different than the teachers perspective.

Wow! That is pretty rough for only 1st grade. I know that there have been times when my kids class would all have to put their head down, but usually it was because of a few kids, and not just one. Sometimes they cant tell who it is for sure, or it is a whole bunch of kids and they will do this, but if it is just one kid, that seems extreme. And, about the teacher coming up from behind your son and yanking him by the hood because he was in the wrong line? That is not right and I would not be happy at all and especially since he told you she hurt his neck. I would not be happy and would probably go to the district. Well, maybe to the principal first and see if it can be handled that way first. With our principal, she did not do a thing usually so we would have to go right to the district. My son is in K this year and in a diagnostic K class for Autism and his teacher is great and her and I have become pretty good friends. If you want, I am going to be talking to her and I can ask her what her opinion is and what she would suggest. She would probably have some good ideas for you.
S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com

I hate to say it but I actually changed schools for things like that. My son at the age of six was sited for wearing gang colors. I had a hard enough time finding him any clothes because he was very big for his age. So he was sent home. How ridiculous. As if he or I had much choice. He threw a snowball and was kept inside at the age of six again for three weeks while everyone went out. I am not sure how that made any sort of a point. I took him to school every day myself, walked him into the classroom and I got a truancy note. Finally I asked the teacher to keep a calendar with the times he arrived so that wouldn't be an issue and she did until it mysteriously disappeared. There are thousands of other things that happened and the teacher just didn't seem to like him or perhaps any children I heard after I pulled him out that she went elsewhere. The point is, if you have a choice while he is little, although a hard decision, it might be the only one. I had to do a lot of thinking. He is now eighteen and a well adjusted handsome human being with good friends. That type of thing shouldn't happen but it does all the time. There are a lot of people in the teaching profession who really care and then unfortunately there are some who saw pictures of kids in a JC PENNY catalogue, thought they were cute and didn't think about what they were doing. Teaching is a profession that one must do because they love and care about the children. But all too often is forgotten. Perhaps you could even have his classroom changed. Talking to administrators or the teacher herself might work, but sadly as my experience proves it did not. The teacher did not see how important her contribution to our little one's life was. And that is what you want.

Hi WC,
I think you need to talk with your son's teacher about these isssues as soon as possible. He should be given the full amount of time to eat his lunch. I agree with you about the other child... "John". If the teacher keeps punishing all of the kids because of him, then there will be resentment and he my even start to bully them. It sounds like there is no positive reinforcement going on such as earning marbles for a popcorn party or such. That's too bad.

And... as far as yanking him out of line.... I would definitely address this issue to her and get her take on it. However, If you are already hearing similar stories like this from other parents, I would want to include the principal in the meeting. Your son should not have to worry about his teacher and how she reacts. I feel bad that he's had to deal with what he already has had to for a 6 yr. old... that's a lot. This is NOT normal behavior for a teacher. If she has personal issues, she needs to block them out of her mind and put on a good show for the kids. I LOVED being a teacher, and I will probably go back to it one day. I was always happy to be there to greet my students each morning. I hope she begins to smile for her students... it makes such a difference to children if they see that their teacher enjoys being with them.

Good Luck!

I would schedule a conderence with his teacher. If things do not change , then talk to the Principal.

I have a daughter who started first grade this year as well. When I have had some issues of my own this year, communication has really worked. I first started by writing friendly,tactful notes to the teacher. For example, I would write, "When I asked my son why he hadn't eaten his lunch, he told me that he did not have time. Can you elaborate on this to help me understand the situation?" Try to be nonthreatening and give the teacher a chance. Also try to address each issue immediately. If the teacher's answers don't satisfy you, or her behavior doesn't change(especially the hood situation!) I think the next step is a call to the principal. That way you have examples and a "case" to present him or her. My guess is that you are not the only parent with an issue.
Also, most teachers make their email addresses available. This another easy way to communicate. Thankfully, all my issues have been resolved with the teacher, but if they hadn't I would have proceeded to the principal. Hope this helps, as I am learning this year as well. :)

Hello,

I would go straight to the Principal - today - and express all (and the more) of what you told us all here. None of this can be tolerated, and having a psychology background, this age for your son is highly impressionable and can leave lasting effects on him and his feelings about school for the future. This teacher obviously has personal problems and has chosen the wrong profession. Don't let your son pay for that. And, if you know other Moms (or Dads) who are also aware of this situation in your child's classroom, there is always strength in numbers. Maybe a number of complaints can be filed to fix the problem more quickly? Good luck, let us know how it all shakes out:)

M. (p.s. in no way are you feeling unreasonably-if you don't look our for your child's welfare, who will?)

While you already have plenty of feedback I have to tell you this-my child went to quite a good public school in Chicago and many of the teachers used the punish the whole class method of discipline. I hated it and complained all the time about it. Obviously it is unfair and it makes the good kids wonder why the heck they are bothering being good. I also had the experience of having the Principal more interested in defending the teachers then solving the behavior probs. Fotunately there were many other good things about this school, but it is definitely an accepted practice. Parents should form groups that are involved and insist on discipline practices that we can all agree on. (easier said then done I realize.) You must talk to the teacher, but it will be an uphill battle I fear. Good luck to you, let us know what happens.

I would definitely report these issues to the principal. Just because she's a teacher it doesn't mean she's a good teacher. There are definitely ones out there that don't have any people skills or don't belong doing what they are doing. You are in charge of your child and it's up to you to make sure he is getting a good education and being treated with dignity at school. I would be there in a heartbeat straightening this woman out. Don't ever give up or let things go - fight for your child. This may normal behavior for her but it's unacceptable. Good Luck to you.

Go to the Principal's office today and get it straighten out because you don't want to involve the police.

No, absolutely not normal. In most instances, I would say talk to the teacher first, yet I would not hesitate to call the principal (yesterday) in this case. If you are having these concerns, imagine the concerns "John's" mom might have or really, any parent of a student in the class.

I am not sure where you are, but the kids here already rush for lunch--when I asked my first grader why she didn't finish her lunch last week she explained that she didn't have enough time. They really have to stay on task and just eat to get their meal down--any social time and they usually don't finish.

Really, I am just going to implore you to talk to the principal because I feel strongly as I type here...pulling the jacket is one thing--to the point it hurt your sons neck..even if it only hurt a little--not ok. You can pull a sweatshirt on the shoulder and non-verbally "encourage" a child to move to another spot--although still questionable...The tug to the point that his zipper hit his neck to hurt him is another (if that is how it happened)...it implies anger and discipline. Not a good combo for a teacher.

So, bottom line. Administrators don't always know. They may have an idea of what happens, but not really know. The administration needs to know.

Good luck

This is an issue you need to address right away. No child should be denied the right to eat their lunch, no matter what happened at their table. And no teacher should physically pull a child anywhere.
I would set up a meeting with her as soon as possible, or contact her via letter. Simply tell her that you just would like to make sure you're getting the whole story regarding what steps she takes to correct the behaior of the students in her class, because your son has brought up a few incodents that have raised some conscerns. Give her the benefit of the doubt, by giving her a chance to defend her actions. After you talk with her, if you still feel that its an issue and not a misunderstaning then you need to contact the principle.

Dear WC,

This letter to us moms was very disheartening for me to read. The first thing I would do is make friends with other childrens parents in the class. Then you can check with them on the stories that are coming home. Secondly, have a discussion with the teacher and if things don't change have a talk with the principal. You may have to remove your son to a different class all together if need be.

Good luck but stand your ground as a parent. I have two children one in 6th and the other in 4th. I am now just starting to have issues that started last year. So, be calm and do what needs to be done for your son.

H.

W C,
As a mother and a former first grade teacher, I am appalled at what your son's teacher is doing. If you have not already done so, you need to immediately speak to the administration. All principals should be concerned about this and he/she may not be aware that it is going on. When I was teaching, I had many an unruly child. Never once did I yank a child around.

I wish you quick resolution to this and I hope your child does not resent going to school after this.

B.

Hi! I feel you should go speak with the principal and/or teacher. I do agree that the other children should not be punished for "Johns" doings. Go in to speak with them with an open mind and hear what they have to say. It is good to check things out before it gets worse. If other issues keep coming up then you may have to show more concern over this issue. Maybe even check with some other parents from the classroom to find out if they have heard these stories also. Hopefully things will get settled calmly the first time around. It is not always good to be quiet about things, but remember to be calm and listen also. Good luck, I hope for the best.
J. J.

It's time for the principle to be informed of this. Gut feeling are usually right on.
Good luck.
N.-Nutrition Naturally
www.jp4ahealthieryou.com

Hello! I had a problem with my son at a preschool last year. You are in a tough spot because you want to make sure you do this in a way to get results but at the same time you don't want further harassment by the teacher to your son. As for your e-mail, all your concerns are valid. My suggestion would be to first send a very nice e-mail to the teacher and the principal raising your concerns. Go from the aspect of your son not eating lunch and concern that this "john" is hampering activies such as the need for lunch, what else is he disrupting in the classroom. Suggest that we are not only giving these children an education but we are setting examples for years to come. So although you are not stepping in on how to discpline "John" but you would like the message to your son to be that good behavior equates to reward and bad behavior means there are consequences. I did an e-mail like this and then followed up with a meeting between the teacher, myself and the administration. If this teacher seemed approachable than I would say approach her but I would say bring her boss into the picture. Also, if they ask why you didn't approach just the teacher than tell the sweatshirt story and say my son is scared of her and I wanted a paper trail if I have to take this farther. I know it sounds harsh but maybe making this lady a little fearful of you. Let her know who is in charge. Also, to clarify because this e-mail makes me sound like you need to be bitchy. Do all of this with a smile on your face! Good Luck. I know how frustrating this can be especially when you see this happening to your child.

I see a lot of people here taking your son's story at face value and recommending you go straight to the principal.

As a teacher, I can't tell you how many times I got angry calls from parents about what I supposedly did or said to their children... things that were completely incorrect or taken out of context. And these were high school students!

First graders, particularly those starting a new school year with a new and unfamiliar teacher, are not entirely credible witnesses. There may be a lot going on in your son's mind and what he's telling you, while genuine, may not represent reality.

I agree with the poster below who gave some more examples of what could really be going on. I find it hard to believe that the teacher is doing exactly what your son tells you. He's young and he's getting used to school.

My recommendation: Take a neutral tone with your son about the situation. You may even say, "I will talk to Ms. X about that." And then add, "Is there anything that you were doing that she's going to tell me about?" It is so important for your son's schooling future that you convey you and The School are of the same mind (even if you're not.)

Talk to the teacher in the excellent way others have suggested: "Help me understand what's happening." Do NOT go in defending your child's "side." Offer your help and assistance in whatever the teacher needs that you feel comfortable providing. Being that parent will not only let you in on information, it will also mean that the teacher will feel very comfortable working with you when it comes to your son. Do not pester the teacher daily with questions every time your son comes home with a story. Keep it friendly. I guarantee you will make that teacher an ally, and then your concerns are more likely to be addressed when they arise.

Only go to the principal if you are absolutely sure that the teacher is really doing the things that are reported. The principal is not going to take you seriously if you go running to them for every slight against your child. The principal has enough to do, and it often does not go against the teacher, but against the parents.

Yes, this may be a bad teacher. But more likely, it is a good teacher a little out of her depth at the beginning of the year with an imaginative bunch of first graders! All these responses about going directly to the principal and/or confronting the teacher with evidence from a six year-old are the reasons WHY there are bad teachers in the system -- because the good ones who care are run out by this attitude.

Hi,
It might be time to visit the class room, (maybe for lunch or is there something you can help out with?) just to make sure what your child says is true.
Sometimes, kids exaggerate. If you feel that it is true, I'd try to talk to the principal first.
Maybe, he or she can make a point of visiting the room unannounced to see what is going on there. Then, the principal can talk to the teacher about what she has seen and/ or "heard" from parents. Therefore, it is not you specifically complaining about the teacher.
Just incase the teacher is the type to retaliate and take it out on your kid. Advice can be given in an instructional way, being that the teacher is new to the classroom.
It IS amazing, the difference between an experienced teacher and a "green horn"!

Good Luck! I hope everything works out.

S

Have you tried to set up a meeting between you, the teacher and an administrator? At the meeting you could give her the opportunity to discuss how she manages her classroom, and what her classroom "rules" are. This could also be your opportunity to push in with suggestions. You should also start to volunteer in the classroom sometimes. Not for a whole day, just an hour at a time, periodically. That way you can see for yourself how she responds to the kids. You will come away with more information about her teaching style, and more information if something comes up that needs to be addressed in the future.

Hi WC,

Boy, did reading your request really bring back memories for me! When my daughter was in 1st grade a few years ago, we had a very similar situation and that is part of the reason we have been home schooling her. Like you, my daughter had loved her previous teachers and loved school - she was enrolled in one of the highly thought of private Chicago schools and had been there 3 years prior to 1st grade - with pre-school, etc. Then she gets this awful teacher - it was the teacher's first year at the school so no one really knew much about her. When I witnessed her yelling at one of the little boys the very first day - all he did was ask her where to put his water bottle - I knew we were in for a rough year. I won't go into all the awful things that happened that year (it wold be way too long for you to read!) - but as an example, she had a history lesson on the Black Death - or plague - giving these 6 year olds all the gory details so that half of them greeted their parents in tears at pick up time - thinking that they were going to get it and die! When I questioned her about it, she just kept saying that it was part of the curriculum. She also separated the children into groups - turtles, chimps and eagles - with, naturally, the turtles being the ones who were "slower" and the eagles the children who excelled. Although my daughter was one of the latter, I was livid that she would do that - how does that help a child's self esteem? And so off I went to complain to the principal who defended her each time any parent complained. By March of that year my daughter was having stomach and head aches and really starting to hate going to school. We ended up pulling her out early. It is amazing what one teacher can do to a kid. This one teacher had taken a happy child who loved school and made her a nervous wreck! You have gotten lots of good advice already but I guess I wanted to let you know that this kind of thing seems to happen more often than we would like to think and it is not normal behavior for anyone to treat your son that way - let alone a person that has him in their grasp most of the week! I agree that you should start with having a meeting with both the teacher and the principal but it is going to have to be something you monitor and play close attention to all year. If this is the way this teacher has been handling her kids for a long time, she will not change overnight - if ever. There are so many wonderful teachers out there - and then there are those who just don't even seem to like being around kids (so why do they become teachers?!) Good Luck! I do hope that things improve!

1. Talk to the other moms about it and see how they feel and if they've heard similar things coming from their children.
2. Talk to the teacher. Don't just complain-- offer alternative suggestions like "can't you please have the bad kid sit iwth his head down and not all the kids? THey have to eat their lunch!"
3. Talk tot he principal. The principal may have other suggestions for how to deal with this. But I'd talk to the parents and teacher before going up to the principal. If you go over her head right away and she's really an obnoxious person, she'll hate you and stigmatize your kid as the son of the "trouble parent" and you wont' accomplish anything.

I've heard of methods like the ones she's using. Usually done in private schools. Group punishments are very effective but you only use them when you're desperate and never anything like that during lunch time because stopping a game early or something is one thing-- but stopping lunch is quite another. Good luck!

Hi there- you question really struck me for two reasons;
1) I am a first grade teacher
2) My daughter had a kindergarten teacher last year that was awful and it made for a miserable year, so I feel your pain!

On behalf of teachers I do know from lots of experience that very often 1st grade students misunderstand or don't communicate the truth about what actually happened. I'm not saying that is what your son is doing, but it is at least worth investigating. So I would first set up a conference with your child's teacher and bring up the lunch issue. Normally students don't eat in their classrooms with their teacher, but maybe your school is different. Get all the facts on that you can. I'd also mention the "hood incident" and see what she has to say about that.
Then I'd make an appt. with the principal. You are fortunate that this teacher doesn't have tenure, so making an official complaint might actually make a difference. If you continue to see the behavior continue, encourage other parents to do the same.
I'd be in communication with the other parents, sometimes they may have similar or very different stories. Parents can help put the "pieces of the puzzle" together.
Lastly, I'd be in the classroom as often as possible, volunteer for anything you can. This may give you a better sense of this teacher and what exactly is troubling your son.

I wish you the best of luck. We lost our bubbly, joyful little girl last year when she became sad, depressed and anxious about school. Tears every single day about going and I regularly had to literally drag her down the driveway to the bus. It was heartbreaking. But this year, she has a fantastic 1st grade teacher and she is back to her normal self. Now I'm the one crying tears of joy when she leaps on to the bus each morning with a smile!

Best wishes!!

You should confront the teacher in a calm way not to sound like you are accusing her. If she knows that you are an involved mother with your children she will most like realize that she can not get away with this. Sometimes teachers think parents are to busy and do not talk to their children about there day in school.

I totally understand how you feel and I think you should talk with the principal or head of your son's school. My daughter is 20 years old now, but I remember when she was in 1st grade and had the most horrible teacher who would misplace her homework assignments, yet insist my daughter never turned them in, etc... I could go on and on. She kept a junky classroom and failed my daughter in a subject she truly excelled in and could not explain to me why she gave her a failing grade. Overall, she was a horrible teacher who was "girlfriends" with the principal, so I wrote to the School Board. I found out she didn't have all of her certifications to teach ANY grade and she was demoted to an office clerk position. Although the issues you're having are different from what I experienced, your son's teacher sounds awful and you should definitely talk with someone about her behavior because it will affect your son. I remember my daughter asking me "why Ms. ?? didn't like her, which truly affected her self-confidence at such an early age. There are many poor teachers out there, as well as some good ones. Take action against this woman! Good luck! C.T.

Hi W C,

I would go straight to the Principal and ask him if he has observed this teacher's room. Then I would proceed to explain what has been happening, also you should ask other parents if there children are coming home saying the same thing. Not to suggest your child isn't telling the truth but so you can use all the feedback in your conversation with the Principal. Is there another 1st grade teacher in the school? If so, you can ask for your child to be moved into the other room. An abusive teacher, be it unintentional or not, does NOT belong with young children. And pulling a child be a hood isn't what I would consider appropriate behavior for a teacher who is suppose to protect and teach my child. Believe me, I have 4 children and usually don't get involved, but I pulled my daughter out of her preschool last year because she would wait in line for more than 5 minutes to go out for recess because "John" wouldn't behave and get in line. All my other children had gone to this preschool with no problems but the school turned into an "ALL DAY" school and was being used as a babysitting service. The teachers didn't know what else to do. I wasn't spending all that money on tuition for my daughter to wait for other children before she could do anything. I went to the school and observed it for myself before I made the decision to move her. The waiting wasn't just for recess, it was for everything. You could ask to observe the teacher also. It might help to see what she is dealing with also. If are children become afraid to go to school, that will make these curious children usinterested in learning and that would be a terrible, terrible tragedy for our future. Good Luck!! I hope I have given you inspiration to get involved.

No this is not 'normal' teacher behavior! I have worked in countless schools and I have never had a teacher keep kids from their lunch because of another childs behavior. Please go to the principle with the things you have posted here. This woman needs to be taught some coping skills that do not involve intimidation and making a whole class pay for one childs misbevaior. What a great way for her to raise the next class bully. And as for pulling your son by the hood she was surely not thinking straight on that one. Teachers in public schools are under very strict guidelines about the appropriate way to touch children and yanking them around is not acceptable. Please do not just let this go or you will have a child on your hands who hates school and no longer sees learning as fun. He's got 11 more years in the education al system this is not the way to begin them.

No, this is not normal teacher behavior and this has to be nipped in the bud before your son and his classmates spend their entire year dealing with this. I myself had a tyrant for a third grade teacher and it had lasting effects on my self-esteem.
My daughter is also in first grade. Occasionally, she will tell me the whole class had to put their heads down, but it was because the whole class was acting up. If it's just one child, that child misses a few minutes of recess or something of that nature.
I would speak to the teacher, and if it continues, then go directly to the principal. I'm sure you won't be the only parent complaining.

I would absolutely have a talk with the principal because both of these instances seem unacceptable to me . There certainly should be another way to deal with one childs bad behavior without involving the whole class. The teacher definately needs some intervention before she develops some really bad habits Hope it works out let us know!!RC

I am sorry to hear your little guy is having a difficult time.

(sorry to disagree with the other poster) but definitely make a meeting with not just the teacher but the principal right away. If necessary, I would just walk into the school and say that I need to talk with the principal ASAP because you've got a problem with your son's teacher and then sit down and wait until he / she is available.

If this teacher has done these things, what will happen next?

Kids at this age can sometimes not get the stories exactly right. BUT it does not sound like something a child would make up, and if the teacher has in fact done these things she COULD just deny it.

The principal needs to be made aware of what is happening so this teacher can be checked on a bit more closely and corrected where necessary.

BUT why should your child have to suffer for her lack of experience?

I would tell the principal you wish to consider moving your child into another class with a more experienced teacher - this will get their attention, and might not be a bad solution if you and your little guy agree.

best of luck,

W.

Bring this issues to her attention kindly the first time. If you have to talk to her again after that, be a little more insistant on change. Anything after that bypass her completely and go to the principal, that is what they are there for. Good luck to you.

First, I would like to say......maybe she is uncomfortable around kids as she may have taken the position just to get in. So the younger crowd may intimidate her.
Next,the issue about missing lunch needs to be addressed with the principal of the building. The teacher can be talked to but her "boss" will never what's going on that shouldn't be.As far as missing lunch.......that is definitely against health law or something similar to that.
And not saying that your child tells stories,but be very careful about accusing the teacher of yanking him by the hood.I have found that kids are capable of stretching the truth,not lying,just not saying it exactly like it really happened. ( I am a mom to 4 grown children----almost got them figured out;youngest being a senior in high school.) I definitely would address that issue with the teacher and make sure she is aware that you will go to the principal as needed if it continues.
"loving" the kindergarten teacher does make 1st grade a little harder to swallow. And expecting her to be kid friendly is NOT out of line at all. She actually should act NO different than the last teacher.Teachers generally "pick" the age level they are most comfortable with for a reason which leads me to believe she really doesn't want to be in that age level.
Hate to hear that your son is "afraid" of her. This is only the beginning of his school experience and he has a long way before graduation. Remember,parent/teacher conferences are held for a reason.If you aren't comfortable speaking with the teacher by herself,request the principal to sit in.
DO NOT,DO NOT hesitate to say something to nip this in the bud. The longer you let it go the harder it will be on your son,which is the important issue here. Do not be afraid of speaking your mind or speaking up,no matter. GOOD luck. J.

I would take this to the Principal and the PTO if there is one. Start talking to other parents, your concerns should not be the only ones out there if things are not happening correctly in the classroom.

Good luck from a parent of a 1st grader as well.

WC:
This certainly does not sound like a healthy situation for your child to be in and I can't imagine anyone saying this is "normal" behavior for a teacher.

I think it's so important for our children to be in a healthy learning environment so they learn to love learning. The type of things your child is experiencing is certainly not helping that cause.

Personally, I don't know whether I'd feel comfortable speaking with the teacher first, as opposed to the principal, but then again I don't know if I'd feel comfortable "bombarding" the teacher out of nowhere by going to the principal first. I think the thing that's important to keep in mind though is that we as parents must do whatever we feel is necessary and right for the benefit of our children. And if that means the teacher's feelings get hurt, oh well.

Perhaps it's even possible for your child to get transferred to another 1st grade class? Also, you might want to try reaching out to other parents and see if they have similiar stories, issues, etc.

I hope you are able to resolve these problems and get your child into a better learning environment.

Good luck,
Jen

You need to talk to the teacher first, and if you don't feel the issues are resolved satisfactorily, then bring the principal into it. My daughter is a fifth grade teacher and this is her 3rd year teaching. The first few years of teaching can be rough for new teachers. They are still learning discipline tactics and how to control a large group of children. They need to figure out what works and what doesn't and develope their own style of teaching, along with confidence in themselves. Every new teacher is assigned a mentor to turn to for help and new teachers are evaluated on a regular basis by superiors.
That said, every student should be allowed to have their lunchtime and should never be pushed or grabbed by a teacher for whatever reason. If you alert the teacher to your concerns, she may reevaluate how she is treating her class and learn from her mistakes. As for not smiling, she may be nervous and not even realize the look on her face.
Talk to her and give her the benefit of the doubt. If the issues continue or something else happens, then bring the principal into the discussion.
You may be able to help her grow as an educator and maybe you can offer suggestions on how to deal with behavior issues. Another suggestion would be to volunteer as a room mom, so you can spend some time in the classroom and see for yourself just what is going on. Good luck to you and your son.

Coming from a teacher's wife - give the teachers a break as well! Teachers get it from every angle no matter what they do - the parents always go to bat for their kids often at the expense of the teachers, and then the administration pours down their neck until finally the teacher's hands are tied to do something when it really counts.

Case and point - at my husband's high school a fight would break out, and because of parents pointing fingers instead of working it out with the teachers, they could no longer break up any fights. They had to call for security and just watch as the kids go at it in the meantime inflicting serious damage on each other.

My advice - talk to the teacher confidentially - they will appreciate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi!
I am sure this issue is hard on you! I used to teach and actually had to quit for many different reasons. I'm sorry your son is unhappy with his teacher. I was always told that "good teachers don't smile until December." Of course, it's an addage, not to be taken literally. I don't think it's okay for her to put her hands on your son, but I've had parents complain about things that just did not happen!

I'm not saying he's lying, just that you should investigate. I had this one set of parents with a child who DESPISED me. She constantly talked and disrupted the class, then told her parents I was mean and unfair, etc. We had multiple meetings where the parents backed their daughter, and I was so frusterated. In actuality, she was telling the other children that it didn't matter what I said because I was just a stupid b-. A THIRD grader!!

As for John, yes, it does seem unfair that the whole class has to suffer for his misbehavior. I did the same thing in my own room; passed down as a suggestion from mentors and administrators alike. Maybe John's mom doesn't have a phone or won't answer it. Maybe you have time to volunteer as an extra set of hands for a "good choices reward event" or something? I'm not saying the responsibi;lity should fall on you, as a parent, but if you do have extra time, it'd be a great suggestion... Plus, teachers are rarely, if ever, taught a class on classroom management (at least at my college- where teaching was the most popular degree). You may be right that she's still trying to figure it all out.

All this to say that it's understandable to be concerned. Usually the kids start to warm up to a more structured teacher by December. It takes a looooonnnnng time, but right now her main focus is establishing boundaries and it must be VERY challenging to repeat herself as much as first graders need. That's part of her job, yes. Keep in mind that even your son forgot which line to be in! Multiply that by 25 or 30 kids throughout an entire day of transitions... yikes! (that's why I had to leave!) Hope everything pans out for you!

usually i read thru the other opinoins left by others but this time i couldn't. this year my daughter is also in 1st grade and I had the principal yank her. i was so angry at that point i called the super intendant of the entire district. a friend of mine also had an issue with a teacher and had the principal defend the teacher while other kids call the teacher "the screamer". i would go directly to the super intendant to take care of this especially over the kunch issue. obviously the principal didn't notice that an entire class was missing from the lunch room.

good luck

Before I had my kids I was a teacher. Her actions are completly innapropriate and you need to go the principle immediatly with everything you son has shared with you. This is an important year for him and if he percieves school as an unsafe or unfriendly place to be he might not be able to learn as well as he should be. Also, other kids should not be punished for one childs actions and it is illegal for her to hold them back from lunch and not give them the adequate time to eat. I would take this seriously and talk to someone before it gets any worse and ruins your sons year of school.

I would strongly recommend talking to the school principal about your son's teacher. Her actions, especially "yanking" the hood of his sweatshirt, are unacceptable! The principal can then decide what actions to take. Hopefully, this will help resolve your issues with her.

I would talk with her to find out what is happening and why. She sounds like the type of person that would be on the defensive right away, so I might approach it as "my son said...I just wanted to follow up and find out what happened." Just to avoid getting off on the wrong foot.
That having been said, I do think she is in the wrong. I am close to getting my teaching certificate, and nowhere are you taught that it is acceptable to keep students from eating their lunch. If she gives you an answer that you don't like you could try bringing it up to the principal to see what their policies are.

Iknow you have plenty of suggestions, but teachers should NOT always get the benefit of the doubt. My child has asthma. I meet w/the teacher before school starts along w/the nurse and principal...Any sub that comes in has a note right on front of the folder stating her condition and how severe it is...well, there was a sub who told my daughter to go sit in the corner w/an animal until she was done being a baby....all because my first grader could not breathe and was requesting to go to the nurse..Thank God she ended up vommiting on the floor due to her wheezing and coughing......Had she not vommited and then sent to the nurse, MY CHILD COULD HAVE DIED. After hearing of this, I immediately called the principal, wrote the sub a letter and demanded a meeting w/both of them that very next morning...After talking to other parents about this sub, they all had a very negative story to share. This teacher was making these kids scared, anxious, and tearful on a daily basis as their regular teacher was on an extended leave....So please, meet wth this teacher and principal right away. Don't wait for something else to happen....Protect your child!! He deserves a safe and happy working enviroment. If not, he will grow up hating school all because of this one teacher.

I would definitely go talk to the teacher and mention some of the concerns. I would not directly accuse her, however. after meeting with her, if things don't change, I would go to the principal. no use messing around for the entire year and having your child afraid at school.