Strange Question - Redmond,WA

Hi Katherine,
Some churches will have a variety of families. Some are single couples w/o children, older couples and singles or all of them. My husband and I were without a child for a while, but the love of God was still there at our church. We weren't excluded in any gathering. Weddings are a different thing. Many weddings do not allow children anyway. No matter the size of your family, God's people should always be welcoming and loving.
My advice to you is that you and your husband be in prayer over this matter. And if God leads your husband in this direction, then follow the Lord. Pray also for those in your church. Remember Proverbs 3:5-6. Who knows, God may use your family to minister to others later down the line. And there isn't anything wrong with going to parenting classes at another church. I've taken Women's bible studies at another church other than my home church. Just remember it's all about Jesus and serving his people.
Praying for you

Where do you live? My husband and I have had similar problems with church in the past... we actually changed churches twice in a year before we found the one we are at now which we may never leave. The first one we left, my husband and kids had been a member of for years... I started going to it when my husband and I started dating and went there for 2 years. We knew everyone and everyone knew us, but something was missing. For us, it was the realization that we looked forward to visiting other churches (we are involved in a ministry so we visit places regularly... about once a month) than we did going to our own. We had a convention for our ministry where we both spent 24 hours praying, worshiping and just talking/hanging out with total strangers... we left that convention thinking "wow, I loved that... too bad our church isn't like that." We had 6 hours of driving home... by the time we got there, we had both decided and were very happy with the decision, that we weren't going back to our church. We needed to find a church that we felt THAT happy at.
The second church, we loved the people, etc. but started dreading the service... trying to think of ways to stay awake, ifyou know what I mean! It was time to go!
If you are having a great time in your parenting class and with those people, there is something to be said for it, I wouldn't dismiss that if I were you. You mentioned being able to do something at your current church. You sound like you have a positive relationship with the Lord, listen closely to what he tells you to do. You may be able to do something, but chances are there is something for you to learn elsewhere... and therefore more for you to do. You are speaking of churches here... the Lord will work in each of them in his own way.
Feel free to chat with me if you would like, I love this subject!!!

Hi Katherine,
Sounds to me like it's time to move to that church where you enjoy the classes. Your old church sounds like they're not interested in helping you where you are in your life right now. I would definitely switch!=)

I think that you already feel the right answer in your heart. I would do a little praying and ask for some guidance. There is no harm in looking into other churches while you make up your decision, and if you do decide to leave your church and then regret your decision, you should be able to go back. Your friends should be understanding that you need to do the best for your family. The most important thing is to never loose focus on God. Now I am not telling you this to push you toward our church, because I am so not that person, but my family goes to Calvary Chapel ( I know that there are many locations in the US). They have a very good children’s program. I wish you and your family the best. God bless.

Dear Katherine,

Only you can decide when it is best for you to move to another church, if at all. Keep praying about it, and just be aware of yourself and your husband and child's needs. Are they being met? I was a very long time member of a church like you are describing, and I kept trying and trying to make a difference in it, knowing that I was not being nourished there and knowing that my family was not being nourished either. So I finally decided, quite suddenly, to go to another church to see if I found more there for us. WE DID! I really miss my friends from the old church, but I am learning so much and being able to 'do the work that I feel God wants me to do' yes, that is my true feeling. The new church is full of wonderful people who are doing the Lord's work, without holding back at all. They are not as friendly as my old church was, but as time goes by they seem to be bonding with us, and we continue to be blessed and look forward to each Sunday.

You can always go back, I still attend a prayer group in the old church, that I have attended for many years. No one seems to mind, and my friends do not feel that I have abandoned them.

I said at first that at the age of 76 it is crazy to change churches, but I did a lot of thinking and praying about it and tried to listen to what God wanted me to do and it has worked out fine. I wrote a letter to the church leaders to explain my leaving, and said nothing about the bad things, I just said that it wss my fault, that I wasn't a good Presbyterian and needed to follow God's guidance. So they took it well and are always friendly when we see each other.

Sincerely, C. N.

Hi Katherine. I have never been in this kind of situation except this: when I had my first son, a very good friend of mine stopped calling. She avioded me and then I found out she just didn't want to hang out anymore because she thought the baby would change me. Well, in a way it did. And I said goodbye to my friend. My child is the most important thing to me. It sounds like your church isn't very welcoming to you kids. Maybe, if this other church is, and you are happy there, you should switch churches. I hope this works out for you. Remeber though: you are not abandoning your church. They are abadoning you.

Personally, I think that you should try to talk to the pastor. Let them know that you would like to have some classes more geared towards families. Even offer to lead one to kind of get some interest going. Maybe then all of the parents could take turns leading it or someone who has grown children would be willing to lead it.

As far as the kids programs goes. Someone has to be willing to lead it. If no one is then it won't get done. Maybe you could talk to your pastor about starting a children's program. It will be difficult and a lot of work at first but once you get it off of the ground, then you will get more volunteers and the load will get lighter.

It sounds like you're involved in a small church. My husband (and kis) and I have been involved in churches ranging from a start up church that started with 10 or 15 people to a church that had regular attenders in excess of 1200 every week. The start up church we were involved in, I believe was as successful as it was because of the children's program. That was the first thing that was launched. The kids loved coming and the parents brought them then liked the church and stayed. The really big church had a great kids program as well.

We actually just changed churches because we were attending the large church. We felt very lost in the crowd there and had a hard time figuring out area's to get involved in. We tried to contact the youth pastors about some programs that we would have loved to run and we never heard back, which was very discouraging. Our kids loved that church but we needed something smaller where we could know people. We tried several churches. To be honest, anything that didn't have a kids program, we didn't return to. We're at a church that probably has a couple hundred right now and love it. It's got a great kids program and everyone is very nice!

My kids are older than yours so we asked them every time we went to a new church how they liked it and we weighed that with how we liked it. I think that the decision as to when to leave is something totally up to you and your husband and something you should pray about. You will have peace and you will find something else out there if you're supposed to go. Personally, my husband and I would take into consideration the fact that there's not much of a children's program, because as our kids get older we want them to actually want to attend instead of having to attend. And we would take into consideration how connected we felt.

Sorry this is so long. Good luck to you!

Oh how I wished for someone to ask this question. I am a convert to our church and have found a new family! I was always tired of moving and having to find a new church, etc. I ended up marrying a non-active Latter Day Saint man. It was amazing how having a family brought him back to the church.

Anyway, we belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and literally EVERYWHERE WE GO, there is a church and a new family. The same values. The same organization so our kids have very little change to get used to. Our church is ALL ABOUT FAMILIES. It is so rare that we ever have any "no children" activities...maybe once a year and it would NEVER be for a wedding, which seems to me, to be a total family event in someone's lives.

I know there is probably a church in your area and missionaries to help with any transition. What area do you live in? I would be glad to put you in touch with someone in your area. Maybe you'd even be in mine and I could get to know you myself. I have 6 children and they are my life...and other families like us. :)

~~~ K. ~~~

Well, I completely understand where you are coming from with this. I have had my share of issues with these kinds of things as well. It honestly sounds like maybe this church just isn't the fit for you all. Maybe you should consider looking around for another place. The church that we attend is amazing. It has wonderful nursery, childrens and youth programs. It also has a very good music programs and the pastor is a great, God-influenced man. We also have home groups during the week and they are with different people and at different locations so it is easy to find one with people you you relate to. Anyway, I'm not sure where you are located. If it os close we'd love to have you visit. The church website is www.lasfloreschurch.com You are definately welcome anytime.

C.

I have not had a problem with people seeming unaccepting of my son, however, I have switched churches before. The thing that I can say will help you the most is for you and you husband to pray about it...both together and seperately. Ask God where He wants you. It may be that it is time for a change, but only God can answer that one for you. Hope this helps. I'll be praying for you.

L.

Katherine-

It sounds like you may be ready for a change of churches. The one my husband and I (and our 3 kids) are attending has a wonderful children's program, which is part of what attracted us to it in the first place. Children are very important to God, and your church should reflect that. If you're feeling led to change churches, spend time in prayer over it, you and your husband together. I believe that God will honor your intents if your heart is in the right place. And if your church doesn't have a children's program, they may feel awkward and unwanted in a gathering of mostly adults.

Pray about it, and seek His will for your family. He won't leave you stranded.

Best of luck and God Bless!

Hi, I think we all feel at times like we don't belong at a certain church. I know we've felt that way, and then, through prayer and conversation with other couples in our situation, decided to stay. It doesn't sound like you are feeling important. If you think you should try to make your current church more family friendly, I suggest going to the pastor, and letting his or her response guide you a little, as well. Of course, prayer is the first place to go, but your pastor should be a good indicator for you.
Best of luck.
When you feel more certain about what you're supposed to do, would you mind sharing with me the process? I think it's awesome the way that God works in all of our lives, and too often we think that our story doesn't mean much, or cant' really help others.
Thank you,
A.

Maybe you should approach your pastor and let him know your feelings. I don't know how you would fell about this, but what if you tried to start a children's ministry at your church. Maybe if people around your community heard you had one, they would be intersted in participating as well. It would be great for church growth all around. :) If you don't mind me asking, where do you live, and what church do you attend? I'm a preschool teacher at a private Christian preschool in Vista, Ca. Let me know if you need any ideas. Best of luck and God bless you! :)

Dear Katherine,

We just changed churches this summer. We changed for different reasons, distance, but still it was a difficult decision to make. The issues you've mentioned make me think that you are being prepared for a change. You may want to talk to your pastor or an elder before you make your final decision. Pray about it, talk with your husband and decide upon a time in the future to make the decision if things do not change or if doors do not open for you to make a difference. Pray that other couples your age will start coming. If things don't happen, pray again and start church shopping. I know it sounds harsh, but sometimes God moves us to different areas to do jobs where other churches are ready. You don't have to leave your former church friends; you just expand your church family. I will pray for you. May God direct your family.

I would say it's time to move on to a new church that appreciates children and family. It's amazing to hear that a Christian community would be like that.
Unfortunately, I am not in your area so I cannot help you with any church ideas.
Good luck to you and your family! I know you will have a church that is welcoming for you, your husband, AND your daughter =)

My husband and I went through the same thing. We belonged to a very small church and really liked all of the people in it. The was no childcare offered and that was fine until Ava was about 6 months old. I found myself sitting in a back room completely missing the service. Not to mention the service would roll onto about 2 hours long.
We finally made the decision that it was time to find a more family oriented church. The church we chose has women's programs as well as childcare and Sunday school.
We have never been more happy and actually attend more and enjoy the message more.

katherine,
just wanted to let you know- i don't have any suggestions about where you are but i have an idea just to throw out there if you want to try something new.
i have been going to a newish, youngish church for several years now. two years ago i began volunteering in their kids' program because it has grown so much over the past five years.
imago dei is in a transitional period right now- we are so big that we no longer fit in the church we began in but we are still in the process of raising funds for a new building SO we are currently meeting at franklin high school on SE 51st (ish).
i just had my first daughter less than a year ago and let me tell you, this church is FABULOUS for young families.
just an idea. :-)