Still Need More Advice....

I had no idea that having a baby would change my relationship with my husband! Here I had this beautiful new baby, and suddenly my marriage was not my #1 priority! I swore that would never happen to me, and that I would always put marriage first. Luckily though, as my baby has gotten older, my husband and I have both made plenty of room in our hearts--and in our day--for the baby and each other.

I'm the mother of a 7 wk old baby girl. There are two things that I'd really wished I know.

1. Breastfeeding is hard! (if planning on breastfeeding) It took me and my little girl about 2 weeks before we got the hang of it.

2. Don't spend a lot of money on bottles until you know which one your baby likes. I really wanted to use the Playtex VentAire Advanced bottles but because I breast feed my baby hates the nipple and won't use them. So I had to try and find another bottle (and spend more money). I ended up finding a bottle called the Breastflow. The nipple is actually designed to be like a breast. I haven't had any problem leaving my little girl with her grandma now because I know she'll be able to eat.

Hi there,
I responded to your first post and since then, I have thought of a few more things, so I was glad to see this post this morning.

1. Triple Paste is the best diaper cream for clearing up rashes quickly (at least for us it is).

2. If your baby has really sensitive skin use an A&D ointment with every diaper change.

3. Always have a change of clothes when you go out; and not just for the baby. I have had diapers explode while I'm holding her, spit up go every where and milk leak down my shirt when I was least expecting it.

4. Pack snacks. It doesn't matter how long you think you will be out, sometime things come up. I know when I was breastfeeding my blood sugar would drop and I would be starving instantly. Having snacks at hand made sure the baby and I ate healthy.

5. Read. Read. Read to you baby. Read anything and everything. There are classics no child should go without knowing, but don't feel locked in to kids books with your baby. I used to read my newborn poetry (we both like Emily Dickenson) and science books about animals along with Dr. Suess, Good Night Moon and any Sandra Boyton book we could get our hands on.

I wish I had known of the things available to help in my recovery from birth. With my first one I didn't know that I could have had pain medication, sitz baths, a donut to sit on, ice packs etc. I also wish I had known about cream for sore nipples. As far as baby's go I wish I had known that I was going to be sleep deprived for years to come.

you never get precious moments back. You can do the dishes later, you can pay bills later, you can put off the laundry a little. But you can never get back the precious one-on-one moments with your baby where you just stare into their eyes, or sing them a song. Use those moments wisely. When you look back, which are you going to miss....

Tracy, There is so much to tell her....Like her life will never be the same and it may seem hard, but it is all good. Relax and enjoy being parent and don't worry that you aren't doing the same things your friends or neighbors are. Don't compare your child to others and don't compare yourself to others. So what if their baby is doing (?), so what if you didn't wear your old jeans home from the hospital....Are you happy and is baby happy? You can clean later, focus on the basics of being a family. Take it slow. I tried so hard and looking back, I regret it. We are all happy and well, but if I could re-do with what I know now....good luck!!

PS don't buy everything you can get your hands on because you think your child might like it...Can I tell you how much stuff we never even touched after the first time...I like the post about used stuff being like new and for a fraction of the cost. So true

So, my advice is some that is usually embarrassing to talk about, but I wish someone had told me to buy a stool softener the first time around and to start taking it as soon as I had the baby. With my second child, I did start taking it, and I didn't have any problems. However, because I didn't with my first, I occasionally still have some bleeding problems.

Well, I loved my baby bjorn( which I understand now "slings" are in), my jogger stroller and the portable crib. Also, a baby doesn't need a crib until they are 8 weeks old at least. As far as nursing, I think giving it six weeks to just devote to that where you can relax and be focused on the baby really helps. And one thing for sure is that all kids are different and have their own personalities and habits etc. and to not expect them to be a certain way and love them no matter what. My oldest is twelve now and he just doesn't like team sports for example( and I was really into that myself) and we spent years trying him in different sports only to realize it just wasn't for him! And they all learn at their own pace as well.

I didn't know the recovery would be so painful. I knew I would have some pain, but I didn't know I wasn't going to be able to sit up for 4 days after the birth. It was better with my son, but I think that might have been because I knew what to expect.
Breast feeding, it's best to wait until AFTER you feed baby to change the diaper because eating stimulates the bowels...otherwise you'll end up changing them twice. Though a breast fed baby may not poop fror up to a week at a time. Your milk is made especially for baby and sometimes there is nothing left over that the baby needs to get rid of. As long as they have 6 or so wet diapers in a day, it's ok!
And Fuzzy's kids must have been REALLY hungry...both mine ate every 3 hours start to start.
And Breastfeading can really hurt for the first couple of weeks. I know they say if you do it right, it doesn't hurt, and that's true...it doesn't hurt while you are doing it. But my nipples cracked and bled...they are getting wet and then there is the friction from sucking...it takes a couple of weeks to get used to it. But it usually only hurts for the first few seconds after the baby latches and after a few weeks, that goes away too. I say this not to scare your friend but to prepare her. A lot of women stop breastfeeding in the first few weeks because it hurts and they think they are doing it wrong or just can't stand the pain. If they knew it would be over shortly, they might last longer. And as long as the baby is gaining weight and has enough wet diapers per day, they are getting enough.

ok here are the things I wish people had told me. Some of them aren't too pretty:
1# I wish someone would have told me it may take time to like my baby. I loved him without question the min. I found out I was going to have him. But falling into like was different. The 1st 6 weeks were hard. Much harder than I could have imagined. After 6 weeks I was head over heals but it took a good 6 weeks.
2nd- babies seem to cry around 4 o'clock each day for about an hour. I think its the babies way of dealing with taking in new stimuli. Kind of a stress reliver for the baby but adds extra stress to mommy.
3rd- the belly button may pop off after a few weeks and you might not know where it went. My hubby changed him and then the next time I changed him no belly button scab. What happened to it?
4th. - I never knew how much I could love a single person.

T.,
One wonderful tool to go along with them staying up all night is the video "Happiest Baby on the Block." It gives you the tools to know how to "calm" a crying baby, how to wrap correctly in the blanket and how to give them movement that calms them. It is ok if you watch it only once and understand the method(s). I ended up watching it 4 to 5 times. It is a wonderful tool! Hope this helps.

I wish I had realized that every baby is different, and that my child wouldn't necessarily follow the norm and it's ok. So don't get too devoted to "What to Expect ... " (and of those) or any other baby books. They're a good guidline, but that's it.
Also, listen to your mother's instincts. They usually are not too far off. I have an awesome pediatrician who supports that too. If mom thinks there's something wrong, she would check it out without making me feel guilty about bringing my child in. That's super important.
Oh, and babies are hardier that we think. They do need care and protection and all, but they aren't going to break if you look at them wrong ;)

My word of advice is to Dad, not Mom, and it's for the delivery. My daughter is 16 now and I am still peeved about it. Dad, you never,never,never leave Mom alone in the delivery room! My husband was hungry so the nurses told him it would be awhile so he could run out for a bite to eat. Then he was tired, so they showed him a room with a couch where he could sleep. Meanwhile, the nurses were quite busy so there was rarely anyone around for me to talk to. Also, the doctor had said that they wouldn't break my water because the baby was not engaged and the flood of water could cause the cord to come out and cause the baby difficulty. You guessed it; while my husband was sleeping somewhere, my water broke. I pressed and pressed the call button but no nurse showed up. I am frantic because I am worried about the cord and my baby and there is absolutely no one to help. Don't let this happen. Daddy, be there!

1. breastfeeding isn't as easy as you may think it will be and it can hurt.
2. girls can "bleed" for the first week or so
3. definitely do the nap when they are - you will appreciate it when you are up at 1 in the am.
4. let dad do what he can even if you feel he is not doing it correctly
5. accept help so that you can get away for even just a morning
6. EVERYONE will tell you what you are doing wrong...even the lady in the store you don't even know...learn how to just smile and say thank. Figure out what works for you and go with it.
7. you don't need to do everything perfectly...just do your best.
8. your life will never be the same...accept it for what it is
9. somedays you will feel very overwhelmed and think you are not going to survive...take a minute and remember how much you love your baby
10. when they are older...they will push every button and your life will change once again.

this is a great idea...I wish my friends would have told me the truth about babies...everyone just kept telling me childbirth is wonderful...having kids is wonderful. They forgot to tell me the realities of possible emergency c-sections, sore nipples from breastfeeding, or just the fact that I couldn't do it. Anyway, Tell her congrats and good luck!

Things no one told me that I wish I knew:

breastfeeding takes a while to get smooth (~6wks for me!)

attempt bottle-feeding in the first 4-6wks. to introduce baby to your milk in a bottle. Then keep it up-a few times/week. We did; she took it fine and didn't try again for weeks and so never took a bottle. Bottle-feeding, if you nurse, represents mom's freedom even if only for a few hours...and mom deserves that!!!

'sleeping through the night' means a five hour stretch?! oh really...

give yourself a break...if one day is crazy, the next can be just wonderful.

as soon as you can, get your baby to accept a nap schedule.

If these sound too negative, please don't pass them on to your friend. New motherhood is hard enough w/o knowing too much about these things all at once. Have you considered that? This would be a helpful list if she's getting it in parts but jeeze all at once might have overwhelmed me. just a thought :)

T.,

I just gave birth to my #2. Things I totally forgot about are: Nursing isn't supposed to hurt!! Get lactation help AT the hospital before you leave. Another thing: they go through way lots, take that back bazillions of diapers that first little while. STOCK up on the smaller sizes, even get a newborn size stash. I didn't expect to have a 6 pound baby (first was 7+), so I haven't got a lot of newborn sized items. That is something to think about.

Sleep is a necessity!!!!!!!!!! Especially at night. Take advantage of the nursery while your in the hospital if available.

Oh, temperature changes cause me to let down. I find it strange, but not abnormal.

Be super picky about visitors. Don't be afraid to have your hubby fight off his own family for you. Your baby's health is crucial. Ask the pediatritian what illnesses are going around and how long until you should take baby out. We are staying away from church for at least a month!! Influenza B is still raging here, RSV is on its way out, but has hung on a month later than normal... etc. Write down questions your MOM has when she's there so you can ask the ped. Mom's are wonderful for asking questions you just didn't think of.

GOOD LUCK!! Don't be afraid to ask for your epidural before a 7, after that it could go SUPER FAST, and pain free!! ;)

V.
mom of 7 yo girl, and 6 day old girl. Married 9 years!!

The only things that I had wish I had know was the baby milestones (ex. when they crawl, roll over ect.) And when they should start eating what but those aren't major things to know because all babies are different. I think that new parenting is a learning experience and you can't be prepared for everything.

Here's one to add: I wish I'd known that I didn't have to be a PERFECT mother. I just needed to do the best I could and have confidence that my children would do all right as well.

1. The whole 'bleeding for 6 weeks' can be more like 10-12, and this is normal.
2. No question is dumb. If your pediatrician or nurse makes you feel stupid for asking questions (and you should always feel okay to call at any time and ask), change doctors. Go in when you feel you need to - better to be safe than sorry.
3. Get a Blush topless shirt and a Hooter Hider. It will make breastfeeding so much more comfortable if you aren't thinking about your jelly belly hanging out in public, or with guests. Also MotherLove Nipple Cream (the lansinoh is so sticky and painful), and washable breastpads. I got mine at Puffy Mondeas in Nampa, ID after sticking to some other ones that seemed to make by nipples worse. LOVE these things!
4. This is about your family. It is okay to tell people (even your parents and siblings) to NOT visit in the hospital. Take this time for yourselves.
5. Don't send your baby to the nursery in the hospital. I was told that it is a way to get rest, but I didn't take this advice. I used the hospital as a "half-way house". I was able to see what I had questions with and ask them there. It made the transition home so much easier.
6. How much of a team effort it was when we got home. I took care of my son, my husband took care of me. I don't think I would have eaten if it wasn't for my husband. He also helped me through some frustrating times when I needed to just walk away.
7. This little baby that you love so much can frustrate you SOO much. This is normal, but have a plan. Put him down, walk away, cry, yell, whatever you need. When you are calm (and hopefully dad can calm baby) go back.
8. Loud bathroom fans are great soothing tools.
9. Breastfeeding is hard, but if you have questions or need help GET IT. And get it early. I suffered through damaged nipples (way more extreme than cracked and bleeding - I actually lost part of the nipple). I didn't know that you can make appointments with lactation consultants and get the help you need. Luckily I persevered and am still feeding my son at 1 year.
10. Wait to buy a lot of stuff. You think you need it now, but you may not. We bought a swing, but I couldn't stand the idea of wasting one of his wake-times by putting him in a swing when I could be interacting with him. I think we used it 3 times. Use something you have for a diaper bag the first few times. I am currently on my 3rd and finally found one I like that works for me. Buy only one bottle or sippy cup of each kind...the baby may not like it and you don't want to invest in too much. Also, see if you can borrow from friends before buying.
11. That cute changing table only lasts for about 6-9 months before you have to move to the ground for safety.
12. BumGenius pocket diapers!!! will save you so much money. They are adjustable for sizes and so easy, you don't have to worry about buying the big box of diapers and having the kid grow out of it the next week. Plus, you don't have to run to the store if you run out.
13. Costco for baby wipes. Kirkland work just fine!

That's all I can think of right now.

I didn't know that after your water breaks, you could keep leaking fluid. So have maxi pads ready for after your water breaks and you change into dry clothes.
Also, the maxi pads will come in handy for after you have your baby, because I didn't know that you could bleed for several WEEKS after.

Most of the moms have hit the big ones. I echo the thoughts about accepting help. Usually we are the ones who need to take care of everyone. Remember that she just went through a major medical event (natural or C-section), and let people take care of her for a change!

Little girls do bleed a little bit for a couple weeks.

Sleep when you can

And, as far as shopping - I wish I knew about all the kids sales that go on. You didn't say where she lives, but if she looks like mothers of multiples, and a bunch of the twin groups, they usually have great sales 2x a year. I spent so much money on new clothes for the baby, I wish I had known about those sales!

I didn't realize that sometimes babies just want to suck, they don't always need to nurse.

The best advice I got was to do absolutely nothing but take care of the baby and sleep for at least the first two weeks. That's what I did (actually for more tlike three weeks) and just deciding that I wasn't going to do aything really took the stress off of not being able to do anything.

I had no idea that recovery was so painful and took sooo long (I had a hard delivery though). Hemerroids! NObody told me about those! I had some pretty unreal expectations for myself. I wish someone would have told me so I could have at least mentally prepared.

Always keep water by your bed or whever you are going to nurse, you get really really thirsty when you nurse.

Remember to be patient with Breatfeeding, for the baby and you it's an aquired skill.

I would have liked to have been prepared at home for third degree tears. We didn't have a hand held shower and it was extremely difficult to get in and out of the tub as it's important to do sitz baths regularly.

She needs to buy lots of pads for herself for bleeding... unless she has a c-section.
Have lots of diapers already.
Remember the poop turns colors depending on what you feed them, and that is normal.

Two things i tell my girlfriends:
1- you will bleed a lot afterwards (seems obvious, but i didn't know that)

2- your belly will be like a sack of jelly after delivery

Used baby items can be found in new condition for next to nothing. ($5 pack n play, Maclaren stroller $8, Baby bonjor $3, Floppy shopping cart cover $2, Little tykes roller coaster $10, Cozy coupe car $3, Cozy coupe truck $5, the list goes on and on)
Craig's list. I did not have time to garage sale for baby items but it was not until my first was almost a year old when I learned about Craig's list. You can search by item, or even location.
Breast feeding advice: Newborns eat about every hour and half FROM START TIME TO START TIME not end to start!!!! They have tiny bellys that fill up then BM is processed quickly (that is one reason why BM is so much better then formula) and then they are ready to nurse again, and again and again and oh, yeah ready for a new diaper each time (13 diapers a day is normal)

That you will spend lots of money on spoons, cups, bottles and other eating utensils...and they still won't be exactly right for you kiddo! Ugh! Some will leak, some will be too big, some will be too small, some won't have the right spouts, some won't even have the right design on the outside that your kiddo wants for that day...and some will work one day and not the next...happy hunting!

Forget the birth plan...or if you have a birth plan, be VERY FLEXIBLE! I re-read mine the other day and not one thing went like I wanted...glad I hadn't set it in stone!

Breastfeeding would hurt so much, but be so rewarding. You will also enjoy the beauty of the closed captioning on the TV so you can watch while your baby is up in the middle of the night and not wake the whole house! Just make sure you find the button or how to turn it on now. If you breastfeed, you child will probably not follow the weight charts in the MD office. Don't let them postpone shots or make you suppliment because of it! It is normal.

That potty training my 16-month-old would be so simple...even though people told me I was insane to be doing it so young!

Also, that you can learn to sleep sitting straight up and that I would be the type of parent to put up gates, get out toys and turn on the TV for my kiddo in order to get just a few more minutes of sleep! And you can go from a deep sleeper to a light sleeper in a matter of days! Also, no one told me a full night's sleep in considered only 6 hours (I just now started having a true full night's sleep again- MY definition of one- and my son is 16-months!!!), which means if you put the baby down at 8 pm, a full night is 2 am!!!

I also didn't know a inconsolible, screaming baby would break me down to crying too, but that eventually, those same screams in a few months would be much easier to ignore (i.e. he's throwing a fit right now and I'm able to type without the worry he'll hate me).

And...embarrasingly enough, it is possible to "forget" your baby (I left mine sitting in his carseat carrier in the bookstore when he was about a month old and walked a few aisles over before I remembered him...so embarrasing...and a little scary) and it is okay if you "forget" your child's name, birthdate, ect in the first few weeks...blame it on sleep dep and baby brain wearing off (I couldn't remember my son's name one day when I was asked it...but of course we had just chosen his name a few weeks before...stupid baby brain and sleep dep)! You are not a horrible mother if you do either! Also, don't let anyone make you feel like you are a bad mom for not doing certain things (I quit a LLL group because I always felt less than supermom at the group because I didn't hold my baby 24/7, co-sleep, make my own babyfood, used disposable diapers, ect.)

Good luck and what a wonderful gift! If you wouldn't mind, you should post your completed list somewhere so all the Mom's who submitted can see your completed list!

S., 26, mom of 16-month-old boy and #2 due in Aug!

Hi, T.. what a nice idea for a gift! Here's my two cents:
The easiest time to trim a baby's nails is when they're sleeping.
Always carry an extra shirt for you in the diaper bag along with the change of clothes for baby; it's not fun to walk around with poo, baby "spit up", etc. on your shirt!
Stepping outside for a minute with baby in your arms will sometimes calm them down when nothing else will!
Be ready to give up your heart. :)

Happy mommy-ing!
S.

If a vaginal birth, you will need heavy pads and witch hazel pads feel great on the vaginal area. I din't realize how much you bleed, and I had not worn pads in years so I didn't even know what to tell my husband to buy so I had to waddle into the store to get my pads the day after giving birth. Definitely get that stuff before you go to the hospital so you don't have to worry about it. Also you may want to invest in some granny panties for comfort and to support the large pads. Not pleasant I know, but I really wish someone would have told me that stuff before I had my son.

If she's going to breastfeed, stick it out for at least 6 weeks. It may be absolutely HORRIBLE for 6 weeks and then suddenly it'll all work out & be the easy, close, wonderful experience that it's supposed to be.

Allow 6 weeks in general for adjusting to a new baby. The bleeding, the learning to adjust to sleep deprivation, the nursing, all of it. Don't give up on anything for at least 6 weeks.

Mom may have night sweats for a few weeks (probably 6, LOL) after delivery.

Tell her to get a yoga ball if she doesn't already have one. Those things can work magic on a crying baby.

Not *all* newborns sleep that much. My DS1 had about 2 weeks where he slept a lot, then he gave it up. Try to build good nap habits EARLY... otherwise when your baby is 4 you'll still be having the same stupid struggles over naptime!!! ;)

Breastfed baby poop should not be green. Or mucousy. Sure, there's a bit of a color range but if your baby's poop doesn't look like it should, there may well be something going on. Trust those mama instincts.

I'll say that last one again: Trust those mama instincts. If you *know* something's up with your little one and your doc doesn't agree, find a new doc. They don't know everything. (I literally once dropped a pediatrician because they tried to tell me that teething doesn't hurt!)

Congrats & best to your friend!

Dear Tracy,
I didn't know how much I would be "connected" to my little one. I am a very sound sleeper, and worried about if I would hear her cry in the night, so we put her in our bedroom right by the bed. Every little breathe she took, or slight little move she made, I was awake and checking on her. We moved her little bed away from our bedside, but just having her in our room was not working for me. I was not sleeping AT ALL. We finally had to place her in another room, but I thought that was not being a perfect mom, so I spent so much time SAD because I had "failed" at being a mom, instead of just being happy I WAS a mom. This is not to say I didn't enjoy it, it just was wasted energy worrying about nothing.
One other thing, I had no idea how displaced my hubby would feel after each of my babies were born. Everyone is so excited to see the new baby, and, of course, ask how the mom is doing, that Daddy is almost literally thrown out of the way, as if he is not even there. Of course, Mommy is so strongly maternal at that time, SHE even forgets to give that special man his "praise", and "babying". LOL LOL Sometimes, I think my hubby is my MOST important "baby". Don't get me wrong...my guy is not a baby, but there sure would be NO baby if you did not love him, and he needs to know he is valuable. He is a new daddy...how is he doing?

stool softener a must. nipple cream a life saver (every feeding the first couple of weeks) and sitz baths are also a life saver. My nurse got me a plastic little basin with a little hose that hooked to the sink which helped a lot. enjoy sitting and holding your baby. I think I was too caught up in what they were going to do next and wanting them to be able to go to sleep on their own etc. and wanting to get stuff done. I whish I would have just snuggled and smelled my babies more. It is so good for them and for us. Also, I was told to put alcohol on the umbilical cord stump every diaper change so I did and I ended up pickling it and it stayed 6 weeks! embarrassing but true. the dr. then said, "well, not every diaper chnge." I was just trying to be exact:) The biggest thing I wish I would've known was that they come with a personallity. If you think you can create who your child is... you are wrong. Just count yourself lucky if they are easy. Pick your battles as they get older. Especially as 2 and 3 yr. olds, they just want to explore and try things, I wish I wouldn't have sweated it out so much and just let her be what she wanted to try (besides danger). I made healthy food a battle and it wasn't worth it. They come around and there was no reason to be so strict, just expose her to lots of different things and eventually she would try them.

What a nice idea for your friend! I think most things have been covered, but to repeat- sleep deprivation is no joke. I know people try to make light of it and it's always a joke on tv or movies, but I learned it is NOT funny. I nearly lost my mind. So I'm sure she's been told "sleep when the baby sleeps or sleep when you can", but I would say it in a serious, not light tone!! If you have to choose between cleaning or sleeping- sleep. I was seriously a mess- forgetting so many things, all because of lack of sleep.

Yes, babies sleep alot when they first come into this world. But just make sure when they are napping you are napping with them. Don't be afraid to just let them cry sometimes, it doesn't mean you don't love them any less. In the first few months of being born, yes, they do go through lots of diapers. You will feel like they are just a pooping machine. Swaddling your baby will help them to have security while they are sleeping. (this is wrapping them up like a burrito) I noticed with my little one that if I don't swaddle him, he will wake himself up because is arms are flying all over. Yes, babies do get confused with night and day but you can teach them to sleep through the night. It is nice to have a lot of advice, but each baby is different so try everything and find what works for you. Remember that it is mothers intitution so if you feel something that go with your gut. Binkies are okay for your little one, it just helps them to have a security. I also have given my older son a blanket that helps him go to sleep at night. Breastfeeding is the best way to go for your baby but sometimes not all babies can take it. So try it if you want and if it doesn't work you still will have that bond with your baby even if they are fed formula. Make sure you let your husband have quality time with the baby so you can have a bath, shop for an hour, or whatever it might be because you will really need it. Don't take over all duties let them help because if you do then later you will regret not letting them help. Start putting you baby for a few minutes at a time on their stomach so they get strong muscles in their neck and then when they get older you won't have such a hard time with crying because not wanting to be on stomach. Teething starts around 4 to 5 months for most babies sometimes other can go until their 1 before they get teeth. Well I tried to think of a few things that might help. Tell your friend congratulations and enjoy her new baby.

My ultimate tip is join MOPS (Mother's Of Preschoolers) or Hearts At Home. It depends on where you live so look up Mom's groups. Join some kind of Mom's group. This is a wonderful way to meet other Mom's and be around other people who are in or have been in your shoes. Some of my best friends have been made thru MOPS.

I wish I would have listened to my doctor and not picked anything up after the baby was born. I picked up my two year old 3 days after my daughter was born and it took 5 weeks and a whole lot of bed rest to begin to heal. It was the worst pain I had ever been in and that includes birth.

Also, I wish I would have had the Lansona (I'm not sure how to spell it) breast pads when I left the hospital (came in a purple box). They soak up breast milk and don't leak thru your shirt.

Hold your baby as often as possible take tons of pictures and video and journal as much as you can. There will be a day very soon when she won't be able to remember all the things she wants too.
I highly recommened writing out the baby's birth story soon after birth. For the first year of my kids lives I wrote a letter to them and told them what was going on in our life and what new milestones they had hit. All those cute day-to-day things that will soon be forgoten. (This takes less then 10 mins.)

Hope that's a few ideas. Good luck and best wishes to your friend.

T. M,

I did not know that using Johnson and Johnson baby bath products were hurting my children. It contains formaldahyde just like dove, dawn, and so many other products I used in my home. I over exposed my children when they were younger to toxins without knowing it. I stopped using ammonia and bleach based products, I stopped using Lysol for it has the same ingredients used in agent orange in the war. Many bath and body products. Over exposure causes things like allergies, asthma, ADD, ADHD, cancer, sensitivity of the skin (rashes), respitory issues, and brain functions.

Hi T., I am glad you posted this again. I read it when you originally posted, but was not at home at the time and like you said it got put into the "do later" email pile which means, won't happen.
Ok. I am not reading the other answers, so sorry if I duplicate them.
Tell her about the bleeding. She will bleed up to 6 weeks after baby comes.
If she is nursing, it will take a few weeks for her milk to regulate and her boobs not to hurt.
nursing babies poop is yellow, very liquidy and stains!
nursing babies spit up is pretty white or clear, it doesn't stain.
it is OK for babies to cry. This is how they talk. It will not hurt them.
Don't pick them up the second they make a peep. It will only lead to them always expecting that.
Take pictures! Your baby will change SO fast.
The middle of the night feedings suck! but use the time to cuddle your baby, some day he won't let you cuddle him as much.
write things down. You are hormonal, you will forget.
If you hubby is willing to help, let him, don't tell him how you would do it. Let him develop his way of doing things and then he will do them. If you are always redoing what he does, he will stop helping.
Let other people help. If they ask, the are serious about it.
it is ok to not answer the phone/door/email/whatever.
SLEEP when you can!
shower and get dressed daily! You will feel so much better if you are clean and dressed. Really helps too when the unexpected visitor stops by.
You will be hormonal. It is normal. Make sure your hubby knows this. One minute you may laugh, the next cry. It's normal!

Hope this helps.

I had no idea that I would bleed like crazy and make up for all those missed periods.

I also did not know that I would need my Lamaze breathing for the contractions I would get while breastfeeding those first few weeks.

It's OK to take time for YOU! Don't feel guilty about putting the baby in the bassinet or crib for a few minutes so you can get something done or just have 10 minutes to veg out.

Get out of the house with baby for a little while everyday! It's so easy to feel isolated and alone when you are at home with a newborn. Make yourself go somewhere, even if it's to the grocery store or to the mall to walk around.

Don't be afraid to ask for help from family & friends, and on the flip side, don't be afraid to tell well meaning friends & family that you do not want them to come visit right away. Being a new mom is hard enough without having to worry about entertaining!

Hope this helps!
A.
www.strollerfit.com

What a great idea! You should publish a book about this!
I wish I had known....
.that you bleed for about 5 weeks straight like crazy after giving birth
.that newborns have to be fed every 2 hours, 12 times a day, which gives you zero sleep
.that newborns only take cat naps and if you think "I'll just do the dishes and then take a nap" you will never get to it
.that you can go to the doctor & hospital for free for a weight check if you are concerned your baby doesn't gain
enough weight.
.that breastfeeding is super convenient, but it either works or doesn't. The world doesn't end if it doesn't.
.that you will make a big fuzz about your first born about eating organic food and using natural lotion and whatnot and they might start smoking when they are 16! So, relax!
.that Mums give their babies bacteria from their mouth by licking the spoon/pacifier clean before giving it to the baby.
.that it is better for you and the baby using medicin than having a baby in pain & agony
.that it is unbelievable how a little bundle can dictate and change your life
.that it is ok if the baby sleeps in the car seats for several hours, her bones will still be fine.
.that the legs are all curled inwards and the head might have a weird shape after giving birth, but it will all be fine in a few month.
.that all your baby wants is be rocked and carried and be close to you all the time.
.that it really helps to have white noise really loud to calm a baby since the blood flow and the heart in the womb are super loud (read Dr. Karp's book "the happiest baby on the block") and that a white noise CD and a baby bjoern are great investments!
.that you have to assign certain baby-tasks to your husband because he will feel left out because the baby will be almost always be attached to you like a third arm
.that investing in fancy baby clothes is stupid, since they outgrow them in 2-3 months.

No two diaper brands are alike. Experiment to see what works for your little one. I learned the hard way. Also if they start having lots of blow outs, go the next size up. Don't follow the sizing diaper charts to a tee. I hope that helps. It's kind of different advice. Have a great day...

Hi T.,
Looks like you are getting plenty of advice & like so many others I wish I had known to just relax and enjoy. I knew zero to start so it was all overwhelming and I wish I had known a WHOLE lot more than I did.
1) Breastfeeding is hard & it is different with every child. I wish I had known that they can fall asleep at the breast. I wish I had known to have at least two actual nursing shirts, and been prepared to nurse every 1 to 2 hrs!
2) Getting out of the house; knowing that little ones can be easier than a 1 yr old & the more you do it the easier it becomes. Join a group...any group. Mops, church, whatever to have other moms with babies for support
3) That there was plenty of time to develop good sleep habits, that doesnt need to be started asap. Read a variety of books on it & decide how she wants to do when baby is at least 3 months.
4) Stitches and hemmorieds uncomfortable! LOL be prepared with stool softners, pads, etc
5) Staying calm and maintaing sense of humour so important. Post part can happen to anyone so be aware

T. that is a super nice thing to do for your friend! :)

ya know, I think that it might be best to NOT give her this list! I think it is a wonderful thing to be a mother and just discover all of this on your own. Some may not happen anyway! I remember reading to my mom some of the stuff in What to expect... and she commented that some of it is kind of negative. So, I guess my advise to her would be to just enjoy her baby and let each day be a wonderful surprise...and not to get caught up in doing too much. The baby years come and go SOOOO quickly, believe it or not!! Enjoy the night time feedings and just look in wonder at your tiny baby while everyone else is asleep. Heaven!!

My best advice:

Avoid having an episiotomy during the birth, studies have shown that it is almost always better for the mother to tear naturally because the resulting injury is not as deep and severe as the episiotomy would have been. You may even get lucky and not tear at all (I didn't with my second baby, it IS possible). The tears tend to heal faster than episiotomys too.

Don't be afraid that you will spoil your baby with too much love. This is a very old myth and so many grandamas will still tell you that holding your baby too much or feeding on demand will spoil your baby but this is just not true. Hold your baby as much a possible, it is good for you and good for the baby. Car seats should stay in cars, avoid carrying your baby in her car seat everywhere, it is harder on your back than simply carrying the baby and it is not good for the baby's skull shaping (she could develop a flat head, it's common) or emotional state (she NEEDS to be held).

Do everything that you can to breastfeed, if you persevere through difficulties you will be rewarded with a wonderful experience of breatfeeding your child. Ask for help from lactation consultants or La Leche League or moms who have breastfed sucessfully, your OB and your baby's doctor will know next to nothing about breastfeeding and will most likely not be helpful in regards to breastfeeding concerns. For low milk supply take the herbs fenugreek and blessed thissle, for virtually non-existent milk supply, ask your doctor to prescribe Domperidone (Motilium) it is safe and not associated with an increased risk of depression. Nurse your baby whenever she is hungry wherever you happen to be, if other people have a problem with you breastfeeding in public that is THEIR problem, not yours.

Enjoy the precious time when your baby is little, she will grow up too fast!

Stupid advise but every little thing helps. I had no idea that I needed those huge nightime pads. I figured I had regular periods that the little thin maxi pads were enough. I had to send my husband out (*gulp*) to get the monster nighttime ones. Not a big deal, but had I know, I would have gotten the brand I like :) Also purchase breast pads, both disposable and re-useable, you really dont know what you will prefer until its you leaking!!

I would say that I didn't expect to still look 7 months pregnant when I left the hospital. Tell her not to be shocked if that happens-it slowly comes off in the weeks to follow and it is kind of fun to wake up every morning and see your belly consistently get smaller. Also, I was really scared about how to take care of a baby when I was pregnant. I took a lot of classes which helped but a lot of it also came really natural after my daughter was here. Oh and by 6 weeks she was sleeping through the night so tell her there is hope! Oh and also-we use cloth diapers-bumgenius.com (all-in-ones)-they are so easy. I was intimidated at first but they are really really easy and it sure beats running out to get disposable ones all the time.

I wish I had known not to nurse or feed a bottle to them to help them go to sleep. I was a frantic mess with my first because I nursed her to sleep. She got used to the feeding help and I became a living pacifier. Not fun. With my second I fed her and kept her awake so that she could finish falling asleep with out me or a bottle. Put her down sleepy but not asleep. It was like night and day for us!

Three things that stand out to me that I wished i had known are:
1. Sleep deprivation -- no one really tells you just how hard the first three to four months are so be prepared that you aren't going to get quality sleep during that time (and not sure if you really ever do ever again!) and it will be tough but there will come a time where the baby will sleep more than three to four hours at a time and it will get better.
2. Seek out other moms and babies -- I joined a class at my rec center when my son was three months old, it was called Mommy and Me and it was once a week for a half hour but it was great to get out and meet other mothers with kids the same age as my son and since then I became friends with three of the other moms and we formed a playgroup on our own that we still have once a week and our kids are now 3. It helped to be around others and share your experiences with.
3. I took a Bradley childbirth class and the instructor gave a piece of advice that I will never forget. She said that when you have a baby life becomes a "circle". You basically move from one thing to the next such as feeding, sleeping, changing diapers, etc., and don't look at it in a linear fashion as I would tend to do -- look at it as a circle where all the events just keep going from one thing to the next and take it one at a time and that really helped me to adjust.
Hope this helps.