Things Mom's Want to Know When Expecting First Child.

Hi S.,
I think one of the things that needs to be explained really well is "pushing" when the baby is born. If you really explain which muscles are being used it would be helpful and then explain that it's really hard to have bowel movements afterwards. Everyone is always so focused on talking about pain management during labor that they don't talk about pushing and the pain afterwards and how hard it is to walk the first couple of days.

The other thing I found (and my sister in law did too) was that my fingers hurt for weeks after the baby was born. My other mentioned this as well. I'm not sure what caused it but it was almost like carpel tunnel. It went away after about 2 months.

The last thing you should let the expectant mothers know is that no matter how prepared they are by taking classes and reading books, their baby will have thier own personality/likes/dislikes and may not follow all the normal patterns that are talked about in the books. And let them know that it's ok if their baby does his own thing. For example, my husband almost divorced me because I couldn't swaddle a doll in class (he could) and every book we read said the baby has to be swaddled. Well, my son hated being swaddled from day one so I never had to do it anyway. A lot of what you do with a new born is just winging it until you find what works best with your kid's personality.

Hope this helps.

L.

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I wish someone had told me that once babies regain their birth weight you don't have to wake them up to feed them at night. I feel like I did that longer than I needed to when we could have all been sleeping!

I also wish that I had perfected the swaddling technique more quickly.

Otherwise, while I was pregnant I kind of wish that I had kept myself a little more ignorant of the entire process. I did so much research that I actually freaked myself out a bit. I scared myself out of having an epidural right away and really it was no big deal.

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i was a teen mom, and having had health class in a large public school system, they didn't bother explaining too much. neither did my parents. neither did the OB. so i thought that you go into labor it hurts and you push the baby out, it could last for hours, should i get an episiotomy or see if i tear. anyway, nobody told me about the placenta, so when the OB told me to push again, after my baby came out, i said, "what?! im done! the baby's out!"

i guess what i mean to say is don't forget about the basic details. you never know what these women were taught.

also, the fact that you cant expect it to go a certain way and that everyones bodies are different and react a different way after birth. and how long and painful the healing process can be and the different degrees of tears, etc.
cover EVERYTHING as much as you can.

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S.,

Practical information on breastfeeding including what type of help you can get from a lactation consultant, what sort of support you can get in the hospital, as well as information on pumping effectively for women planning to return to work. Information on how to make sure your infant is getting enough milk, signs of dehydration, when to call the pediatrician, how milk supply works and how to establish it. You'd think nursing would be easy because it is natural, but it really isn't easy. But oh, so worth it.

:-)T.

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1. Babie need to be at home with their mommies, not daycare
2. Don't forget about your hubby (he needs attention to) and it's OK if his way is different than your way-just be glad for the help.
3. If anyone offers help, take it, don't try to be supermom
4. Explain about the bleeding afterwards & how long it lasts-I had no idea
5. Difference between episiotomy & tearing and proper care to heal(I had both-tearing much faster recovery)
6. Epidural-make sure it's turned off soon enough to push
7. Beware the hemoroids from pushing.
8. forget about the house for a few weeks-sleep when the baby does!

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My response is about "stuff." I was under the impression that I needed the swing, the bassinet, the bouncer. Those things only get used for 3-4 months!!!
I would also teach about baby wearing!

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1. It is the hardest and best thing you will ever do
2. If you want to breast feed, commit to it and do not give up. It may be difficult for several weeks. Take a class, have a book available for help, and realize it gets MUCH easier with time. (I was at the lactation consultant's office until my daughter was 11wk old, in pain, but determined. Then suddenly things got easier and she breastfed for 12 months) Everyone I know who stopped breastfeeding thought it would be easy, painless, and gave formula at less than one week of age. This does not help.
3. Rely on friends and family who recently had babies and find at least one person you can call when desperate in the middle of the night.
4. Join a playgroup/moms group so you can learn together.
5. Realize everything gets easier with time - the first diaper can be a challenge but the 50th is a snap even in the dark on 2hr sleep.
6. Trust your instincts
7. It is ok for a baby to cry for a few minutes. You'll feel much better with an empty bladder or after a shower.
8. Enjoy the first weeks of cuddling, naps, time off work, help from friends and family. It will be gone before you know it.

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Hi S.,

Please check out my book - What Haven't They Told Me? Practical Tips for Surviving and Thriving During Baby's First Year. It's available at 32 stores in 12 states, as well as on my website and on Amazon. It might be a great resource for you and those who attend your class, and I can make copies available to you at the wholesale price.

Regards,
L.
www.OffRampPublishing.com

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I wish I had known more about postpartum depression after my first baby was born. I felt lost and sad, and I had never expected to feel that way. Seems like everyone expects new moms to just bask in all this joy, but the truth is, adjusting to new motherhood is HARD, and it's not always a joyful time.

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I really wish that someone would have told me that my baby would have her "days and nights" mixed up in the beginning. The first 2 weeks home, we were up for an hour in the middle of the night, then 2, then 3, etc....I would get so upset and exhausted - being a single mom I am the only one lucky to be up with the baby! However, it wasn't until my daughters 2 week check up that her pedetrition told me that this was totally normal. Her suggestion to me was to have a glass of water and a snack, and stop looking at the clock. The minute I stopped counting minutes of "sleep lost for me".....it got a little easier. It only took about 2 weeks after that point for her to get "turned around".
I also learned from the nurses in the hospital that even though the dr may say you can leave after 1-2 days, if your insurance covers you for 4 days, you can stay....the dr cannot kick you out! I say, stay as long as you possibly can so you can get the help you need before you go home (especially if you are a single mom!)
Good luck with your class!
T. - single mom to a beautiful 17 month old princess!

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I was a freak when it came to researching everything while I was pregnant with my first. The one thing that threw me for a loop, was during labor, I became nauseaus and threw up a lot. I was so shocked, I was prepared for the pain and discomfort, but never heard anywhere that I might throw up! It felt a lot worse than it would have had I known it was a possibility.

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Hi S.!
As a first time mother, (since my baby was pre-mature),
There was a great deal of frustration "Breast Feeding".
I did NOT know how, my baby did NOT know how, and we both
of us just cried!
Fortunately, a Really Wonderful Nurse came to our rescue!
She spent some time with me showing me how to hold the
nipple and saved the day!!

Also, another thing I wish I would have known more about
is; Babies and gassy tummies!! Very painful for the baby!
I ended up taking my baby to the ER.

I Wish You All the Best,
And May God Bless You for Your Efforts!!

C. S.

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I hope what I am going to say will be clear - I'm not sure the best way to put this, and maybe 'objective' is not the best word, but I think you'll get my drift

The only 2 objectives of childhood, of children, are to:
1) Play.
2) Be with their parents - Mommy mostly.

I never understood, and so was resentful of my little ones, they wanted me all the time, and I wanted 'me' time too. Now I know that everything has a season, and I will have time to myself again. But we shelter and guide them, we have to be considerate of them, not vice versa.
I wish I had understood this right from the beginning, I would have been a nicer parent I think. I just didn't understand their need for me, me, me!!

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It was very helpful to me when a friend of ours told me honestly that it takes a full 8 weeks to really get the hang of breastfeeding and get to a point where I wouldn't be in pain while my son was figuring out how to latch on. It was almost to the day of the 8 week mark that I finally felt confident and virtually pain free! Also, regarding breastfeeding, it would be very helpful to explain what your supposed to do if you get nipples that are scabbed and bleeding during this time. I never really knew what the best thing was during this time. I just basically took my son off of that breast until it healed.

Have fun with your class. Make them informed but at ease and excited. Remember it's a scary time for all 1st timers! Maybe informing Moms of websites they can go to in the middle of the night while they're up with baby would be helpful. They're not going to remember everything right now anyhow!

Good luck!
M.

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I know when I had my second and third child, I had more questions than the first time around. What to do with a baby who wants to feed all the time??? What to do with a baby who has painful gas all the time? You know, homepathic ways so you don't feel like you are drugging your newborm baby all the time. I know the laws have changed within just the last couple of years for car seats....which way etc...what are the benefits of breastfeeding as opposed to breastfeeding. I would have wanted to know that breastfeeding also alienates Daddy & siblings from the whole feeding process too! Good Luck & God Bless You!

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I took all of the classes offered through Hoag Hospital, which were all excellent; except the things I don't recall them covering were how important it is to do kegel exercises and what can happen if you don't start doing them early on and when you can start doing them after giving birth, and the deal with the newborn/babies wearing caps and mittens. I thought my baby needed to wear a cap all of the time and I'm not sure when I need to stop putting mittens on her little hands. I know to put them on because right now she may scratch her face or eyes, but don't know when to expect this to stop.

Oh and the biggest, my baby blues were completly about how much I missed being pregnant. The day after giving birth, the baby blues kicked in high gear and I was missing being pregnant. I missed having my baby inside of me knowing that I was protecting her and keeping her safe. I also loved the birthing experience and kept wanting to go back and do it all over again! Those are what I cried about for one week.

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There breathing pattern. I remember when my baby girl was sleeping the first couple weeks- and her breathing was a little arratic. it freaked me out!

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I wish I knew more about nighttime parenting and that the first couple of weeks, the baby doesn't know the difference between night and day. When the baby is in the womb, the baby probably slept through the day while the mother is in motion and moved a lot at night when the mother is asleep. Once the baby is born, the same pattern ensues until you learn to get the baby to adapt. What helped me for more restful nights was to frequently feed throughout the day (showing baby that daytime is for eating and nighttime is for sleeping), wearing the baby and making sure baby doesn't sleep during the day for more than 2-3 hours in one nap.

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I couldn't count the times,that a friend or one of my sisters called me ...(upset) "He won't stop crying" "Why is he crying? I changed him,fed him his bottle,but hes unhappy. I think,it would take alot of the stress,worry and questions out of parents minds,if they learned about (different cries) For instance...You can tell a babies (tired cry) compared to a baby who may have colic.A fussy cry,compared to one that tells you something is wrong.I know in time, most parents will recognize these cries,but it is troublesome for most parents when they first bring a baby home,and they think a babies cries always mean there is something wrong,or they are not doing something right. How many times,have you seen a mother and her baby at the mall,and the baby is crying...she says...(whats the matter? why are you crying? All the while your thinking....Uhhhh Sounds like hes trying to tell you something...Like....(IM TIRED AND WANT TO GO TO SLEEP IN MY CRIB!! "CAN YOU LIKE DO THIS ANOTHER TIME MAYBE? Lol Good luck with your classes. S.

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Hi S.,

Here's what I would tell new mommies...

1) I never knew about all the post partum bleeding. If a colleague hadn't told me (and gifted me with all the appropriate supplies), I would've been up the proverbially creek.

2) My pediatrician always encouraged me to feed my baby every 2.5-3 hours during the day, even if it meant waking my baby up, and on demand at night. She always said the top two reasons babies don't sleep well at night is because they're not tired or they're hungry. So, if you wake them up to feed them regularly, they'll not only not be able to fall into a deep sleep during the day, they'll also get enough food to not be as hungry at night. Both my boys slept through the night at six weeks on this plan!

3) A colleague of mine recommended that the first week after baby was born it should just be mom, dad and baby at home so they could get used to the new situtation and learn to rely on each other. My mom was pretty bummed about not being at the hospital (we lived five hours apart), but it worked out. My husband was home the first week, my mom the second week and my Grandmother came for the third and fourth weeks. With this strung out schedule, everyone got their special time with the baby and I got help for the first month. That was very cool.

Those were my big lessons. I hope they help a bit! Good luck with your class!

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I would just supply the new moms with a good support phone number. Sometimes it's information overload when your pregnant and after the baby is born it's nice to have someone to call to ask questions like, "how long can a newborn go without pooping?"
Hoag in Newport Beach has the Hoag babyline, they answer like 9-5 M-F. That support line was one of the best things for a new mom!

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I had a problem when my breast became engorged just shortly after my son and I first got home from the hospital and my son wasn't feeding enough to relieve my discomfort. It was very painful and I wasn't sure what to do to relieve the condition. Also, I had a problem with my breast leaking while we were out and about and my breast were ready for feeding time and my son was still taking a nap. I don't think any of these topics were touched on during the parenting and childbirth classes that I had taken while I was expecting.

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Things I learned that were very helpful:
- Pre-register at the hospital you wish to have your delivery. This made checking in a breeze when we arrived before midnight.
- When someone offers help, take it! I was sooo in love with our daughter I wanted to spend the every waking moment with her but I was also very tired. Luckily in-laws were very willing to take care of her when I took my power naps.
- Go on date nights with hubby. If there's no hubby in the picture, go out with the girls.
- You can never have enough diapers :)

Things I wish I knew:
- If/When you breastfeed, expect to be sore for the first few weeks.
- Giving the baby a bath is nothing like you practiced in class.
- Ring slings are convenient and very easy to make.
- You may still have to wear your maternity clothes after giving birth.
- Babies grow so fast. Keep gift receipts in case clothes don't fit anymore that you can exchange them for a bigger size(as long as baby didn't wear them yet).
- Babies don't need shoes until they're walking.

This is all I could remember for now. Hope this helps :)

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I got pretty depressed after I had my baby. I didn't even realize that I was depressed until after I was totally better. I was HUGELY irrational, tired, and had no confidence in what I was doing. I never thought that I would have gotten depressed prior to having the baby....but I did.

The other thing I think all mom's should know.....you NEVER get a day off.

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Dear S.,

What I needed to know that no one told me that almost made me crazy was that my baby might sleep through the first night home (just 24 hours old), from exhaustion from being born! I spent about 4 hours trying everything they (nurses at the hospital) told me to wake him up to feed him and was nearly hysterical. I was on the phone with the nurses (who only told me to do what I had been doing for the last 3 hours!) and my mother-in-law who told me not to worry about it - and later my mother was upset that I didn't call her (but she had to get up to go to work in the morning), because she wold have told me too, not to worry about it . . . My mother was very upset that I had been sent home, thinking that if I had been in the hospital, the nurses would have been dealing with it and I wouldn't have even known about it . . . (btw, we survived and he's a college freshman this year!)

This is the first thing that popped into my head when I read your letter -
Good Luck with your new endeavor!
B.

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Fake it, the baby won't know the difference. As long as you aren't doing anything to seriously endanger baby- then it will be fine. Like "The Dog Whisperer", Caesar Milan- says calm assertive energy. The baby can feel your trepidation and/ or security...which is why many times the baby calms instantly with an experienced Grandmother/ Doula? etc because she is relaxed. So if you don't know what to do in a certain situation pretend you do- and soon you will. Make sense?? It is a way stop dubting yourself long enough to trust your instincts.

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I am the mom of four, the oldest is 27, the youngest is 8. With baby #1 I wish I'd known so much that I know now! First of all, I wish I'd known not to expect a baby to sleep through the night for at least the first year. I wish I'd known that jaundice is NORMAL and almost always self-correcting, and not to freak out about it. I wish I'd known that breast feeding can be rough at first, but that if you keep at it, it WILL work out and be totally worth it for everyone involved. I wish I'd known that sitting and holding and nursing a newborn is much more important than getting the house clean. I wish I'd known that all newborns DO NOT sleep most of the time. I wish I'd known not to pay attention to the "averages", not to compare my child to anybody else's child. I wish I'd known that it is better to downsize hugely in order to stay home with your kids. I wish I'd known that a happy home is better than a tidy home.

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One thing that was a big surprise to me.... the first few weeks we really could not put our baby down. You buy swings, bassinets, bouncy chairs, etc. All these things that you think the baby will go in, but NO... not for the first couple of weeks anyway. It's the one thing I always tell parents-to-be and they ALWAYS thank me later. You're so excited to be a new parent that you want to hold your baby, but you forget about how in the world you're going to go to the bathroom or eat, and forget about showering - ha! It's a beautiful time.

One more thing. Prepare more for the baby than the delivery. People need to read, read, read about how to comfort a crying baby, breastfeeding (or bottle), know the cycle of eat, sleep, and active time (not a lot in the beginning), and understand that a baby needs help to go to sleep in the beginning. It's all about understanding cues. As women, we're often so scared of the delivery, but that is just one day (hopefully!). We need to read and prepare for the care of the baby while we have time and before sleep deprivation comes our way!

Hope that helps!

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Nursing, sleeping, first few baths with the chord... What to expect post partum in the hospital, a lot is assumed if you work there, but a lot of unknowns for new moms.

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There have already been some great suggestions. I would like to add 2 things.

1. The latest on SIDS- I do a lot of reading so I learned some things that the class I took didn't say. I recently took a class on it (I'm a childcare provider) and found out even more, some stuff that I had done "wrong" with mine.

2. I took a class before I delivered and then the baby came. While all that info was great, what I really needed was a class while I was actually going through all the new things. The best thing I could find was a breastfeeding support group and we talked about all aspects of new babies. I think a "post birth" class would really help!

Good luck!

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go thru all the things newborns do that would freak you out if you didn't know, i.e.: eye-crossing, hiccuping, jaw trembling, etc.

also, beyond basic hygiene/feeding lessons, what I found so helpful is this dvd:

"Surviving and Thriving During Your Baby's First Year" avail at amazon and www.babygroupvideo.com. Goes thru all the first year questions and concerns w/real moms, like having a virtual support group and gives easy to understand summaries. made my first time out SO much easier!

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S., I would have wanted to know that there is no manual to having a baby and if you do your best everything turns out good. Also I would have liked info on how to pick a great Doctor (for baby) and how important it is to have a good OBGYN on your side. Throw the birthing plan out the window because you never know what will happen. How breastfeeding takes determination and to keep it up if you really want to do it. I would totally reccomend a class specificaly for breastfeeding if that is the choice for mother. Lastly, the best things to have for the baby BEFORE you have them, because running around with a newborn (unless it's your second time around) is almost impossible in the begining.

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I wish someone would have explained in detail how the first weeks were going to be for me and my body. I did so much to prepare for the baby that I put no thought or had no idea what I personally was going to experience physically.

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Oh my gosh, I felt so lost! No one told me it would be so hard. (mine are teens now, I made it, shew!)

Breast feeding was awful for me. The nurses made me feel like I should have known the technique and blamed me for the kids not latching on, and my impatience when they were screaming neverendingly. It really upset me. Then the pain, I wasn't expecting the sore breasts like that, and to let someone suck on a sore spot, wow, that hurt!
Keeping that extracter nearby for congestion at first. I had a couple of good scares when my kids were choking on them at my bed side when the nurse wasn't around. My baby was turning blue and they were again mad at me for not knowing what to do!
"Just suck it out of his nose like this". They were all disgusted with me. I hope most people don't have rude nurses like I did.
"Everyone's experience is different"... expect the unexpected. I had two kids. First one came early and naturally. I had an epidural. The second one was 10 days late, I was going to be induced, but then I went in to labor on the day of inducing, and she was breach!!! I had read about breach babies in the waiting room of the clinic, but never thought it would happen to me! She came out sucking her toe! They had a hard time keeping her legs down at first. It was kind of funny. But wow, how unexpected!! (she also has red hair, which never crossed my mind as being an option, it's beautiful auburn and from day 1 has had so many compliments about her color that she's actually sick of hearing it at age 15)
Diapers are not cheap! And you go through a ton!
Husbands usually gag when changing diapers, mine wouldn't do it! He also had to run from the room when they threw up! sheesh! Husbands my act tough, but they are wusses! (some)
I was glad someone told me how durable they are at a young age, so not to worry so much if they fall a lot. They bounce back quick even if they break a bone.
Keep a close eye on them when they first start to walk and crawl, they get away fast! Mine pushed through the screen door and was crying. I couldn't find him at first, then when I did he was in the back yard! He climbed onto a folding chair and it collapsed with him in it. He bit through his tongue so blood was coming out and I panicked! I was 5 months pregnant with my second kid, and was babysitting a 4 month old, so I couldn't rush him to the hospital. I freaked out! CAlled 911, and by the time the firetruck and paramedics were here, he had finally stopped crying and was smiling at the strangers. I felt so stupid! Tongues heal on their own so long as they are not completely severed off! Lucky for me he only had two teeth at that age.
Boys are definitely less fearful than girls. WAtch the boys when they climb all the time! Same one that bit through his tongue as a baby crawling, jumped across two cement walls in the park, but missed, and bit through his tongue again as a 9 year old. Almost bit it off this time! Poor guy. :( Two big slits on both sides!!! He's fine now. Almost 16. So if your motherly instincts kick in and forsee something like this, go with it, you are right!
Dealing with teachers was kind of new to me as well. I had no idea that they knew so much about my kids "tendancies" and that they were kind of different at school than at home. Don't ignore the teachers, they aren't lying if they say your perfect child is acting up! Teachers are 95% of the time right that it's your kid's fault not the other kids' fault.
Help their teachers! Even if your kid has seperation anxiety, tends to hang on you when you are there, begs to go home once you are helping in class, go ahead and help out in class. It helps you get a feel for what they are learning, and where they need help, and the teachers always need the help! There are bulletin boards to build, kids who fall behind to help tutor, copies to be made, and they always always always appreciate the help! They don't get paid enough if you ask me!
Donate to their classrooms, kleenex, paper etc... they need it!
And one more thing... when they are adolescent teens. Don't think your little angel is incapable of misbehaving. They learn to act nice when around you, and can be a totally different person around others. My daughter is only almost 15 (this August) and has confided some things to me that I am in shock over. Don't listen to people who say not to be their friend. BE their friend and parent too. Being their friend helps them feel comfortable about telling you things you'd have never told your mom or dad about when you were a kid. Believe me, it helps!

My advice would be MOM's need breaks to. That when the father gets home he needs to take the baby for 15 to 30 min while mom goes on a walk, Talks to a friend, reads a book, ETC. Just because a baby takes a nap doesn't mean mom toke a break, she is usually cleaning house doing laundry picking up etc. and she is still checking on the baby, constantly worrying if she/he is breathing, or awake yet. This will help mom to relax and be a better mom when she is on duty.

Also that babies can tell when you are stressed, and most likely they will tens up and act out by crying none stop. It's ok to put the baby in the crib and let it cry. While you take a break and pull yourself together, this doesn't make you a bad mom, and your baby won't get hurt in the crib. If you can hear the baby crying then the baby is okay. Sometimes moms need time-outs too, some take longer then others. It's better to put your baby down in the crib and walk away for a few minutes then to get so frustrated that you take it out on the baby and shake it uncontrolably.

Usually that few minutes away calms you down so that you can think more about what the problem is, then you can go take care of it. Babies can cry alot for reasons we don't know. But taking the time to think about things and relax usually makes baby better because we come back calm.

Once I learned this I never had problems with screaming babies.

One other thing no-one ever tells a new mom is that honey is bad for babies, not that we come home from the hospital and feed them a peanutbutter and honey sandwhich, but it's bad for them in the first couple years. At least on a daily bases. J.

Two things...

1. Do not leave the hospital until they kick you out. You may feel fine, but some problems, like jaundice can take a day to become obvious.

2. Leave your modesty at the door, because everyone will see everything.

I was a young first mom - 21yrs old and not somewhat naive. I did not expect the delivery to be so uncomfortable and painful. We attended pre-natal classes and were taught about the breathing but it just didn't make sense at the time. I was so surprised at how physically demanding it was to deliver a baby and take care of a newborn! No one talked about the sheer physical "labor" the whole endeavor takes! I am a happy mom of five now - for the next deliveries I figured out my own breathing because I had learned how to relax. I did whatever it took to get to that peaceful calm place so that my strength was used efficiently through the delivery as well as the challenging first few months of having a newborn.

I wish someone had told me to stay at the hospital as long as I could. There is nothing to describe the fear I had over my daughter's well-being. I was deathly afraid that SIDS would take her life so talking about the actual statistics would've helped me alot and the precautions to take would have been great.

I wish someone would have told me that having someone come stay with you after the birth is a necessity. Whether it's a family member or friend, having someone else there really helps keep you sane.

Nobody told me how much I would cry. And I didn't have postpartum. I cried because I was scared, because I was worried. But mostly, I cried because those first two weeks, I thought, "What did I get myself into?" I loved my daughter more than anything, but I felt guilty for feeling like it was harder than I thought it was going to be. But my the second month I felt like an old pro!

Something that I didn't really know and have noticed others experience the same thing, is how often you have to feed a new born. Every two hours from start to start. I knew it was a lot, but was not prepared for that much. I breast feed and that is basically all I did for the first 6-12 weeks. All he did was eat. I was lucky to get a 15 minute break. It also seems very common for newborns to have jaundice. Maybe a brief explanation of it, along with how to get rid of it, such as not missing a feeding and sun exposure. I'm sure I could go on and on if I really thought about it, but I have an 8 month old boy at my heals. We are going for a walk at the bay this morning. Got to go. The last thing is to introduce a bottle at 3 weeks. I have known people that didn't do this and regretted it. Even if they reject it, keep trying. I have given my son a bottle once a day since 3 weeks. He did reject it for a short time, but eventually took it again. Just keep trying and don't be afraid to try things. Also, I'm sure this one is pretty basic, but try things early while the baby is still very young.

I wish I had read more about sleep patterns, establishing a routine (or not) with the feedings and the sleeping, etc... The sleep thing was huge for me. I also wish I had gotten more organized to ask for support and help once my mom left, because at that point, I crashed. She left right when my husband went back to work, and I was left all alone to deal with the newness of this...

I wish I had known a little more about how I would feel after the birth. I had an intense fear for my little one. I had heard about post-pardum depression, but this didn't seem to match. I didn't want any knives sitting out, I couldn't go onto the balcony with her. It was intense. Only months later (after it had faded away) did I learn about post-partum OCD. It would have been nice to know that there are other emotional hurdles to get over. Everything I read (after the birth) said that unless I had thoughts of hurting my baby it was probably just the baby blues so I didn't say anything to anyone, and it was hard. I'm sure you don't need to to go into a full discussion of this sort of thing with a baby care class, but it would have been nice for me if someone had mentioned that there are other emotional challenges, even if you don't have full blown depression.

One thing I've always said I wished someone had told me:

You always hear breastfed babies eat every two hours. I wish wish WISH someone had told me this was a total crock and that they REALLY eat every 45 minutes around the clock. I was so unprepared for that . . . and that's something I've heard from a lot of new mommas.

Also that the whole not sleeping for the first few months really means NOT SLEEPING for the first few months. ( :

Also, everyone tells you to stock up on diapers etc. . . . but no one warns you exactly how many batteries you will go through!! Lol.

Learn to eat, shower, and poop fast! try to see the glass as half full. When the baby only wants to sleep in your arms and not in a crib remember that in a few years they will be too big to rock to sleep. Most importantly ask for help, momhood can be overwhelming at times.
Find a mommy group if possible. Stroller Strides is a great franchise. You get in shape with baby by your side. Helps beat PPD and makes you a great role model.
Lactation education after baby is vital. Once the baby comes is when you have all the questions not prior.
Respect your children remember they are people too. We forget to pay them the same respect as we do our partners sometimes. For instance we might get on our cell phones in the middle of a story our child is telling. They deserve a simple, excuse me while I make this phone call.

- the mesh underwear are normal right after birth
- be prepared with EXTRA big, EXTRA absorbent pads
- breastfeeding (all the stuff others wrote)
- jaundice (I was unprepared for my child to go under "the lights" and I cried and cried)
- transitioning kids to solid foods (I made all kinds of mistakes with my first; my second had to go through OT for feeding issues and I learned so much from the OT and the nutritionist that I feel all moms need to know...from when to transition, how to transition, how much to feed, how to introduce new foods, how to get your kid to eat so it won't be a battle, etc. etc. etc.

I think talking about the anxities parents feel dealing with the new changes in their life. Loving their child but being afraid of all the responsibility. To get support. Find support so you don't feel alone with your feelings.

Also I feel it is important to let parents aware of all the power they do have in the hospital. A lot of parents don't know what they have control over. Making sure that it is a positive and happy experience for all involved.

Hope that helps.

R.

Hi S.,
Thanks for asking for input. I'm expecting my 6th child and would love to teach a class like you're putting together! I agree with April D. that some mention of what post-partum depression could look like or those "baby blues" feelings would be very helpful. Also, encourage the moms to seriously consider a breastfeeding support class in their area. Perhaps you could research what's available and when at the hospital you work at or elsewhere because I think that would be helpful for new moms to go to. I had bad postpartum depression after my first and second children and had I been strongly encouraged to go check out a class it could have helped me significantly to have other moms to talk to. Even if women were bottle-feeding, they shold have a place to go to as well. Perhaps considering starting a new mommies group regardless of how they're nourishing their babies is something you could look into or start yourself. They'll have so many more questions after their litle babies come. Good luck!

Please, please, please tell new moms that pain during breastfeeding doesn't always mean you're doing it wrong. I have nursed three babies and it hurt like h*** with each one, at least for the first week or two. I thought for sure I was doing it wrong because I was always told that "breastfeeding doesn't hurt if you do it right". Well, now I know, and all of the other moms I know agree. It's just going to hurt for a while!

Dear S.,
I have a one week old now - it is my first child.
The things that have me most frustrated with are:
1. Breastfeeding. How often to feed at the different ages, how long to feed (both sides, one side?) Should you force the child to feed if they fall asleep at the breast or just consider them done - for all ages?

2. Sleeping - how much sleep do they need and how to get them to sleep longer.

3. Crying - how to comfort a crying chid - it is a big guessing game. How much crying is too much and not normal.

It seems whenever I ask a midwife (I am currently in Switzerland) about something I'm worried about they just say "that's normal" - which is good to know but I would also like to know how to improve things.

Best of luck to you and your class - wish I could have taken it.
L.

I wish I knew about the sleep deprivation. That is the one thing I was not aware of after my first child and while I was pregnant with my second, I was dreading it.

knowing when to call the doctor in the first 2 weeks I think is so important. I have 4 kids and so many of my friends called me after their first to come look at the babys belly button (when the cord was comming off), it didn't look right they thought. Totally normal! That babies if they are sick in the first few weeks of life will not get a fever, but get cool. Setting a good schedule, where a baby eats, wake time, then sleeps. Babies that spit up should be propped up more, plus along the lines of spitting up, how much is really comming out (its amazing how much even a tablespoon looks like spilt on the floor). I think the most important thing a mom needs to know is to RELAX, don't research the internet for "what this rash could be", it can just be to scary, but to always trust your mommy insticts, and enjoy this time now, because soon they will be talking back!

The essentials of setting up the nursery: diapers, desitin, burp cloths, changing pads, etc.

good luck w the program. great idea.

I wish I knew how hard breastfeeding was going to be. I had no idea. I had watched my mom breastfeed all of my younger siblings and I took it for granted that it would just happen. I was not prepared for the pain or for how difficult it was to get the baby to latch on and nurse productively without falling asleep. There was a place in Carlsbad on Ave Encinas that had a breastfeeding support group on Friday mornings (this was 3 years ago when I had my first so I don't know if they are still doing it). My Bradley instructor had assigned for us to visit before the baby was born, but I never did - I wish I had.
As for the rest, I was warned that it was hard and you wouldn't get much sleep, but I don't think I really believed it!

I truly believe that breastfeeding a baby is one of the greatest gifts a mother can give her child. I nursed both my daughters for one year. Trust me, I celebrated when I weaned them, but the act of breastfeeding is very special.

I wish health care providers would be upfront about the ups and downs of breastfeeding. I can understand how women quit after the first few days because it is difficult and it hurts. At first I couldn't get the baby to latch on properly and my nipples hurt. Also, it takes a little while for the milk to come in so let mommies know that they can use a syringe with some formula if baby is really hungry.

Mostly, let them know that it won't always be easy but to stick with it and know that with time things will get easier. There is a learning curve for mommy and baby.

i really wish someone had told me that breast milk supply establishes at 6 weeks and that's why you need to pump a lot in the beginning as well as nurse so you have the extra milk and that you build up your supply so it doesn't drop drastically at 6 weeks. also i had no idea babies could only be up 2 hours ata time in the beginning.

Please encourage your new mommy's to breastfeed and do not alarm them if baby can't latch correctly right away. These days so many mommies are encouraged to supplement with formula when all the baby needs is to be put on the breast more often. ALSO please make sure mommies know that there is SOME DEGREE of pain when breastfeeding, but it should be about a 2-3 on the pain scale. Please tell them of the MANY benefits of breastfeeding!!! ALSO please tell them how beneficial it is for babies to get the colostrum and that their milk WILL come in... please encourage them to nurse on demand whenever baby needs it!

Can you tell I am a HUGE breastfeeding advocate?!?!?! ;)

I wish that I would have read somewhere that my old (even baggy) clothes wouldn't fit coming home from the hospital! :)

It's funny to look at the pictures now, but I was slightly horrified to see my big belly sticking out between my normal length top and my sweat pants!

I'm a bookworm so I read a ton before my daughter was born. I felt as prepared as a new mom can feel, except for this which was a completle shock. hahaha

that your nipples can crack and bleed in the initial stages of breastfeeding even when the baby is latching "correctly", that u have no interest in anything else but the baby, that it is so hard to leave the baby to go to work. Expect the unexpected, keep a very open mind...Every pregnancy and baby is soooo different.