Is there any way to POLITELY ask someone to stop smoking near your child? I was at a great park with my kids, there were signs all over the park that stated no smoking was allowed, the parking lot had a smoking area sign so it was clear that the only place people were allowed to smoke was in the parking lot, NOT in the playground area! And of course there were 2 (2!!!) people breaking that rule and blowing smoke right at the children! I didn’t know how to approach them without being really mean and nasty to them (I really wanted to be mean!) So I just took my kids as far away from them as possible, but of course they were following their own kids around the playground so we still ended up breathing in quite a bit of smoke. I think that smokers just don’t realize how annoying and unhealthy it is for us to breathe in their nasty smoke! On an unrelated note, I had to run to the grocery store the other day and visited an aisle that a man had just walked out of, he was not smoking at the time of course but the whole aisle reeked of cigarette smoke even after he left, that smell just clings to a person for hours! Anyway, any ideas for asking a smoker to stop blowing smoke at my kids?
Thanks for everyone's opinions, even the angry ones. :) To be clear, I am friends with and also related to some people, who smoke. I love them dearly and I do not automatically despise smokers (just the cigarettes). But there is a time and a place for everything right? I just don't see why a person cannot abstain from smoking for an hour or two to play with their children at the park, if that is not possible then that person needs serious help. It is not about smell so much as it is about the poisons in the smoke (I know everybody smells sometimes, and I know that to East Asians Americans have a unique stench) . I have seen moms rail against the evils of fruit juice or (gasp!) candy and call THAT poison, but cigarettes contain ACCTUAL POISONS! When I was a child I lived in some foreign cities that (despite all their beauty and charm) were very polluted and where there was no such thing as no smoking areas, I chose to raise my children in rural(ish) America in part because of the clean air and water here, so that is why it upsets me when people choose to contaminate areas that have been set aside for children.
Sometimes I wish I could just carry around a squirt bottle to use on the offenders for just these occasions. Puff. *Squirt* "Hey! Stop squirting me! I don't like it!"
"Please stop smoking around the play area. *I* don't like it."
"I can smoke where I damn well please!"
Puff. *Squirt*
(The irony would be lost on them, but I would get a laugh out of it.)
"Excuse me, would you mind smoking in the designated smoking area?" If they got huffy (SO many smokers do...grumble. THEY might like getting cancer, but I don't!!) I would point out the signs everywhere.
Ugh, the old person smoke smell. That is the worst. The smoke is actually absorbed into their skin and hair from decades of smoking. I can't even associate with smokers, because I am so sensitive to it. I literally get ill. Why people are still dumb enough to smoke, I will never understand.
I'm a smoker and would NEVER smoke at a playground! Geez! I don't want anyone blowing smoke at my kids just the same as you so I would have done what you did or gently ask them to move away from the kiddos until they were done.
I am a former smoker and I am sure if you just ask them to move or point out the sign they will stop.
I get tired of people complaining about smokers and the smell, there are times when it is unavoidable. It’s not like they were flicking the ashes on you or your children. People do have the freedom to smoke even if it is bad for them. Just like people have the right to not shower and reek of BO or the right to wear an entire bottle of perfume.
There are way worse things in this life than smokers. Get over it.
I have just asked people if they would please move away from us while smoking because we have allergies and asthma.
Occasionally, I would get dirty or puzzled looks, but the people usually complied. When they haven't, I have just moved because our health is not worth the risk that comes with second-hand smoke.
When my baby was 8 weeks old, I was breastfeeding him in a lady's lounge at a reception site when a woman came in and started smoking---even though it was a non-smoking site and the weather was perfectly fine for her to go outside and smoke. I asked if she would please stop because I had an 8 week old with me, and she just started raving at me as if I had asked her to chop off her head. I told her that everyone should know NOT to smoke around an infant and that it was a smoke-free venue, but I knew what I was dealing with, knew that continued conversation with a nut wasn't going to do any good, and just left and found another place to feed him.
In a park situation, I would hope that the other adults would compy and be understanding. If not, you know what kind of people you are dealing with----people who feel that rules don't apply to them and who don't care about anyone or anything other than themselves and their own desires.
There is absolutely NO reason to be smoking at a park where children are playing. NONE. However, there will always be those people. We parents have every right to ask them to stop, and we should not let their possible negative responses keep us from asking.
Most of the time, most smokers are sensible, understanding people who get it and will move. In those cases where the opposite is true, it is best to move yourself and your child away from the smoke.
Good luck and never be afraid to ask for what is best for your children and you!
J. F.
ETA: To the responder above me trying to equate car fumes and dairy smells smokers' smell, who said "most westerners smell of sour milk....." REALLY???? I live in the west (NV).....we actually have a dairy farm here in Las Vegas, probably 25 miles from my house, which I have visited ONCE, hardly enough to make me acclimated to the smell. Not one of the employees there smelled upon entering the facility----which is when it would have been easiest to detect. I also have people in NM who have dairy farms all around them. When I visit them, or they visit me (away from dairy farms), they have no "sour milk" smell. In addition, I can't think of one person who is never around car fumes, so by your reasoning, we are all around car fumes and must all smell, but not notice it. So, how would that be offending anyone? Yours is a 'patently ridiculous' comparison.
I like what MzKitty had to say and I have told people before that I was allergic to cigarette smoke and all but two have either moved down wind or have stopped smoking.
The two that ignored me told me they had a right to smoke. I replied that I had a right to breathe unpolluted air. I asked them if they liked to smoke. They said they did. It brought them pleasure. I told them the result of their pleasure was smoke that got all over my hair and clothes. I told them I really enjoyed 7-Up and the result of my pleasure was urine. I asked them how they would like it if I stood on a chair and pissed all over their hair and clothes. Both my father and brother put out their cigarettes until dinner was over. ;~))
Good luck to you and yours.
"Hey! There's signs all over the place that say this park is smoke free. You need to put your cigarette out or smoke in the smoking area"
I hate that too and I am a smoker!!
L.
I'd go full on "Minnesota Nice" (which means passive aggressive) and loudly start telling my kids, "Boys, you need to stay over here so you don't get smoke blown on you. You don't need to get sick because other people are disobeying the rules."
Next time I think you should bring a sling shot and just pick her off from a distance.
After all, we totally want our kids to grow up with zero tolerance for the world around them, and lead them to believe they have COMPLETE control over every OTHER human being, right?
Or.....you could just RELAX and enjoy your kids childhood while remembering that life is too short to spend it being pissed off about not being able to control the behavior of others!
:(
No 'smokers DO realize how annoying and unhealthy etc.' it is.
Which is why the vast majority of us don't smoke around kids... At playgrounds or anywhere else. People who do are idiots or oblivious. But they are the rare minority. The same way most parents don't beat their kids, and most religious people aren't fanatics, and most drivers are generally safe. It's the MINORITY that are super visable.
In general, just hope for oblivious, and ask if they'll smoke in the smoking area.
As far as the smell on a person... I'm sure you reek of car fumes... You just don't smell it for the same reason -acclimation-. Or of dairy (most westeners smell of sour milk, like Gag! Throw it out! Sour milk. That's a 'get over it' thing. People smell like rotten milk, smoke, car exhaust, perfumes, etc. While you may consider it rude to smell of smoke, others think it rude to stink of sour clumpy milk. But living your life to offend no one is patently ridiculous.
I would have no problem saying something to them. I'm alergic so I would just walk up and say nicely, "Maybe you didn't notice but this is a non-smoking park and I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. There is a smoking section over there (pointing), if you don't mind moving over there, I'm sure we all would appreciate it". Simple, even tho you were pissed, you don't have to be mean about it. =)
I've taught my kids to speak up. Nothing like getting scolded by a ten year old for breaking the law! The couple of times he's done it the people looked embarrassed.
I was once a smoker too. I understand the need to smoke, and how smokers find it hard to go an hour or so while their kids play. Usually the parking lot/smoking area is still in sight of the playground, so it isn't a case of having to pack up the kids to come with. The kids are way better off not coming with mom for a smoke! I have never once seen a smoker use an ashtray of any sort in a playground. They throw their butts right on the ground where the kids are playing.
yep, i am also a former smoker. yes, i DID realize how unhealthy and stinky smoking was- please try to contain your shock that we are not all complete dumbasses.
did you get their license number? your kids might get asthma 10 years from now. you'll need someone to blame. i smell lawsuit!
i don't suggest you say anything, based on the attitude you have shown. bad idea. i suggest putting your big girl panties on, and taking your kids to another park. show your children what class, and taking responsibility for your own health and comfort, looks like.
one is not entitled to a perfect, hassle free, rainbow colored life simply because one was born. someone should have told you that at some point...
Well I imagine no matter how politely you said it and yes you can ask politely for them to abide by the rules....they probably would take it the wrong way. But its worth a shot asking right?
"Hi, do you mind if you smoked in the designated area for smoking. One of the reasons I take my children to this park is because they do not permit smoking in the park" Then point to the sign.
They either politely remove themselves or they ignore you.
If asking politely doesn't work (I'm sorry, but would you mind putting that out? This is supposed to be a smoke-free park) I usually do the passive aggressive thing here... "come here sweetie, I don't want you playing in their smoke. I guess we have to leave because they can't follow the rules." (My DD is also allergic to smoke... she gets a rash and sometimes even hives if she is around it too much...And YES, she has had reactions just from passing someone sitting on a bench smoking...)
My biggest thing to all the people telling you to 'get over it', is to realize that this is at a park where it is POSTED "No smoking". So these parents are DELIBERATELY disobeying the rules, what, because they think that they don't apply to them? Wow, what a GREAT (eye roll) example to set for your kids. Ya know what? I see a sign that says the speed limit is only 35... but I feel like going 50... Because that sign doesn't apply to me, and my need to get where I am going quickly is FAR more important than the community safety.
I also view it the same as when my DD plays in the sandbox... I don't let her throw sand when other kids are in it (nor do most parents I observe who actually supervise their kids...), because it could get in another kid's eye and hurt them... So why shouldn't an ADULT be able to follow the same logic... they shouldn't smoke where their poison can get into another person's lungs and hurt them?
NOT TO MENTION, all the nasty cigarette butts that litter playgrounds, where young children are playing... And even the most supervised toddler will inevitably find one and try to eat it... YUK! While some smokers are polite enough to take their butt with them... a LOT just drop and stomp them... IF people would follow the rules in the first place and NOT smoke in the park, there wouldn't be nearly as many and the park would be safer for the kids.
I don't stress too much over it, because there really isn't much you CAN do without raising a big stink... but it sure does annoy me when my daughter can't even play at a CHILDREN'S park because some ADULT has to ruin it for her.
My dh and dd are allergic to smoke....But it's a great reason to give the person to stop smoking..
"Uhhh excuse me, my daughter is allergic to smoke, would you mind going over by the parking lot while you are smoking? Thanks!"
I guess I'm the odd man out.
I would have found it tacky and annoying but I wouldn't have said anything.
I don't make a habit of saying anything about other peoples' poor choices, and it's not like my kids are going to suddenly get cancer because one day some people were smoking at the park.
I was MUCH more disturbed by the morbidly obese woman, her pot belly husband and three extra large kids I saw at Smart and Final today.
What were they stocking up on? Soda, packaged muffins and doughnuts and a ridiculous amount of frozen burritos and pizza. They may as well be smoking, they certainly are setting a lovely breeding ground for heart disease :(
Lie. Go up to them and say something like, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that my friend got a ticket in this park yesterday for smoking." They won't refrain from smoking for the sake of their own children or yours, but they just might refrain in order to avoid the expense and hassle of a ticket.
In the park, just point out this is a non smoking park. In the grocery store, get over it.
I would say, "Excuse me. You may not be aware, but this is a non-smoking playground. Can you please take your smoking to the designated area?"
If there is no designated area and they are walking around the playground, I would ask if they could please not smoke so close to the kids. The smokers I know are aware of their smoke, and do not smoke around kids or are easily encouraged to smoke several feet away from them. If my kid wandered by and they had been off to the side, I wouldn't consider that enough to warrant a comment. I would comment only if they had brought the smoke TO the kids' playing there.
As a former smoker, I think I am more sensitive to it than most - like Riley said. I would never have been around kids smelling like smoke. Just ask the smoker "Hi, could you please not smoke here?" Saying anything should be enough - don't offer a long winded explanation.
I just saw someone smoking in a daycare and elementary school parking lot! Grrrr...
Point out the signs. I'm a smoker, but I don't smoke in places that are posted as non-smoking areas.
Also an ex-smoker here so very sensitive to cigarette smoke... as others have said, just politely ask them to not smoke in the play area. Maybe they are just oblivious to how it affects other people or maybe they don't care, but you have to speak up if you want them to be more aware. I've found that it's all in the delivery, how offended people get... unless they are teens who are in the throes of rebellion..
As for the grocery store... it is just acclimation that people don't realize how strong the smell is, not that it would matter. They are heavy smokers, the smoke has probably permeated all of their clothes, but they have to go to the grocery store too. To be honest I am more offended by the heavy use of perfume or cologne... no addiction causing that one!
I just had to say thank you for the question. I've been wondering what to do in situations like that. Gotta love the huge VARIETY of women on this site and to see everyone's different answers and perspectives. Anyway thank you for taking the beating so I could read the answers without being attacked myself! ;)
ok first i agree with you, but here is the thing. Please understand my point as I understand yours.
I am a smoker. Gran it if I am at the playground with my son, me and bf will shift break if we do and we will smoke in or by the truck. But at the same time me and my son can be playing in our own yard, and people walk by coughing like I am killing them... my own house, play set is probably 25 foot from the sidewalk that has construction signs right now. People want to complain about smokers then complain about other things polluting our lungs and making acidic rain and killing fish in the rivers.... Maybe they were trying to keep it away from the children IDK but you cannot assume they have no respect at all. I have ran into a playground with kids cigarette in hand (i had no brain to drop it) to catch my son because he fell and bf was turned for a min. then I stayed because bf was talking to another kids parents. I know not the same scenario but still maybe the kid has health that it needs the parents right there. we don't know.
Ugh...I don't like it either. I just move my kids away and let everyone do their own thing. I don't like unnecessary confrontation.
