Spacing Between Children - Columbus,OH

My two boys are 19 months apart, and those first several months after my younger son was born were hard. [Compounded by the fact that my husband drove a truck at the time, and was gone for a week at a time.] My older son was in many ways still a baby, and there were times when he wanted to be babied... and so did my younger baby. Each would want me to hold him by himself, and try to push the other one out of my lap. Not fun.

But, now they're best friends, and it has made up for the difficulties in the past.

My aunt had her second son 8 years after her first was born, she LOVED it.The first one was a lot of help and there was no competition between the two brothers for their parents'attention, so they grew up to love each other so much. Now the oldest is 30 and the two brothers are truly best friends.

I have 10 years, 22 months, and 3 years. I agree with others who have said each family is different. I can tell you the 10 years was not good. The two that are 22 months apart are the closest and are a boy and girl. The youngest is 3 years apart and he feels solo most of the time. His brother who is 15 years older than him connects better with him. So you never know. Each kid has their own personality.

There is no correct answer to this question. It really depends on you and your spouse.

The family dynamic is directed more by how the parents interact with their children and eachother; whether kids are 18 months apart or 10 years apart...how they get along and feel about one another is a result of how they are parented.

I found the closer they are together, the more they are likely to have the same interests, the more likely they are to play together, work together, study together, etc. Our first three are the closest born together (spacing) and are the best friends of all my kids.

Our first three were 14 and 16 months apart. They did all kinds of things together, including homework, sports, boy scouts, dating and studying.

How did you know when you were ready for another? I was always ready and basicly so was my wife. I was one of two kids. My wife was #4 of 7. Our first arguement was over how many kids to have. I wanted two. She wanted 12. I ended the arguement by saying, "Ok. I'll do my part". She watched too much TV and finally decided "Eight is Enough". ;~))

BTW, Grandkids are the reward for raising your kids right and having more than just one or two. Our 24th grandchild will be born next year. The grandkids comng up and sitting in your lap, giving you a hug and saying, "Love you, Grand pa" is absolutely wonderful and made all the hard times very forgetable.

Good luck to you and yours.

My girlfriends and i have this conversation a lot. I have friends who have kids 12-15 months apart, and some that are 10 years apart. What i have learned from them is it is much harder on mom when they are young to have them close together, but much easier on mom when they are older (because they have a close friend/playmate). When the kids are further apart it is easier on mom when they are young but harder in the older years (most feel that YOU become the playmate for ALL the kids). I have 3 children- currently pregnant with my 4th. my first 2 are 3.4 years apart, i liked the spacing when my 2nd was born bc my first was independant and potty trained, but now that they are older (3&6) i can see where they are in seperate places in their life. different schools, sports, playgrounds, pools, etc. my 2 boys are 22 months apart. I enjoyed this spacing a lot- so now that im pregnant with #4 they will be 26 months apart :)

The older 2 of mine are 19 months apart, the second and third are a little over 2 years apart, and the third and fourth are 22 months apart. I think a little over 2 years is a great space. Close enough to play but not too close to drive you over the edge!

All my sisters and I are 4 or 5 years apart. This was great, because we all got our teenage years to ourself, got to be at the high school by ourself, and no one was ever in anyone elses shadow. My mom said she never had a baby until she had the next eldest already started up in school, and that was easier on her (probably why she was able to just keep going up to 6 kids :)

My daughters are just under 3 years apart. I could personally not go any closer than that, I can't imagine having two in diapers, and all the neediness of two toddlers. If I have a 3rd I am pushing it more towards 4 years apart. But that's just me! I do notice my girls are able to play together more than me and my sisters were. There was a small window of time, maybe when the ages were about 4-8 and 8-12 when we actually could enjoy doing the same games and activities.

I don't think a lot of space between the kids inhibits the closeness at all either... I am just as close with all my sisters, even the one who is 10 years older and the two (twins) who are 10 years younger. And yes that means 20 years between oldest and youngest and they have their own special bond too.

I don't think you can ever really be 100% ready for another... just have to go for it when you think the time might be right!

I have a 13 and a 3 year old girl, I see so many benefits from it, and very few fights between them which is great, on the other side, I wish the were closer together because even if they do play together:
a) is more my oldest playing whatever the little ones wants
b) I am wonder how much if this is going to change when my oldest gets a boyfriend and last things she wants to spend her free time is playing dogs.

My oldest also gets some benefits right now, unfortunately for her, once the little one learns how to say:it wasn't me! things will change, lol.

Some times I wish I had them closer, but looking back, I think I wasn't ready to have two, or economically ready either.
I knew it was time when I was remarried to a very nice man, economically solvent, the three of us really wish add one more to our family and I had enjoy enough along time which my husband and oldest daughter, for me that was when I thought it was right.
My mother waited 18 years to have my sister, well, she didn't waited, but she got remarried and have my sister, we always joke that my sister is so mature because it was my mother's last egg and therefore the most wise, lol.

Now, having a pet is something I have wanted for so long, yet no sure if WE are ready for that just yet, but wishing one golden retriever so much!

My first 2 are just shy of 14 mos apart. My 3rd we wait almost 4 years. I love how close my first 2 are and they are best friends, but I also love what great big bros and sis they are to their baby sis. Both spacings have worked well for us.

my oldest sister is 12 years older then me, 8 years older then me, 6 years, 5 years and 4 years older then me. it worked perfectly other then the fact that the sister that was 4 years older then me ruined things for me, so then i wasnt allowed to do certain things. (the siblings are all by different moms or dads)

I am currently pregnant with #2.... my son will be 4years and 3 months older then the new baby. i think 4 years is good as well. Good luck!!

I agree with Dad on purpose! LOL!
Seriously though, no perfect answer. My girls are 14 months apart. And then my son is 3 1/2 yrs younger than the middle one and 4 1/2 yrs younger than the oldest. It's all good :-)

My sister and I are 2.5 years apart and I thought that was perfect amount of time as we got older. She was there for me my Freshman year of high school (she was a senior) so I could ride with her and not have to ride the bus hahaha! As teens it wasn't always great but that is never a good time for anyone it seems.

My kids are 19 months apart. I got pregnant with my daughter when my son was 10 months old. That was a bit close for us. It is hard when neither child is sleeping through the night - very exhausting. I am kind of hoping that the next child will be about two and a half years after my current youngest. I would like the eldest to be in school (preschool) but my youngest to still be taking at least one nap a day. Then, maybe I'll get a bit of a break occasionally. I'll let you know how that turns out. ^_~

I have two sets, lol my big kids are 12.5, 11 and 9 (this much later I don't remember it ever being hard) and I have a 13 month old and am due in 4 weeks or less. Not worried about the 13/14 month age gap with the babies, but let me tell you, 30, pregnant and lugging a non walker to all the sporting, school events that the big kids have is HARD. Might be a little easier when I can at least move again and am not waddling around, but keeping two little ones occupied and watching my son play football isn't going to be simple, doable, and I'm sure I will figure it out but goodbye to the days when I could just sit and watch him play.

My kids are 17 months apart, currently my son is 12 & my daughter is just about 11. It was really hard in the beginning, but I found that by letting things slide a bit with my oldest, they could go through a lot of changes together, like potty training. He was going on 4 & she was about 2 1/2 when they were both 100% trained without any accidents. They played together really well up until just a couple of years ago. I'm thinking once they get older, like high school or college-aged at the latest they'll realize that they're much stronger as a team & start working together again, lol!

My girls are 2 3/4 years apart and things seem to be working out well. I don't think there is a best. My sister and I were 19 months apart and were close throughout childhood but now that we are adults we are not really that close. I mean, we love each other and support each other but we really have very little in common. We could share things when we were kids (clothes, toys, bikes, etc.) and had a built in playmate but there were some negatives for my parents too (college expenses at pretty much the same time, sports at the same time, cars at the same time, etc. Logistically things didn't always work...which sporting event to attend, who got to take the car). My husband and his sister are about 8 years apart (he is younger) and they don't really have much to do with each other and never have. Some of that has to do with personality and some with the age gap.

My kids are 25 months apart and I love it. When they were babies it was tough, although the older child always loved to help out. Now they are 6 & 8 and really are forming a nice relationship. They are close enough in age to have a lot in common, especially friends. In many cases my 8 year old has a friend and that friend also has a 6 year old sibling. It works out really well. Up to this point their relationship has been a struggle but I see now that it has been worth it. They have become close friends. When planning on children, my theory was always.... When you are in high school there are just things you don't want to tell mom, it's nice to have a sibling to share those things with. Also if you have them close, one can spy on the other and report back so you don't have to get caught spying. LOL Plus you get through all the diaper and sleepless night syndrome in a short span and not have to go through it over and over and over being finished only to start the next one now.

Mine are 28 months apart, so far it has worked out really well. If I could do it over I would have had my second sooner. I have friends with kids that are a year apart and now that they are older the play together all of the time. Now that my oldest is almost 4, I wish my youngest was closer to his age because it's hard for them to play together right now. Our original plan was to wait until my son turned 2 to even start trying, but when he was 1 1/2 years old I got the baby itch and so did my husband.

My kids are 19 months, 5 1/2 years, 2 1/2 years and 7 years apart. It was easier to have a baby when I didn't have a toddler too. I usually only thought about having another one when my kids turned 4. Before that, I was too busy to think about it especially since my first two were so close in age. =)

I have three kids. They are all 3.5-4 years apart. If I had to do it again, I probably would have them just two years apart. I thought it would be hard to have two babies at a time, and I think it would've been at the beginning but would be much easier now. Now I have a 9 yr old, 6 yr old and 2 yr old. The older two are in sports, activities, going on play dates and I'm having to drag the 2 yr old everywhere we go. I feel like he lives in the car, never gets a decent nap, is always screaming when he can't participate. The older two want to go on trips, but it's too hard to travel with the 2 yr old so we either have to leave him with the grandparents (which I feel terrible about) or bring him with us (and I'm sitting in the hotel room with him while he naps or plays while everyone else is having fun). I guess there are pros and cons, but I wish I'd have spaced them closer. Oh well, can't go back....

I think there are pro's and con's to all arrangements. My daughters are 15.5 months apart and while it was super hard for awhile, now it's so great. They have the same interests etc. Downside it was so hard for awhile... And it may feed competition to have them this close though at least they're 2 grades apart they way their bdays fall. My sister is 5 years older than me and it was probably easier on my mother but not optimal for us. She was always past what I was doing. And I was so much more immature than her of course and probably just a nuisance most of the time. I think go for about as close together as possible bc unless you really space them, it's still going to be hard when they're young. So you might as well have the benefit for many more years of them being close in age and therefore wanting to do the same type of stuff.

I have to agree with those who said there is no correct answer. It depends on the family, and the personalities of the children/parents.

For what it's worth, our children are 6.5 years apart, and I love it. I had a very rough first pregnancy/delivery, and was told not to have more children. We thought we were having an only child because of those complications, but we were wrong. We were so pleasantly surprised. :) I was terrified throughout my pregnancy, and had tons of complications, but now we have another healthy son.

I was worried about the big age difference, but we haven't had any problems. There has never been any jealousy, and that's a nice perk having them far apart. I was also worried that they wouldn't be close, but they are extremely close. They are 7 and 14 now, and I figured the 7yo would be irritating the 14yo by now, but so far so good.

They both play well alone, but enjoy playing together, too. I think a lot of it has to do with personality, though. Our oldest is extremely laid back. Nothing ever bothers him; he's happy all the time. If our youngest asks him to play legos, or build a tent, he's game. He never worries about what others might think. Our youngest idolizes his brother, but recognizes his brother's need for space, too.

It's also nice for us because we had so much time with our oldest alone when he was younger. He was an only child for over 6 years. When he goes to college in a few years we will have 6 years of alone time with our youngest. I'm very close to my children, and it will help me adjust to my kids growing up. :)

I've also seen many families with children spaced close together, and it has worked out very well for them, too.

3 years apart was perfect for me because I had only 1 in diapers, 1 getting up at night, and my 3 yr old could understand and even "help" me with the new baby. Then I was blessed with a "surprise" baby born 20 months after my second was born. It was hard. There was a world of difference between the developmental skills of a 20 month old and a 3 yr old. I had 2 in diapers for over a year, 2 kids getting up multiple times a night for more than 6 months, and 2 kids fighting to have my undivided attention (well, actually 3, but at least my daughter was almost 5 when youngest was born and she could understand delayed gratification a little better than her brothers). So, if you want to just go through the baby stage and "get it over with", 2 years apart is likely your preference. However, if like me, you want to savor the experience of watching your children grow and change, 3 -4 years apart is likely best. Best wishes as you decide what is best for your family. Nurse Midwife Mom of 3