Son Wont Talk & Potty

Hey S.,

I'm a mother of two boys ages 23 and 20. My youngest son didn't talk until he was 3 and a half. I thought there was something wrong with him I brought him to a doctor and I was told for us to quit talking for him. My older son would come and ask for things for the younger one and I would have to say if he wants something he has to ask himself. I also was to if they spent more time with adults then with children they don't talk sooner. Hope this will maybe help.
M.

i'm not a doctor, or even a nurse, but i work with special needs children, and, i could be wrong, but it sounds to me like your son might be autistic or maybe might have ADD. i work with a few children who are autistic that do the same things.

but then again, he could just be a late bloomer. my first daughter didn't potty train until she was almost 4. i think that had alot to do with her still wanting to be the baby because at that time i also had a two year old. but basically my oldest daughter didn't potty train until i stopped trying to train her and trained my second daughter, then she wanted to help me show the little one how it was suppose to work, and that, as they say, is that..

the only real advice i can give you is the same as the others...talk to your pediatrician, see what they think.

What has your son's doctor said at his well visits so far about his speech? Why hasn't there been a referral?

I had a visit with an ENT and they did a hearing test there. I'd definately get that visit first to exclude any physical problems.

Good luck!

Just be patient all kids learn at their own pace. My bestfriend's son wasn't potty trained till a few weeks ago and he turned 3 yesterday. My son is turning 2 and says quite a few words but still mostly speaks jibberish, my advice would be to shower him w/ praise when he speaks jibberish or not to build his confidence and don't show it when you are frustrated kids pick up on the stress. Kids learn best when there is no pressure. My son also denies it when he's gone potty in his diaper even if it is obvious (he smells) he thinks it is a game :) Good luck with everything, just be patient, I'm sure he'll start to talk and use the potty before you know it.

Hi, My name is K. I have 3 kids all older now but have you taken him to a doctor to have his speech and hearing checked that could be a problem, If it isn't he could just be a kid that needs a little extra attention and needs to be worked with at a slower pace and don't get frustrated he will learn it may just atke longer than other kids believe me they are nothing alike and learn on their on paces.
As for your husband it is nice that he does work but hello us mom's need a break and help once in awhile you really need to sit him down and let him know your true fellings. I am a stay at home mom also and have been most of our marriage which has been 15 years and our kids ages are 18,soon to be 14, soon to be 13, and he has always worked and brought home the money and my feelings are that if I'm home it is my job to care for the house cleaning,laundry,cooking,and caring for the kids but I too need help sometimes but rarely have to ask cause after he has worked all day comes home and I'm sure would love to just unwinded,but comes in and asks if I need him to do anything and half the time will just come in and if the dishes from dinner are sitting in sink he'll just do them. That is what a caring and loving husband does, don't get me wrong I'm not saying he doesn't care or love you but he should want to help oput once in awhile just to give you a break little kids a very stressful exspecially to new mothers! Hope I have helped and not upset you more! K.

he should be talking more than that. my daughter (although girls are faster) is 2 yrs 4 months and says full sentences and my friends daughter about the same age only says a few words. she took her to the doctor last week and he told her to take her daughter to a speech pathologist. my son was almost 3 before he was potty trained. boys usually take longer, so, to save a lot of frustration, just wait til he's ready, you'll know. my daughter trained herself at 2yr. 3months, but don't expect that out of a boy, especially if he's not able to communicate well yet. hope that helps. but i'd definitely take him to the doc about his talking. good luck.

He really needs his hearing tested before seeing a speech pathologist. I would suggest seeing an ear,nose,and throat doctor(otolaryngologist) first. Usually these doctors have an audiologist that works with them or they'll refer you to one. I'm an audiologist and kids who can't hear well get very frustrated trying to communicate. If your son's hearing is normal then i would ask for a referral to a speech pathologist. You can also go through ECI: Early Childhood Intervention. I'm not trying to scare you but I would take this seriously. A two year old child should have a vocabulary of about 150-300 words; of course all these words may not sound perfect but he should be saying a lot more than mom. Good luck!

Talk to your pediatrician. You son should be saying more words than mom and ma at 2 and 1/2. You might need to have his hearing checked or check for other things that might be interfering with his learning to speak.

Also with potty training, my boys were almost 3 when they started peeing on the potty and learning they were wet or not. Don't rush him.

S.-
Don't push the potty issue too much. Most kids aren't potty trained until closer to 3, especially boys - from what friends tell me. When it comes to potty training, the kids will train you unless you have time to stay to a strict routine. You pretty much have to be prepared to put them on potty every hour to hour and a half. If they go, have a dance party (or something silly). If they don't, don't scold or be frustrated, just try again. Don't scold for soiled diapers, even though it's negative attention, it's still attention. Change them without saying a word. Don't even be playful, just very matter of fact about it. Only make successful potty time an "event".

As for the talking... same thing. If your child really can say the words and choses not to, make him - tell him to use his words. If he gets mad, let him throw his tantrum and walk away. Don't acknowledge the tantrum. Kids have the ability to train you without you even knowing it. If you're out of the house and a tantrum happens, be prepared to walk out of the grocery store, mall, restuarant. (By the way, if you're at a grocery store and afraid to leave because you're not done, find a manager, ask them to put the basket in the cooler so you can return and finish after your child is more pleasant for everyone in the store - they will appreciate it!).

As for the husband - you're not his mother. Make sure you're not doing his laundry if he feels he doesn't need to help you. If you're expected to work 24/7 on the kids without ever getting "time off", then you better make sure you're full time job is the kids and their environment... he just may get the point once he has to go to Walmart to get more underwear because he's out. :D

Good luck!

Everyone has already said it. I feel for you and your child, he is frustrated because he can't communitcate. It could be any of the things told to you. I know people with kids with anything from speech problems, hearing problems and autism and there is good help out there so hang in there. Good luck and God bless.

Please take your son to the pediatrician and explain what is going on, especially with your son's talking. I would try to get that addressed before attempting anymore potty training. Your Dr will be able to point you in the right direction. Your son may just need some speech therapy but there could be other reasons why he is not communicating fully with you. If at all possible, your husband needs to go with you to the Dr's appt and be involved in this with you. Maybe the more knowledgeable he becomes, the more willing he'll be to help out. Sometimes new Daddies will take a step back because they are overwhelmed and dont understand how to help. No one likes to feel helpless...especially men. :)
You sound like you have a lot going on. Hang in there!

My advice is to take your son to be tested as soon as possible for speech and language delay. I took my daughter (who is now almost 6) when she was 2 1/2 and she received services for two years. I kept telling our pediatrician that she had a problem and he kept telling me not to compare her to our first, highly gifted child. I wasn't comparing them, I knew she had a problem! Anyway, they found out she had no hearing problem (we have two deaf nephews), but she had a receptive language delay and that caused her expressive language to be delayed also. In other words, the words went in wrong, so nothing came out right or at all. You would never know today that she had any delay and she is above her class in many skills! Take him early so he won't have a worse problem later on that is harder for them to correct.

He is screaming and crying because he is frustrated with his inability to communicate. Tabitha did that too, but when we did that speech therapy, I saw a world of difference in a short time. Also, she did hippotherapy as part of her therapy (riding horses and horse related activities) and it was like they took the key and put it in the door. Tabitha was just so frustrated that she couldn't say what she wanted to say, and I'll bet that is why your son is acting out like he is doing...

I don't know about the potty thing with a boy yet. I have three girls and a baby boy. With the girls, they made up their own mind my oldest at 2, my youngest daughter at 3, four for my speech delayed child and usually it was because they had seen someone else or wanted to go to Sunday School or something. Since Tabby was delayed with speech, the therapists recommended that I just relax and wait for her to be able to communicate better about potty training. I just waited for their cues in each case...

GOOD LUCK!

S. - I agree with the folks who indicate you should get his speech and hearing tested. My boys started talking later than most, and both have had to go to speech class/therapy now that they are in school. He is probably getting frustrated, my youngest still does when we can't understand him. We also didn't potty train them until later down the road. Check with your local Parenting Center for assistance. They are a great resource.

S. my name is Dee. I have a 4yo son who just recently began talking well and potty training. he will go #1 but not #2 on the potty. Heres what i know. At 2yo the doctor refered us to MHMR Early Childhood for speech and behavior problems due to frustration over not being able to communicate. After 6 months of therapy with them he bagan talking and calmed down enough to potty train. 2yrs later hes doing great with the school districts speech therapy program for prek age children. If u would like help finding programs in ur area message me back r email at ____@____.com I amm also a at home mom. Alot of services are free. The therapist called it impaired speech disorder. Doesnt mean there is anything wrong just some difficulty getting words from thought to speaking. Ur doctor should be able to help u aswell. Dont delay in getting help. Once in school if not been addressed th district will put child in special needs class. If u get help at this stage u can help the child and prevent the need for special needs education. Another thing the doctors and therapist all told me dont push the child to do r say anything wait and let the speech therapy help first. We did that and 6 mths in he decided on his own to potty and say so. There is hope. Please look me up for help if u would like. ttyl Dee

First of all if he is going in the potty for a couple of days and then asks for a diaper I wouldn't give it to him. Also, about him talking, I would talk to his doctor. If the doctor doesn't think anything is wrong then I wouldn't worry about it.