23 Month Old Who Does Not Talk.........

It's natural to worry when a child of yours is doing things more slowly than your older children. However, I will say that my daughter started talking around a year old, and when my son came around...no way! He didn't really start talking until after his 3rd birthday. My kids are 15 months apart, and because his sister was so talkative, he just never really had the chance to become interested in talking himself. Within a couple of months of him turning three, he began talking, and by the time he was 4 he was reading me books by himself. I was really worried about him too, had his hearing checked, and also had him evaluated for speech therapy. They turned him away because when she would hold out objects, he would say the name of them. I didn't even know he knew most of the words because he never said them to me. It may be helpful for you to spend some one on one time with her, to give her the opportunity to have your undivided attention and the ability to talk whenever she feels like it. My daughter went to first grade this year, and it's really the first time my son has had one on one time with me and I've been amazed at how much he's blossomed in only one month! He was always real quiet in the car, but she was always talking nonstop. Now that she's in school, he'll carry on conversations with me like never before. I still have to pry them out now and then, but he's beginning to start them with me now. It's really neat to see a child come out of their shell when given the right environments to do so. Even if you just took her out to dinner just you and her. You may not get anything from her at first, but you may find that by the third or fourth time, she may start answering you more and more. Talk to her, and read to her as much as you can. While you're reading say things like "Where's the tree?" and throw harder ones in there too like "Where is the girl who feels sad?" Eventually, when she's pointing them out quickly (you are going to want to read the same books over and over), then you can say "What is going to be on the next page?" or cover up a tree with your hand and say "What is under mommy's hand?" As far as potty training goes, I wouldn't worry about it for awhile. I started my little girl at 26 months and she trained okay, but I don't think that you should worry until she closer to 3 before you start really hitting the potty training hard. So for now, basically don't worry about her, but do things to help her out and see how much of an improvement you see in her in the next few months. You might be surprised.

Also T., try not to let the mothers on here who are saying how they would be soooo worried, make you sick with worry. What they're doing is exactly what people say not to do and that's comparing your child to another.....theirs. It doesn't mean anything, not that their child is smarter or more advanced, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with your child, it simply means that your child is just not interested in talking yet. As long as there are no obvious hearing issues and she's developmentally on track with other things, then she's totally fine. You have a 6 and an 8 year old daughter, I mean, I can't imagine how noisy it is in your house with all that talking! LOL, my six year old hardly ever stops talking. Right now, your 23 month is probably listening like crazy and probably learning much more than you think. When she does start talking, who knows?? Maybe she'll just start busting out with full sentences because she's been learning all this time how to do so. Just to give you a peace of mind, go ahead and call first steps and see what they say, but don't blame yourself or get overly worried if they decide to work with her. Worrying will do you no good, just have her evaluated and go with the flow. EArly prevention is key, women are right about that, but it's no reason to cause you to think that something huge is wrong here.

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T.,
I think taking her to the doctor is a wise idea, but why do they want to wait so long?? Time is precious in development. She definately needs tested for poss. autistic or developmental delays, sounds like a normal 2 year old though w/potty training! She might be your challenge!! Be patient, I was told "when she's ready to use the potty, she'll use it" sure enough-one day she did and we never went back.
Just see if you can go ahead and have her seen, listen to what they say, do research, ask questions(none are stupid) and take one day at a time!!
Good luck! God bless!
R.

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I have 3 adult children so been there done that. Don't sweat the small stuff. She will talk when she is ready. Same with the potty. You can not force either of these things so she may be holding on to them because she has total control of both. The more you try to force her the more frustrated you both will be. Just enjoy her as she is and remember they grow up so fast.
Don't try to rush anything but enjoy every moment of every stage. Take it from me it will pass in the blink of an eye.
They are a blessing and are to be enjoyed. You are luck to have their dad there to help you. Remind him of how importrant dads are in the lives of their daughters.

Blessings to you and your family

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If you are truly concerned, I would trust your "mom gut instinct." There is actually a county run program called Help Me Grow who will come to your home and do an assessment on your child for free. It might be worth looking into... Good luck!

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My son was the same way - he was the 'one word wonder' when he turned two and I was very worried (he knew more than one word, but would only use one word at a time - no sentences or phrases). His sister (23 months older) was speaking full sentences and carrying on conversations by 18 months, as was his older brother. About two weeks after his b-day he started talking more...and more...and more - and now he just turned three and I often wonder where the OFF switch is!! ;o) Hang in there, all kids develop at a different pace and it is very common for younger siblings to talk later than the first ones did. As you mentioned, the older ones tend to talk for them. :o)

Good luck!

edited to add:

I just read some of the other responses - I agree, if you think it is really an issue get her evaluated. I actually made arrangements at Children's to have my son evaluated after his 2-yr check up. Since he changed so drastically after that I didn't follow up with it...he was just waiting until he had something important to say!

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I agree that intervention is needed now. By the age of two your child should have some kind of vocabulary. I'm not saying it is, but that is one sign of Autism. Get help. Gl and let us know.

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Hello T.,

The problems you are worrying about are very common! My brothers and I were very close growing up, Michael was 13 months older than me and Charlie was 25 months younger than me and according to my mother Charlie never spoke to her except for jibberish. Apparently I did all of his talking or would interprit for him and he didn't really speak until he was almost 4 when I began school. I do have some memories of this, I really thought he was my baby and I took charge in that area. It was the only thing I could do since I was so young. Hopefully your older children are not doing this too!

I actually took my son to the doctor yesterday for his 18month well-baby visit and was concerned that he is not speaking very much, she told me this was normal. Most children do not start to speak until closer to their second birthday and if there are older siblings it can take even longer. She also stated that if it was something I was concerned with, because he is very advanced in other areas, that we could have his hearing checked. She told me that if he is not speaking clearly and trying to connect words to sentences by his third birthday he may not be able to hear himself and this would cause a problem with speech development. It does not necessarily mean that he is deaf, he may just have a hard time hearing the differences in sound. Something to think about if you haven't had her hearing checked since birth! Every child is different and every child will do things on their timeframe.

As for the potty training - we also introduced the potty chair on Ace's first birthday but he shows no desire. I was really hoping he would be potty trained by his second birthday but it's actually more common now-a-days for children to take up until their 3rd birthday or after before becoming fully trained. I would say to just give that time! Hope this helps! Keep us updated as to your progress!

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I recommend calling a different doctor. I know kids progress at their own rate, but if she's not talking much at all and she's almost two, possibly she is having a hard time. MY friend's child was tongue tied (bottom on tongue needed a small cut to help him talk). If she has some sort of speed impediment, then better to address it now while she'll little. Most 18-23 month olds have a pretty good vocabulary range by now, even if it's just 20 words, but you mentioned she doesn't even say mommy or daddy. As for the potty, she is still young ... start rewarding her or setting "potty times" every hour to get her excited about it. However, it may take longer given she's unable to actually communicate when she has to go. Possibly you could sign with your child as a way to communicate more with her ... lots of books/videos on that so help in the meantime. Good luck!

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Hi T.:

I am the 4th of 5 children and my Mom tells me that I did not speak until I was 3 years old. I was also very independent, but I did not talk. My mom was very concerned and wanted my hearing checked, but the doctor said that it happens a lot with children that have older siblings. I had no issues with speaking and went to school at 5. Good Luck.

J.

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Many have already told you about First Steps. I don't know which state you live in, but any other state would have a similar program. In Indiana, you dont' have to have a dr's referral. You can make the call yourself. The advantage to getting them into FS is if they need speech after the age of 3, you go through your school system, and then it is free. It is easier to qualify for the school program if you are already involved in FS. I found that once my slow-to-talk boys were involved in preschool, their speech took off. It was about being with children their own age that expanded their vocab. Now at 6 & 15, you would never guess they couldn't speak as youngsters. I would make the call. The eval doesn't cost a thing, and it will give you peace of mind.
As for potty training, consider yourself luck that your older girls learned so young. My girls were 27 & 30 mos, and I believe I read somewhere that 27 mos was the average for girls. Putting her diaper on backwards might help to keep it on. Good luck!
R.

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T.- get an evaluation at childrens the SOONER there is speech or hearing intervention the better and your daughter may qualify for free preschool through your school district. Not talking at this age is not okay. It could be hearing, appraxia or a few other things that could be easily fixed with intervention. Get her evalutated and push your pediatrician if you must..... the quicker the better auditorya dnoral development is a short window for people birth - 6 years old and she needs to get caught up in what she is missing and Like I said... early intervention the key and it could be something as minor as wax build up in her ears!

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I am a mother of 2 girls. My first daughter started talking before she was 1 year old and my youngest daughter didn't really start talking until she was 3 years old, especially out in public. She mainly grunted or slurred her words together where only our immediate family could understand what she wanted. All of my friends were very worried, telling me that I needed to get her checked by her doctor, but I knew how she communicated with us at home, so I was never really concerned.

Now my youngest is 13 years old and I can't shut her up :) She has no problems with her speech, but she is dyslexic, so I'm not sure if her being dyslexic had anything to do with her speech as a baby. She is the brightest of my daughters, much more analytical and organized.

Hope this helps.

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I think you need to get her evaluated immediately - the sooner the better for her in the long run. She MAY be a late bloomer - but you need to find out. Help Me Grow should evaluate her - and get her services for free before age 3. After that you deal with the school disctrict to get help and/or get private speech evaluation/therapy. As a heads up - many insurances don't cover much therapy. Looks like if she's 23 months - you better hurry to get the evaluation for free at least through Help Me Grow.
I am a mother of a child with a speech/neurological disorder -I was somewhat in denial of any issues until other health issues showed up at 19 months. Help Me Grow jumped into our lives and did some evaluating.
Do not think your daughter has Autism just because of Speech! There would need to be many other factors involved if that were the case.
Do not even worry about potty training yet. I have 3 boys - all were close to 3 before they were ready.
Look up Help Me Grow in your area.
Not sure where you live - but Flying Colors is a great pre-school program once she turns three and the school district is involved. My son has delays in a couple of areas and he gets free pre-school and it is helping him so much!
GOOD LUCK!!!
T.
Mom of 3 boys

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I would not be worried at all about the whole potty thing. My neice is now 18 months, hates her diaper but refuses to pee. My son did not potty train until he was three and half. I have heard very often that younger children talk later than the older siblings for many reasons. I would keep encouraging her to attempt to say things, make sure you look at her when your talking to her, have her look at your face and lips when you talk/try to teach her a new word. a friend of mine baby sits a 2 year old that did not talk at all when she first started watching him but she did this and now has him saying a new word each week. Although to most people he is still VERY VERY almost impossible to understand, but he is trying to talk. :) Best of luck! Try not to compare or worry too much!

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I would not worry about the potty training, just give it up for a bit and try again. I would be more concerned about her not talking, with that said, however, we learned from experience with our yourngest daughter that the baby is slower to talk. In our house with our daughter I realized that she never really had a need to speak. If it was snack time one of the other kids would ask for a snack, giving her no reason to speak up. One of the older ones would ask for a drink so i would get them all a drink, again, giving her no reason to speak up. We realized that this happened all the time all day. We also anticipated her needs frequently, again no reason for her to speak. With my first child and even probably a lot with the 2nd I TALKED ALL THE TIME! If I were putting their shoes on I would tell them, if i were putting their cereal in a bowl I would tell them. I guess i started getting tired of hearing my own voice say the same thing over and over. So I just DID things for her with out giving it much thought. I learned to talk to her just like I did with the others.And we got her into early intervention and they were awesome and taught us SO MUCH. Have you considered trying that? We learned to offer choices. In the morning when she is getting dressed we would say, "Do you want the pink shirt(while showing her the shirt) or would you like the yellow shirt?" And she would choose. Never offer more than 2 choices but do it through out the day having her make lots of choices.After a while of offering choices we would not let her have what she wanted until she said the word. Now she is a chatter box! Hang in there, I bet she is fine and is just the baby like our daughter was/is. Probably soon she will be talking all the time.

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I also have an almost 23 month old boy who does not talk. The only words he uses are Mama and Dadda (he has said those words for as long as I can remember). Our doctor is not concerned at all, but of course I am worried about it. A lot of our friends have younger children who are speaking a LOT more than our son, so it is discouraging. However, he understands EVERYTHING. He has a large vocabulary and will follow almost any direction given, but he just won't talk. This is why our doctor is not concerned- as long as your daughter seems to understand what you are saying to her, she should be okay. I hope this helps!

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I am a mother of 5 children and 3 of them are girls
they all potty trained at different ages when there ready they will do it. The talking I would be more worried about at 23 months
I would get another opinion from an expert. Don't just take the word or advice from one DR. Have you had her hearing checked?
Good luck
M.

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Hi T.,

You are not trying to rush your little girl into growing up too soon! Do not wait until she's 2.5 before something is done!

Your 22 month old should have a pretty big vocabulary of single words & be saying some 2-3 word phrases by now. Since she is not saying any words the question would be... Does she hear well?

If you live in Ohio, call your local Health Dept. There is a program called Help Me Grow. This program is geared to families of newborn to 3 year olds with medical or developmental delays. They will be able to direct you as to where to have her evaluated and give you options for what is determined best for her. THIS IS FREE TO YOU!!!!

I work for a county Health Dept in the Help Me Grow Program. Each county has it's own options available, they will give you direction on what's available in your county for her needs.

If you wait too long, she will become frustrated because she can't communicate with others & will act out with behavior issues.

Please call ASAP to get this started for your daughter's sake!!!

Good luck!

K.

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Hi T.!

I have a cousin in a similar boat. His son turs 3 in December and JUST cracked his first word like 2 months ago. Sometimes the kid just doesn't have anything to say. A little story that might make you giggle: My dad was like that too. He was almost 3 years old & hadn't said anything. No Mama/Dada/Baba... nothing. Then one day they were looking for their pet turtle. My grandma was doing the same thing as you & not using baby talk. She asked him if he knew where it went. His first word was "I think it went down to the creek." Up until then, he just didn't have anything to talk about. LOL!

Anyway, kids develop at their own pace. If you as the mommy are worried about it, insist on testing now. Have his hearing checked. Check for autism. I'm sure it's fine though & she's just being stubborn.

...mine is getting into photo albums... Gotta run. Good luck!
A.

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I would take the potty chair completely out of this equation. That is not a concern at 23 months. Put the thing away and stop thinking of it for 6 months.

The talking thing is a concern. She should be saying Mama, Dada and one or two other things. I think at this point I would be getting a second opinion. I have late talking boys and my 18 month old still says Mama, MeMe, Dada, and Uh-oh.

Just leave the potty thing out of it.

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Basically we as humans are lazy, it's true about kids, see if you can push her a little to talk to you. You could try one on one time with her. Get some things together that you know she knows the words for. For instance if you ask her to go get something, she goes to get the right thing. Sit down with her and ask her questions, "What's this? Where the ***?" try to get her to talk. Ask her question though out the day, get down on her level when you do, pull her close so you can hear her and not her sisters if they are trying to answer for her. Keep gently reminding them that you want her to tell you. It might also be because the other two are older and louder she may not feel the need to talk so much.

As for potty, I'm just starting training. When you go, do you strip her and sit her down on her potty? If not, that may help. Make it a join effort. You could also by a second potty chair and set it up in the room she plays in most, leave her diaper off and when you see her start to go move her fast to the chair. You might have a few messes to clean, but it's an idea. Does she ever use the potty? on the off chance that she does you can use a reward, a special treat that she loves, Jelly Beans, M&M's, Teddy Grams(personal favorite), something small. When she goes she gets some, if she goes number 2 she gets more then usual.

I hope these help. Good luck.

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I think if I were in your shoes.......just to ease your mind, I'd have her tested. Talk to someone at Riley Hospital and they can give you some resources & info.

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You should have her evaluated by First Steps. It's completely free to evaluate and then you'll know if there's something to be worried about or not. It only takes about an hour. If she's not saying any words then I'd be concerned. First Steps has told me (both older kids went through speech therapy) that a child should be saying 20 words by 15 months and if not they need to be evaluated. It doesn't mean they need help, but it's a general guideline to get evaluated. I'm surprised your pediatrician didn't mention something to you back at the 15 month (or 18 month) well baby visit. :-(

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Hi T.,
A couple of things:
1) I would not worry about the potty training thing. Some kids just take longer to get the big picture about going potty than others. I also have 3 little girls, and we don't even start potty training until 2 1/2. I think if a child is pushed to potty train when they are not ready they will be frustrated, and it can only make potty training that much more difficult.
2) Have you ever heard of First Steps? I'm not sure if you are from Indiana, but I believe other states offer a similar program. They do speech, physical, developmental, and occupational therapy (I might be leaving something out). All you have do is call them and explain that your daughters speaking abilities are not where you believe they should be for her age, and they will come out to your house and evaluate her. One of my daughters is developmentally delayed and has used speech and physical therapy from First Steps. They come to your house for the therapy too! I know some parents hate to hear that their child might need something like speech therapy, but it does not mean there is something wrong with their child. It only means they just need a little extra help. Tons of perfectly healthy "normal" children need extra help sometimes. You don't need a referral or anything, and the cost is based off your family size and income. My family loves First Steps, and I would recommend it to anyone with a young kiddo who needs a little extra help. Best of luck to you and your little one!

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Hi T.,
I once babysat a boy who only made animals to communicate at that age. He understood everything that was going on. He just chose to speak to everyone in his own language. When he did start talking, his language just exploded. In a matter of weeks one word evolved into complete sentences.
As for own children, my oldest needed ear tubes and didn't do alot of talking (14 mos.) until he got them. My youngest did alot of the same things as the boy I babysat, so that helped me to be more prepared.
Also, I learned that when kids work hard on mastering some things, other things get put on the backburner. This may be case with your daughter. She seems to be working very hard at brushing her own teeth and feeding herself and the potty and possibly speech is on her to do list, just not at the top.
Hope this helps.
D.

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I think 2.5 is a more likely age for potty training, so I wouldn't be worried at all about that.

My youngest daughter had a very limited vocabulary at 23 months...like maybe 3 or 4 words. A month later she was speaking in full sentences. It was like a little light bulb turned on in her head.

Do you have a 2-year appt scheduled for her? If so, take a wait-and-see approach until then. If it hasn't improved, I would definitely push the issue a little more with her pediatrician.

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T.,
Your daugther sounds like a very smart little girl,
I don't think I would worry about her to much.

K.

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Hi T., i see you already have some good advice but I will tell you about my grandson. Brady was just two when his mom and dad were divorced. We are real close with the two boy's and I sat with them more often than not. Anyway I with his mother took him to a specialist, and I drove him 23 miles one way to a school thinking it would get him to talk but that didn't work. Brady just wouldn't talk. The dr. said he is very smart and I wouldn't worry about him. Well you know how mothers and grandmothers are. His 5 year older brother got a blue ?? can't think what it was called but it also had a tape recorder in it. We quietly watched Brady sit on the floor and would play the ABC's or just anything and we would hear Brady start to mock the tape. It was the most wonderful sound. Brady didn't talk until maybe half way through Kinder -garten. Now Brady is a Special Mechanic in the Army National Guards and is in Iraq. Let me tell you when he started talking it was hard to keep him quiet. So he was 5 1/2 before he really said very much. You might try a little kids tape recorder and see if it works for you. Good Luck K. p

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Hi T.,

I have to echo the other moms--be proactive in your child's health and development and INSIST she be evaluated. Plus as at least one poster suggested, make sure her hearing is okay--that can severely limit speech developement. Finally, for some comfort, it could be nothing! I didn't speak until I was 3 years old and within that year I was reading. My mom thought I was developementally disabled, but it turns out I had a VERY talkative older sister to speak for me. Plus I was always very independent, if that has anything to do with it (maybe I just wanted to do things on my own time??) Anyway, now I'm a lawyer, so take heart, there may be no problem at all. :)

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Are you a SAHM? Just curious. I would be worried if I was you too. My older children are 23 months apart and I was worried when at 15 months my second child didn't talk. We even started to punish my older child for talking for him. The older one would be sent into another room or lose her treats for talking for him. It was beyond frustrating with the grunt and general pointing for him to get what he wanted and her finally telling us what it was. It was an up hill fight but we won simply by not giving him anything if he grunted or pointed. Except at meal time, of course, he got his plate with food on it, but if he didn't even want to babble then he got nothing more than was on the plate.
As for the diaper removal and running around naked, no, I did not allow that. Peeing next to the potty may have been an accident one time, after that it is defiance. Make her clean it up, she is old enough. Put her on the potty seat, turn on the water to a low run, give her five minutes, stay with her and read,play pattycake, whatever. If she goes to the bathroom reward her (my sister-in-law used skittles, I used slices of their favorite fruit, a friend used cookies). If she doesn't go then no reward. This has to be done every 45 minutes to every hour. If there is an accident then a a verbal, "This is not good and I am very disappointed in you." has to be given.
One thing we learned quickly, pre-school for a day or two a week if she isn't in one will quickly advance the talking part of her life. Problem may be the cost, when my children went if they were not potty trained a lot of places wouldn't take them and if they did the cost was double.
Good luck, I will pray for you.