SIL Situation

I'm sorry C.. I know how hard it is to leave children, but your SIL wanting to go to a reunion is reasonable and they did not leave you in the lurch. Your brother is staying. If you trust your brother then trust he will handle it. If you don't trust your brother with that crew then find some back up help. Not a perfect situation but I don't think anyone really is doing anything wrong. The situation is unfortunate but not purposeful. I wouldn't start something over it.

As someone who has had conflicts in the past with my sister-in-law, I would definitely advise you not to start a fight when the issue really is between her and your brother. I also might suggest that you try to see things from her point of view a little. It's great that your brother could rearrange his plans, however don't assume she could too. Her event can't just be rescheduled--her friends all have busy lives and this opportunity to see them all together won't come again. Family is important, however we really need our friends too and when we don't take care of our own social connections, it's not good for our families either. Just a little thought to perhaps help reduce the resentment you might be feeling. I hope it all works out and that you have a great weekend OFF!

I agree with Patty. Although it really sux for you, if you are that concerned with your brother being able to handle all four kids, find someone else to watch your kiddos. I know you feel this is last minute but you have 4 days left counting today to get an alternate plan. Or buck it up and let your brother keep the kids. Saying they will be tired and DIRTY when you get back makes it sound like you really don't think he can handle it. I would find an alternate plan and let your brother off the hook.

No, you don't have a right to say ANYTHING.

If you are comfortable with your brother taking care of the kids, then that's between you and your brother. Go and enjoy yourself.

I also don't think you should say anything. If you are comfortable leaving them with your brother then do so, if not find another option.

Seeing your college friends you haven't seen in 10 years is a really good reason (not a bad one) to not be at home. These are friends she cares about, but rarely gets to see. Your brother can tough it out for a few days. Just get him a nice thank you gift, and leave your SIL alone.

Your brother is surely well aware that he is getting the shaft. You say he is competent and prepared. Brothers ROCK! Have fun. Mum's the word....

The important thing here is that you feel comfortable w/ just your bro taking care of 4 kids. Because if you are not you will not enjoy your wknd getaway. If that is not a concern, then thank your brother and drop the idea of addressing your SIL. It is between your bro and her. Don't give your brother more problems with having to deal with an angry wife and watch 4 kids. If your SIL just sees the kids on special occassions then she said yes in January and forgot about it as it didn't mean much to her to put it on a calendar. Enjoy your trip and let it go have a STRESS free weekend.

I am sorry your SIL did that to you! What a rude, inconsiderate thing to do! Now, that being said, I would also like to point out that this IS an important opportunity for her to reconnect with some old friends, and should be allowed to.

I would talk with your brother, offer to hire a teen sitter to help him in the evening with bath/bedtimes so he can have a little reprieve maybe. Give him the benefit of the doubt, he has kids of his own too, and he does fine with them.

Would you feel nervous about leaving all four kids with your SIL alone? I can't believe anyone has not yet brought this up. Why are you nervous about your brother?...I would not be at all. I'm sure he is a more than capable man to handle four children. He will likely be a little exhausted...but let's face it, the kids will entertain each other and play together. It's not an impossible situation. You shouldn't fault your SIL for wanting to get together with old college friends. That is a healthy thing to want to do. My only advice is next time you need a get away, now you know to remind your SIL every chance you get about her commitment. Go, and enjoy yourselves!!

no, no rights to say anything. probably it's her one chance to meet up with her friends. i would do the same if i were her even if i knew the dates would collide with the babysitting i had committed to. i suggest you still send your kids to your brother's but hire someone to help him out during the day. don't cancel your plans, but find an extra pair of hands for him. the guy will be ready to cry his eyes out half a day into it
hehehe

I may be in the minority, but I do not really see any intentional wrong that has been done. I have had my share of SIL issues, but they are usually issues because they are truly meant to cause hurt, give a dig, compete, etc.

If I read your question right,it really does seem like your SIL's mistake was an unintentional, forgetful goof. And to be honest, if your SIL is like me and most moms who NEVER get out much, a reunion with a large group that hasn't reconnected for 10 years sounds like a pretty rare opportunity that may not happen again. I'm really betting it's not "trumping" seeing your kids and that your kids truly are important. These may be people she keeps/kept in touch with over the years by phone, email, facebook, etc, but perhaps just never sees tham because of life being too busy for everyone to finally get the same date free. These are all just assumptions I'm making...or maybe just possibly another point of view to try to see it from.

I don't know, my husband and I haven't had a kid-free weekend together in over 10 years, but know our day is coming and we're ok with it :). Part of that reason is because there was never a great time for us to ask anyone to watch them (they're less than a year and a half apart and so, like yours, a bit of work when they were that young ;). My husband actually won 3 different trips we turned down because we couldn't burden anyone for a whole week with two toddlers (Caymen Islands, Hawaii, South Africa---I know, some would think we were crazy but we couldn't do that to our older parents and really didn't have the heart to impose on friends/family for a whole 7 days when they had their own kids/chaotic life).
Anyhow, I think it is great that you two are getting away, but is it possible to reschedule your trip for the following week (or next?) when they will both be home? I agree with you that 4 kids ages 4 and under is a lot for one man and even one couple. And I know it is really irritating (legitamately) that you planned ahead and they forgot/screwed up...but was it was kind of generous for them to offer/agree to that in the first place? I'm just wondering if anyone is going to enjoy themselves under the circumstances (you are going to be worried/feel guilty about your brother being overwhelmed, resentful toward your SIL, your brother is going to be stressed! and your SIL is going to feel your resentment....none of this is good for the future health of your relationship with them which ---trust me---you would rather have "ok").
So I'm just thinking that if there is a way for you to avoid in-law drama (even if you are not the one that screwed up), you will be happier in the long run. So IF it is possible to just transfer your reservations to a following weekend when both your brother/SIL can be there, I would do that (and even still be grateful they are taking your kids). You will be taking the high road (trust me that is the one you want to take) and that will be somehting you will feel good about which will make for a really great time/experience when you two finally get away.
Just my opinion....

I wouldn't say anything unless they bring it up! I don't like the way my bil and sil act or the things they do but they have nothing to do with my kids and they live right down the street. I don't ask them to watch my kids for fear that something will happen and they aren't really watching them cause I know they let their 2 year old just run around without watching her and expect everybody else to do it for them. Just be glad that he canceled his plans make sure you tell him you really appreciate it a few times and maybe call the trip a little short. Good Luck and enjoy your weekend and god bless!!

While your frustration is completely legit, you're right when you said this is between your brother and his wife. As long as you're not concerned with him watching the kids, I wouldn't say a thing.

Do not say anything to your SIL it is between her and your brother consider her its not her kids not her blood so she has no link and feels no responsiblity let her do heer trip if she cares so little for your kids then do you really want her to have charge over them for a weekend? One thought that popped in my head is could you afford to hire a babysitter to come help your brother out for a few hours? Say like for bath times or meal times? Sit down with him and say we know your willing to watch the kids but we are afraid it will be to much for just you are you sure you 0an do this?? Getting a come home phone call during your trip would not be fun! But what an awsome brother you have wish mine would offer to watch my kids even a couple hours!

I think you're better off not saying anything to your brother. Most likely it's already a touchy subject between the two of them and you don't want to put a rift between you and your brother either. I'm sure he's mad, and it won't help if you bring it up. I get why you're mad, though...I'd be pissed as hell! ;) Even if he brings it up, say your opinion if asked, but tread lightly! Just bring him a really nice gift back from your trip (maybe some liquor! ha!) or take him out to dinner when you return.

I wouldn't say anything. You do have a right to be ticked, but that's between your brother and his wife. Oh to be a fly on the wall at your brother's house! I would imagine that after that weekend he will be sure to put it on a calendar next time. :)
Enjoy the trip.