I know it's the thought that counts, but I'm having a hard time with the fact that my SIL spent almost twice on us as we did them. I owe her another gift that didn't get to our house in time for our visit together, so do I add something else to it? If I do, it can't be a gift card. That would be too obvious.
Here are the particulars:
We traveled 200 + miles each way to visit them over the weekend.
She has a 6 week old that I brought 2 large bags of baby clothes(that were my girls), a nice mobile, and some nice toys for baby (all used)...
She hosted dinner on Saturday at her house that I helped prepare....but she bought the extra groceries.
While we were running around on Saturday, she bought our gifts while I was with her.... a bath Barbie and PJ's for each of my two girls, a $50 Olive Garden gift card, and a $25 gift card to Starbucks for me (I didn't realize that at the time!).
I made a personalized calendar for them (I do this every year), got her two boys nice Ripley books, and the baby a bag of clearanced summer clothes. I also ordered a personalized notebook for my SIL that has the baby's name on it for her to write in. I got everything for a screaming deal because I've been shopping all year and hit pay dirt with Snapfish's online sales. My items totaled $35 in actual price and valued at $65 conservatively.
What do I do!?!? Do I order something else that is personalized and mail it and the notebook later? Thanks!
Thank you for the responses so far. I just feel she over did it - which she did. She is saver shopper too, and I think she was feeling bad that she was out of sorts trying to throw together gifts for us - with the new baby and all.
I planned on sending thank you cards anyway. Something I always do when we stay at someone else's house (which we stayed with a different BIL - but hung out at the SIL's house).
Thanks again, and you're right. We need to talk about this later and make a plan of action and limit the VALUE of the gifts in the future.
And no, we don't keep "score" of what each other does. I'm just trying to rationalize it all. We celebrated Saturday night and I can't stop thinking about it!
You do NOT need to keep up with the Jones' in this case. The gifts that you got sound really nice and from the heart. This is NOT about price tags.
Please accept the gifts graciously - send a wonderful thank you note and press on...
it's all good!!!
Was she grateful for the gifts? Then I wouldn't do anything. She might have thought that she would be generous and go a little above since you drove over 400 miles just to be with them... it was her way of showing appreciation.
I wouldnt stress on it, sounds like you've given plenty already from your heart. Anything else you would buy now would be because you are trying to keep up with the Jones-es... and it's not necessary.
Your gifts are very personal and reuired planning, organization, and forethought. You don't have anything to hang your head about. She really didn't go overboard either. That's pretty modest on her part. She made up for not being able to put time into it, by spending a little more. That's ok. That was her choice.
AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED: Can you stop thinking about it now? My sister and her husband have a lot more money then I do. They always give me something speical (sometimes in the form of something used. Last year it was a laptop computer....which I loved! My old one was fadding fast.) They replace things as soon as the newest stuff comes out....I give and/or do nice things for them as well, but it has to be within my means.
Do you like your sister in law? How about your brother?
Be gracious and accept her gifts. There is NO need to MATCH presents. In fact doing that is sort of disingenious. If you feel the need to do something extra, write a very sincere thank you note. Why do you feel the need to justify yourself?
Blessings....
You leave things as they are, and accept that she spent more than you. It happens. They may have had extra money, or wanted to show you much they appreciate you. I know the adult ego has a hard time dealing with it sometimes. Been there, done that myself.
Wanting to be "even" with someone else is not good enough reason to buy more gifts. You'd be buying them out of obligation, it would be forced & not genuine. I believe people should buy what they can afford, what comes from the heart, and not go broke when it comes to this sort of thing.
I'm sure they'll love what you got them. It sounds like you put a lot of thought into it. I'd be ecstatic to receive those gifts. It's about quality, not quantity, at the end of the day, at least for me. I'd rather have one thing that someone really put effort & thought into, than 10 things someone just threw in a basket at the last minute, personally.
Just remember - YOU drove 200+ miles to see her. So that should count for something!!! Maybe instead of trying to even it up now...what about sending her a gift in a month or two (just because...) and that way YOU will feel like you even?
I am not a Christmas person AT ALL, but I am a gifter. I thoroughly enjoy gift-giving. Now, that said, I think that you take away the specialness (?) of the gift when you do it out of obligation. Period. Do you even know why she's doing all of that, or does it matter? Of course, I don't know her, but maybe she's addicted to buying stuff or otherwise insecure. A true gift is not based on what somebody else bought for you. You should give based on your situation. Do what you do, and let her do what she does.
i think you let it go this year...it sounds like it's time to incorporate either a name draw, or a price limit (in our family we do both) for next year. let it go this year (and NO don't buy more for her), and then in a couple months bring it up - or maybe the next time you're all together, or the majority of you are. i talked to my mom (as head of our family) knowing that if i put a bug in her ear she'd listen. it just got to be TOO MUCH each year. and everyone is feeling the pinch (at least in our family) so it went over really well. our price limit is $50, by the way.
A gift is a gift.
Let it go and express your thanks.
However, I do have to add that I don't feel it's a good idea to buy "clearance summer clothes" as a gift. I wouldn't do it. I would spend the amount I wish to spend on something for now. Just my opinion.
ok first off, you travelled over 200 miles to go see them.. that is good enough!
Don't feel guilty.. and its a GIFT not a competition... really I am sure she does not care one way or the other if she got a really expensive gift from you on top of you guys having to pack up and drive 200 miles each way to see them...
I think people "read" too much into gifts these days. It really should be about the time you spend together and the memories you make...
When a sibling dies, you don't remember the nice gifts they gave you? You remember the good times you had together as a family...
Just food for thought. Don't make this into a competition. Accept, say thank you and move on.
Next time she will know better than to spend too much on gifts.
I always hate throwing birthday parties because my so called friends always wants to "one-up" each other by showing me how MUCH they really care... I could see by their expressions and whispers that it was not about me but about who got me the best gift... I am so over it.. I stopped having parties to say the least. Don't get me wrong I LOVE gifts....but they must be from the heart! I dont care about a pandora bracelet... that photoframe I got with the memory of us drinking wine... THAT's what I'm talking about!!
The time you spent with them should really be enough girlfriend. Don't let her make you feel bad... It was her decision to get expensive gifts.
I agree with what some others have said...accept the gifts graciously and move one. Plus, she doesn't need to know that you got their gifts at such great deals--that is the bonus for you! A few years ago we did away with adult gifts on my side of the family and draw a name for my husband's side. And we just get gifts for the kids (neices, nephews, etc.).
But even for them and the name draw, we have set a price limit for everyone. Perhaps you can bring that up for next year. Over the years my husband's family has been in a wide variety of financial situations (some still in school while others working for awhile with good jobs). Having the budget/limit helps everyone plan throughout the year so that they can make it work within their own finances.
Fix it next year. You never know, next year the perfect gift for her may be more than she spends on you. I don't like to keep score on such things but make sure it comes out in the wash.
I think that you should let it ride and revisit the gift-giving before next year. My SIL doesn't have a good job and a couple of years ago she indicated that she wanted to change the gift-giving and we all decided to change it so that the adults don't exchange, so once you are over 18, you're just there for games and food. It works well for us. The fact that her gifts didn't total the same cost yours did has no bearing on the thought behind them. I wouldn't worry about it. If you didn't know what she spent, would you feel as bad? Don't turn Christmas into a competition. I bought a cookie jar in January for $2. Does it mean it's not as good as a gift I might receive because I bought on sale? No. I just thought ahead. Let it go and enjoy the visit.
If you had purchased all of the 'hand-me downs', how much would that have cost? Even if you cut the price in half? I would say you're about even ... don't give it a second thought.
Wow. Do you and your sister-in-law always keep such detailed accounts on one another's gift activity? Or maybe I'm reading your post the wrong way.
I love a good bargain (!) - but if I had to come up to a monetary or gift-number standard in order to be in good stead with other people, I'd back off and reconsider the whole thing.
In any case, if you feel you must add another item, go ahead, order something nice, mail what you have right now so it will arrive in time, and include a note reading, "Please celebrate the Twelve Days of Christmas this year, because another package will reach you before those twelve days are done."
Give her the gifts you bought for her! Do you think so little of her that you think she'll mentally tally up money spent and then be offended? Don't worry about it!
Your gifts sound great as well as what you have done for her ler it go just send the late gift & a nice card thanking her for the great dinner.My sis always buys more for my kids she has 3 i'm going on 4 & as we keep in touch to what we bought for them there is always something extra added to theirs,& there are times when her gifts are homemade & that is fine with me
It just sounds like her way of saying thank you to you and your family. Traveling to come see her and her family- all the baby clothes and toys(even used ones) are great to get! Babies go through so many outfits with diaper changes and spitting up- it is nice to not to have to spend a fortune on something they are only going to be in for a couple of months-plus it sounds like you really put a lot of thought into each of your gifts(not that she didn't- but with a 6 week old- I can imagine she didn't have much time to do what she wanted). I don't think she over did it- I just think she really is glad for all the help and she wanted to show you. Send her a nice thank you card and maybe take her out for coffee next time you are over! :)
~C.
I wouldnt worry at all. You spent extra money visitin I'm sure and hand M. downs save ALOT! Also personalized gives show real effort, time and thought. I'm sure she loved it
