Sex - Anchorage,AK

There are people who have (and enjoy) sexless marriages.
Sometimes relationships do not center on sex.
There are people who enjoy sex all the time, almost every day.
The problems come when one wants way more than the other.
Then some sort of compromise needs to be reached so that each feels a level of satisfaction.

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Frequency and desire depends on the couple. You'll know when there is a problem in your relationship, trust me :)

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A friend told me she and her husband hardly ever had sex. It turned out they only made love once a week. Another friend told me her husband was a sex and love addict and they made love every day several times. She began to hate it.
You have to talk to your husband about wanting more if you do and seeing what would make it easier to be more intimate. Sex is a kind of communication and you need to talk about it.
My husband got the idea that when we talked about anything important in our relationship one of us should do all the talking and the other just listen. Then a day or two later the one who listened would do the talking. This really worked well for being heard and listening to what each of us was saying or needing to change.

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If one partner thinks it is a problem, then odds are it is a problem.

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the fact that you are asking means you are probably unhappy about it, but hubby might be feeling the same way and you'll never know unless one of you brings it up for discussion.

Recently my hubby and I were working hard/late nights/off schedules and going to bed at different times... I would sometimes go to bed w/o wanting to wake him, but made me sad b/c we used to ALWAYS kiss each other good night. We decided it was worth it to make that simple connection. I was also upset/sad that we weren't having sex much and just kinda blurted it out one night... was so glad to get it off my chest and into open discussion! Happy wife, happy hubby now!

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First let me say that my hubby and I have been seriously lacking in that department in the last couple of months because I am super huge and pregnant and it is just uncomfertable for both of us... with that said-

All the questions in your initial question are valid and can only be answered by you because everyones level of sex is definitely differenent. It is probably a sign of being comfortable and complacent.

It is hard to bring it up because you are probably afraid of the answer from him, which means that you do feel there is a reason to be a little worried (or so it sounds...) Do I ever have sex just because i know he wants to and I don't really want to... of course!! Usually, by 5 minutes in I forgot why I didn't want to do it in the first place. Could that awful phrase be true? Of course it could- that is why everyone knows/says that, but is it true? You will really just have to ask him.

Ask him- are we having enough sex for you? or do wish we had sex more often? Or if you would rather go with "what can I do to spice up our sex life?"

Maybe it is just you having too much to do otherwise and he just got tired of asking... if that is the case just remember, "Sex is like working out- once you do it, you wonder why you don't do it more often!!"

Good luck! i hope you get the answers you are looking for!

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I would have to agree that it is only a problem if one person in the marriage thinks that there is a problem. A conversation between the people in the relationship is the best solution.

Updated

I would have to agree that it is only a problem if one person in the marriage thinks that there is a problem. A conversation between the people in the relationship is the best solution.

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It could really be all of those.
Um that would really depend on your relationship.
I think all relationships have their "down" moments where you don't have sex as much.
There are a lot of factors that could determine how often you have sex.
Also relationship don't just stay in that "perfect extreme love" phase without some sort of work.
I Agree with Amy, If there is a problem you would know.
And hey it never hurts to put on some sexy clothes, strut around the house & play hard to get. :)

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As long as BOTH partners are comfortable with the way it is that I don't think it's a problem. However, if one person is not satisified with the frequency or quality of sex then it is a HUGE problem and likely speaks to other problems in the relationship. During sex a multitude of hormones are released which assist in bonding us to our partners even further than our brains allow us to, so sex is a great thing to keep the bond steady with your mate.

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A marriage or relationship cannot and should not be centered around sex. We have small children and we have a completely different focus, and we are extremely happy with the occasional sex. My husband and I go to bed at night at 2 totally different times. Like 2-3 hours difference. Our sex usually happens on the weekends. That doesn't make us unhealthy. We haven't had sex daily since well before children. To answer your questions, it should not be a problem.

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Sex is a very important connection that you have only with your spouse. I think that it is very easy to let it become less frequent, as well as more "mechanical". My husband and I have had a lot of talks about our situation, and I've found that for me, I need to make up my mind that it's going to happen at this time, and then prepare for it throughout the day by thinking about him, what I love about him, being physical with him as soon as he's home (kisses, hugs, holding hands, pinching his rear as I walk by, etc.). Then when it's time really concentrating on enjoying him and looking at him - not just going through the motions.

It seems like a lot of work, but that's what marriage is!! (And this is one thing that you'll have a good reward for your work in the end!) Don't go too long and drift apart, when it's totally in your control to have a happy sex life.

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Sex is very personal for everyone. As long as you both agree to the sex whether its maniacal crazy monkey sex or no sex at all, if you both are okay with it it's all good. It's when one wants something and the other doesnt that causes the trouble.

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Every one varies...no two couples are a like in the sex department.

I agree that if it is a problem for 1 of the couple, then it is a problem for the relationship.

~I have been married/together with my hubby for 13+ years and we have sex at least 2x a week, if not more...never less, unless it's that time of the month for me then we do 'other' things in the bedroom...this is what works for us.

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I have been married to my husband for 2 years, and with him for a total of 4, since we've been together we have sex daily.. minus the 3 week window after our baby was born... I'm pretty sure we're a little different than most couples but I feel like if i like it and it's my goal to have sex every day then that means we don't go to bed angry (we either make up before, during or after lol).. Good luck, the weird thing about sex is that sometimes its just hard to talk about so just do it.. if you want more sex then initiate it!

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Sex is only a problem when both people don't agree on how often to have it. We have sex usually twice a week and I am fine with that, my husband would like it a bit more often, but it isn't a problem for us. Life, work schedules and kids often get in the way, that it just the way it is. If you aren't happy, and I realize you didn't say that... then discuss it with your partner.

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My husband and I don't have sex too too often - I think there are many couples (usually ones with children) like that. We are very happy (just not so horny) all the time. Sex drives vary from person to person (and season to season like another responder posted) - think of it like a spectrum - some people have high sex drives, others are fairly mellow.

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My hubby and I have been married for just over 10 years and now that our kids are not babies anymore (4, 5, and 8) I want sex more than I did a couple of years ago.

I'd say it becomes unhealthy when the question of how often you do/dont have it creates serious unease between husband and wife. Regular, mutually enjoyable sex is part of a healthy marriage relationship. How often is really up to the two of you. But don't go too long without it. Abstinence (even in marriage) can become a habit. You just go on day to day not having sex. And that can leave you both feeling unhappy.

Talk to your partner, be honest. And if you're feeling a little embaressed, don't worry. He's probably been waiting for you to talk to him. :)