25 answers

Can a Marriage Survive Without Sex?

I truly hope so because I decide to give my vagina a well deserved retirement (with pay benefits) after an x amount of years of service, lol.
Then again, once I pass the point that I don't have to worry to get pregnant (hehe I know, bringing that BC talk, but in a fun way) I think is when sex can become fun and wild! So perhaps we would have more, just like teen but without the worries, and birth control (condoms) would be just used for a kinky night, lol.
Ok, enough.
If for any reason, one of you decide or can not have sex anymore, do you think your relationship could survive?
If it was you the one that couldn't have sex, would you give your significant other a free pass?(edit: as in the movie Hall Pass)

*** Yes, my intention for this post is not with the intention of debate, sorry if I word my post wrong, it was meant to be a JFF or a what if kind.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Sue H. You are right! I think as a part of "her" retirement benefits I could do something where she could still have those climax without having to work, there are other parts down there that perhaps wouldn't retire never, lol.
Dana, I was joking, but perhaps is my younger me talking and my older me is going to laugh about that as I would have triple the sex then now, you know, no kids at home, husband retired, no BC needed, how knows, lol.

Featured Answers

Yes, I think most good relationships can. After all sex is just one of many parts of a good relationship.

Don't get me wrong, not like I am going to give it up without a fight but I could live without it.

Now if the man stops cooking we are done! :p

4 moms found this helpful

Much depends on how important sex is to each of you individually. My ex had had prostate cancer before I met him. Sex was iffy. Sometimes even with pharmaceutical aids, the equipment just didn't cooperate. We found workarounds.

If all you're worried about is pregnancy, go 69 or anal.

If sex was a deal-breaker for him and I couldn't/no longer wanted to, I would give him an amicable divorce and wish him well.

3 moms found this helpful

As a few others have said - if it were a mutual decision, OR a medical one, then yes. If it were just one partner saying "I'm done with sex" - then i think it would be mighty tough going.

My own Dad told me many years ago that for the last 15 years before he died that he was unable to perform. That was his pep talk to all his kids and grandkids not to smoke.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I know many marriages that do, in nearly all cases they are "mature" marriages (30-50 years into them) and they are good/ strong/ happy marriages so much love and happiness in them that the sex is not an issue. I can't say if it ever was. But having few boundaries, these are things that I've had conversations about, and both partners just don't need sex for their marriage to be good/ strong/ loving/ happy. These are both family members, friends, and women I've worked with. LOL... I got LAUGHED at the first work-conversation about no-sex-marriages. Apparently the look on my face should have been photographed and framed. And then they just said "Don't worry. You're young."

(Ummm... that didn't make me feel any better. That made me highly nervous. Because I was old enough by then to not have the "It could never happen to me!" attitude when people talk about getting older. My dad doesn't say "F-you" when he's really angry with someone... but one of his FAVS is "May your legs grow together." Yikes. That's a swear I can get behind. Fortunately for my own self interest I also know a lot of sexually active people in their 70's and up.)

I also know a few young couples that neither are just that into sex. They're not exactly asexual (as far as sexual identity is concerned), but they're just not that into it. Sex isn't an expression of love for them, it's not something either really enjoy, but they reeeeeally love each other and their families.

I also know a few couples who one or either partner had a medical condition that stomped on the hormones and neurotransmitters that made sex any different from sticking your finger in someone else's nose. Some of them have recieved treatment and now have normal sex lives, some of them haven't. In all cases the couple involved have "worked something out". Sometimes that means they're both absitnent. Sometimes that means one partner has sex outside the marriage (with the other person's blessing).

((These are all "good" marriages, I'm talking about, to remind. There are far more I know of where when sex becomes a major issue the marriage fails.))


For myself?


I quit having sex with my husband about 18 months ago. Due to his increasing violence and temper and disrespect to both my child and myself... I couldn't stomach it. I had lost all respect for him. Which is huge for me, since I'd had sex almost daily for 9 years at that point. Come to find I can have all kinds of sex (angry sex, make up sex, just 'cause, expression of love, for stress release, sport, whathaveyou)... but I CANNOT have sex when I'm sad, or have lost all respect for my lover.

I didn't say "I will never have sex again." I DID say "The muffin shop is CLOSED until some things change in our marriage. Until we can become friends again."

Happy dance (although not for my sex life, at this point I may never :sniff: have sex again :( )... I filed for divorce last week... because UNhappily nothing changed.

8 moms found this helpful

I think a relationship without sex can survive...so long as it isn't just withholding sex. If there is a medical or physical reason why it isn't POSSIBLE it totally changes things. If it is just "deciding" no sex, then that not only doesn't work to hold a marriage together, but actively works against it.

8 moms found this helpful

I don't think so honestly, because it is a very important part of a marriage. Of course there are times you have less sex than other times in the marriage and it's not always some romance novel but overall not having sex is not a healthy and natural thing.

If there were some medical situation, that would be very sad. Not sure about the free pass...very tough to say.

6 moms found this helpful

Sure - relationships can survive without sex... but both people need to be in agreement about the no sex policy. And usually people who choose not to have sex have some issues they're working through (or not). And those issues might be the ones to topple the marriage.

Your post talks about retiring your vagina... and maybe it's due to pregnancy worries? I'm confused... there are so many ways you can deal with birth control now rather than waiting for menopause to start having sex again.

What do you mean by a free pass? Do you mean you'd allow your husband to go find other people to have sex with? For me, the answer is NO. I wouldn't want to give away the intimacy we share, and I wouldn't want my husband turning to other people for comfort. If I could no longer have sex, I would hopefully "take care" of him in other ways.

5 moms found this helpful

Yes, I think most good relationships can. After all sex is just one of many parts of a good relationship.

Don't get me wrong, not like I am going to give it up without a fight but I could live without it.

Now if the man stops cooking we are done! :p

4 moms found this helpful

I think it depends. Have you read Snow Flower and the Secret Fan? In the book, the main character lady "retires" from having sex. This is when she is an older woman and has had all her children, and they have the means to purchase some concubines for the husband. Of course, this was a fiction book but I thought it sounded pretty cool at the time. She was doing it as a way to purify her body after polluting it for so long, if I remember correctly. So, I guess as long as each partner's sexual needs are being met, and there are not jealousy issues, then...sure.
BUT even though I have gone through lots of lulls where my libido is nonexistant and I feel like I could easily "retire" and happily never have sex again, my experience is that our marriage is much happier, we are in better communication and more connected, and just plain like each other more, when we are having sex often. It really seems to strengthen the marriage bonds. And the good thing is, the more often we have sex, the stronger my libido gets....

4 moms found this helpful

No, I don't think a marriage (in it's truest sense) would last without sex. Without that kind of connection, you're living with a roomate or a life-long friend. What would make your relationship with your spouse different than any other friendship? Nothing.

Just my opinion, but I couldn't give my husband a "free pass", nor would I use one if I had one. My marriage is about connecting and supporting eachother, which for us (my husband especially) includes intimacy.

The whole tone of this (even if it's JFF) is strange. Giving your vagina retirement benefits like you can disconnect that part of yourself entirely? Strange.

4 moms found this helpful

There is a lot you can do that takes the issue of pregnancy out of the equation. At the core of things, it is about being with your partner and connecting in a special way. I think if either of us said no sexual contact, it would be the end. That is just too all-inclusive to be reasonable and seems to take the feelings of the other person out of the picture. That, to me, does NOT a marriage make.

3 moms found this helpful

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