Selfish to Want the Opposite Sex?

While I love being a mom to only boys, occasionally, I am reminded of the things I won't get to do because I don't have a daughter. Then I remind myself of my very close friend who is unable to get pregnant and all the other women out there who are in her shoes and feel deeply blessed to have 2 healthy, happy little boys who I adore!

Hi N.,

I have three little girls, and I know exactly what you're going through. It is very normal to want a child of the opposite sex. We all really wanted my third child to be a boy, espically for my husband. My husband wouldn't let the doctor tell us the gender, but I knew he would need time to work through his emotions before the baby arrived. So about a month before the baby was born I had the doctor write the gender on a card and seal it in an envelope. I then took it up to Dillards (because they do gift wrapping in the store) and picked out a pink and a blue onesie. I handed the cashier the envelope, both onesies and my money and turned my back. She rang up the one that went with what the card said and double bagged it for me. I took it over to the gift wrap counter and asked them to wrap it in gender neutral paper and put everything including the receipt inside the box. Then we had our parents and siblings over to find out together. The room went completely silent when we opened the box and discovered the pink onsie, but I think my husband and I had an easier time with the news because everyone was there. It was a realy special way to find out the gender.

It took a little while, but we adjusted to the idea of having three little girls and we thank God daily for these beautiful blessings! My girls are very close in age (they're all under age 4 at the moment) and I think they will love growing up together. If I could choose to change things, I don't think I would. I love having three little girls.

If you are ready to have another child, go for it. God will bless you with the exact person that you are supposed to have, and you will love that baby regardless of it's gender.

GOOD LUCK!!!

When I was in college, I worked in a church nursery. A woman there had 3 boys and she and her husband tried one more time - hoping for a girl. Back then, there were no sonograms. You had to wait to find out. She gave birth to twin boys! The day she came back to church, she brought them to the nursery, laid them in the crib and all her friends surrounded the crib - - ooohing and ahhhing. The woman burst into tears! Her friends circled her with a group embrace. I thought, "Wow. She must've really, really wanted a girl." I was young and naive. Years later, I burst into those same tears when an old woman coughed over my first-born and didn't cover her mouth. I realize now: The woman at the church wasn't disappointed or unhappy she had 5 boys, just under the influence of hormone collapse. The point of this story?? If that lady could be happy, then you can and will be happy, no matter what the gender!!

N., I was in your shoes (except with 2 boys) a little over 25 years ago. We knew we wanted 2 children, and maybe 3, when we married. With the first 2, I didn't care what sex they were, although I would have loved having 1 of each. Who knows, then I may have had a third. But I KNOW I would have desperately wanted a daughter with the third, and didn't think it fair to the baby...not his or her fault they were coming after 2 boys! My others were 4 and 1 at the time, and I had a "false alarm". I got really panicky at the thought of another baby. Started feeling overwhelmed. When we found out I wasn't pregant, I felt such relief, and began to feel my family was complete. My husband felt the same, so we never tried for #3. I think the main thing is you have to want another child, not just a boy or a girl. Then, even if you have a little disappointment with the sex, you will be overjoyed and in love with your newest angel. Best of luck to you!

You are not being selfish. I am actually in the same boat, only the opposite--I have two boys and want to try for a girl. My husband said that what will happen is that we'll have a third boy! A woman I know had 4 boys and went for a girl and finally got one! When I go to the stores and I see the cute girl clothes I am sad, and I wish I had a little girl to play dolls with. I remember my grandfather made me a 3-story Barbie house with stained glass wondows (really, no joke!). When I had my sonogram for my 2nd and they told me it was another boy I was dissappointed, and it took me a few days to work through it. Since I had my 2nd at age 38 and I am now 40 I knew that I probably wouldn't have a girl. I don't think you are being selfish because as mothers we would naturally have different ways of loving and interacting with children of different genders.

I don't think society is producing more girls, just perhaps your circle of friends and acquaintances are having them. ALmost everyone I know is having boys or had multiple boys. Maybe you should come hang out with me!

I think it's normal!! I was in the same boat.. 2 little girls and we decided on having a 3rd baby. It's funny because everyone would ask if my husband really wanted to try for a boy, but it was really me that wanted a boy!! I read " how to choose the sex of your baby" and any other info I found on the Internet. So we tracked my ovulation, had my hubby drink caffeine before intercourse and used the recommended position for conceiving a boy!! A few weeks later, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I called my Drs office and scheduled an apt for 6 weeks. About 2 weeks later, I had bad abdominal pain and went to the er. I had an ectopic pregnancy on my ovary that had ruptured! After emergency surgery and a blood transfusion I was ok but saddened by our loss. O went back to the dr 3 days to have my pregnancy hormone levels checked.. They should have been going down. Much to everyones surprise, they had gone up. Went for a sono the next day thinking my results got mixed up or the dr didn't remove everything during the surgery.. But their it was, right in my uterus where it should be- our looking miracle baby!! Apparently 2 eggs got fertilized..had a sono nov 19..held my breath while we looked for 2 arms, 2 legs, a 4 chamber heart, ect.. I was so nervous because of the anesthesia and anemia and everything that had happened.. Then when I saw the "appendage" that was just bonus!! I was just hoping and praying for a HEALTHY baby..I am definitely counting my blessings and still keeping my fingers crossed that everything is going to be ok!! I actually have 5 friends that are preggo right now.. All with little boys- including my best friend who also has 2 little girls! Good luck! Sending blue vibes your way but be prepared if it doesn't happen.. Healthy is the main issue!

I can understand your wanting a boy. After having 2 girls with my husband, he (and his parents) wanted a boy, since the other siblings had girls. I thought all thru the pregnancy that I was going to have a boy as that pregnancy was different than the other 3 (my 1st baby also a girl). Well, I had a healthy baby GIRL, again. After my husband's twin brother had the first grandson of the family just 3 months before, I think there was a little disappointment when our daughter Blake was born (yes we even kept the name we chose for a boy), but everyone was happy and didn't love her any less. I also believe that children are a gift from God and He is the one in control of what he creates and you will be happy no matter what you have. Good luck and may you have many blessings with your 3 kids.

Here is another slant on your question. As we (as a nation) go to war, many more boys are conceived and born it's something that nature does. Since we are finishing up a war many more gilrs are being born now than in the last decade or so. No, it is not unhealthy to wish for the opposite sex of a child than the child(ren) you already have. Do love the child that you receive and pray that it is healthy and has all the necessary fingers and toes and things and enjoy all the adventures that will come. The other S.

I am a firm believer that God gives us what we need and what we can handle AT THE TIME! I had 3 daughters-one adopted, two biological. Years later we reared 2 grands, a girl and a boy, by our adopted daughter. The timing was perfect. My husband coached our grandson in baseball, fished and enjoyed all the things fathers and sons do. Had we had boys in the beginning, he wouldn't have had time because he had to work all the time! Sometimes you see this in hindsight, so just trust God to give you the path you need.

I have two boys, and really want a little girl. We even searched online about things you can do to do to conceive a girl. ha. We figured it could all be BS, but why not give it a shot. In the back of my mind I pretty much know I will have another boy, because after 2 boys, it is a pretty slim shot to have a girl I think.

Last year, my husband said he really wants a little girl, so let's try one more time. I said, we have to be 100% ok, if it is a boy. We are now finally 10o% ok with the thought of "my 3 sons".. so we are trying.

I can honestly say with my 1st child I really didn't care what sex it was since I knew I was having 2, but when they did the sono on my 2nd son, and it was another boy, I made them re-check and was upset. For some reason I had in my head it was a girl. Of course I got over that within days and love my boys more than anything. I am 34 now, so at this point, I am just hoping for a sucessful pregnacy and healthy baby. Haven't had a baby in almost 5 yrs, so hoping everything is still ok. :)

Best of Luck!!

Completely normal, in my opinion! Of course, I'm a mother of three boys and would love to have a girl! I was told the last one was a girl for two months. It was a huge let down and something we as a family had to work and grieve through, but I wouldn't trade any of my boys! God knew what He was doing. I now have a clearer understanding that if we have a house full of boys, that is His plan for us. By the way...I was one of three girls! And trust me, if you have a third, and it's another girl, you won't love her any less!

As a mother of 2 girls
I would love to have a boy but if i woul dhave another kid I would adopt a boy...I wouldn't take a chance....
Its not selfish...

Just remember it is GOD's plan.

I am the youngest of 6 children-5 boys then me-glad my mom ept trying for that little girl! But life sure has been hectic with 5 older brothers. Ever guy I ever dated had to pass inspections-they all were really "bossy". Guess that was their way of taking care of me.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to being that little sister again.

Hi N.,

I am a mother of three boys. I to wanted a girl, but was blessed with boys. I know I am supposed to be a mother to boys. I know that God did this for a reason. When ever I need a girl fix I just borrow one of my best friend daughters and we do girl things. I even had a girl sleepover and it was a blast. Don't be afraid to try for #3 because it might not be the gender you want. You will love it no matter what.

Thanks,
C.

N.,
I think your feelings are normal. I don't think it is selfish. It's just something you would like to experience. However just because you don't get what sex you prefer that doesn't mean you wouldn't love your baby the same. I think you probably would. Don't you?

If you want a third child, then go for it. If you only want a son.......well, for me that would be too dicey and I'd pass on the third child.

I have two sons. I wish I had a daughter, but that doesn't mean I would trade either of my sons. I love them more than anything! They are wonderful. Just sometimes I think how life would be a little different if I had a daughter. How my experiences would be different. I still adore my boys and am glad they are who they are. I treasure the experiences they have given and keep giving me.

Don't be hard on yourself for your feelings. Listen to your heart.

Not selfish. Each gender has something special with it. You have two girls, it would be new and different to have a boy. Little boys are amazing! You often hear about the father/daughter bond. There is the same thing between mother/son. It's a special thing to want. If you end up with a girl again, I could see you feeling disappointed or even crying some and it's fine:-). Just so long as you end up adjusting. I have a girl, a boy, and a girl. I really want a boy now. I would be fine with a girl and love & adore her...but I'd love another boy (plus, then my son would have someone he could wrestle with - his sisters just don't like it like he does!).

I'm a working mom of three beautiful daughters and couldn't be any happier! But then again, I was kinda hoping #3 would be a girl because I love having daughters. So I guess I was "selfish" in the opposite way -- I didn't really want a boy. And I didn't find out in advance, because when push came to shove it just really didn't matter to me . . . I just wanted a healthy baby.

But I will share a quick story . . . I once worked with a woman who was one of 4 girls. Her one sister already had a daughter. This woman desperately wanted to present her aging father with his first grandson. Yet she didn't find out in advance what she was having. But then all she talked about was having a boy . . . she just "knew" it was a boy. Well out popped her beautiful little girl. Only I was told her initial reaction was tears that it wasn't a boy. Obviously she got over it and loved her little daughter very much! But my point is that if the sex of the child means that much to you, then find out what you're having in advance so that you have time to adjust if the "he" you're hoping for turns out to be a "she".

When I was pregnant with my first child I just knew it was going to be a boy. The thought of having a girl never crossed my mind. When we were at the sonogram appointment and they told us we were having a girl I was shocked. It took me a couple of days to get my head together. I realized God is giving me exactly what I need and I am so very blessed to have her. With my second child I felt like I was having a boy. So it was not supprise when they told us it's a boy. At that time I wanted another little girl (crazy huh). I am happy and love both of them so very much couldn't imagine things any different. I think we all go through this and it is not selfish. We just have to rememember it is not under our control and God will bless us with a sweet little boy or girl.

Hi N.,

I don't think there is anything wrong with "hoping" for a boy as long as you don't get overly obsessive about it to the point you are ungrateful for a healthy child, whatever that may be. I've known a few couples that have gone that far and it really is a tragedy because there are so many people out there that either can't conceive their own or have a child born less than perfect with special needs. There are so many things to be disappointed in in this life....disease, war, crime, discrimination....the list goes on. Not getting exactly the sex of child you wanted is not something to spend the rest of your life in regret about. I have friends that have either had all boys or all girls and find great humor in the fact that "daddy" must be delivering all girl sperms or all boy...Think about what we tell preschoolers all the time...."You get what you get and you don't throw a fit" LOL...I think it fits this situation perfectly!! Many blessings to you this joyful Christmas season!

I feel the exact same way-well sort of...I have two beautiful girls and i want one more baby but i am so adverse to the idea of having a boy!! I want another girl but i am literally terrified of the let down i might feel if i had a boy so no ou are not alone

Its not selfish, you love your girls and that will not change, but now are looking for a new experience. You are right you might be dissappointed to find out that you are having another girl and will spend the rest of your life longing for boy. My mom had 3 girls, we are all grown but she still says that she wishes she had a boy. Why dont you plan your next pregnancy, track your cycle, then try to concieve on the day you ovulate. There are tons of ovulation calander websites out there to use that will help you figure out the best day to concieve. I did this and got pregnant the first month of trying with exactly what we wanted. Here is the website I used, it has a legend that says what your best days are for conceiving which gender.

http://ovulation.dynadel.com/

I don't think so. I really really wanted a girl with my 1st child. I even cried - just a little - when I found out I was having a boy. But - once it sank in a little bit and after he got here, I wouldn't trade him (or his brother for that matter) for anything. I truly believe that God knew I needed boys and not girls ! So - I think that these feelings are normal as long as you know there is a 50/50 chance either way and you are happy and thankful for whatever you get. HTH....

I don't think it's selfish at all. We are afterall human! I had always felt I wouldn't be happy without a girl - I'm a girly girl and wanted a daughter to share in girl things with. With #2, I wanted another girl frankly b/c I didn't know if could love a boy the same way or what would I do with a boy. When we found out #2 was a boy, I was a bit sad, but now, he is just my sweet loving toddler. I think regardless of what you think you want, in the end you'll love the child.

P.S. I'm a working mom of 2 and considering a 3rd and also wonder how and if I could handle life being any crazier :-)

You are normal...or at least if you're not I'm in the same boat as you! LOL!

I have 2 girls (18 - well will be on Jan 3rd) and a 7 year old. I wanted boys both times. So much so when I found out I was having a girl the 2nd time I started crying. And that was even in spite of the fact that there were possibly health issues (downs syndrome) and we found out that she was healthy. I REALLY wanted a boy.

Here we are 7 years later and I truly enjoy my daughter and love her beyond belief. Yes at first I was disappointed I didn't have a boy BUT she is healthy and super smart.

I'd be all for trying again.. even in spite of the fact may have another girl.. but the husband is NOT going for it.

So go ahead and try for another one and have boy for US! LOL!!!

Take care and God bless!

M.