Seeking Mom with a 12 to 13Year Old Chil with Autim or Pdd

Hi,

I have an almost 13 y/o son on the autism spectrum. Whether your son is verbal or nonverbal, you could try going over a social story with him beforehand whenever there is to be a new visitor to the house. The most likely reason your son is melting down is because he is not prepared for the sudden change in his routine and/or environment. You could try to prepare him for the change by making up a story with pictures to show him what is going to happen the day a visitor comes. It would be good to have an actual photo of the person who is to visit and perhaps a picture schedule of what will happen while the visitor is there. He may not respond positively right away to this type of intervention, but if you keep up with it, he may make the connection and become more calm with visitors. Do you have Wraparound services to help you with him? If so, perhaps this is something your son's BSC could help you put together.

Wow, Where do I start. It was reading about my life. AT the age of 4, my daughter was diagnosed with ad/hd, odd, and ocd. Over the years, it hasn't gotten better. Last May, I had to have her admitted to a adolescent psychiatric hospital. She sent a month there and they took her off all meds and started her on new ones. In the meantime, I contacted them about testing her for Aspergers which is a form of Autism. And they told me that was the diagnoses. She is home, still has meltdowns when new ppl come into the house. It is very hard, but I understand where you are coming from. I also have a daughters that are 27, 26 and 19. Then Cheyenne that just turned 13. I hope knowing you aren't the only one out there will help. If you need someone to chat with, let me know. I will send you my screenname. I also have a hard time with noone to talk too. I have only 3 grandchildren and they aren't here alot . It is very stressful and not an easy think tho handle. Right now, she is in a partials program for her schooling b/c the regular schools can't handle a child with her emotional problems. Hope this helps some. Let me know how you make out. P.

I have a 10 year old with autism (PDD-NOS) - he has a lot of anxiety issues including what you mention - we find if we give him notice about a change such as someone new in the house, he handles it much better -- not too far ahead of time because then he obsesses over it, but a few hours typically works.

My brother-in-law is an autism specialist and is very helpful. He actually has a free website that is just a network for parents and professionals. He has begun theater for children with autism and he has found huge success with it. His name is Andrew Nelson (one of the co-founders) and the website is ATRAN (Applied Theatre Research and Autism Network) at www.autismtheatre.org Check it out - this is his passion and he values parents' concerns, questions, and input. Use his email to ask for help on anything - he'll get back with you! ____@____.com Hope you check it out!
R.

My son has ADHD,PDD and Sensory Integration Disorder. He is 8 years old. One thing I can tell you for sure is if you can communicate well with him is play detective and ask him what bothers him the most about having someone else in the house. I notice a lot of times I can sove problems by asking questions and talking things out to fix what is bothering him and triggering him off. My son is an excellent talker, but as you well know with this disorder, these kids can't tell us why they are upset. They have sort of crossed wires. It's in there, you just have to figure out how to get it out for them. Sort of teach him how to communicate. Always stay calm. If you ever notice, the second you get the slightest bit upset, I can lay money on it that his temper will escalate tenfold. If you keep calm and just ask questions, you will get answers and learn how to fix 80% of the problem. If it's not fixable, you will learn how to explain things to him that he can't understand. The more he understands the less frustrated he will be and the more orderly your home will be. Also, children like him are kids of routine. Get a routine and keep it going. If he is very strict, than that may be what is making him upset. If something is throwing him off routine than that is something you will need a therapist to help you with. Our routines are strict in the morning and at night, I never have to deal with mid-day routine problems, yet! Knock on wood LOL.
I strongly recommend that if you don't have an outside agency helping you, get one! We work with outpatient therapy, family based services, TSS, whatever we need when we need it for him and have seen him move mountains! I would go back and do it all over again if I had to. It's been a long hard struggle but well worth it. Take the most intense program and listen to what they tell you. Work with the people and let them guide you. They are trained and can help. It get's frustrating because in the begining you feel like you are the only one who knows your child and you try to protect them as best you can, but if you don't let them try to be as independant as possible in this world you will never have the peice of mind that you are so desparately longing for. I know that from experience.
We did dietary changes and it made a world of difference. Make a food diary and when he has the most mood swings. You will begin to see a pattern. Foods that are high in perservatives and artificial colorings and artificial sweeteners are the devil!! Stay as natural as possible. It seems impossible, but really it's not. Whole milk, natural cheese, nothing processed. Visit http://www.feingold.org and find out about the Feingold Diet. It's a real blessing. We also added supplements on a daily basis instead of medications. There are options, you are not stuck.
If you ever need to talk shoot me an e-mail. I've been there and still have those days, it's just a lot easier to deal with now.
Best of luck!
M.

The thing that upset my son the most about having company at that age was confusion. It was so hard for him to filter out everything that was going on. If there was going to be company in the house I let him know but I also let him know that if he at all felt uncomfortable and needed a break at any time that is was OK for him to excuse himself. Acknowledging him and how well he was doing when he was among everyone and being understanding when it became too much for him and he had to retreat. I let him interact on his terms I didnt want it to be forced. As time went on the meltdowns became less and less because he removed himself from the situaton "before" he got to the point of meltdown. He is 16 now and I am happy to say he is adjusting well and he loves it when we get company loves to interact, play games and talk. And if we all get to him, he politely excuses himself and goes off on his own.

Hi,

I don't know if I can be of much help, but we have 9 year old twin boys w/ PDD-NOS. We have the same problem when people come over. They act differently, often very defiant and out of control. This is their way of coping w/ the excitement, and they also have a hard time w/ the inconsistant responses they receive from us as parents when people are here - we are less apt to be as strict as we normally are, and they interpret this as a time to test the boundaries. So what we do is offer them lots of space (in there room playing something they love), or we allow them time on the TV watching a movie or playing a video game. We really try to help them with their anxiety by giving them seomthing to do that's relaxing for them, even though sometimes I feel guilty b/c its like "putting them away." This weekend we had friends over for dinner and it was the same old story. But our friends are very familiar w/ our boys, so we let some of the behaviors slide, and just tried to love them and calmly remind them to chill. Most of my anger about their weird behaviors when we have guests is out of embarrassment, I think. Sad, but true. Having children with special needs who are behaviorally challenging is a HUGE drain on your patience and greatly contribute to one's stress. Hang in there, you're not alone!

Also, have you considered biomedical treatments for your son? We have found these types of interventions to be hugely successful and healing for our twins. For more info, go to www.autism.com or www.tacanow.com

first thing try prepareing your son, by talking to him and telling him there is going to be company. Use the companies name. reasure him that if he doesn't want to be around the company that it is ok for him to be in his room. He needs to have a safe place that no one can invade. When you do have company try not to have alot going on for example everyones talking and TV is on , or radio. It may be to much for your son to filter. Most important is to reasure your child that everything is ok and constantly praise him for being so good even when he melts down just excuse your self and get him to a quiet place, reasure everthing is ok tell him you understand it might be to overwelming and now this is a suggetion every child is diferent ask him isf he would like to stay in his room for a little while so he can relax. However make sure you make a deal like if you calm down you can stay in your room x amount of time. But inforce you must come down.