Seeking Advice on What to Do. Please HELP

Hi J.,
I was a teacher before I started working from home so I could be home with my boys. As a teacher...he does need to complete his work. If he is playing around instead of working in class, the teacher needs to handle that. If he is just working at a slow pace, I would not make him stay in, I would send it home.
I would just tell the teacher: "if he is playing around I understand you not sending him out to play, but if he is working and just not completing his work, I want him playing and we will do his work at home." If she doesn't listem, go to the principal. I would find out what exactly is going on.

B.
www.MoreForMyBaby.com

I would not allow him to skip recess over and over!!! He needs to be running and playing more than sitting at a desk to work!! If he is slow at work in school only, is he board? Could he possibly have a learning problem? I would suggest that he go to recess and do his work at home if he needs more time. If the teacher is not kneen on that then see about having a teacher conf. With her and if nothing changes in a month, I would see about moving him to another class!! Kinder. Needs to be a year of fun and a good start for school otherwise it could be rough if he starts out not liking it off the bat! He needs to be outside having FUN!

J., I would have a stop put to that! It is like she is punishing him for trying to be proficient in his work! I have one of these children too. I have them send the work home and together we get it done.

Recess is important for young children. Your son should not have to consistently miss recess. You can call and speak personally to the teacher and tell her you are not comfortable with your son missing that much recess time, and you would like to work something out so he does not miss. If she does not cooperate, go to the counselor or principal and ask them how they may help.

Recess allows children to move, gets the blood flowing to their brains, and gives them time to learn how to socialize.

Always speak to the teacher in person when you do not receive an answer through writing her a note, calling or emailing.

Do not go to the Principal until you actually speak directly to the teacher about the recess. The first thing the Principal will ask you is "did you SPEAK to the teacher?"

I do agree your child needs recess and your son should be allowed to do the rest of the work home to complete. This will give you a chance to see how he does his work. Is he easily distracted? Is he bored? Is he confused? Is he overwhelmed working on his own? He may need to be observed in the classroom at some point to see what is going on.

Do not freak out or expect the worse. There is probably a simple answer, just let the teacher know you want to work with her.

I completely agree that your son needs recess, especially just so he can have a break from working so hard and he needs the social skills that come with recess. He's going to have a tough time relating to the other kids if this continues. I would try to approach the teacher individually and just ask to set up an appt. to meet with her. I would do this in person. I would also ask if the counselor could be present or maybe ask for a separate appt. with the counselor. just because three heads trying to come up with a solution are better than two. I also would only go to the principal if you feel the teacher isn't trying to help your son. You'll get a vibe and you'll know if it's necessary. It does take a good month for teachers to get their class into the swing of things and start tailoring instruction, but you certainly don't want to wait any longer in trying to remedy this. Blessings. Your little guy may just need time to mature a little.

It's time to step on toes (but lightly). Ask for a face to face meeting and refresh her memory as to the request you've made. Explain that you think that a 6 year old needs to run and play for 15min during recess and that it just might make the rest of the day's work easier for him to do if he is able to have some movement.

Gross motor skills are important to develop at this time, and effect how well your child learns. The more he plays and uses his muscles the better his brain and small motor skills will develop.

Explain that you are happy to have your child do work at home and that you will see to it that he brings completed work back.

He's still young enough that his pace will probably pick up, but punishing him for not being as fast as the others in class is probably not the best way to handle this. Perhaps teacher could mark of part of the page ahead of time as homework and the child could complete the reasonable amount before recess (and do more if he finds he has extra time so he doesn't have to take homework home)? Regardless, recess is recess and he needs to go.

(I taught in a classroom for 5 years before teaching full time at home. My philosophy is that a child really needs to do a lot more playing than they are given time for at this age, and it has ramifications for future learning if they don't get out and run, play, and climb a few trees. It is important to learn the work ethic of completing work in a timely manner, but there is a balance.)

(asside...I don't know that this is necessarily the direction you need but thought I'd add what I know about the following: :)

Handwriting Without Tears, mentioned in someone else's email is used by a lot of home schoolers and can be done easily at home without a lot of time dedicated to it. You can find it at wwww.RainbowResource.com pretty inexpensively.

Children can be slow workers for different reasons. The key is to find out why he is going so slow. Is it because he has trouble whith reading, comprehending, understanding, processing, etc or is it due to a perfectionist quality that makes him work slowly to do things perfectly or does he just not know how to move and think quickly? My daughter used to be ridiculously slow in everything. It would take her 1 hour to eat a meal and there was no rushing her. If she ran out of time then she just didn't eat. We used to have to practice doing things fast. I would say things like...go get ready to leave like the house is on fire, as fast as you can. Well, it took years of practice before she could actually do anything quickly. One thing that helped at school is that her teacher put an egg timer on her desk and would have her try to finish her work in a set time. The goal was to get a little faster each time. This really did help her to stay focused on getting the work done before the timer went off. Now this is only a good idea for children that simply work slow but don't have any learning issues. So I would recommend evaluating why your son is taking so long to do his work and then go from there. He absolutely should not have to miss his recess time or any fun activities just to finish work due to him working slowly. That is unfair. Hopefully you can get the teacher to either modify his work load or allow him to take some home. If she allowed him to take some home it might help you to figure out why he works so slowly. Good Luck!!

Questions:
Does your child have a long name? I have a cousin whose child had a pretty long first & last name & took quite a while getting that on the heading before even starting on the rest of the work.
Is your child a perfectionist? Does he need to get everything done perfectly before he can go to the next step?
I would watch him doing some pretend assignments at home & see what is slowing him down first.
Don't interrupt.

S.

You have already talked to the teacher, so I suggest you try talking to the counselor now. The teacher already told you that your son is a good kid who doesn't get in trouble, so why is she punishing him by making him work through recess? He needs recess so he can relax a little and develop important social skills.

There are a ton of reasons why your son may do his work slower; he's bored, doesn't understand the assignment, has a learning disability such as dyslexia, needs glasses, has impaired hearing, or maybe he just moves at his own pace. Or he could be so dang smart that he's bored in class, so he works slowly, maybe daydreaming in the process. The point is there are a lot of possibilities. As the mom quit worrying about stepping on the teacher's toes and do what you feel is best for your son. It breaks my heart to know that she is taking away recess, essentially punishing him, because he doesn't do the work fast enough to suit her.

I'm wondering if the school has a no homework policy for the younger kids. Many schools do. That may be why she is making him do the work at school. Talk to the counselor, the principal, whoever you need to talk to. Don't worry about stepping on anyone's toes. You are being a good parent, realizing that kids need recess not just to let off steam but to develop important social skills.

Good luck. I hope things work out for your son.

Edit to add that my son worked slowly too, until the counselor evaluated him and turned out he had a problem seeing the lines on the paper because of his poor vision (he's had glasses since 1 year old). I had to buy special paper that had thick black lines so he could see it clearly and any worksheets had to be done in a bold or dark print for him to see clearly. His work speed drastically improved then. It could be something as simple as that. And my son only needed the special accomidations for 2 years, and then all was fine. Seven years later his only problem is that it's more interesting to talk to the girls than it is to do school work!

The description you gave of your son is what I have heard about my sons. It is very frustrating.

You say you did speak with the teacher and that is a great start. Please be a little forgiving about not receiving a return phone call; even three weeks into school the teacher could still be overwhelmed. Sometimes they have more kids put into their classroom than expected or some new way of entering grades and that slows up the teacher (talk about a switch-a-roo!).

Pursue a conference with the teacher. One of my lessons was to request a parent-teacher conference early on in the year. Our local elementary schools wait until the first report card (after six weeks of school) and then have an entire day just for meeting with parents (and short meetings at that, ugh!) about the first grader's academic performance and other helpful information.

Well, six weeks in is late, in my book. Oh, and when you ask for the conference request that the school counselor be invited to the same meeting. Sometimes the front office will take your message and let both the teacher and school counselor know of your request for a conference. Other times you leave the message for the teacher and have to wait for a response.

My childrens' teachers all have a posted conference time (a time of the day, like while the students are away at art) when the teacher is expected to be available for conferences with other teachers and with parents. Get to know your rights. You can even make an appointment to speak with the school counselor, just the two of you. In such a meeting, you could learn more about your son's teacher and what your options are.

My children did need some special ed services, one for just a short time and another just needed an accommodation or two, in the classroom. One accommodation was that the teacher would provide a typed up or written copy of any notes put on the board to my son. Stuff that other kids were pretty quick at writing notes for themselves or just copying for their use. My son would spend so much time trying to copy all of that information down that he would actually have to stop listening and got "behind" very quickly.

I feel for you. I'm wishing you the best!

Time for another face to face conference. On Monday morning, call or email her to schedule. Also, on Monday, send a note in your sons folder that states you want him to participate in recess on a daily basis starting today.

Request that incomplete work to be sent home. Yes, she's the teacher but that doesn't make her perfect. I respect ALL teachers and their jobs but I think she's wrong here and I have been in your shoes. Missing recess is a last resort and should only occur once in a while.

I agree that is ridiculous to have a 6 year old miss recess.
I think the younger children NEED this more than the older ones.

My daughter had the same problem, it has been better but in first grade this was a daily issue. She still is slow (but all A's and a few B's so it's hard to complain). It may be a maturity issue with your son which is normal.

He is still very young and school is very new. First grade is an adjustment and the work load is heavier than kindergarten so he may just need time.

I read a previous post about the egg timer and I have used that with my dd when she does homework. It's just like a little reminder in front of them that the clock is ticking.

We had this problem since kindergarten until now, 4th grade.
I'm not looking for excuses or medication or an easy way out but I personally, feel my daughter is slightly ADD. Not ADHD, but ADD. Teachers won't tell you that b/c it isn't their place to diagnose and I think they will upset parents but if this continues for a few years, you can get him tested. A pediatrician can do an initial screening and then they will refer you to someone that tests for it.

I am pretty sure that teachers are not allowed to keep kids in at recess anymore in the state of texas. I teach in NEISD and I know that it is not allowed because of the movement to get kids healthy and keeping them in keeps them from their time to run and exercise. Look it up in your districts rules and talk to the teacher. Most teachers I know don't like having to keep kiddos in either so find out what other options you have. If she continues to keep him in I would take it to the counselor or principal. You dont have to come on strong if you are worried about stepping on toes but parents are their child's best advocate so stand up for what you know is best for your child. THis is not an unreasonable request!!

Couple of things- have his eyes checked to make sure he can see like he should.
Next- demand an answer from the teacher about taking work unfinished home. It is not unreasonable. It is unreasonable to keep a 6yo boy inside all day. If she does not give you one, go to the principal. You may need to have a conference with the 3 of you. That way, no one feels like you are stepping on anyones toes.

Good Luck!

We have a slow worker. Mackie is in 3rd grade. She has always done everything slow. In part because she is a perfectionist. She does it slow but it is always accurate. I would schedule another conference with the teacher and ask her how you can work together so that your son is not sitting in every recess. This seems a bit extreme for 1st grade. Kayleigh is in 1st grade and has been upset that she has no homework yet. You might also have his vision checked. We also do a reward system with our grand-daughters. They are here after school most days. Also if possible try to volunteer some time at the school in your child's class so you can observe him in the classroom setting. This will let you know if he is drifting off task or if he is really trying to do his work on time. You will also be able to tell if he is understanding what he should be doing.

I do work with children who struggle in the classroom but I would first observe my child in the classroom setting, talk with the teacher about how you can work together. If you do not get a response then speak with the principal or the school counselor. The school counselor can do an evaluation on your son to determine if there is a problem.

Good luck.

P.

I assume that she has not responded because you have asked her in writing and she has been distracted. I would now make an appointment to speak with her during her conference period to address this (or after school). I agree with you. He should NOT be missing recess for this. She should have NO problem sending the work home to be completed on his own time as long as you agree to let him do it by himself without the help. Also, talk to your son about speeding things up a bit. I wouldn't be too concerned about him doing things at a slower pace. But, I would demand that he not miss recess over this. There are so many educational and social benefits to recess. If she does not agree, than I would tell her that you are going to speak with the principal about this to find a solution. I would stand my ground on the recess thing!

It is definitely time to contact the principal or asst. and ask for a meeting since your questions have not been fully answered. You have to do what's best for your child whether that means stepping on toes or not.

Childrens are required a certain number of hours of physical activity a week. Most schools aren't able to arrange schedules to the extent that the students get all of their required physical activity in an organized PE class. Some of this PE time must be obtained during recess. If your child is staying inside every day to catch up on work, then he may not be getting all of his required time.

Additionally, open recess plays a major part in the social development of children. This is their time to socialize, role play, and use their imagine as well as get the needed physical activity and forward advancement in their motor skills. If he is not getting to go out at recess, he is missing out on this very important part of development.

I don't see a problem with bringing work home as long as he does it himself. But, I would also have him evaluated for a learning disability or possibility something like ADD. A person can have ADD without the hyperactivity that is often involved. He may just be having trouble focusing on the task at hand. Another possibility is a form of dyslexia. He may not be making the connection of the written word and being able to express his answers on paper.

It is hard to accept that something could be wrong with your child, no matter how slight the problem. But, 1st grade is definitely the time to confront any problems head on. Content they have to master is put out to them faster and faster. If he gets behind now, it is going to be hard for him to catch up later. Good luck. My 7 year old who is a 2nd grader has gone through similar problems. He had a horrible time learning to read. Through lots of intervention at school and home, he is now catching on. He had to go to summer school this past summer or not pass to 2nd grade. He made it without problems. But, it was very hard to accept that he might be retained.

Staying in from recess for two weeks in a row is a bit much for a 6-year-old. That is simply not developmentally appropriate and must really be doing a number on his self-esteem. Is the teacher taking time to work one-on-one with him during this time? Otherwise, this time is completely wasted and he needs the physical exercise. If the teacher will not listen to you, it's time to call the principal. The fact that he is giving his all and not acting out during work time should not be penalized. The teacher needs to find another time for him to work in the classroom...period. Stay strong on this one.

Wow! There are a lot of smart Mommas around. I think I just sent out 20 flowers for very good answers.

If you take into account the school, other parents, the "wing" or lead teacher and all the district emails, the teacher could be getting 80-100 emails per day!!! Face to face is better, and don't take "no response" from an email as ignoring you. First grade teachers have little time to read emails.

My boys are 16, 17 and 19, so it has been a long time since 1st grade, but here's what I have noticed. One of my kids needs A LOT more sleep than the other 2.

2 kids can get by (as high schoolers) on 6 or 7 hours of sleep. The 3rd guy needs 8 hours of sleep minimum...and when he doesn't get it...his grades really show it.

I think when they were first graders, they were going to bed about 8:00 or 8:30. They got enough sleep so that they could process all that 1st grade learning well.

You have every right to ask the teacher for the "red folder" to come home to finish the work. He needs to be outside playing and making new friends! First grade is also about personal interaction and he has to learn that, too.

I would speak to the teacher again and ask her what other ideas she might have to help your son get his work done in a timely fashion. This can not be the first time she has had a student like this, unless she is new to the profession. You could suggest the egg timer thing from a previous post, and explain your concern about him not having recess time. Recess is the time where kids can get rid of extra energy, but more importantly one of the only times they can socialize with other students. He needs to be able to make friends and play with them. Some school districts have a policy that anything that goes home for homework can not be graded. That could be the reason he can not bring it home. No matter what, he should be allowed to have recess.

J.,
Don't be shy about going up to school and getting some answers. I have to admit that i love my children's school, but on the same note.. they are MY children. And i agree he shouldn't be in every day all week, he is only 6 and at that age it is hard for every kid. My suggestion (i have been thru this) is to go and talk to the teacher on a conference time, if she doesn't call you back, set up the appt thru the office. then discuss with her to modify his work that it could be just too much for him. My oldest is 9 and in 4th grade, even though she is VERY smart she is also dyslexic and some of her work has to be modified, and the teachers are always so willing to help. They want to see our kids prosper and succeed and usually they will help whereever it is needed. Don't be shy... get up to the school.

I would definitely suggest to set up another conference and ask her to send the work home. Make it clear that you do not want him missing recess. If this is a problem with her then I would suggest to schedule another meeting and include the school counselor. The school counselors are there for these types of issue, not just for children with problems but to help them adjust or to pinpoint learning disabilities.

I definitely agree he should not be missing recess, the poor kid will just get burnt out that way. I'm sure she will send the work home, that way you can help him too.

Good luck!

Hi J.,

Welcome to the world of parenting an elementary student. Your son's teacher, you and your son are a team that needs to communicate, support and encourage each other. Three weeks is a relatively short time to expect anyone to be in a good routine and your son sounds like he is doing great overall, just needing to pick up the pace a bit if he can. This is quite common in young kids in the first years of school. Your son's teacher has given you good feedback about his behavior. Try another method of reaching out to her and stand firm on allowing him to finish his work outside the recess period - she may have other ideas to try.

All three of you want Sabian's first year to be a good one. Encourage your son to work a bit harder and insist on another way for him to finish his work. Seek a meeting with the teacher and school counselor if you need to as a next step. Remember to keep everything as positive and be as grateful as possible! You can do this!

Good luck!
Parent Coach J. B

Check with your family Dr. also if he does not wear glasses have that checked.He may have trouble seeing.

I know how you feel, but I have to say that this is probably just how he is. My son is the same way! To an extent I can say that he is a perfectionist. He takes his time in doing everything, but if you don't see that he is NOT understanding his work, then you should have no problems. My son did not mind that he was never able to go to "center" and play because he was not done with his work. I know he mentioned it a couple of times, but he knew that if his work was not done, he had to finish it first. One day I asked him if he could speed up the homework (it takes him on average about 3 hours) he looked over at me and boldy asked me if I wanted him to do his work right by taking his time or just not do a good job and hurry up. From that point on, I was like, okay this is your thing...You go boy! So, I am on standby when he has questions and I go about my evening routine. He has his routine and it does still involve hours of evening work, but now that he is in the 7th grade and takes all AP classes, he has a great work structure. All because he chose, as a young little 1st grader, to take his time and turn in work that he felt was the best work. When he was in the 4th grade, his teacher even passed around his homework as an example of how it should be done:) I was proud and he was proud of his work too. So, as long as he is understanding the work, don't hassle him, it just may be what he is made of.

We just experienced the same thing with our son last year in first grade. He struggled with taking too long with assignments, often working through recess or even art. He struggled with any assignment that required him to put a pencil to paper. He had been taking so long because he was concentrating so much on forming his letters. I knew in Kindergarten that he struggled with proper handwriting, but was told it would be addressed in first grade--ha!, it was "addressed" by expecting more of him, rather than teaching him handwriting. We found a tutor who taught him Handwriting Without Tears(wish I had known about this when he was in K). He just needed some extra attention given to the teaching of handwriting and is doing well this year. Most school occupational therapists use Handwriting Without Tears, but without any other disability your son may not qualify. It was well worth the money for a private tutor to give him a firm foundation. Take the advice of asking for a meeting with the teacher and counselor, ask about his handwriting, and if this program might be available. (if not, I think I found the tutor through a contact on the HWH website)
I had been a very slow child myself, but was able to finish assignments as homework which I didn't mind. I made all A's, except for C's in handwriting (aging myself here-how long has it been since handwriting was graded). With today's hurry-hurry world, I would had been staying in from recess too. I wonder what long-term effect that would have had on my ego, career choice, etc.

J.,

Have him tested to see if he has a small learning disorder. A friend of mines son was 8 with a congnitive ability of a 10 year old yet struggled in school when it came to worksheets and writing things down. They found out he has a little disconnect problems with output in written form. They modified his work at school, had some therapy to help re-wire that portion of his brain and he is now doing work just fine.

And, they should not keep your son in from recess. He should not be "punished" and you stick to your guns. A 6 yr old needs to release energy during the day. Keeping him in will only make him dread school. Like I said, stick to your guns---you know what's best for him.

Good luck,
Debra

Hello,
my son showed the same slow working habits in 1st grade and followed him through 2nd and 3rd.His second grade teacher was absent most of the first part of the yr and had a wonderful sub who took interest in his learning habits and started the process of having him tested for learning disabilities.My son was an active 7 yr old,no sighns in his active life that he had a learning disability.he was tested toward the end of the school yr and it determined he was a slower learner.he had modifications in his studies giving him more time to finish his assignments and someone will read his test outload to him (out of class)and he did very well the rest of the school yr last yr. He even passed his task test. So you have to go to the school counselor who does testing for childeren with possible disabbilities and tell her your concerns.Don't stop persuing until your son gets the help he needs. Thats to bad that his teacher is not having communication w/you so take it to another level and get the little guy the help he may need.If nothing comes up this yr try again next yr and the yr after that.
Don't stop trying. the testing was done free through the schoo system. Good -Luck

In reading all of these responses, I am wondering, what will teach your son the greatest responsibility? Yes, as a parent we are the greatest advocate for our child, but if mom/dad is at the school constantly complaining about what their child can or cannot do, what is that teaching them? I am a Kinder teacher myself, and we do need to teach our students time limits. They cannot simply have ALL DAY to complete assignments. I agree with setting up a conference to openly discuss all options for your child. But, if the teacher has specific classroom rules in place, a parent should do their best to abide by them. Maybe another form of incentive can be put in place. Possibly a sticker chart to place at his desk. Every time he completes his work on time, he gets a sticker. At the end of the week, you can give him a prize. This way he can see that you are taking an active role in him getting his classwork done. I am for whatever teaches these kids to act responsibly. I do not feel that they should be rewarded for non-compliance. I pray that all goes well with you guys.

Ah yea--go to the principal. You've clearly tried to involve her and she hasn't given u a sufficient answer. Just go in w/ the attitude that your first concern is getting the appropriate help for your son--not that the teacher is the problem (which she may or may not be at this point). There should be add'l help available for him--perhaps he needs to be reassessed for a learning disability? You are his advocate mama--no shame in that. Take advantage of ALL services available and "make it work!" girlfriend. You will be fine.

xoxo R.

Hello J.,
What are his eating habits like? A good breakfast is always a great way to start the day. Sometimes younger children don't want breakfast, especially if they are getting up early, even if they have had a good nights rest. If he is not eating a good breakfast, it could make him a little sluggish.

Please make sure he can see. He may be working slow because of his eyesight.

could it be a learning disabiltiy? i was tested in elementary. i have a some what high iq but book work isnt so easy. it ranges in different levels. it by no means states that your kid is slow but only that he might learn differently. they can modify the work load. Example. if there is a multiple choice they will only have a or b not abcd. it can be weird even for copied papers as they look like the letters are glowing or have a white outline. this is what came to mind as it was a problem for me. he might be dislexic (sp) or it might be as simple as him needing glasses, go to bed earlier or eating healthier snacks. good luck hope you find the answer quickly.

You have gotten some great advice already! The jump from kindergarten to first grade is a pretty significant one--it is the time that kids are just learning real study habits so three weeks is really a short time for that to have happened yet--I'd say maybe mid-year it should be happening but not now necessarily!

One question I would ask is if the work being not being completed is usually at the same time of the day? If it is after a long morning of doing work already it may be that his brain just needs a break. This same thing happened with my daughter and she would say to me that she was "tired of doing worksheets so I didn't have time to finish that one". Keeping your son in from recess will not solve the problem--may only make it worse. I am a big advocate for recess and it's importance not just for physical activity but social and mental activity as well (or rather a shift in the mental activity of the day!) I know at our old school they had "catch-up" work time where they could come in as early as a half hour before school started to get their work done. Many teachers/school do not send graded work home b/c there have been lots of problems in the past of the parents doing it for the child. At least that's how it's been at our schools.

I would also add that you can check with your school's counselor also. We have been at two different schools and both of them had "small groups" where they addressed different areas for the students--some included study habits while others related more to social issues like making friends or being too aggressive, etc.

Hope this helps and good luck!

It is completely unfair and in my opinion mean to take away a child's recess for working slowly. I think it may even be against the law to take away recess for any reason. I would check into that. If the teacher is not responding to you, perhaps the principal will. Good luck!!

My son was the same and to make things worse his 2nd grade teacher had cancer and was absent half the school year. In consequence 3rd grade was a really bad year - we had him test for every test the school district provided and they were all negative - I was at my wits end and was about to home shool him when a home school mother told me of a possible Visual Learning Problem. He tested positive for an eye tracking disorder that interfered with his school performance, since he couldn't process most of the information given to him at school specially in writing. He took eye therapy and his eye problem has been corrected. He was placed in a 504 program that allowed him extra time to finish his school work. Please look into it - it is no fun for kids to be spending most of their recess time catching up with their school work and then in addition they have to come home and spend most of their evening doing homework. Unfortunately not all educators are nice and patient specially at an elementary level, and kids are often missrepresented by being lazy or stupid. It still hurts to remember all what my son went through. For two years (3rd and 4th grade) he pretty much did not have a childhood because of his teachers high expectations.
Let me know if I can be of more help. To find out more about Eye Tracking disorders just google it under Visual Learning Problems.
Good luck,
PB

Before you jump right in and go over the teacher's head, please give her a bit of a break. School has only been in session 3 weeks...everyone is still getting used to the routine.

I used to teach high school...and the first few weeks were so hectic...the sheer amount of paperwork, and non-teaching stuff the state requires you to complete, and tack on trying to get the feel for each student...then you have literally 100 emails a day to read and answer. Between school administration, other teachers, your team teachers, students with severe learning issues or behavioral issues, and parents.

I would work most nights until 8pm or later to get all my emails answered, voice mail was another whole issue to deal with as we did not have phones in our rooms and had to go to the office to collect those. We got 20 minutes for lunch and 50 minutes for conference (during which we were expect to lesson plan and grade assignments).

At the time I was married without any children and so staying late most nights and going in on Saturdays was feasible.

Please try and contact her again, email, phone and maybe even a note pinned to your son's shirt. Make sure she knows you want to speak with her...I am sure she will respond as quickly as she can...

Just speaking from having been in the trenches...

Hi J.,

I am a teacher. Has your child been tested for special education? I don't know how early they can be tested. Look into it. You may be your sons only advocate. Also, if your son is not a trouble maker, doesn't waste class time, works the whole time and still does not get his work done then he should NOT be punished by not getting to go to recess. Who cares about stepping on his teachers toes. If she has not responded to your request that is not right. I'm not saying to be mean or anything, but as a mother myself you know we have that motherly instinct. God gave it to us for a reason. Have another meeting with his teacher, get the principal involved if you have to. Your son may need a reduction of work or some other modifications. Look into the district that you are in and see what testing can be done to get your son some help. Good luck and don't give up.

One thing you can ask for is LESS WORK. As long as he's showing that he understands all the concepts like math, etc. this could be an option. If you do succeed in having the incomplete work sent home, make sure that you and the teacher agree on how much time he should spend on it. I had to have this talk with my son's teacher in 1st grade. He should not be expected to do 4 hours of homework every night. They reduced the amount so that he only had to copy each spelling word once instead of 3 times, or they would give him 4 days to complete it instead of 1. But make sure that you aren't doing the work for him, because then the teachers won't realize how much help he might need.
Since my son does qualify for special ed, this is written into a plan, with specific goals.
My son has done the Handwriting Without Tears in private OT for a year, and at school for 1/2 year. He hasn't shown that much improvement, but they are also working on building up his gross motor skills and core muscles because it takes a lot of energy for a child to sit up straight in a chair. In Kindergarten, they did try to hold him in at recess, but then figured out that it didn't make sense. Everyone at the new school agrees that he needs breaks. They have him walk a few laps before he can play at recess, and they even can pull him out of class to deliver copy paper around the school or other "heavy" work.
You can ask the school to test for learning disabilities. I found out that a child can be great at reading(doesn't have dyslexia) and still have trouble writing(dysgraphia). It can either be physically painful for them to write, or just too complex of a task to think about how to form each letter at the same time as organizing their thoughts of what to write.

Keep asking the teacher until you get a response. If you don't get one go to the principle. You have to help your son, it is your job. I know we don't want to offend others but sometimes being the squeeky wheel gets our children what they need. Good luck!!

You are your son's advocate so stay on top of this. Ask the teacher why she asked if Sabian is slow at home and what she means by slow. Have him professionally evaluated if you think that is necessary. Two of our grandsons have dyslexia. The boys are cousins and each set of parents took steps to help. One of the boys who was barely six when he was due to begin first grade was held out one year while he got special help. This gave him and extra year to mature and that worked nicely for him. The other boy was several months older so he began school at six but almost from the beginning he struggled. No one suspected dyslexia so he was not diagnosed until the end of his fourth school year. By that time his self-esteemed was battered and his parents were distressed. They had some rather expensive testing done. The testing was not covered by insurance but it was worth the cost. As a result, the mother home-schooled her son for three years and then transitioned him back into a private school and then a public school. The mom's "homework" was always to find the school that best suited her child's need and she was relentless in doing this. Because of his disability, he had certain legal rights and the mother always knew what they were, kept a folder with his information in it and met with teachers and principals when necessary. She was always prepared, always polite, always focused on her child's needs. She always got good results. Both of our grandsons are doing well in college now. Both fathers were active in their sons lives and they were in agreement with theirs wives as they sought to raies healthy, happy, children. I know you will do your best to assure a successful life for your son. My concern is that you don't want to "step on the teacher's toes" for fear of making it h*** o* your son. It may be best to have a conference with the principal and your husband present just so everyone is kept in the loop. Just keep it civil and focus on your child's needs. Teachers do their best but their focus has to be on the entire class; you must focus on your son. Missing out on recess, deprives his not only of fresh air, sunshine and exercise, it deprives him of the opportunity to build friendships and social connections. It sets him apart from his peers, could lead to taunting, depression. I will pray for you this week.

Hi J.
some children are just not ready at age 6 for school- In Texas (if not changed) you don;t have to put children in first grade before age 7 so It may not hurt him to take him out and let him stay home another year. That way you may be able to work with him-like- get him some work books he can do at home- without pressure- I had a child who was not ready and it was a miserable year for us both and the entire family and in the end- we had to hold him back- which was good for him because from then on he did really good.
The other thing would be to suggest he have another teacher- one who would be able to give him more time to do his work- but keeping him indoors is almost cruel and will give him a complex making him feel inferior......these are the suggestions I have.
good luck and blessings

You should call and talk to the counselor and/or principal at the school and tell them that she asked you if your child was 'slow'!! That in itself would have me at the school in a minute! Also, tell them you have asked for the red folder to come home and she has not responded to you. I don't see any reason why the folder could not come home for him to complete the work in the evenings. He needs his recess time to take a break from the classroom and the work, and to make friends as well. I wish you the best of luck!!

When you "asked" her if he could bring his unfinished work home, what method of communication did you use? Did you send a note, an email, leave a message, what? If you sent her an email, be sure to "cc" a counselor or the principal this time. Teachers are required to respond to parents' inquiries, and her failure to do so indicates a problem that the "higher-ups" need to know about.

Don't worry so much about "stepping on her toes". You made two good faith efforts to contact her before and got no response. Now it's time to call in the "big guns".

You're right, your 1st grader does not need to be staying in every day. He needs that free time to refresh himself and to play with the other children. I would consider asking her if he could stay in from recess maybe twice a week and bring his work home on the other days. This would be a reasonable compromise.

Hope things work out for you. Having kids is hard work, but so worth it. You'll not regret anything you do on their behalf--just the things you DIDN'T do.

when you asked her those two times - did she just look at you blankly?, or did she hedge around the subject?
either you need to look her in the eyes and ask her "please could you tell me why my son is behind" and look her in the eyes until she answers you, or write a letter to the principal teacher. everything is always better in writing, you have a record of it also.
find out what he is slow on and work on it in the evening. i have a son in first grade, he should only be doing simple number formation and counting to 100 at this point.

i actually homeschool my son because left to his own devices in a public school setting he would never complete his work, he needs constant guidance and pushing - which is probably what your son needs too. unfortunately children who have more "needs" than the norm get overlooked in public school, among the 20 other "normal" children.

dont worry about stepping on toes, if you are polite you wont be - this is your child.

You are in charge of your child's education. You know them better. I would call the school and ask that the teacher return your call. If she doesn't within 24 hours, I would go visit the school and ask to speak to the principal (her boss.) Explain the situation and get your solution. Be strong for your kids, you are the advocate in the grown up world.