Help with Homework and Getting Work Done in School

I think I have a child that is your son's twin!!!
I just went through this with my first grade daughter. She is smart and can really focus, if she wants to. That said she was coming home with incomplete work at the end of the week. I talked with the school counselor and her teacher and they formed a game plan of smiley face sheet that gets marked off each day for doing all her work, not talking, paying attention and focusing. At the end of the week she has to bring the sheet home to me and then when she turns it back into the counselor she gets a treat (like a sucker, cool marker).
At first I kind of was against it as I didn't think that was fair to all the kids that worked hard for the right reasons. However after talking to the counselor I saw her vision. It was after a week or so my daughter saw how far she had come, what she was able to accomplish and was so proud!!!! There were no more excuses about not finishing her work during class, no more excuses about anything because she found out she could do it.
She and I had a long talk on how hard it is for the teacher to talk and teach if she is talking or bothering other kids during classtime. I told her if she tried to work hard, then I would always be proud of her, it wasn't so much not finishing her work, IT WAS WHY SHE WASN'T FINISHING!! So now we are doing great. No more homework sent home on the weekends due to non completeion, she has really stepped up and feels good about herself. They stopped giving the treats but still give out the smileys so she can see her progress.

You need to talk to the teacher, even the school counselor and nip the behavior issues in class in the bud. I wouldn't focus on the amount of work that has to be done at home, however figure out how to stop him not getting it done in class. If the other kids are capable he needs to be too of find some way to help him. The three of you have his best interest and all bring something different to the table to help him. Email or visit his teacher ASAP.

1 mom found this helpful

I would talk to the teacher to work together on this. I know that teachers are very busy trying to work with all the kids, many of my close friends are teachers, but at the same time when your son is at school it is the teachers responsibility to keep your son on task.

Talk with his teacher about methods that both of you can employ to help your son focus. Maybe you could talk to him about the importance of focusing on his school work during those times at school that they are doing paper work and that he has plenty of time to play and talk with his friends at other times during the day. Emphasizing that if he focuses on his work when it SHOULD be done then he will have more time to play and do fun things at home. You could even have a natural reward system in place, whenever he gets his seat work done at school then he gets to spend that time or at least ten minutes of it doing what he wants, like ten extra minutes on his video game. Letting him play for 10 minutes when he gets home before starting on his homework is also really helpful because everyone, esp. kids, need a little time to wind down after a long day at work, and school is a child's work.

I also have to commend you for working so hard at this, I talked to my friends who teach that age group, I have two for 1st graders, and they both were saying that they wish that more of their parents would be so hands on and diligent. I really hope that this helps you, I may not be there yet but I hear the frustration from my friends on both sides and I know that it isn't easy.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Please remember that your son is only in first grade!!! As a former teacher, I have to say that 45 minutes of homework for a seven year old is too much. He has spent the day being told to sit and do his work, which can be overwhelming for some kids. My first grader has a very hard time sitting still, and often doesn't get her seat work done. Her teacher has her stay in at recess if she gets too far behind. The teacher also has them make it up at their desks during free time if they need to. Often, first grade is their first all day experience at school, and they can be overwhelmed with all that is expected of them. The first thing I would do is talk to his teacher. If he/she is not helpful, go to the principal---three hours for homework is ridiculous!!! I understand that by three hours you probably mean that he stays at the table for awhile, then goes and plays, comes back to the table to do more, etc. Still, too much time for homework.

If you have a reasonable amount of homework (10-20 minutes), I'd give him a sticker chart and a prize box. This works for us--she gets so many stars, she gets to go to the prize box at the end of the week.

Good luck!!

Homework can be so stressful. I have three children in school and it is a full-time job just making sure the homework gets done. Have you tried rewarding your son for getting his work done at school. You could set up a sticker chart and decide on how many stickers he needs to earn to get a particular prize. Let him help with the decision and have him give you some ideas for prizes that he would like. This may eliminate the day work from school and only leave you with the traditional homework. You may want to talk to him and see if he is having problems at school. Is there a possible learning disability that is keeping him from progressing. It may just be a social issue but have a heart to heart and see if that is the only problem. Then work as a team to solve it. Earning the prize may turn it into a game that he might like. Good luck!

It sounds like you are in a frustrating situation but that you are trying your hardest. Keep it up!!! As a teacher there were many times when kids had the same issue but parents were not as supportive as you which made it impossible. I also had very supportive parents who made huge progress with their kids. Some of their ideas included a rewards system. For example, every day he/she came home with no seatwork they got a sticker. If by Friday they had 4 stickers they could choose where the family had dinner. . . or go out for ice cream with one parents and no siblings. . . or have a friend over. Anyways, whatever motivates your child. For a week with zero stickers there was a priviledge that the child lost. I am a firm believer in positive motivation. Just keep up the pursuit of what's right for your child. It sounds like you are actively pursuing what works and that is the best way! Good luck

It is sounding like your son has difficulty staying focused on his homework at home, as well as at school. Are there other distractions at home? (You mention talking to friends at school as a distraction). If so, make a place for him to do his homework where there aren't any -- away from t.v. and siblings playing. And when he is doing the work, does he seem to 'get it' or could difficulty with the concept be whats slowing him down?
If he seems to be distracted anyway, you may want to look into that issue more. It may be that he talks to friends at school because he has a hard time staying focused, rather than the other way around. You may want to talk to his teacher and doctor to find strateies he can use to stay focued. If you figure this out, homework and seatwork at school should both go a lot faster and easier for both of you!

In class, is your son helping others with their work? When I go to pick my daughter up from school, I have recently noticed that her work is not done either. One day, I "snuck" in and observed what she was doing. I found that she is spending time helping other kids get their work done that she doesn't get her own done. This results in having to bring her work home as well. She gets upset when she has extra work to do and I let her know that I was there and saw what was going on. I told her that if she got all of her school work done, she wouldn't have to do it at home.

She gets her homework packet on Monday and its due Thursday so there isn't much hurry to get it done and back the next day, however, I tell her that the sooner she gets it done, the more time she has for other things. Since her homework is usually 4 or 5 pages, I have her do 2 on Monday, 2 on Tuesday and then the last page on Wed. If your sons homework is along the same lines, depending on what your schedule is like, perhaps splitting it up might help.

my second grader gets distracted easily. She has a desk in her room to do her homework on. I let her eat a snack and play after school. At exactly 5pm it's homework time. I never vary on the time. I try to give her a 15-30 minute warning so she knows homework time is coming soon.

She takes her homework up to her room and works on it until it's done. I also make sure she knows it's her job to make sure I sign off on her math and spelling. She has to bring me the pages and a pencil and show me exactly where to sign.

"I want all your homework done before Daddy gets home".

It takes even longer when I have to sit there and help her....and she this way she is taking responsibility for her own work. I tell her it's not my job to make sure she gets her homework done. If she makes it my job, she does a job for me - washing the table (which she hates) or putting away landry (which she also hates).

Also, she doesn't like being told she's wrong. So if she gets something wrong, I just circle the number that is wrong and give it back to her. "I circled the ones that need to be fixed." If she doesn't know how to do it, she asks for help. Usually she knows how to fix it already and we avoid a conflict by doing it this way.

A.,

I've taught first grade and next year I'll be teaching kindergarten. You said your son spends 45 minutes a night doing homework, but that includes reading time. The expectation for 1st grade should be 15 minutes of homework + 15-20 minutes of reading every night (reading by the student and/or to the student). By that standard either your son's teacher is assigning too much homework or it is taking him too long to complete. Have you asked his teacher how long it should take him to complete his homework?

You said talking is an issue at school, but why is it taking so long to get his work done at home. Is he struggling with the work, is it too hard OR is it too easy and he's bored? Does he have a hard time writing? Does he take a long time to think of the answer? Is he distracted as he works at home?

Have you observed your son in class? Have you had a conference with the teacher to figure out ways to help him achieve success in school? Is your son one of the older or younger kids in the class?

Is this the right school environment for him? My own boys (2nd grade and Kindergartent) are in a school that uses whole class learning and lots of seat time. They're OK with it. I think some kids are not. Some kids need a more open environment for learning - one that lets them move around more like Montessori.

Just some questions you can ask yourself to help solve the problem.

Good Luck!

Have you talked with his teacher and with him (maybe in a conference all together) about strategies he could use to get more of his work done at school? I have an easily distracted, sociable first grade child, and including her in conversations like this has helped a lot, because then, instead of just being told what to do, she gets to help troubleshoot the problem.

Also, though you say your son isn't being assigned too much homework, I have to wonder. When I did my teacher training, the guidelines I was given were that 10-15 minutes per grade level per day is appropriate. Not per subject - total. Others (including you, perhaps) may see this differently, but I think 45 minutes per day as regular homework is excessive for first grade, and I would question why there is so much. How is class time being used?

As for making homework a more positive experience... is there any way to incorporate at least some of it into play? For example, a child who has trouble sitting still to practice spelling words may be able to practice them aloud while either skipping rope or bouncing a ball, one beat per letter. Math problems can be practiced the same way. There are also loads of games out there that can be used to practice math and spelling skills. My daughter loves to practice handwriting using a cookie sheet covered with a layer of salt, writing with her finger. The same child, with a pencil and paper, gets frustrated quickly. And the finger writing practice has been effective - her handwriting has improved. As for things like writing journals, I find that lots of kids have trouble deciding what to write when presented immediately with pencil and paper, but if you talk through what they will write first, they are able to handle it more easily. My daughter also likes to draw pictures to go with what she is writing. The agreement we have is "writing first, pictures next" so that the writing actually gets done.

Ask the teacher if any of these alternatives would be acceptable, and ask him/her for ideas. For some of the above suggestions, of course, the teacher would have to take you at your word that things are getting done, because there would be no paper to hand in. Perhaps you could ask the teacher whether a parent-signed letter saying "We practiced writing (spelling, math) for 10 minutes" would be acceptable in lieu of a written practice sheet, at least for awhile until the ugly homework struggle cycle has been broken.

I hope some of this is useful for you. Good luck!

I teach groups of first graders every day. I have several sweet ones who tend to socialize and play around and not get their classwork done on time. My rule is that if they play during class time, then they will work during playtime (recess). They have to take out a clipboard and do their work while sitting against the wall while the rest of their classmates play. It usually only takes a few times of losing their recess before they are motivated to keep up the pace during class and get their work done. I would talk with the teacher and see if you can try this method for a little bit. The exception to my rule would be a child who is a struggling learner and just can't get the same amount of work done as the rest of the class. Talk to his teacher and find out if he is capable of doing the amount of work and just goofing off or is he truly in over his head with some of the work and needs to have his work modified.

Hi A. - first of all - I refuse to let my grade-schoolers even bring home homework. If they do not get their work finished at school - then they should bring that home. But as for the extra stuff. I dont' believe that our children should be in school for 6+ hours a day and then having to do even more work. What ever happened to being a kid. Plus - what happened to spending family time. Like I said - if they dont' finish at school - then they have to bring it home and then the natural consequence is that it cuts into their playtime with friends. Good luck - Debbie C.

Rule #1, never work harder on the homework than the child does. It will be a long 12 years if you get in this habit.

Let the school provide the consequence. If he doesn't get the work done, will he miss recess. That's motivation enough for a first grader. So talk to the teacher and say you want to raise a responsible kid that can think for himself and he may show up at school without homework done. It will only take a few days of missing recess for him to get motivated.

Lastly, let him have some power over how he does his homework. Build him up with choices! Do you want to do your homework befor or after snack? At kitchen or LRoom, with music on or off, with red pencil or blue pencil? Do you want to do math or spelling first? Give him lots and lots of choices!

There is a great love and logic CD you can get from library on "winning the homework battle". If you want more help, Check out my website. I do parent coaching and teach love & Logic classes. www.shellymoorman.com

Good luck!!

A., I feel your frustration. My daughter is in 2nd grade and she was doing the same thing back in 1st grade. I took her to the doctor and was told she has Attention Deficit Disorder. They put her on a patch that I put on her in the morning and I take off after school. It definitely helped but it does make them very quiet. I finally took her off of it about a month ago and she struggles some days but she has done awesome for the most part. Not that this is your answer but if nothing else this might be an option.

My sister has been going through this with her child, and when it comes to not doing homework and seat work she went to the teacher and told her to keep her child from playtimes to get his work done. My niece now does her seat work at school, and her homework done as soon as she can.

I have the exact same situation with my 7yo first grade boy. We have done a combination of things:
1) motivational rewards at school (stickers, stars, etc. for getting work done)
2)checklist of what is expected to get done in class so that he can see progress and set goals (use picture representations if necessary)
3) we get some homework over the weekend so that it is spaced out more
4) ask the teachers what really has to be done. Sometimes homework is for the sake of learning to do homework-and you are a master at that already
5) with my guy it is handwriting that bogs him down, so we have permission to write for him as long as the assignment isn't on handwriting or spelling practice
6) let him stand or work at an easel if it helps. Grown up sized chairs often don't work well at all.
7) see if he can do 1/2 the work, as long as he shows he can do it.

Just a heads up-we did the 3 hours a night with my (now) 10yo. It isn't worth it. I had the same feeling; if it is sent home it needs to be done. Talk with the teachers and with the principal if you have to. It isn't worth having a kid who hates school. I won't do it again. Usually the teachers are receptive once they are made aware of the situation. Also, protest loudly if they try to take away recess as a consequence. Kids need to move; he won't be learning much at all if he has to stare at the same walls all day without a break. I know I couldn't do it.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

I am a part time SAHM with a 10yo daughter and 7yo son.

I had this same problem with my first grader. The teacher and I worked out a solution to getting work done at school and it is working great. It is a card system. If my son completes more than 70% of his work at school than he gets to bring a green card home. My husband and I put together a list of 12 rewards that my son enjoys to do. They can be things you do together, things that require a little bit of money, or things your child enjoys to do alone. He gets to roll 2 dice and what ever number he rolls he gets to do that number on you list of 12. If he does not complete 70% he brings home a yellow card which means he does not get to roll the dice. I hope this helps you as much as it helped me.

Perhaps what the teacher is sending home IS too much. You and I were never assigned this much work when we were little.

One of my kids encountered a grade in which her entire life revolved around homework. It ruled the family. I had to make the other kids play outside or upstairs while the process was going on (every weekday plus often weekends). My husband and I, both scholars who respect learning, finally conceded that the school was sending home TOO MUCH HOMEWORK.

Here's what we did. Every night at 10:00 PM, we made her stop working. Then we put sticky notes on everything unfinished that said, "Sorry, couldn't finish, bedtime!" You know what? The teachers never said a word, and never gave her lower grades for the unfinished work. We were so happy that we came up with the idea to "think outside the box" and try a non-standard approach, and we got a little happiness back into our family. My daughter was so much happier.

That was last year. This year, there's much less homework for some reason. Life around here is completely different now. Good luck!

Could you take a day out to go to class with your child? You'd need to clear it with the school of course, but maybe having mom there for a day (or two) could help to break some of the bad habits. Just a thought...

Hi A.,

I was having the same issue with my kindergartener too. He was very capable of doing his math work in school, but chose to chat with this friends rather than do his work. It got sent home in addition to his regular dose of math homework with a note from the teacher.

To fix this, I made a chart listing the school dates for the remaining dates of school this year. Every time he finishes his school work in school and completes his homework in a timely manner, he gets a star on his chart. At the end of the school year, assuming he continues to get stars, he gets a reward. He really loves seeing those stars add up.

As far as when to get the homework done, I have nothing. We've always done it immediately after his "after school" snack and he can't leave the kitchen table until it's done.

Good luck A.!

L.

tell him that until he is able to get his seat work done at school, either you or someone else will be attending class with him. and keep your word so he knows your serious.

A first grader with 45 minutes of scheduled nightly homework? Please tell me you're kidding. In my personal opinion homework for any child under the age of 12 is nonsense. I might see getting homework if they fail to finish stuff at school...maybe. I might just as well let them not finish it and live with the consequences.

I have three children and if I could do life over I would tell the schools to forget the homework till my child was capable of handling it. I would spend time doing things with my children like going to the park, reading a book together, doing puzzles, baking cookies, anything but homework!

This is probably not the kind of advice you were looking for...sorry. Truth be known, I am very serious. I don't think the problem here is motivation, I think it's just that your child is not yet wired for the process.

Well thank you for "listening" and good luck.

I would suggest not letting him play at all until his homework is done. And sticking to that even if it takes a few days. He probably won't like it, but after a few days of not playing, maybe he will decide to hurry with his homework so he has more time to play.

I personally think that your childs teacher is sending too much home for a first grader. You should not be doing more than 30 minutes of homework a night for this age group. Our first grader brings home a packet on Mon. and it is due on Fri. It works perfect. As for the other problem of not getting work done in class the taecher may have to seperate your child's seating and not have him sitting so close to anyone. Good luck

Hi A.,
I have a 9 year old with dyslexia and have a real hard time getting work done. We do do it right after school however he gets snack, drink and his favorite music at the same time, if it is nice outside we go outside, picnic table, play house where ever he wants. It gives him some control, the music seems to make it easier and he is still in a school mode. If he watches any tv at all before homework it is a lost cause. I will also agree with what some of the other parents have written you that the teacher needs to keep him on task, ask her to put him next to kids that he doesn't chat with, if he doesn't get work done when needed at school because of socializing then stay in at recess. My son with the dyslexia doesn't get everything done at school because he works at a slower pace and I don't want him punished for that but if he is socializing instead of studying then there are consequences. This is the age of learning good study habits. I also agree that at this age there should not be more than 30 min. a night of homework. You turn them off from school if it is continually more than that, perhaps what he doesn't finish at school can be worked on throughout the week and weekend in shorter spurts so no to burn your son and you out on homework. This age is about learning and hopefully making a lot of the learning enjoyable so as there is more homework in later grades it is not all negative. Music helps, I let him choose what he likes to study to and he really does stick with it longer when the music is playing.
Good luck and have fun,
S. M

My oldest daughter had the same issue and it was horrible. I decided to go the Love and Logic way of things. We provide her the time and place to do her homework. It was and continues to be up to her to get it done. If she didn't get it done, she had to face the consequences at school. She learned over time that she didn't like being afraid to go to school due to her homework not being done, so there is little trouble anymore (she is now in 4th grade). We don't have to bribe, beg, yell...none of it. I did let the teacher know my method as to avoid the teacher thinking there was no parental support. The teacher (and her other teachers since) have all agreed and supported this approach.

You might try something like www.interactivemetronome.com It can help him do his work faster as well as stay on task better. We've loved the results! It has some other nice benefits, as well.