"Seeking Advice on Moving My Two Year Old to Her Own Bed"

I have a 5 year old son, whom slept in our bed until he was 3. We took his toddler bed and put it next to our bed and every other night moved it a few feet away until it was in the next room. The night we put him in his own room, we bought him all new Spiderman sheets!! He seemed to accept this and for the most part it worked. THere were a few nights that were rough, but we stuck to it and he is now sleeping in his own room.

HI N.,

I co-slept with my daughter when she was little and transistioned her to her own bed when her brother was born. My daughter was 2 and a half at the time. I was worried but it was a breeze. We bought a bed with a trundle underneath. When my son was born my husband moved onto the trundle in my daughter's room. My daughter moved to her own brand new bed. If she woke up in the night daddy was right there and she went back to sleep. Meanwhile my husband got a good night sleep, which he wouldn't have if he'd been sleeping with me and the new baby. After a couple of months I moved the baby to his crib in our room, and my husband moved back to our bed. At that point my daugther was sleeping through the night and was used to her room. She's in her own bed ever since.

I hope this helps.

H.

I am in the process of transitioning my 19 month old to his own 'big boy' bed. But, it has been tough. I've found that from the advice I have gotten it's best not to rush him, and take it slow. I've gone through every book, website and suggestion chat room. The one book that has helped ease my mind over the last couple of days has been one called the Famiy Bed. Pick it up and give it some thought. I'm working with the trundle bed idea right now, and it seems to be helping my son move from my bed to the concept of being away from Mommmy at night.

Good luck and best wishes on your one on the way!!

My children are now 12 and 8 years old. We never had much problem with bedtime, so I'll pass on what worked for us. I put my first to bed in a crib as an infant (not with us), but when he awoke about midnight, my husband would change his diaper and bring him to our bed for nursing and we'd all go back to sleep together. We did this till he was weaned at about 9 months. As a toddler, he'd climb into bed with us and sleep till morning. In fact, if he wasn't there, I would go check on him to make sure he was okay. When the second one was on the way, we just took our first one back to his own bed when he tried to join us. It didn't take long to switch his habits and there were no tantrums or anything, I think he was half asleep anyway. The second one was a little more difficult to get to bed, as a toddler he'd come out and stand in the hallway after being put to bed. But, I think Supernanny does it best, you just keep putting them to bed and eventually they give up. If you do this when they are younger - it's much easier as they don't have the stamina of an older child. I think a regular routine helps, same bedtime, you read one book or whatever, as long as it's the same. If you're comfortable with the routine & relaxed, your child will be too. If you're anxious about switching to a big bed, they will pick up on that. It's a great milestone and should be celebrated as such. Good luck!

i never did the family bed but did just put my 3 yr old in her own bed. she had been in a crib since 3 months that she never tried to climb out of. she was always a great sleeper. we could lay her down when awake and shed go to sleep, but things werent so easy when we changed to the toddler bed. i think like your daughter it might be a security issue. we set a routine. for us potty, teeth brushing, a book in the livingroom and then kisses for everyone. i tried the supernanny thing and stayed by her bed and slowly moved towards the door. it took a couple nights of screaming. by nite 3 and 4 she cried for maybe a minute. now most nites after i brush her teeth she says "can i sleep in my big girl bed?" i cant say its perfect tho, she does now get up in the night and try to sleep with us or my older children. now im trying to be consistant at putting her back in her bed. good luck. best thing i can say is be consistant, it will happen.

Hi N.,
I took my son to a fabric store, there I let him chose a fabric that I made into a comforter and pillow case. This went on a day bed in his room. He accepted sleeping in there right away, no discussion. However, he still shows up in our bed a some point in the night. Good luck.

I was worried that the new baby would disrupt the sleep of our first child, but she didn't. I now have four, and none of the new arrivals disrupted the older siblings. The only caution is to keep the new baby completely separate from the toddler - for us that meant this lineup: baby, me, toddler, husband. The advantage of keeping them both in our bed was when the new baby was old enough to wake and sit up to look for us, she/he would see older sis/brother sleeping next to him/her, and usually would lay back down to sleep. The other advantage is they are all very close. My son holds the hand of his little brother when they fall asleep - since the day baby brother was born. Even now at age 6 he reaches over and pets his brother on the head or cheek. I like having them together - less nighttime walking back and forth for me.

If you do decide to transition your first child out, there is a great need to be very careful that this child then doesn't feel isolated - everyone else in bed together and her on her own. One alternative is to get a toddler bed or single bed but in your bedroom. So she is in her own bed but still in the family bedroom. Also you don't want her feeling like the new baby has kicked her out of her bed - there will be enough "new baby" angst as it is.

With our daughter, we got her a Dora bed set to move her to her toddler bed, it took her some time, but she loved it. Then, when we transitioned her into a big bed, we made a big deal out of her bedspread and her new bed, so it was something she loved, and it was a 'big girl bed'. We just had to be consistent with making sure that if she tried to come in our bed, we kept putting her in her own bed. If you give in at all, you'll have to start the cycle over.

what worked for us is getting my daughter excited about the bedding and bed itself. Make a big deal out of the "big bed" idea and let her pick out her favorite character bedding. When my daughter saw a bed full of Disney Princesses, she flipped!

When I was having baby after baby I didn't really have the energy to do everything right (LOL) We basically had the biggest slumber party in my room for several years..Every time I attempted to have the kids in their own room they ended up in my bed so it was easier to have beds set up for them in my room. I needed my sleep more than I needed my kids in their own room. It wasnt until shortly after my fourth was born that it got to be too much and we started weaning the kids out of our room. They still get scared at night but no one ends up in my room anymore...they are now 11, 9, 7, and 5. Having the kids sleep in our room worked served it's purpose for the time and I don't think the kids are damamged from it.

Hi N.~
I know you wanted advice from people who did family bed for a few years, but I can tell you what helped my son through his transition from crib to bed at the same age. We moved our kids out of our room/bed around 4 months old, to their cribs. Then our second was due just after our first turned two. So, I decided we'd better do the "big boy bed" early. We took him to the store to purchase his special bed (just went with a twin + bed railing). When we got it home we made a big celebration about putting his new room together. He got to pick the "Thomas the Train" bedding, so he loved that. We talked about how his new sister would get to use the crib and he's going to be the big brother with a new "big boy bed". We had him help us put both his room together and the nursery for her. It really got him excited for both his new room and the new baby coming. We did it about 3-4 months ahead. He loved it!! He didn't even start climbing out of bed himself for at least 6 months or more. I've had friends with more active toddlers say they just put up a gate in the doorway to make sure the kids don't sneak out and hurt themselves if they should wake in the night. Another thing that worked for this transition was to create a new bedtime routine to go along with the whole new bed change. So, it was all a fun new experience that he looked forward to each night. 18 mos - two is a great age for this!!
Best of luck to you!!!
C.

Hi I have a little girl who will be 3 next month. At 6 months she stopped sleeping in her crib so out of options we put her in a toddler bed. When we moved her to a Twin bed we did it at her 2nd b-day and let her pick out her sheets and bedspread. The twin bed was a better option then a toddler in my opinion at the age of 2 cause if you need to crawl in bed w/ them for a few hours, it's more comfortable. I'm almost 7 months pregant now and it's easier if I have to lie down in a twin bed then a toddler. If you're scared that she'll fall out. We started w/ just the mattress on the floor, then added the box spring then the actual bed w/ rail so she couldn't roll out. My husband is against the family bed idea, I personally don't care. But the twin bed works for both her and I. Hope any of this is useful and good luck

My daughter is 22 mos and we are expecting twin boys in May. When I found out I was pregnant- we decided that eventually we were going to have to move her from the family bed to her own.
She has always hated her crib- never once slept or played in it. For Chirstmas we bought her a toddler bed (that used the crib's mattress) and made a huge deal that she was getting a big girl bed. She helped put it together and clean it, we even made a "special trip" to pick out her new sheets.We set it up next to the crib and then "banished the crib".
We let her play on it for a day and then we started taking naps on it together( not very comfortable for prego mama here). In a week she started taking naps on her own.
After a month or so- we started bedtime routines and both mom and dad laid with our heads on her bad until she fell asleep.
Now dad puts her to sleep- she gives mom a hug and a kiss, grabs her babydoll and runs in her room with a bedtime story.
After he reads the story- he lays his head on her bed until she falls asleep (15-30min total for bedtime).At first she only slept in her bed for 1 hr, then 2, then 4, now sometimes all night. She still wakes up and comes and climbs into our bed. Eventually it will taper off so after the bedtime story she can just go to sleep.

The best advice is that it takes time, come up with some type of strategy and implement it in phases- so your toddler is comfortable. She will fight it- but be strong and consistant.
The first night I slept without her in the bed was hard on me-but I keep on thinking how it would be with 2 newborns and toddler- so good luck!!!!!

Hello,
We bought our son ( who is now 21 yrs old and well adjusted to sleeping on his own!) the sleeping bag of his choice (pound puppies). We asked him which side of the bed he wanted to sleep on, then we put the sleeping bag on the floor on my side of the bed. He was 3 yrs old and also wanted to sleep in his room but couldn't bring himself to just do it. Every week we moved his sleeping bag closer to the door and soon he even spent one night in the hallway. By that time 3 weeks had gone by and he moved his sleeping bag into his room himself and put the sleeping bag on his bed and Finally slept through the night in his own room. Make sure to make a big deal about the sleeping bag and not so much about her sleeping alone.
Good luck,
P. Z.

My little one was in a crib in our bedroom (however, when the need arose, we had no problem bringing him into our bed...if that got the job done). When he turned 2, we figured it was time for him to move from the crib to his own bed. We opted for what he had on hand -- a full size futon. It's low to the ground and it allows us to crawl into the bed and cuddle with him at bedtime to read stories. When he's been sick, we've even slept in the bed with him. Under the sheet is a wet pad to catch any accidents and I even have his hold crib mattress on the floor for any potential roll outs. Eventually, when we have a 2nd child, I figure we'll then transition to a bunk bed and convert the futon back into a couch.

N.,
One thing is make it fun, get his favorite movie, superhero etc, bedspread and put it on the bed, and then tell him how fun it will be to have a big bed now, and lie him in the bed and wait tell he falls asleep then leave, or try the aproach of staying in the room for 45 mins, then 30 mins the next night, and each night you move farther from the bed until the last night you are next to the door, and if he comes in your bed in the middle of the night, you just have to put him back in his bed, it will take some time and patience, but they will eventually sleep in there own bed.

cloe

I'd just put her bed and then be consistant at putting her back in her bed if she gets out.When my son was doing this, I used two child gates stacked on top of each other(because he climbed over one)to keep him in his room for the first couple of nights. He would cry and fall asleep on the floor next to the door, but eventually he got the idea and now sleeps in his own bed. Good Luck!

With our daughter we had her in a toddler bed first, in the room, then moved her to a twin sized bed at about 3 and a half. She seemed able to adapt to both easily. Just an idea.

Hi N.,
Here's what we did - we got her a brand new bed in her room, she picked out the sheets. She would read books at bedtime in the new bed with us but still come to our bed to sleep. I was expecting our 2nd at the time also. When her baby brother was born, she was still in our bed, all the way over on one side of the bed, then the snugglenest for baby, then me. She decided that the bed was too crowded and decided on her own after just a week or so that she wanted to just stay in her own bed after reading bedtime stories. Actually that is exactly what I had been hoping would happen! Sneaky huh.

Our son was 3 when we finally told him that he needed to sleep in his own bed. He was into things being "fair" at the time. We explained that he got all of this time with us and that it was only fair for the baby to get some time with Mommy & Daddy, like he did. That was it for him. He was't sure he liked the idea, but he obliged.

Also, we transitioned him into a crib mattress on the floor against our bed for a few weeks. When he woke up, we were right there and allowed him on our bed in the morning. Then, we went out and bought a cool comforter with trucks on it and explained how cool his big boy bed was going to be!

Now he shares a room with his little brother, as we prepare for #3 this month. He was very upset when I offered him a Queen size bed and his own room. He's 5 now.

I am sure that the other mommies will have lots of good advice . But, I will say that it is important for your daughter to 'bond' with her new bed. Let her help you pick out the sheets and blankets if possible. Then let her help you make the bed, she isn't too young to enjoy being involved. Then help her 'dress' the bed with her favorite pillows and toys and dolls and teddy bears. Then pull down the covers as if she is going to bed right then. Ask her if she want to try the bed out to see if it 'fits' and feel comfortable and warm enough. Then have her put her dolls and stuffed animals to bed and cover them up and read them a story and say a prayer. Then go and have a snack and or a tea party with the dolls and stuffed animals and talk over what you all have just done together.

Tell her that 'we' are going to have another baby so that you will be the big sister and sleep in your own bed - you may have to show her where the new baby sleep (not in your bed, taking her place). and so on.

Talk to her during the day that this is going to be her first night in the new cozy bed and continue mentioning it throughout the day. In fact, I think that you need to start introducing the idea and the plan a couple of days before hand. Contrary to popular opinion, you need to modify your ideas sometimes to show respect to the older child. Yes, I know you already do that. Just a reminder, their brains and attachment to the world are stronger than the that of the new baby, so take care.

C. N.

Hi There N.,
I had the same 'problem' with my son. He was happy as a clam in my bed and had NO interest in a toddler bed. I took him shopping and we picked out all the bedding he wanted. Fun sheet sets with his favorite cartoon or whatever on them. Big, fluffy pillows like on Mama's bed. And, the most important item! A big
And I never forced him to "get in YOUr bed!" He was interested in this cool new place just for him, and eventually he just wound up there.
And forget about it when it was time to upgrade to a twin! We went to Ikea, the have really fun kid beds there. I let him pick out the new 'big boy' bed, he chose a loft and loved it!!
Hope all goes well for you!!
Best of luck, W.

What I did was make a big deal about "being a big girl". I told my daughter that we were going to get her a "big girl bed" because it was time that she had a bed like mommy and daddy. BUT, we were going to put a railing so that she does'nt wiggle and fall off. I took her to the store and let her pick out princess sheets and a comforter for her bed and that did it! She was so excited to begin enjoying her bed! As long as you make it a fun thing and make her feel as though she has a choice in it, I HOPE it should be alright. Of course every kid is different but its just a suggestion...good luck!

I was in the same situation when my first daughter was two. I started putting her in the toddler bed and sat next to her. We would sit for two hours sometimes. It eventually got better, but it was so hard sometimes. She would cry, she would want me to scratch her back, I put her covers on her 20+ times each night. We moved and then got her a full size bed so that I could lay in her bed with her. This was much easier. After a few weeks I started to tell her..stay in bed, mommy will be right back...I would then walk out of her room for a minute and then walk back in a lay down with her again. I would do this several times each night. Eventually I could lay with her after doing story time and bedtime routines for about 5-10 minutes and then tell her I will be back to check on her. I go back in about every 5 minutes and give her a kiss and reassure her that she is ok.
When my 2nd baby was born, I would put the baby down to sleep first so that I could still focus on the bedtime routines and lay with my older daughter, so she did not feel neglected. My older daughter now falls asleep within 10 minutes of putting her to bed.
Both my kids end up in bed with me at some point of the night usually, but I make sure that they always start out the night in their bed and if they come to my bed before midnight , then I carry them back to their bed.
Hope this helps.

We moved our daughter from our bed when she was 20mo because I was due with the second baby soon. I didn't want her to feel she was being kicked out and replaced with another baby. So we bought a toddler bed from IKEA for only $30 and put it next to our bed. She was within arm reach so I could reasure her I was there when she woke up in the middle of the night. She was excited to have her own bed at first but it took a few weeks for her to fall asleep in it. You should start now and explain why she has her own bed and you are still nearby if she needs you. We kept her in our room for two years and just recently moved her into her own room. Again that was an adjustment of a few weeks. My son still refuses to leave our bed and he is 22mo! Good luck.

My 3 year old daughter slept with me until a year old and then stayed in her crib until about six months ago. She told me she wanted to sleep with me for various reasons. Finally she said it was because her bed was for babies. (I still had the railing on because it has drawers underneth and is higher off the ground than most) So I took the side off to convert it to the toddler bed. Anyway that didn't work until I got her all new big girl sheets and blankets. Sometimes I still find her in bed with me but it has gotten better. Good luck.

I was in your position 8 years ago! I did not worry too much about it as I was putting the new baby in a cradle next to my bed. I tried a few times to get my daughter in her bed and she would fall to sleep and make it 1/2 the time but still end up in our bed. When I had baby #2, it was almost as if baby #1 just understood and that is when she started sleeping all night in her own her bed. I would lay with her and read books, sing, tell stories, etc. until she fell to sleep, but it was worth it to have her in her own bed. At the time that baby #2 was born, baby #1 was 22 months old!

Good luck!!!!

I have 2 boys that are 21 months apart. Before my youngest was born we bought a twin bed and put it in a new room. We took the front off of the crib where my oldest was in his nursery. This took a few times before he was comfortable. Once he was comfortable with the front off of the crib, we moved it into the room with the twin bed. Playing and trying to nap on the twin bed all along. We made a big deal out of the big boy room and decorated. Then explained that the other room was a baby room. Once my youngest was born, we had him in a bassinett for a while. After meeting his brother and successful naps in the twin bed, I asked my oldest if we could give the crib to his baby brother and he could sleep in the big boy bed. He said yes. Good luck!

We had a family bed also. My son would not have anything to do with a crib. What I did was buy a futon bed, with a low frame, I packed the frame in the garage for a while, and put the soft cushion on the floor so that if he rolled off he would not hurt himself. Bedtime was a struggle at first, with me going in a laying down beside him -- since that is what he was used to -- but eventually he got used to being tucked in and going to sleep on his own -- in his own bed!! It took a few months, but it worked for us.

hi N., I'm in the process of transitioning our daughter out of our bed. one of the other moms on the website recommended a really good book, "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West. It's great because she breaks it down with age. She also talks about dealing with new members, they say some kids sleep gets affected when the new baby comes homes and she discusses mehod to help. she also has a website, sleeplady.com. good luck!

I would suggest getting your daughter involved in the process. If you haven't bought sheets for it, go to the store with her, and get her excited about buying her big bed sheets, hand it to her so she could put it in the cart. Have her help in washing the sheets with you and making the bed with you. Buy her a little nightlite and have her put it in. Buy a little teddy bear with jammies on so it could be her "Big Bed Bear". The more she's involved in the entire process, she'll be more likely to accept the idea of the big bed. Good luck.

N.,
My advice is the sooner you start the transition the eaiser for you both. It will take a while for your toddler to get used to the idea. It helps to get them involved with everything so they know what is going to happen, like have him/her help you decorate the big boy/girl room and hang lots of photos of them with family (they love that). Get a nightlight for the bedroom, that helps lots. My son was 2 when we put him from the crib into his big boy bed and he loved it, and slept better too! My kids are 2 years and 9 months apart and since we transitioned him way before his sister came there was almost no problems with jealousy. He never wanted his crib back, in fact he was proud to know that his sister got his old crib like he was sharing it with her. Start now when the baby comes you will have your hands FULL. It is alot more work going from 1 to 2!

I moved my two girls from a crib, not a family bed, but what worked for us might work for you too. When it was time to move them into a "big girl" bed, we made a big deal about getting the bed and setting it up. We put on new sheets, etc. and then just let it sit there. We told our girls that they could sleep in their new bed whenever they wanted. They both chose to sleep in it the very first night and never went back. Put her in control and act like it makes no difference to you which bed she sleeps in. You might be surprised! (we sure as hell were!!)

Good luck!

Hi N.,
I'm no expert, but with my sons, I would tuck them in their bed and read them books as long as they stayed in bed. If they got out, I would get up to leave the room. They chose to stay and enjoyed the books. At first they would take a long time to fall asleep, but that changed as they got used to their bed and routine.

lay down with her in her bed to get her comfortable.

Our son moved to a toddler bed when he was 19 months old, and we were worried it was too soon. But he wanted it! He wouldn't sleep at night, and he hated being confined in his crib. So, to make the transition more "fun," we made a big deal out of getting into a "big boy bed." We took a field trip to Target and let him pick out a bed set to put on his new bed. We told him it would need to be washed first, and even let him help put it in the washer and dryer. Then we let him help us make his bed and put his 3 favorite toys in it for nighttime buddies. For his safety, we put a body pillow on the floor, so if he did roll out at night, he would land on something soft. When we had set it all up, we let him play in his bed and explore the new situation. When it came time for bed, we asked him if he wanted to go upstairs and sleep in his big boy bed, and he dashed up the stairs! Make it a party and treat it with great purpose, and it will make her feel like such a big girl. Be sure to include a nightlight for comfort, if yoou wish. We also have a whitenoise maker for "company." Hope that helps!