Seeking Advice on Easing Daycare Anxiety

Hi T.! As an experienced daycare teacher I can tell you that your son's reaction is totally normal. There is going to be an adjustment period and even after he is used to his daycare he still may have seperation anxiety. I would watch his behavior when you pick him up more than when you drop him off. If he starts getting really upset when you come to get him or if he seems like he has been upset through the day those might be the things that point to a problem. In my experience some children (even children that have been in day care since they were newborns)will be upset when they are dropped off in the morning. Sometimes the parents make it worse by trying to placate the child or by hanging around for an extended time. When you drop him off reassure him that you love him and you will be back in the afternoon and then say bye and leave. A lot of times kids are putting on a show for their parents and as soon as the parents are out of sight they calm down. Also, don't forget that you can call the daycare and check on him during the day! Some parents worry that they will be bothering or annoying the daycare when they do this, but with any reputable daycare this is not the case! Good luck!

My 2.5 year old daughter was with an aupair until November 2007 and then we had to put her in daycare. She cried and also didn't want to go but would be fine and happy when I picked her up. Now, several months later, she is excited to go to school. I wouldn't stay so long in his classroom-- 15 mins is a long time. I usually put her stuff away and gave her a big hug and ran out the door without looking back. It is easier on her and on you later because the longer you stay.... the more he wants to be with you instead of daycare.

Mel

I know it's hard! It's SO HARD! I started my daughter when she turned 2 and my son when he turned 1. I figured b/c it was so hard with my daughter, I wouldn't wait that long the second time around! =0) Well, truth is: it's an adjustment no matter what the age! LOL But, since he is older, you do have the benefit of him understanding a little more. What we wound up doing with my daughter is telling her that if she had a terrific day at school and was a big girl for us and her teachers, she would have a special treat waiting for her in her carseat each afternoon. Yes...I'm not one to claim I'm above bribery with my kids! LOL Now, it wasn't ever anything huge...just dollar store toys or gummies...anything small that would make her happy. After a few weeks, we just stopped with the treats and she never questioned it. By then, she realized that daycare was much more fun and active than being with her gramma in a quiet house everyday with no other kids! =0) He'll get there....don't worry. In the meantime, keep in close contact with his teachers and ask how long he cries after you leave. I would always hang out in the hall out of sight, so I could listen until she calmed down. I liked to know how the teachers handled it, what they said to her, etc. Plus, it made me feel better to know she was just "sniffly" when I left and not still crying. Sometimes, I would go in their office so I could watch her on the monitor (they have cameras in all the rooms). Also, can you bring b'kfast with him in the mornings? Sometimes, even still, if my kids are off to a rocky start in the morning, we'll stop at McDonalds for a juice box and hashbrown and they get to sit at the table in their class and eat their special bkfast. It's amazing how little things like that can make them so happy. =0) Does he bring a special "lovey" to school each day? My kids did that as well. And, I have a friend who took a picture of her and her daughter, shrunk it down small, laminated it, poked a hole in it and let her hook it to her belt loop, so that mommy could be there with her all day. Then, it moved to inside her backpack incase she ever needed to go look at it. So, my very longwinded point is that you just have to find his "happy comfort" and he'll be just fine. =0) Having a good daycare is priceless.....it's so good for the kids. Good luck to both of you!!! =0)

Hi T.,
I am a F/T working mom and my son just recently went into daycare about 5 mos ago after being with my mom during the days. The first two months were tough. He did the same thing with crying and clutching. It was tough, but I found my hanging around made matters worse in his case. It could be the same for you. I would just keep the goodbyes brief and then leave promptly. You could stand out of sight just to see how long he cries once you leave. I think you will find that it doesn't last long! It will take a period of time for him to adjust, and of course it is going to be rough the first couple of weeks. This is all normal. Try not to worry too much.

I personally love centers better than in home daycares. I am a Child Protective Services Worker with two children both boys 6 and 3. Talk it up... Talk the daycare up. I tell my three year old who had a hard time with his brother starting public school and leaveing the same daycare they had both been going to since they were 6 weeks old. I talked it up... Wow Dawson (3) is going to a big boy school, and he is going to "Party like a rock star." That is our little thing because he loves music and dancing and we say that a lot around this house. Have the teacher talk it up, we are so glad to have you here, you are goind to have such a good time and we are going to play. You tell your child this is going to be so much more fun than having to stay at home with boring old mama, I tell my child this, who has to clean-cook-etc. Tell your child there are going to be activities and childre their own age to play with. I will tell you that my three year old has days that he still does not want to go, but once he is there he is happy as a lark. Like this morning, he hit me on the head, as I was laying down, saying mom I am ready to go to daycare. Anyway that is my advice. The one thing i have learned is to drop them off and walk away as fast as you can becasue the longer you stay and try to console them they know they have you and they will do it everyday. When my kids use to cry like that and i would just leave i would cry in the car and call the daycare on my cell and ask how my child was doing. Usually after I was out of site, they were happy, playing and did not cry long. Hope this is helpful. Make sure the daycare you choose has fun activities, and also educational things to do, that way they will be prepared for school. I am all for daycare because my cousin did not go to daycare (he is really more like my brother) and me and my other cousin had to literally drag him off the bus every day kicking and screaming, take him to his class, still kicking and screaming and he hated school. I went to daycare and was so excited about Kindergarten. My oldest son was very excited to start Kindergarten last year. The year before the daycare gava a little cermony where he graduated. Kids will always be anxious when they leave there parents but they will be fine and you are doing the best u can do.
A.

My son has been in daycare since he was 10 weeks, so I don't have any experience with easing in an older toddler. However, what I've been told - and what I do for my son - is to hand him to the teacher, kiss him, tell him I love him and that I (or dad) will pick him up later today. When he went through separation anxiety, I kept re-emphasizing that we'd be back and would pick him up, and that he would have fun. Take your cues from the teacher, as they should have a lot of experience with this. Very often, once you leave the room, your child will settle down after a few minutes. When Alex moved up a room, he cried when i left him (wouldn't let go, etc), but the teachers assured me that 2 minutes after I was gone, he was fine.

If your son has a favorite blanket or stuffed animal, let him bring that. It provides some comfort and something to focus on. When you pick him up, ask him what he did, and focus on the fun he had and what he learned. it will lessen in a few weeks hopefully. It's just hard right now on both mom and son :)

We're changing daycares soon, so I imagine my little man will be going through the separation anxiety again.

Its just something you have to go through. If your staying doesn't help get him calm then don't stay at all. With mine, I walked him in, put his stuff in his cubby, quick kiss goodbye and I'll pick you up later, and handed him straight into a teacher's arms. His teachers knew after the first few days that he would cry for a couple of minutes and then be fine the rest of the day. They were always willing to hold and hug him until he was calm. For me, and many others, the quicker exit is the smoother. Staying only gives them time to get even more worked up. Mine took 2 months to calm down and his first daycare. He was 20 mths when he started. His 2nd daycare (we moved) was easier. He was a couple of mths from turning 3 and had been at home for several months before starting. It took about 3 weeks the 2nd time and then he was running in, happy to be there and didn't much attention to me leaving. Now he's at a 3rd facility, started when he was 3 1/2, and after the first few days was eager to go. (The impending birth of child #2 caused to move this time.) He loves it now, at 4 1/2, and asked me everyday if he's going to school today. Its only a 2 day a week program. I know we'll be fine and more than ready for kindergarten next fall.