Seeking Advice for Wild Children -- Also Potty Training Advice!

Hi H.,
My kids (5 year old boy, 2 1/2 year old girl) seem to be a little out of control right now too. I think it may be the summer and lack of a routine, but I'm not entirely sure. About a month ago I had a bit of a melt-down due to their behavior and really laid down the law. I got rid of all treats in the house as they seemed to be having too much junk. Mostly popsicles since it is the summer. I made a calendar/reward chart and told them that the treats are just that, a treat and in order to get one they have to earn one. Together we made the chart and wrote down the rules. For us it was 1. Stay in bed at bedtime, 2. Pick up toys, 3. Do what you are asked the first time, 4. No potty talk, 5. No fighting. They earn stars for the things they do. For the things like no fighting I will say to them "Mommy needs to take a shower. If you can be nice to each other while I do that, you can earn a star" So, it's not all day, but for a specific time period. For every 5 stars they can have a treat of their choice. Seems to be helping. If they ask for a treat when they haven't earned one, I simply tell them how many more stars they need to get one. Sometimes I will offer them a star for doing something not on the list, like "If you behave in the store, you will get a star" etc. I don't really have any advice on the potty training. My son was difficult to train and my daughter is just getting started. Good luck!!

Hi H.
Go to library get 123 magic it is 2 hrs.dvd that whach the whole thing you are probably doing the most of it but not effective way it is simple and great your kids willbe stopping whan you say one in one week
if library doesnot have it they request it for you from others I can't say enough of this dvd please watch

I guess the only advice I have for you is to be consistent, when you say NO, mean NO and stick with it. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it seems like 10-15 dogs running around the house might be a distraction to your son and daughter, I know it would be to me. Is there a spot where they can play without the dogs around? Maybe you can set up a table for them, give them an activity and tell them that they have to stay there and play quietly for x amount of time. If they don't want to play quietly then they can go to time out. I hope some of this helps.

Not sure how to help with the tantrums as we did not have a lot of those, mine mostly wined or pouted which were easily ignored. He did get timeouts for bad behavior but we haven't needed that since he was 3 and he is now 6. As for potty training your 3 yr old - did he show signs of being ready before you forced the issue. My son was not "ready" for the potty until he was 4. I would ask him when he was younger but he never showed interest & he would scream like we were killing him if we tried to force him on the potty. Once he decided he was ready it only took a few days to get him from pull ups to big boy pants during the day. It did take a few months for night time & he still has accidents a few times a month. This may be due to changes in his schedule over the summer as he was staying dry for months at a time until the end of school back in June.

HI H.,
I have read many books on disciplining children and one of my favorites is "Without Spanking or Spoiling" by Elizabeth Crary. You can get a good used copy off of Amazon. It really gives concrete ideas about how to handle many situations. It discusses how to PREVENT tantrums, not just what to do once they occur. It gets into HOW to talk to your kids when misbehaviors are occuring. Good luck!

My daughter is just 3 and we tried a few months ago and failed. We made a clander and said when we got back from seeing thomas the tank engine we were done with diapers. She still has a BM accident at least 1 time a day. SHe wants a boaster seat for the car (w/ 5 point harnes on it). We told her when she starts to use the potty for poops we will get her a big girl seat. We are expecting another baby in Nov. so that is our goal. Good luck.

I agree with the others to try the 1,2,3 magic program. Get the dvd over the book though for sure. However, if that doesn't work or they really are that extreme all the time, you might consider having them evaluated by early intervention (if your state has that). I have a boy who is now seven and was just as you explained your two children to be. I was always told I needed parenting classes and made to think I had done something wrong in raising him. Nothing worked though. Things just got worse as years went on. He ended up being dx'd with ADHD and possibly on the autism spectrum. He too was late potty training.

But try the 1,2,3, magic first and see if it helps.

Maybe they just need a bit of a routine established? You may already have one and this could be a moot point... But I find if my boys (almost 2 and 4) can't anticipate what's coming next it leads to meltdowns or out of control energy. If I set up a routine with them that we do at least 5 day of the week, it seems to help them with that kind of thing. We have a short time (30 min) in the morning when they watch their favorite show (Curious George), then we do breakfast together, then if we can, we head outside to run out some energy. After that is said and done, we come in and try to do something that isn't just playing with their cars or trains, but creative like cutting and glueing papers, or coloring. My younger one doesn't last as long as the older one, but it gives them something to do for a little while while I can get lunch ready. GIving them a "heads up" of what is going to happen is always helpful too. "I am making lunch now, so in 10 minutes we are going to clean up the glue (or whatever) and eat our lunch." Then again in 5 min, a reminder of what will happen. These kinds of things will help reduce the wild behavior, likely, but ultimately, you have to establish and follow through with your authority. Giving in one time is an open door for them to at least try every time, ya know? If he throws a tantrum at "wait one minute please" then he doesn't get what it was he was asking for, ya know? I don't know... Just some thoughts I had based on what has worked for us.

Best wishes. Just remember who's in charge. You are. NOt them. And when they are older they will thank you for it! :-) I know I thank my parents! :-)

potty training: We are using the barebottom method and has worked for us. Another thing is do not ask him to go tell him to go no ifs ands or buts if he goes w/p a meltdown he gets praise, sticker, small treat if he has a fit then he doesn't get to go back outside. I tell our 28 month old that its time to go potty and if he want to go back out he needs to go in w/o a fight and about 80% of the time he does. If he poops or pees have him help you clean the mess tell him its okay this is what we do when we have an accident.
Tantrums: Let your son have his tantrum in a different room then you, your dd, and the dogs then he scream, kick, head butt all he wants.
At 3 and 4 they are more then capable to listen and understand so you need to make time outs longer. We don't have any toys in the bedroom they have their beds and a few books and thats where our time outs are done. I have their dressers in the spare room bc I know that's an accident waiting to happen w/ our youngest. My oldest has spent all day in his room at times but you know what my day was quiet. I'm sure your 4 and 3 year old feed off each other so separate them. I don't care how many times I have to walk them back to time out or how much they cry they are staying there.
I love the book Magic 1 2 3 and highly recommend you read it.