Santa Claus

When I realized my oldest, now turning 13, was questioning about Santa almost 3 years ago, it made me sick. He and I sat down, and I asked him what his thoughts were about Santa. Then I just explained about the "magic", and how we are carrying on the traditions of a saint who truly lived before. We have celebrated Christmas as Jesus' birthday since he was a year old, with a cupcake and candle for Jesus that our son got to eat, so he knew that was what Christmas truly was about. He was not devastated when he found out about Santa, but excited to share in the secret for his brother and sister. This past Christmas, after watching the "Polar Express", I had an idea. I went to Michaels craft store and found a silver bell ornament on a red ribbon, one about the size from Santa's sleigh. Then I wrote a poem just for him "From Santa" about how as long as he heard the bell ring, he still believed, just like in the movie. We hid the bell on the tree, because the poem said he had to find a special gift on the tree. He almost cried when he found it and when he shook the bell and heard it, he said he still believed. Later, he told me he would always treasure that as a special gift. I bought 2 other bells already to have on hand as his brother and sister come of age and ask. I would love to share the poem with you, as all you would need to do is change the name. It's hard to let our "babies" grow up, but he is so cute when it's time for Santa, even though he knows the secret. Good luck and God bless you for teaching him the TRUE meaning of celebrating Christmas!!!

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Hi J.,
If your son is confused on the subject, I would sit him straight. If he is a very deep thinker he thinks about things like trust and honesty too. He doesn't need more to worry about. I would tell him right away.
J.

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Here's how I responded when my precocious 7-year-old asked the same things.

I told her that Santa didn't come to our house because he didn't need to. I let her know that we were very blessed because her father and I (and grandparents, etc.) were able to be Santa for our family. I also let her know that we tried to help other families who didn't live with their "Santas" by donating items and $$ at Christmastime. (She goes to a Catholic school, so she's already well-versed in fundraising for the needy.)

I also told her that her little brother still believed that Santa came down the chimney (even though we don't have one) but that when he asked me those questions, I'd tell him the same thing. I told her that she didn't have to keep any secrets from her brother because this wasn't really a secret. But I did let her know that her brother was really enjoying the anticipation of Santa's arrival.

After Christmas, she did try and tell her brother that Santa was just Mom and Dad but he was having none of it. So, he still believes. We'll see how it goes this year...

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My husband and I were honest to our son the entire time about Santa Claus and there was no such thing as we both felt like we were lied to growing up and finding out later that there was no such person as I saw my mother putting presents under the tree and I asked her about it and she just said that he arrived a little early. I knew better and was upset that my mother lied to me about it. So we just told him that we are the ones that buy the things and God enables us to have the money to buy the things he gets for Christmas. You should be honest with your children but I can't tell you what you would like to hear, all I can tell you is think about it and put yourself in his position and there may be a friend or another child at school tell him that there is no such thing. Kids can be cruel to another child. Just my opinion, sorry.

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My parents always focused on the spirit of Christmas and Santa Claus. Even though he is not "real" doesn't mean you cannot believe . I think the Polar Express is the best movie that expresses this thought. Heck, I am 29 years young and I still believe in the Spirit of St Nick. Have you asked your son what he thinks or believes. I would let him come to his own decision and support it.

J.....no Santa Claus?! I am heartbroken! I have always believed in Santa Claus. Ask any one of my family and they will tell you that "I" still believe. Santa is the "spirit" of Christmas. Yes, you are right...Jesus IS the reason but Santa is the spirit. He represents love, compassion, sharing, happiness and others reaching out to those less fortunate. ALL things that Jesus wants us to do year round but we remember most at Christmas.

Maybe if you explain that to your child then he will not be so heartbroken. I know that "special" children can take things literally, as I have one myself. Explain about Santa being the spirit and maybe this Christmas season you can share something with him such as Adopt a Child, making cookies for a shut in, Volunteer at your church, Donating food or time to shelters or Dropping presents and food on a doorstep and hiding. This can make it easier for your child to understand.

No Santa....bah humbug! LOL

By the way, no, Santa does not make puppies but he does help pounds and shelters find loving homes for their pets.

Ok, last night my FIFTH GRADE BOY lost a tooth, and wrote the Tooth Fairy a note asking if she ever pays $20 a tooth!!
So...I'm being taken for a ride here, I'm sure. He probably knows the truth, but plays the game for my sake, and for his 7 year old sister. And yes, he still writes letters to Santa, too.My friend told her kids,'If you dont believe, you wont receive'...and she's got a 7th grader!
I dont know the answer..
Good luck!

I was a little older than your son when I came home from school in tears after being told by my 1st grade class mates that there was no Santa Claus. My father had me look Santa and St. Nicholas up in our encyclopedia (I know, back in the dark ages before computers) thinking I'd realize my classmates were right. Instead, after reading everything I could about Santa Claus, St. Nicholas, Kris Kringle and any other name and tale I could find about the "jolly old elf" I came away more convinced than ever that Santa was real. He had been a real live person, and now his spirit and example moved people to give gifts in his name and to make the holiday season special for small children. I figured that he had been treating all children as if they were the holy child whose birthday celebration is Christmas, and that made everything more special. It was really neat that Moms and Dads carried on in his name, and now that I knew, I could be part of the Christmas spirit too and helped my parents with stockings stuffers and wrapping special present for my sisters who were two years younger. I really felt grown-up and special that I could help that way, and kept the secret until they figured out Santa on their own. By then we had a baby sister we could all be "Santa" for. Just a thought, you'll have to judge how to handle this and other "myths" we adults perpetrate on our children (i.e. "Tooth Fairy" "Easter Bunny" etc.) Good Luck.

My mother always told me anyone could be a Santa. When you give to others you can be a Santa too. As time went on I figgered it out. When we had Geography at school and we began to study Alaska and Santa was nowhere in the chapter. I was in the 3rd grade. I knew then, but I didn't tell my mother.

He already suspects the truth. That's why he is asking. At this point, I would rather my child could trust that I wouldn't lie to him, than try to keep up the pretense.
Take him aside, (away from your other children) and explain to him with a twinkle in your eye, that Santa Claus is just a very fun game we play at Christmas. No, he's not real, and my, aren't you the smart one to figure that out ! But hasn't it been fun to play ?
Now, if you are going to continue allowing your younger children to "believe", then caution your son to not tell them this big boy secret, and get him involved right away in helping you to keep the game going. Tell him right away that now that he knows, he can help you to keep Santa "alive" for his younger siblings. The fun of being involved in such a happy secret with you should keep him from telling them, because telling would spoil the fun for him as well as the rest of you.
Allow him to plan and shop for Santa gifts, to help you caution the others to be good because Santa is watching, and even promise him that if he doesn't tell, he can get up on Christmas Eve and help you take bites out of the cookies that were left for Santa !
Have fun !

All four of my kids REALLY asked at age 7. Before that, I didn't want to lie to them, so I'd dodge it with, "What do you think?" When they said that they did believe, I'd respond with, "That's what counts." Well, at 7... they were old enough and smart enough to recognize the dodge. When the first one figured it out and we had our private talk, I told him that now that he was big, he had to help keep the secret from the other kids. I let him get up after the others were asleep, and help set up all the Santa gifts. I didn't let him see his own stuff (which he knew we'd bought) or any of the stocking stuff. That insured real surprise the next morning. He felt so big, because he was helping keep the magic for the rest. Same thing, as the others found out. The 'newbie' got to help. I have to admit.. it was pretty sad when #4 figured it out.

Since you are religous, look up the story of St Nicholas. There is (or WAS) a real Santa Claus, it's just not the same story we hear now. That might be a place to start. That's the only thought I have on how to help you!! I haven't had to break the news yet, my oldest is only 4. I've thought about it a little but hope I don't have to figure it out too soon! Good luck

Maybe it is time to let him in on the secret that we are all Santa Claus, some more so than others, and as he gets older he will have more responsibility to be a good Santa. Now he can help be Santa to his younger brother and sister. You can also tell him the story about Larry Stewart--who was for years the Secret Santa who gave away over a million dollars to strangers at Christmas time.

I was never told that Santa is "real," and I don't tell my children that he is, either. I have ALWAYS told my girls that Santa is a story that people like to tell about Christmas. (But hey, I say that about Jesus too. ;)

Christmas can be magic without believing in stories. If you use your imagination, you can experience the story as deeply as if you believe in its factuality. Even without the stories, Christmas for me has always been about the magic of togetherness and love and generosity. If there's magic in the Santa story, that's where it comes from. We are trying hard to make Christmas about our family being together, more than about presents. Our 3 year old loves it. She knows about Santa and enjoys the Santa book someone gave her, but couldn't care less about whether he exists physically.

Your son is asking. That means he wants to know the truth. Letting him find out at his own pace means telling him now.

And --you didn't ask, but I would look very carefully at the Sunday school curriculum, and think seriously about whether he should be in that class. I don't think fear should be a basis for religion or spirituality, esp. for children. But then, apparently lots of people disagree with me on that point.

I would probably tell him the truth and explain that it's the spirit of Santa, and not that his siblings still believe and that it wouldn't be nice to spoil it for them. I would come up with something that I think would help keep the secret. Maybe let him be apart of the fun of santa or something.

Just my two cents, I don't look forward to the day I have to deal with this.

In our house we have a rule "If you believe, you will recieve." Even our 13 year old knows the truth, but it is unspoken at our house, only those who "believe" will recieve anything from Santa.

I would say, "well , what do you think ?" And go from there . My 8 year old hasn't asked, but I've been told that's what I should start the conversation with