I have three kids and after my youngest was born I didn’t return to work full time; I only worked two days per week and began to watch a little one the other three days. We did this for two years and then decided that it would be better if I could just stay home. This is something that I have always wanted to do. So in May I quit my job. I now care for my three kids and two others during the day (ages 11, 9, 2, 1.5, and 4 months). I never thought that it was going to be as h*** o* me as it has.
At first everything was great. Now that it has been a couple of months of staying at home I feel very cut off from the life that I have always had. Don’t get me wrong, I love being at home with the kids and being able to be more involved in what they have going on. However, I have started to get headaches and not feel very well. Some days I am seriously tired and then some nights I just can’t sleep even though I feel exhausted. I have looked up depression on the net and I have started to develop some of the symptoms. This is just not me. I don’t have many close friends, but the friends and family that I do have all work during the day.
I have joined a gym which I was going to with my sister-in-law who is a personal trainer. She is single and has no kids so she doesn’t understand that I need to wait until my hubby gets home and the other kids are gone before I can go and she is still a bit selfish. That in itself can be a very long story so in short, she has started going to the gym by herself which, in turn, I end up going by myself later on in the evening. So needless to say I feel by myself during the day and then go work out by myself in the evenings. I have a good friend that I used to work with but she lives 45 minutes away from me so evening get togethers are out since she is a single mom with two little ones of her own. I tried to connect with a girl that I used to work with but she is married and having an affair and that is something that I really don’t want to get involved in. I am very happily married. I have talked to my husband and he understands my issues, but he doesn’t know how to help me either.
On the advice of my mom, my friend and my mother-in-law, I looked for a book club with Barnes & Noble but all that I could find was online groups. I looked up MOPS and that is a little too religion based since I have two kids that are not mine and to be honest I don’t attend church myself. I tried to google moms groups in Thornton and was unsuccessful. I have also never been one to just join a group or anything like that. After that, I am just not sure what else to look up. I guess my question is how to SAHM’s handle any of this? This is all new to me! I just don’t feel as happy any more (but I am happy because I get to stay at home and be with my kids and not have to deal with daycare issues and work issues if that even makes sense at all!). I have let the laundry slide and the bills slide and on and on. I have always been one that is always on top of everything and that just isn’t happening anymore. So would you have any suggestions to make this easier? I am truly at a loss with myself. It is funny though because I am usually the one who takes control and fixes everyone else. I just don’t know how to fix myself this time.
Not a huge help, because I never actually joined this group, but I've heard good things. Mod Moms North. http://modmomsnorth.org/default.aspx
you are in a grieving process, and it's so normal. I think one thing we forget to do is to grieve changes. we have to grieve the loss of a home when we move even if we are more excited about the new one. with all life changes there are grieving processes we go through whether we are conscious of it or not. getting married, I grieved the loss of my single life, not the dating etc. but the total autonomy of it. no letting someone else know where I have been--I LOVE being married and I did then but there was a process. I hung on to my bank account that I had had since I was 18 simply because it was part of my coming to adulthood--never mind I could only write 10 checks before it would charge me...
anyway I realized it wasn't about the account it was about the fact I had done it alone. once I realized that I was able to let it go.
I stopped working when we were planning to get pregnant so that I would go through the adjustment period before we had a baby. I'm so glad we did--I knew I would struggle with it. I loved the kudos you get from work. When you complete a project and get praise for it, when you beat your quotas, when you fix a problem. at home no one says good job! when you get a load of laundry done...or do the dishes. well once in a while maybe...
there is a grieving process for the women who stop working to stay home, and no it doesn't mean we don't love our kids or that we would change the situation (although some days...!!!) there is a grieving process for the women who have to go back to work and leave their children in the care of someone else while they are working. so often though as women we forget to look at the changes and to give ourselves permission to grieve.
have some kind of symbolic funeral for the job you left. for the adult time you gave up. give yourself permission to grieve it, I think until you do that you won't find what you are looking for because part of you will still be looking for a replacement instead of a new chapter. cry in the tub or shower or in your pillow. write a poem, send your old life a sympathy card and send it off down the toilet, or on a balloon, whatever will be symbolic for you, something.
therapy has helped me a ton to understand the grieving process--and I get hung up on anger, it's so weird to me to think I can get angry about life changes--that its not only good but healthy to be a little angry about those things, like my husband being deployed and I'm not being un-supportive I'm just recognizing that it isn't fair and that it's not all going to be great and that it's okay.
I feel if I allow myself to be angry or upset about it that I am saying I am not supportive...anyway that's my issue--lol. my point is there is a grieving process for each of these life changes and that stressors, even good ones are still stressors. give yourself time to grieve and to heal.
the support group on here is great for the interim until you figure out how you will connect with other moms.
maybe it will be a paint class, scrapbooking...something will come up that is comfortable for you. it doesn't have to be conventional--you will find it when you are ready to and in a way that is comfortable to you.
I wish you all the best--and send you my "sympathy" for the loss of your autonomy of your work. and the connection of your adult interactions within that world.
I also send you my excitement for the new chapter that you are about to write.
(I know I get a little corny sometimes but it's all the philosophy classes I took in college they take over when I get to typing!!)
There is a website http://www.meetup.com/ that lists all sorts of groups in your area. Just put in your zip code (since you are in the greater Denver area there are a ton!) and then choose what type of group you are looking for. I am a member of a parenting group up here in Montana - which sounds more involved than it really is. Basically it's a chance for all the moms to get out with their kiddos and let them play while we get a chance to talk to other adults away from home or work. Look into it and see if any of those groups interest you and make arrangements to meetup! Good luck!
Well, there is lots of social sights like facebook, and my space. also, you can do things like join the pta. or even just do a little volentering at the school were your children go. also many gyms have things like mommy and me, classes were you can take your little ones with you and yet still connect with some adults. if you get to lonlely you can e-mail me, i am always stuck at home, and would be willing to talk.
Hi! I know what you mean! I struggle with this off and on, especially in the colder mths in MT when it is harder to get out and about with little ones. I use to own/operate a daycare/preschool full time, and then taught at Head Start. When I was ready to have #5, I resigned to stay home full-time. It was a huge adjustment for me. The advice I can offer is this- build a support system for yourself. What does this mean? Think well-rounded. YOur family, friends, neighbors, community groups and clubs, and hired help. Think about what your interests are and pick a hobby and get involved in that a couple of times a mth/wk. JOin a moms group, I am in MOPS, which I love and you do not have to be religious or go to church to be in it. They also do play dates and mom's night out and it is easier to make friends with moms that are in your similar situation. Working out is a great idea, maybe a mom from a group you join could go with you. Volunteer at a local place, some will let you come with a couple of kids, or if not, do it when dad is home. Don't forget the importance of hiring help if you can squeeze it in. I am having a girl come 1x week starting next week to help me with things I never seem to get to and I am tired of beating myself up for! My husband and I discussed it and feel it is important for my sanity! : ) It is costing me $20 week for 2 hours, which is worth it. I also made up a simple cleaning spreadsheet on my computer, with goals for what rooms of the house I should clean on each day and daily tasks. It keeps it a little more manageable, and if should have to miss a day due to appts ect., it is not life threatening. : ) My kids also have chores which they have to complete, before they play after breakfast. I assign them based on age and ability. Don't forget to reward yourself for harder chores(like catching up on the laundry ect.. with a specific thing like ..........(what would truly make YOU happy?) My choice is a new pair of earrings or a CD or book, or maybe it could be a bubble bath or latte. YOu decide depending on your budget and favorite things that you know would motivate you.
Do you have any neighbors you could develop friendships with? Even if it is an older couple, you might find a babysitter to give you a break or just advice from an experienced mom who has been there.
I like the advice of having a fun project going on in the house- it would give you some purpose- other than cleaning all week. I too, only have about 1-2 close friends right now, but MOPS is changing that for me....
Just remember that even though you do not work outside the home now- you are doing a priceless job!!!!! I read in a chicken soup book for moms that they estimated what it would cost to replace a stay-at-home mom if you had to hire someone to do your job- $90,000 a year! WOW!
Good Luck and hang in there! Moms were not meant to be alone so much. We are social creatures that do best when supported and in touch with others!
It can be really hard to be "just a mom" all of a sudden. One reason why (I think) is that you no longer recieve the praise and validation that you used to feel at work when you did a good job and either got prasied for it, got a promotion, or just recieved an impressed look from a co-worker. No one seems to care as much or be impressed with you when you (finally) get your kitchen floor mopped or make something really yummy and acctually homemade for dinner! Something that saved my sanity and gave me a real feeling of accomplishment was going back to school. I started taking night classes at a local university when my oldest daughter was 2, I took it really slowly at first and I was really nervous because I had not been a very good student when I was younger, but I did so awesome and it was acctually fun! I found that I was way smarter and more commited to my education than I had been as a teenager, and I loved to learn. I made friends with other non-traditional students that I met, and I was able to exchange babysitting with them so that I could take classes in the day time as well. I earned an associate's degree in massage therapy and worked part-time as a massage therapist in a chiropractor's office for a year, then I decided that I missed being "just a mom" and now I am staying at home with my kids full time again. I'm now expecting my third baby and I am happy with my life, I still give massages to a few loyal clients who come to my house (I don't invite stangers to my home for massages, just people I know and trust) so I still make about $100 a week but I do everything from home and it feels great again! I'm also still close to some of the people I went to school with so I am not hurting for friends anymore either. I know that my solution might not work for you, but I think that it might be worth a try, you never know!
To stay sane, I say you must incorporate the 3 Fun Times:
1) Kid Fun Time (extra fun field trip)
2) Me Fun Time (time out with friends or even by yourself)
3) Couple Fun Time (date once a week--doesn't have to cost anything, just have to be creative).
Do at least each of them once a week. It's fun to even plan these events.I also recommend going to the park and getting to know other Mom's there. We have a few parks that are fun to go to so I alternate them.
I think it's great you are exercising, but make sure you do it at least 4x/week to get those endorphines (natural happy pills). Also, start eating good -- 5 mini meals is best, and try to get at least 100 g protein a day.
Vitamin B Complex is a must too, to get the energy you need to last through the whole day. I have a friend who gets a shot of that once a month, so either way you take it, you probably do need it. I know when I forget to take my pills. Pick a day to do laundry every week, pick a day to do bills 1-2 times a month, pick a day to plan out your week, and let the rest of the time be for play and normal daily chores.
Also, what do you love to do? Try to do something you love to do EVERY DAY. And remember, when you take care of you first, you have energy to take care of everyone else the rest of the time.
Best wishes, D.
I was in a similar situation a few years ago. After each child, I dropped a day of work, until my oldest started kindergarten, and then it made no sense for me to work with 1/2 day school and no before or after school program available. I thought it would be fairly easy to transition to being home full time, after all, I was home 2 days a week already. Boy was I wrong! It was a difficult transition that actually took a year or more for me to "settle"in.
The thing that helped the most (and why it took almost a year) was meeting new people and forming new friendships. I have met some great women at school. I also became involved in scouts and PTO, and afterschool sports. I go to the rec center to exercise during the school year when my youngest is in preschool. I try to have a project going around the house (painting, yard work, curtians, cleaning an ignored cupboard, catching up on the kids scrapbooks, and, always, a couple of books going, etc)In the last year, I've started a small homebased jewelry business that also keeps me occupied. My husband watches the kids maybe once a week in either the evening or weekend so I get some me time. It's been 5 years now, and things are MUCH better. It takes time to adjust to the changes, and, for the most part, I'm glad I stay home. I still have 2 more years before my youngest is in 1st grade, so we'll continue and rethink the situation at that point.
Have you checked the local rec center or library for a non religious moms group or book club? Those mom's I met during my daughter's kindergarten year formed our own playgroup, it's mostly for us, even though our 4 year olds are best buds.
I second the recommendation for meetup.com. I just moved to Colorado Springs in May and joined a meetup group that is here and it has been a God send for my sanity and social well being of myself and my son (2 in Sept.).
Another recommendation I would make is to print out some "business" cards with your name, email and kids ages and names (or whatever info you feel comfortable with) to hand out to moms you meet at the park, library, etc. that you would like to spend more time with.
I sympathize with what you are going through. I went through a similar stage when I left work to stay at home. We moved when I was 4 months pregnant from San Diego to MN and decided for me not to pursue finding a new job since it takes on average 4 months to get a new job and then I would need to go on maternity leave and then we would be moving a year later anyway! My hubby is active duty military so moving is just a way of life for us. I think when you go from working full time to staying at home it's almost like a crisis of identity. For me it was like one minute I was Amber, PR rep and the next I was Amber, nobody but "mommy". I forgot all the other things that define me or that I enjoy doing.
Through different moms groups (in MN and CO) and my book club (in MN) I've been able to rediscover myself and what I enjoy. An added benefit is that when you go to play-dates with other moms whose kids are similar in age (especially for the little ones) the kids will become more socialized - I've noticed huge changes in my little guy that I attribute to our play groups. He is very verbal and very extroverted. My husband is very introverted and I am somewhat introverted so having an outgoing son is great - I think my introversion has held me back in several areas throughout my life.
One more thing I found that helped me was taking some time for myself. It's not a lot of time and usually nothing too big or spendy. An example would be going to the library or a coffee shop to read for a few hours alone on the weekend or after my husband gets home. These little trips really refresh me and even though the weekends are "family time" I think my son really enjoys his alone time with daddy and I'm sure your kids would feel the same - especially if they could find something that they only do with dad - my husband takes our son fishing for example.
Okay enough rambling. Hopefully you will be able to find some groups close to you and if you have a bad experience with one group, don't rule out all groups - think of the whole experience as dating - mom dating. You may not click with each mom you meet, but you will find that the right ones are out there! I also think that if your feelings of depression continue to get worse please seek medical help. Depression runs in my family and it is nothing to be ashamed of and can be treated. It may be helpful to keep a journal of how you are feeling and if you notice a pattern of depressed thoughts, feelings, or symptoms over a course of 6 weeks or more please don't hesitate to seek help.
Big hugs and best of luck in finding some new mommy friends :)
You know when I first moved to Utah and was struggling because I didn't know anybody, I found this website called www.meetup.com There are different groups that you can join. I found a local playgroup that got together once a week. So I was able to go and meet and hang out with other moms. I made some really good friends. They also have all kinds of other groups that you can join. They have book reading groups, scrapbooking groups, walking groups. So I think that a lot of them are probably stay at home moms that need a support group and other moms to connect with. It was really fun for my two kids also because they got to meet other kids to play with.
Sweetie you are not alone. EVERY stay at home mom has been through this. Belive it or not you need to find a mom group. If not a formal group find another mom with kids around the same age as yours and get together for play dates. You need this more than your kids. You will find out it's great to talk with someone who is in the same boat as you and has the same feelings and troubles you do. We all love being stay at home moms and the guilt of saying it's not all ways gum drops and roses is heavy. Not to mention outsiders feel like you are eating bon bons and watching soaps. LOL a book club will help if it gets you out of the house and socializing with other adults, but the pressure to get reading done on top of everything else may be a bit much. It is ok to let some stuff slide, you are a stay at home mom (and day care provider it sounds like), not a maid or personal financial manager. See a doctor and find someone to talk to as YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.
Hello,
You might try going to the park with the kids, you should be able to meet other stay at home moms and maybe become friends with some of them. Then you all could plan picnic's and what have you.
The gym you go to, do they offer free baby sitting? If yes, you could take the kids and work out with your sister-in-law, then she could help out a little with the kids & you 2 could do lunch with the kids in tow.
Maybe in your neighborhood there is some other stay at home moms that you could hook up with.
Good luck
Hi there - I belong to the Thornton/Northglenn MOMS Club chapter. They host multiple weekly outings with the kids and are also in the process of getting both a book and recipe club going. We also have a monthly Moms Night Out. We try to keep most events/outings cost free or at the very least low cost: we do a lot of park outings and various story times, etc. I currently live in Broomfield but have stuck with this great group of ladies! http://www.freewebs.com/thorntonmoms/
I'm NOT recruiting you - just trying to help! I totally understand how difficult it can be to stay at home full time, even if it is what you really want to do. Check out the link, come to a meeting. It is the best thing I ever did. Hope this helps!
Along with creating a support group, as others have mentioned, you should find things you are interested in and do/learn about them at home. For me, I enjoy gardening, sewing, reading, etc. I haven't always enjoyed the things I do now, but have, over time, discovered that I enjoy doing them. Find a subject that you're interested in and start reading about it. Whether it's gardening, astronomy, math, philosophy, etc. Share these things with your kids as you learn about them, they love that. Try different things until you discover what you really enjoy and then let that fill your moments of loneliness. I have found that making things for people I care about helps me to feel closer to them and share a bond that wasn't there before. I've been a SAHM for 14 years and it's the years that I have discovered my interests that have been the best and most fun. Good luck, and don't give up. Sometimes you have to find the joy instead of it finding you, but it's there.
The problem with depression is that we all think we should be able to just fix it ourselves. If you had diabetes would you try to "think" yourself better? You know you should be happy, but you are starting to exhibit the physical symptoms of depression. Depression is a PHYSICAL illness with psychological repercussions. See your doctor and find out if there is a physical cause to your illness. Maybe a short stint (or long stint) on seratonin regulators will help. Maybe talk therapy will help.
As for joining a group just to join a group -- that's hard to do or find. Figure out what you are interested in doing: Painting, reading, hiking, etc. THEN find a class or group that does those things. Maybe find a way to get a babysitter and reconnect with your husband and do things with him without the kids.
Staying at home is hard, but depression is not part of it. Hugs to you.
S.,
I know somewhat how you feel - though I only have two kids, I decided to be a SAHM after spending over a decade on the "career track." Then home with two little ones I didn't have a social network, and I'm also not a group person so I wasn't able to just "jump into" the mommy groups.
I did, however, start a home-based business with Discovery Toys and it is one of the best things I decided to do in my new "mom" role. It has allowed me to be around for all of the mom stuff but also has allowed me to get out in the 'real world' a bit, make friends, make some money and re-establish a separate identity. I've met great women and learned so much. (BTW, I've been doing this for 11 years now.) Of course I am biased and think Discovery Toys is the greatest home based business, but there are so many options now. You can have a business with almost anything these days! And the home-based model allows for the flexibility that we get used to once we stop working.
Good luck to you.... always be kind to yourself!
I have been a SAHM for seven years. I completely understand where you are coming from. My boys and I hardly get out unless it is to go on walks/bikerides in the morning or to the library or grocery shopping. I barely have a social life, it is almost at a standstill!!! Being a SAHM is one of the greatest sacrifices that I can think of. You really do feel cut off from the outside world. I like to watch the news so I don't feel completely left out of the loop.
The library has reading time and many other wonderful activities for the kids. Just a few weeks ago, my boys and I went to a magic show that was held there. You could do a Google search for the specific thing that you want: book club in --- county. Google is amazing!! You can do a county search via Google.
Hang in there! It is tough, but it is worth it!! Start a club yourself if you have to! Be assertive! You go girl!!
Going from working full-time to being a stay-at-home mom is a big adjustment. You need something for you. Something that can challenge you and keep you engaged. Something that is helping you to learn and grow more and building you into a better person.
It's great to sacrifice your time for your children, but you can't be a good mom to them unless you also focus on yourself.
Look for a good goal, something to channel some energy into. What do you want to accomplish? You can do it! Lay out a step-by-step plan for yourself and set your sights on doing it. You need this for you! Go for it!
Hi S.,
If you're interested, I'd be happy to share w/ you my business. I'm a single mom of 2 girls (1 & 4) and live in Broomfield (used to live in Thornton).
What I absolutely love about my business is the community I get to be involved in. I've been doing this business for 6+ years and the closest friends I have in my life are the people I work with and associate with through my work. Although I work @ home, we have lots of community events and there are lots of people w/ kids that I get together with regularly... AMAZING, INSPIRING people, I might add.
When I went through my divorce a year ago (w/ a newborn and a 3-year-old) my community completely stepped in and helped me and supported me. Not to mention my business, which creates residual income, supported my family while I took 4 months off COMPLETELY to move and take care of all of the divorce issues.
In any case, I'd be happy to give you some information, or, if you're interested, you can come meet a bunch of people from this community @ our monthly community event which is happening next week on Wed. September 19th @ 6:30pm in Denver.
Hope this helps... let me know if I can help in any way!
xo-A
I can relate. I've been a stay-at-home-mom for 6 years. I did work part-time off and on in order to maintain my sanity. I'm a career oriented person as well. We chose for me to stay home because we thought it was best for our kids. Just because you're a SAHM doesn't mean you have to literally stay home. Where we used to live, I started a moms group in order to be around other moms and kids. I also took my kids to the park, to the library, to gymnastics, to dance, to soccer, to swimming, etc. Truly, we were rarely home. Maybe one day a week. That helped to be busy. I liked having a schedule. Consider being a mom as a job... you are the CEO of the household. You are a domestic engineer. Whatever title you come up with that works for you. Then treat yourself as such. So, sometimes you deserve some time off. Get your husband, a family member, a friend, or a babysitter to watch the kids so you can take time to do something for yourself. When I say that... I don't mean clean the house. Go exercise. Read a book. Have a girls night out. Etc. With that said... you very well could be depressed. Take it seriously and don't try to problem solve it yourself. I tried to handle things for myself until I reached my limit. I went to 2 different doctors who diagnosed me with depression. I personally think I'm depressed not only because of being a SAHM but also because of hormone imbalance. I started taking medication, seeing a counselor, and most importantly eating healthy and exercising. I would recommend the latter before delving into medications. Try MOMS Club. I joined it when we moved. Being a SAHM is really difficult. You are not alone. Take care of yourself. You deserve it.
Dont get involved with online groups!! Its to easy to let them replace face to face contact with people. I am in mommy groups on myspace. I love those women and am closer to some of them than anyone else in my life but I have for a while felt like its not healthy. I have been a sahm more often in the past 11 years than working. Working pt at the kids school was good for me it just didnt work with my kids. I love not having to work. I love being here for them 24-7 if or when they need me but it gets to you after a while. Maybe you could volunteer someplace for a few hours each week after your husband gets home. Its something I have been thinking about doing. I know I need to get around people but it is hard when you have certain lifestyles or challenges in your life. We dont drink and we have twin boys with high functioning autism. So it makes it hard for me to find people who dont drink and have kids that can understand my kids. I dont know I understand how you feel and hope you can find what you need soon.
Hi S.! I understand what you are going threw. When my oldest son was born I decided to stay at home, after about a year and a half i found myself starting to be depressed. Long story short I decided working part time was good for me, being such a social person being at home made me feel to isolated. My advice would be to hang in there and contine to try to make connections and maybe even go to a counselor to help you work through your symptoms. I think when your a working Mom you (or at least I did) have a really glorified picture of how wonderful staying at home will be and although it is so wonderful to have more time with the kids it is hard to! Hang in there. You mentioned Thorton, you wouldn't by chnace live in the Denver area? That is my home town! I know you will find what you need!
K.
I totally understand you. I already had depression, and just THINKING about quitting my full time job when my 3rd child was born set me crying. My husband didn't understand it at all. My solution was to sign up as an independent consultant for The Pampered Chef so I could work when I wanted too....for the social aspects. I never did do it full time. I wouldn't do anything at all for a couple of months in a row other than collecting some orders...so when I would go have a party my husband even noticed how I was so different and up-beat talking to women and doing something that had NOTHING to do with my children.
When I quit working full-time I didn't know anyone who was at home with their kids in my neighborhood and didn't know many people as it was since I had always been working. I do go to church, so I found other moms in my neighborhood who didn't work. I made it a point to try to go on walks and watch for mom's outside and try to say hi and introduce myself so I could find others to do things with.
You could try going to your local library's story hour. There will be other mom's there, and most likely they are stay-at-home mom's if they are there! Finding other mom's who understand the need to get breaks from kids and have some common things to talk about (like the daily mom things that you deal with) will really help you. You may find other moms who want to get out to exercise in the evening as well since your sister won't wait until your husband is home.
Another thing, about me, is that I had depression when I was younger, so knew what it felt like. After my first baby I had post-partum depression. My first 4 children were 17-21 months apart in age...very close together. I was on antidepressants that entire time because of being pregnant or winter season being a bad time. I felt pretty good most of the time. I finally went off when my refills were to 0, but forgot to wean myself slowly enough. I went down FAST and HARD. However, I also had thyroid problems on top of that which made things MUCH worse. Low thyroid causes depression as well, plus fatigue. I wasn't interested in anything fun. I worried about things, and I felt like everything was hopeless. Normally I am not like that at all. The fatigue was terrible. It was all I could do to get off the couch to even open the door to tell my kids to come in. I think I slept much of the day for 3 weeks if I wasn't just sitting because I had no energy.
I got back on antidepressants right away and started thyroid medication. It took a while but it made a world of difference!
I also asked my dr to also check my vitamin D level. Since I'm inside so much I was below the range I should be and I took high doses (50,000 IU) for a while once a week, and now once a month I take a 50,000 IU Rx of D3 (calciferol I think it is). They recheck my levels to see if I'm in range or not and I sometimes stop taking the Rx. I've seen so many places (Dr Oz as well), that 2000 IU per day is recommended. (The 50,000 IU once a month is easy because if I forget a day or two it doesn't make a big difference in my levels and I don't have to remember every day.
My nurses said when they got into range on Vitamin D that they all felt like they had more energy. I asked my Dr something, and he said that at higher levels (something like that), that vitamin D acts more like a hormone than a vitamin...that made sense to me to have more energy when I had enough in my system. I felt like I had more energy after getting more vitamin D as well, but I had also been on thyroid for a few months by then and was doing much better already. I do think the vitamin D helped me even more though.
I suggest
- Get your thyroid levels checked
- Get vitamin D levels checked,
- Check w/ your dr about depression as well.
- Becaues of fatigue, you could also have your iron levels checked as well as vitamin B levels, which can cause low iron levels/anemia.
You could have any one of them that need some work, or a combination of them.
Good luck, and work on finding some other stay-at-home moms who can relate to your life. You *definitely* need people near you who you can visit with and relate to. I know this completely. I have absolutely no family on my side or my husband's side who lives closer than 2 hours away. My mom is 11 hours away and I have no immediate siblings of my own other than my half-brothyer. It really helps to have other moms in your situation to talk to, for play dates and watching kids when you have a dr visit of your own.
If you can't find a story hour to attend close by, then walk around your neighborhood with your kids and knock on doors. Introduce yourself and ask a few questions. Find out who would like to have play dates, who has something in common with you besides being home with kids, etc. Eventually you will find new friends but you may have to step out of your comfort zone a bit. This is really easy to do if you see moving trucks and you know it's someone new. It's easy to say "Hi I'm T., I live (around the corner). Do you work...are you home...if you have some questions about the area feel free to call me..." and leave your name and number with them, and ask for theirs as well if they seem to have children in similar age groups that can play together.
If you ever need to vent or talk, look me up. You can email me. I miss my emails...but if you find my Pampered Chef website, feel free to call me. I think it's listed in my profile maybe. Really you can call. It helps so much just to talk to someone who understands and tell them what's bothering you that day, or what fun/cute things you caught your kids doing.
Take care! T.
I understand how you feel, but I don't really have any ideas for you. I went through a big depression stage after having my 3rd child.
I decided to start a home business to give myself an even greater sense of purpose. It has worked for me a GREAT deal.
I see that you were looking for groups in Thornton. I am in Henderson and have a few friends I get together with 1-2 times a week. Our children are on the younger side (oldest ones being in 1st grade), but we love making new friends! You are welcome to come join us at the park for playdates and "momdates" if you want.
Make it a GREAT day!
S.
S., please hang in there. I've read the other posts and have little to add, other than to recommend several other moms' groups that might be active in your area. For me, MOPS was a godsend, but if it's too churchy for you, there is also an organization called MOMS that has no religious affiliation that might be available. I've never been (the chapter here had a schedule that didn't work for me), but one of my friends was the local chapter president here, and it sounded like a great group. One that I do have personal experience with is Mothers and More. They are a moms' group of "sequencing" moms, those of us who have had a career outside the home and intend to return to professional life but who are now taking the time to raise our children. In the bunch I was part of, some were still working outside the home, others were not, and we had a variety of different family structures. Mothers and More also has a politically active arm to the national organization that focuses on parenting issues such as parental leave, taxes and social security (as in, those of us who choose to raise our own families are penalized in the social security system), and availablity and quality of childcare. I think you can learn more about both MOMS and Mothers and More online.
All that said, I'd like to reiterate what an earlier poster has said - depression is not the natural state of the SAHM. Some of what you are feeling is probably the adjustment from career to home, which is huge. But you may want to consult your health care provider about what else might be going on. Depression is an illness, not a personal weakness, and it can be treated.
