Do You Find It Hard to Be a Stay at Home Mom?

I have been a stay at home mom for a little over a year now. It has been a very hard transition. When I was working full-time I had this pretty picture of how great it would be to be at home with my girls(I have three of them, 5, 3, and 3 months). I thought I would have so much time to play, clean, get dinner on the table, and just enjoy being at home. I am bored all the time. I can't seem to get in the groove of keeping my house clean let alone dinner on the table every night. I am so lonley! In order for me to be at home we had to get rid of one car, so we are now a one car family and my husband has it all day at work. He works 30 minutes away so it is a hassle if I want the car for the day. By the end of the day all I want is an "adult" conversation! I totaly feel your pain!! There are days that I just want to throw in the towel and start working again. Then I look at my girls and remember the reason I am at home. Staying at home is so much harder than I thought it would be. I sometimes envy the days I worked and brought my kids to daycare. In some ways it was so much easier!

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Been there. I am not ashamed to say that I cried on and off for the first 4 years of rearing my kids. I think as stay at home moms, we put way too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect and have a vision of June Cleaver in our minds that it is pure joy every day. It is not! It is not easy to stop life as you knew it, and switch to something completely different. I found out that I quit my job, my life changed, but my spouse really didn't have anything change for him. I had sleep depervation, no social life, no income etc.... My saving grace was a Mom's group that my kids attended too. Even though they were still with me, at least I was able to talk to the other Mom's and find out that we are all in the same boat! You really need to take time out for yourself: meditate, take a bath, yoga class, Moms group, once a month dinner with just the girls, anything that will get you relaxed and away from stress. Your life has been put on hold, but it is worth it in the end. I also started to do 'parties' a few times a month when my kids were 6 and 8 and it really helped as well. I found that I am not a 'baby' person and enjoyed my kids more and more each day because I liked when they became more independent. Mine are 12 and 14 now, an age that most people find stressfull, I find that I love it! Raising kids is hard work, but it is worth every bit we sacrafice of ourselves. Hang in there.

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I so understand what you are saying. I had a career and was feeling so burned out when I got pregnant. I was absolutely estatic at the thought of being a stay at home mom. That was almost 4 1/2 years ago and it is much harder than I thought. I have an almost 4 1/2 year old girl and a soon to be 3 year old son who I love dearly but it isn't all I thought it would be. The best thing I did was find other stay at home mom's. Our children go to preschool a few days a week together in the morning and we get together for playdates but also for mom's night out. When you spend sometime with other woman in the same situation you find out you aren't alone. I think I would get depressed because I felt so bad about myself. I just kept thinking I should be happy to have a husband who makes a good living and feels it is important for me to stay home. Reality is your job never stops because you never leave. Find some people in your area and get out. But remember you aren't alone!

J. K.

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YES I DO!!
this to shall pass. they only stay young for such a short time. Are you involved in any mom's groups where your child can play with others her age and you can socialize? it does help. it can become very stressful also but take that with a grain of salt. anytime you get several females together you are bound to step on someones toes.
there are even Bible studies and child care available during the studies for a nominal fee in the york area if you are interested in that.
what ever you decide GOOD LUCK and enjoy them while they are young.
K.

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Never did I find it difficult being a stay at home mom. One thing you must remember that your daughter wont stay young forever. Children grow in a blink of an eye and I for one loved every second I spent with my children as a stay at home MOM and a stay involved Mom when they were in grade school. There is so much you dont realize that your daughter is learing from you. We only get one chance to raise our children and to give to them all we can in the way of a good life. Iam a grandmother now and work outside the home. Two of my girls are moms themself and are doing everything possible to spend as much time with their children so my grandbabies will grow and learn and cherish and love just as they do. When all is quiet in your home, get a good book and relax. To have the advantage to choose to be at home with your children in todays world is totally awesome. Most young woman today dont realize what they give to their children just by being with them full time!!!!!! So just relax and enjoy your daughter and your home and learn to cherish time to yourself. Remember there is a time and place for everything meaning yourself your husband your children and your home!!!!! Enjoy and never regret giving to your children what others dont have the oppertunity to give...YOURSELF!!!

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D.:
Being a stay-at-home mom is the most difficult job in the world but it will pay off later. I am a grandma now and stayed at home for 10 years with my kids. I now work at a school and see how different kids are today. I attribute a lot of their bad behavior on the fact that both parents work and they don't spend enough time with their kids. Believe me, it makes a difference. My daughter-in-law stays home but she finds places to take my grandson so she can also socialize with adults.

C. K.

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I am a 42yr old sahm with 2 sons aged 11 and 5. I too feel guilty at times for resenting my husbands freedom to be with adults all day and just primarily deal with one thing..his job. My saving grace is my small part time job in the evenings. I only work on mondays and e/o friday. My MIL babysits for the 2 hour window until my husband picks them up. Also, I have recently connected with my younger sons preschool moms at least 1xweek for playtime and coffee. We rotate locations to meet. You can meet moms in your local library, mom's clubs (find online or in newspaper), or just at the local store by smiling at another harrassed looking mom and starting conversation. Being a mom is the hardest job there is! You have so many "hats" to wear. I have learned to curb my guilt, and enjoy this fleeting time in my children's life. Remember to find a few moments for yourself...don't laugh...it can be done. Take a bubble bath, read a book, take a drive to a coffee shop alone when your hubby is home. You deserve it and it is crutial to sanity. Good luck!

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I think it's great that you are able to stay home to raise your daughter, and I don't think you will regret it looking back. They're only young for so long. I believe you need to find some "ME" time on days or evenings that your husband is home and able to be with your daughter, whether it be an exercise class, craft class or woman's community service group. It will get you out of the house and give your brain some stimulation, and you just might meet other moms with young children that would enjoy getting together for an afternoon with you and your daughter.

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I feel the same way. I am a part time nanny for two wonderful boys and the rest of the time I am a stay at home mom. I find it very boring sometimes and I am very depressed. I try to find the good in all of it by telling myself she could be in day care. I am seeing a therapist and it helps but honestly I would say try to find a mommy and me group or something similar in your area so that you get that adult interaction you are looking for.

I also love to be a stay at home mom, but yes I find it very difficult and lonely some days. The only times I do go out is to help volunteer in my kid's schools. When I start to think about it I try to remind myself that time is flying by and they will not need me as much soon. Which I am finding out with my 9 year old son.

Hi D.,

It can be hard. The best thing that I find is to get out as much as possible - get involved in activities and join a moms group. Your church might have one. I belong to a group called Mothers N More. They are based out of Mt Lebanon (I live in Wexford, so it is a haul for me - but it is worth it!). They have monthly meetings one night a month in the evening (moms only - no kids unless it is an infant who is nursing) and they also have play groups and kid activities as well as Mom's Night out. I love the group - it is a great group of ladies. I also do gymboree with my son (there is one in Wexford and one at the Galleria in the south hills). It is a great way to get out of the house doing things your daughter will love and meeting other moms with similar age children. In the past, we have taken swim lessons at the YMCA, taken music lessons at the Center for Young Muscians and had playgroups with friends we met at gymboree. There are lots of things to do - try getting involved with a group and you wont' feel so alone and trapped in the house.

J.
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I am a stay at home mom to my 3&1/2 yr old son. I love being with him, but I do feel like you do sometimes. I have a bad back, so It is hard for me to do housework,etc.. without being in pain, that there alone makes me feel like a loser.
I worked full time until last may, I had to have surgery and was off work for 2 months, my husbands decided to work more and me stay at home.

Hi D.,
I have been a stay at home mom for 16 yrs. and I have also babysat in my home for most of those yrs. I love staying home, and feel lucky I have been able to, BUT I miss adults, I miss my own time, I miss being me. try to find other moms in your neighborhood who stay home and who you can get together with a few days a week, for coffee for you and play time for the kids. or maybe you can work pt at night, just to get out of the house. Trust me I understand how you feel. But IMO it was worth any feelings of bordom I had to be able to stay home and raise my girls.
Jenn

Yes, you are not the only one that feel like that, I find it very hard some weeks. My husband travels alot and I feel like I'm a single mom. I find things to shoot for, a date night with him or a family day we plan. I have a 6 and 4yr, both girls. I also found a MOMS Club in the area which helps with these long winter days. You might want to check into them in your area. They are a great way to make new friends for you and your child.

A. K

I can absolutely relate!!! I was a full time student and worked full time before I had my 2 babies. My oldest in now 3 1/2 and my youngest is almost 9 months. I miss working so much. I am a fast past kinda gal and now sitting at home with nothing to do in the winter time is a little excrutiating. That sounds terrible but I can't get away from the feeling. Not only that, I was raised in the city to be city girl and we have just moved out here to Monongahela. I always feel so loney, bored, and out of place. I would suggest looking into making play-dates. A lot of play dates...haha!!! I keep trying myself but unfortunately have not had a lot of luck in that department. I have not really had the chance to get out and meet any mothers in the area. Hope my relation to you has helped a little.

Hi D.!! You are not ALONE!! Being a SAHM is a really hard job! I worked 50+ hours a week until my youngest was three and we moved here. The whole family was excited that for the first time I would get to stay home and be the Mom that I had always wanted to be. I have to admit the first few months were great. I had a house to unpack and organize, I was spending time with my kids that I had never had a chance to before, I was learning my way around an entirely new area (we lived in Ohio before) and life was great. I really enjoyed playing "Suzy Homemakeer" with a real dinner time, homework after school at the kitchen table, all the good stuff.
And then...reality set in. I was going to the store just to get out of the house. I was so homesick I couldn't stand even talking to my husband...and couldn't stand not getting info about the "outside world". I quickly began to get depressed...I had no friends to call locally, nothing to do and no one to do it with...and then in the summer I had three kids 24/7 with no breaks. I had to do something to keep myself from going nuts...so I put my girls in dance classes, and Girl Scouts and volunteered with Scouts. (I had been a leader of a troup in Ohio). We put our girls in T-ball and I started meeting people. I also decided to get a part-time job for a while.
All of these things began to help. I no longer have a part-time job (I babysit for a friend now) and I am going to school, following a dream of mine. My girls are all older now and keep me hopping with all their activites and I have met a lot of really great parents along the way! Frankly there are days when I wish I could just veg out! So don't be embarassed or ashamed at how you feel or that you are having a had time being a SAHM. There are a lot of us out here! Feel free to email me anytime! Best wishes and good luck!

I felt the same way after the birth of first child and I feel the same way now a year after I had my second. But I know that I have very little choice in whether I'm going to stay home or go to work because my 4 1/2 year old son might have Asperger's Syndrome, then I have a just turned 1 year old daughter and my husband works a very unusual shift at work (4 PM-12 AM generally).

It does get mentally draining because you have no real stimulus to keep your mind focused and sharp. Right now our most intelligent conversations revolve around Barney or Blue's Clues, and I know I miss the days when I could actually sit down at the coffee house and shoot the breeze with my friends. For the most part, all we have to talk about with other people is whether or not our kids used the potty. It really sucks when you're the only one out of your friends with kids.

The one I miss the most, though, is dinner alone with my husband. Since we live far away from our family and we've recently moved to the area, we have no kind of support network. I mean, my mom did come up for a couple of days from Virginia to help me with my kids while I'm laid up (both of my knees will dislocate at the drop of a hat). While she was here, I grabbed my husband and ran off for a few hours because the opportunity presented itself for the first time in over two years.

Mostly, I miss working. I miss earning a paycheck and having the feeling of independence. When I became a SAHM for the second time, I felt even more like a useless body in my house. Sure, I do all the cooking, cleaning and errand running because that's the job I've chosen to do, but I still miss earning enough money to go out and do what I want with it. I miss knowing that I help to provide for my children, not just my husband.

*sigh*

Believe me, I know how you feel and I also feel the same embarrassment, and guilt, for thinking this SAHM thing isn't as wonderful as I thought it was going to be.

Hi D., You are not alone in feeling the way you do. I too am getting bored being home, especailly in this cold weather. I worked full time up until my 7 month with my 2nd child. My sister who watched my almost 3 year decided to take another job so I had to leave my job and stay home with him and now my daughter who is almost 4 months. M and my son are getting a little tired of each other being home. I take him out inthe driveway to play when its not too cold out and my daughter is napping. I thought it would be great being home all the time with them too. It is very hard adjusting. Hopefully it won't be so bad in the spring and summer when we can all go out together. Where do you live? Maybe we could get together sometime so the kids can play and we can have adult time. I live in Broomall, PA. If we can't get together email is just as good too. take care D..
S.

I hear what you are saying I am the same way, I get very board and there is only so much that you can do with the kids all day! Expesially in the winter which sucks! But in the summer, spring there are always way to get out of the house. I try and take my 2 girls to the park anywhere where I don't have to pay so much money.

If you know what I mean! Sometimes it gets so expensive to take them anywhere just to keep them active. Well I hope I helped!

A.

Dear D.,

Maybe a part time job in the evenings, just to get your identity back. A little escape could be good for your if hubby agrees. Nothing replaces your job as a mom, ( I have three). Dad can have some one on one, it may be healthy for everyone!! Good luck!! I did work a part time job and it was something that was just for me, and it isn't being selfish and your quality time with your family seems to be more valuable.

Hi! How long have you been a SAHM? I found that it gets easier over time. I became a SAHM with my 2nd child and it was a HUGE adjustment! I was so bored and lonely. I used to go to Target almost every day just to wander around! After I started taking my kids to different activities and made some new friends, it got a lot easier. Check out your local library for story time hours. Once a week a friend and I switch off cooking dinner for each other. One week we eat at her house, the next she (and her son) come to my house.

What I found to be the most difficult was how emotionally drained I am by the end of the day. I had no clue how emotionally draining it is to take care of children all day! It's very rewarding, but can be so tiring at the same time. My only suggestion is to get involved in some activities to keep yourself busy. By doing that, you should meet some other moms and not feel so isolated. I'm sorry I can't help much more!

No I raised two a boy and girl and did arts and crafts with them and planted a vegetable garden took both my children for walks to teach them nature and about trees.By the time they went to school they could count and read so it gave them a head start in school. I found ihad very little time left in the day.
M. M.

Believe it or not it does get easier as you can send her to preschool or you can get a part time job or volunteer or go to a gym that has babysitting or better yet find yourself a parenting group that give great support like I did. I met so many wonderful and understading people that have sparked friendships. The Cetner for Parenting Education is great. They are in Abington but people come from all over. They have various support groups, play groups, workshops, etc. Check them out or they can refer you to a closer group!

Don't be embarassed by your admission. You are not alone. Though I don't belong to one now, one thing that helped me when I lived far from family was joining a mom's group. I got to interact with other moms during playdates and we also planned a mom's night out once a month.

I agree with some of the other moms. If you can get a part time job at night. I work a few nights a week adn its wonderful to just get out and have adult converstaion with friends. It may sound silly but once a week my husbandand i have our "nights" that we go otu with friends and it has made us happier. Just see if youcan break free of "mommy" once a week. It helps remember who YOU are.

I can totally sympathize. I have 2 children a 4 yr old and a 6 mo old. We recently moved to the area and I am feeling very isolated and out of touch with the world. I worked part time until a year ago. I was so looking forward to being a SAHM, but it is a lot tougher than I expected. I didn't think I would miss work. I think what I miss most is the adult social interaction. I too find myself looking for excuses to get out of the house, although it is much tougher now that I have 2 kids.

My best advice is to find a playgroup that your daughter and you can both benefit from. If you are interested I can give you the name/info on the group that I belong to. It has really helped me. But don't worry, you are not alone. Being a SAHM is the toughest job I have ever had!

Yes!Being a SAHM is taxing. You don't get the chance to relate to anyone. You are stuck taking care of your little one. I am currently taking college courses and looking for

Hi D.

I used to with my first child. Then when he was 18months I joined my local MOMS Club and now I really don't feel that way much. I would suggest finding a playgroup or joining the local Chapter of MOMS Club. They have almost daily activities, weekly playgroups and special trips. Most of all your kids get the distraction and activity they need while making friends. Plus, you get to make new friends with other stay at home moms. The MOMS have helped me with fellowship and support. Staying at home is HARD! Harder than a full time job, we don't get a lunch break and when the time clock is off we are not. Be assured that the job you are doing is important and that children need their parents there for them. I guarantee you won't regret staying home now later when they are older. You will be glad that you saw all their milestones and taught them how to be responsible and polite additions to society. I feel bad for those who don't have the choice and have to settle for the second hand account of their childrens accomplishments as opposed to you being there with them when it happens. Stay Strong and LOOK for Support. That is the key, find something to be a part of and jump in with both feet.

I totally agree too! I worked for years before I decided to be a SAHM and my main thought for the first year was "this isn't what I signed up for!" To help me I decided to keep working but on my terms, meaning I work when I want and how much I want. So I started a home business and it has been great for me. I needed something that was mine, that kept my creative juices going etc. I had also had thought being a SAHM would be the best, and it's not what it's all cracked up to be, I think its the hardest job, keeping the house clean, making dinner, doing laundry etc etc etc. I have friends who love it, who love being with their kids 24/7. I am not very happy when I am with them 24/7, I need a break from them. It took me awhile to accept that and to realize what makes me a better mom. I like me time, husband time and kid time and so forth. I love my kids and I love the freedom I have with working from home and the pleasure I get some that. That has been a really good formula for us.

I remember thinking "how could any mom work outside the home when they have kids" then I became a mom and realize I couldn't be a 100% SAHM, I went a tad bit crazy. I have to admit I was very judgemental against mom's who worked. Then i was walking in their shoes and got a dose of my own medicine. So I had to find a solution that work for us, one that gave me quality time with my kids, my husband, myself, that allowed me to stay home and make money. Good luck and if what you're doing right now isn't the best solution, know there is one that will work for you.

D., Please don't think you are the only one who feels this way. I have been at home for 6 years now and am just NOW getting into the groove and not feeling so bored. In the beginning I felt the same as you--bored and very lonely. My husband travels and I am often left alone for 3-4 days a week with 3 children. Now my 2 older kids are in activities and it makes it goes a little faster. I found that if I make a list of the things I want to do the next day, it seems to make my days go faster. I also would try to plan play dates, or a lunch/breakfast with friends at least once a week. Please remember that you are not alone!!
I hope this helped a little:)
B. M.

I understand completely. Sometimes it's lonely even though your not all alone. Kids aren't the most brilliant conversationalists. Any way, I find that if I go out and do something each day, the days spent at home are more enjoyable. For instance, park one day, mall play area next day, library next day, etc. It does get a little monotonous sometimes, but my son loves all these places, and I like to make him happy. Then when I'm home all day on Friday or whatever, it's like a relief to just stay home and do nothing but play.

I can relate! I'm an ex career girl myself on break to have to babies. I was ecstatic at first, but the novelty has worn off now that my oldest is 2. I get down too, but it really helps when I remind myself how lucky I am to be sitting getting bored in a comfy house with two beautiful kids, and I remind myself that it's not forever-I can go back to work if I want. I was working for myself, so I could take them around with me etc, or even work from home, or go back to work if I wanted. Remember, your daughter needs to see you happy and as a role model. try to find a way to do something with your time that satisfies you and impresses and includes her. I'm actually thinking of getting into some volunteer work the kids could help with-they're a little young, but friendly, so visiting nursing homes or something...you're actually reminding me to get started! hang in there! Have fun! These times won't last forever!

Hi D.,

You are not alone. It is sometimes really hard, and very lonely. I decided to sell Discovery TOys from my home, and get out to meet people, but still working around my daughter's schedule. It helped ALOT!!!!

I hope this helps.

YES! I am so glad you wrote this request. I moved here 1.5 years ago and it has been very difficult meeting new people. Everyone said it would get easier once I had a child and it has not. I have lived all over the world...and I must say...this has been one of the hardest places to make friends. I am going to check out MOPS. Maybe I will see you there?

I've found it hard, too. I've gone to some moms groups and such, but then sometimes you feel that "competition" thing w/ other moms. I've started getting up early (@ 5:00 am) 2-3 times a week and going to the store or the gym. It's a nice quiet time, hubby's home and the girls are still asleep. It gives me a little 'me' time before the craziness of the day begins.

I have a couple of comments...I am also older and have a 20 month old & a 2 month old. I think when you've spent so much time by yourself or without kids (11 years alone with your hubby) you get used to a certain way of life and it really is hard to get used to just you and the kid(s). I actually got on depression medication since I've had my second to even out my hormones from the 2nd pregnancy. I don't think it is anything to be embarrassed about at all. You were used to being on the go when you worked full time and now you don't know what to do with yourself. I'll tell you what I do-I keep going. I go to the store at least twice a week. I go out with the kids in the stroller and walk/jog whenever it's over 40 degrees. I found other friends that have children the same age & I go over their house to have adult time and my little ones get kid time too so it's a win-win. My husband complained about the gas money involved at first but I told him it was either that or lose my sanity so we deal with the extra money spent on gas. And also, BEING A MOM IS THE HARDEST JOB THAT EXISTS! Don't feel bad if you find it's hard because it is. I was a legal secretary & mostly sat at a desk. I have to do more multi-tasking as a mother and ALOT more physical activity as a mother. It might help too if you organize your day. I'm going to start that once my 2 month old gets a little older. Start with breakfast & then exercise time and then take a morning shower & then free-for-all play time and then lunch & then book time & then a nap & then play time with numbers & letters & shapes & then cook dinner while she colors-something along those lines so that you're not bored & have something to look forward to or at least you'll know what you're doing next. Let me know what you think. Good luck!

Hi I am a stay at home mom with 4 kids 13 yr old boy almost 14, 11 year old boy, 9 year old girl and a 21/2 yr old girl. I've been a stay at home mom for about 8 years and it does not get any easier. I have a very difficult time. I also do not get to get out of the house for anything because i have no car. This makes it extremely difficult. Its great you have support from your husband and have things to keep you occupied with you daughter. It makes it easier when you have places to go, or have other moms you can set up play dates with.

It is hard to stay home all the time. do you and your daughter belong to any moms groups or anything?
My son (2 1/2) and i joined 2 years ago and we have made so many great friends and have a lot of activities to keep us busy. Also you get to meet other moms who may feel the same as you. Getting out and talking to other moms and having friends for your daughter is a huge help.

D.,

Uh yeah! lol I think we all do! :) I have worked since I was 13 years old. All of a sudden not having my "own" income, made me feel, dependent, lol. Well, that and mounting expenses for a child with a disability gave me an idea! :) Who says you have to go to a 9-5 job to make a living? I work from home. I sell Tupperware and Arbonne skin care. I do a lot of my work online, and I do my face to face stuff when hubby has off of work. It has been VERY rewarding! There is nothing like being able to say, I EARNED this, WHILE be your childs major care provider! I even include my children with what I'm doing, it helps them have a sense of what it's like to work, and opens up a whole new arena to do so, for them.

I LOVE what I do, and I LOVE that I am here for my children! I hope this helps! If you would like any help in choosing a direction to go in, or finding the right way to network online, I would be glad to help, my email is ____@____.com Have a great day! :)
~L.

Hi, yes I find it hard at times to be at home all day every day with my kids. I have a 4 yo and a 2 yo at home now the 4 yo does headstart in the afternoons which is great for him and me. Check into headstart in your area for your little one. It is a great program you willboth benifit from it. she will be able to make freinds and you can volenteer and make freinds also. this will also give you a chance to get out of the house. they have alot of different programs that they can hook you up with at headstart to help you find things to doeither by yourself or with your little one. I hope some of this helped you. Have a great day.....

Hi D.,

I think you'll find that you're preaching to the choir! :) Yes, I 100% agree with you. My advice, as a mom to 4 kids (11, 9, 9, & 5), is to get out of the house as often as possible, excercise as often as possible (it changes your perspecitve for the better, and keesp you strong), and call a freind/have friends over/go out with a friend as often as you can. These 3 things are VITAL to the mental wellbeing of any mom! ;) Also, find something (hobby, etc) that empowers you. When my children were babies and toddler, I took a training course to become a Nursing Mothers counselor (breastfeeding). Being involved in a volunteer organzation that helped other moms was so fulfilling for me and kept my mind on something when I was feeling bored and depressed. Also, remember that these winter months are very hard on the mental state. Try to get outside for some Vitamin D, it helps!

Take care,
Meg

Yes! It can be grueling to stay at home. The hours are long and so much of it is thankless and boring. There is no question that it is a sacrifice and should be properly appreciated. Let go of any guilt you have about feeling bored or lonely, I think it happens to everyone who stays at home. And, frankly, I think it happens in every job. Who hasn't spent a day playing solitaire at work or checking e-mail a million times instead of getting real work done? I have a 6-year-old, a 3-year-old and an 11-month-old baby. During the last six years, I have worked from home and worked full-time one year. I have been home full-time for the last year and a half. Rely on your husband, friends and family, whoever you have, and make sure to get regular breaks to do things without your child. Try to find time each day to do something you find intellectually stimulating that is just for you. Try the scrapbooking of a mom group. They have never worked for me, but that is just me. I read all the time and joined a book club. I try to get out of the house without the kids at least once a week. I have found some people with whom I can vent.

try to find play groups..look in the paper for free stuff to do or library

Yes,
I find it very hard. It seems so selfish! But it's hard. I'm very grateful to be home with my kids and I love them sooo much but it's mentally taxing. I miss talking with people and getting things accomplished and just being out and about. I have 3 boys 4 and under so it's hard to go a lot of places. I tell my husband everyday how hard it is..I'm so lonely and bored just like you...and yet at the same time one day my boys will be bigger and i'll miss these days when their little world was in my control. Please email me back and maybe we can chat!!!
L.

D.,
I'm a bit late in giving my 2 cents, but I felt I should comment on this one. Like some of the other responses, have you found a mom's group or MOPS? I'd say just ask around about that or do a search on the web.

I can't say I've been bored being a SAHM. I had a part-time job right up till he was born, but before that I knew I had waited and wanted my son for sooooooo, soooooo long, and I had to go through, say, more than the average to bring him to be, so although I felt a little dumped when my work couldn't use me any longer because of my new "unavailable" schedule, I felt good that I could bask in the presense of being a mommy.
I just wished I wouldn't have noticed all the stuff that needed done around the house so much. I was glad to be a new SAHM mom, because that meant a much smaller chance of missing milestones with him. I'd get lonely at times, but that's because we were living in a neighborhood of the wrong age group, so we moved. I just always wish I could do more with my kids, and I feel that working full time wouldn't help that.

So does this give you another perspective at all? Hooking up with a Mom's Club or any other group you can find should help too.

Hello D.,
I just wanted to tell you that your not alone. It is very hard and tiring at the same time being home 24/7. My other problem is I miss adult conversation. I watch a 4 yr old and then I have my 2 boys 6 & 3 but it's just not the same. So what i did that really helps me out was joining Golds Gym. So when my husband comes home at 6:30pm I head out the door for an hour of me time. Now if money is a problem for you like me that why i picked Golds Gym cause they are only $24 a month and $5 more if you want to tan.I thought that was great. Well i hope you find something for you to do and just think how lucky we are being home with our kids.

Good luck to you and if you ever need to talk my email is

____@____.com

D.-
No job is "easy and great" all the time! Even being a stay at home mom! But,I think you're problem will be easy to solve! I am also a stay at home mom - chose to be to avoid putting the children in day care. I too worked full time previously. It is a big adjustment. You also need companionsgip beyond the 3 1/2 yr old mind. If your husband works during the day maybe a small part time job 2 nights a week will help (this is what I do). Then you will not need a babysitter - I would start with this - enough to get you out, but not overwhelm yourself. You'll see as your daughter gets older you'll be going out and doing more as she gets involved in more things. Also - a small hobby to work on something during nap times or long afternoons will help - I'm a reader - nothing like a good book - you have to take care of your self also! Good Luck.

You're not alone. But as hard as it is, I do my best to focus this "job as SAHM" to be the same as going into work and facing all my co workers faces and complaints just the same. It's all a state of mind. Try possibly getting her involved in some play dates. This is a perfect opportutnity reach out with some friends and go do things together, the older they get, the harder it becomes with activities with the schools, friends, Etc. Best way to discover this is going to your local library-they have readings for children different days. You will be surprised to see and meet other moms with the same attitudes just as well. Best of luck.

Mom of 4.

D.,

I highly recommend the Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) groups. To find one in your area: www.MOPS.com

You are not alone and don't feel bad about the way you feel. I have a set of 2 year old twins and have been at home with them for almost 2 years. Even after all of this time, I still depressed at times and just miss being at work. What gets me through those times is thinking about all of the memories that I will always have and the close relationship I share with them. I have found that connecting with other stay at home moms and meeting up as a group at least once a week really helps. I attend a SAHM bible study once a week and I met another SAHM that I meet up with once a week. I have found that these other moms also used to work and talking about it with them really helps. Try connecting with a moms group in your area. Also remember that you can always go back to work once they are in school. Sometimes sacrificing a few years of your life to help shape your childs life will be so very rewarding in the end. Good luck!

When I'd start feeling depressed about being home, I'd go somewhere. I have the advantage of having my parents and my in-laws close by. My parents are retired so they're always home. Now I'm starting to find myself tired of not being home. I am in a Bible study on Monday mornings, I babysit for a Bible study on Wednesday mornings, I'm in a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers - www.mops.org) group two Friday's a month. It's great for my girls, almost 3 years and almost 8 months, because they are around other kids quite a bit, but it does get tiresome. Anyway, have you tried getting involved in anything outside of the home? Some sort of moms group maybe? MOPS is great because you get two hours with a bunch of other moms who are dealing with similar issues while the kids are elsewhere doing crafts or something. It's a great break and a great support group.

Five years ago I made the same decision to stay at home with my children. I looked forward to it since I had worked full time for about 10 years and thought staying at home was going to be awesome. I want to tell you, you are not alone. The more moms I talk to the more I learn that we all seem to go through a kind of depression when we are feeling isolated from the adult world. I know personally for me I go through periods of time where I just can't stand being in this house for one more minute. At those times I try to remind myself why I am doing it. For us we have a really strong "WHY". Sometimes I think it helps to remind yourself of the Why. Also I have found that if I do not get time for myself I seem to have a harder time, yes it took me a long time to allow myself some "ME" time. But now I see how essential it is. Another suggestion that I have for you is to make sure above all else you are getting some excersise. I personally would rather not work out but I have found that my doctor was right when she advised me to get up and walk for at least 20 minutes a day. It relases endorphins (feel good chemicals) in your brain. It really works.
I also started a home based business. Honestly I did it just so I would have a reason to talk to other adults on a regular basis. I am a pretty introverted person and so joining moms groups or things like that did not really work for me.
I hope some of this helps you.
Take care~

Hi, being a stay at home mom is not easy. You have almost no adult contact throughout the day unless you go find it. It's a 24 hour job so you don't get any real breaks unless you make yourself take them. You need to stop being so hard on yourself and take some time for yourself at least once a week. If you don't take care of yourself you won't be able to take care of the baby.

Join a MOMS club or go to your local library for events. You will meet other moms in the same situation as you. Get out and exercise...try a Baby Boot Camp class, the exercise will help with the blues. You'll also get to meet other moms and you can bring your baby with you. www.babybootcamp.com

Hi, D.! My name is P. and I'm a mother of four wonderful kids. I am also a stay at home mom. I plan on going to school in the fall which will be the first time I've spent that much time away from my kids in almost 5 years. I only decided to go back to school because my youngest will be starting preschool.
It is extremely difficult to be a stay at home mom!!! It's hard to maintain friendships when the other moms around you work through the day and there's nobody around to talk to! It gets to be very lonely and exausting when the only conversation you get is with people under the age of 10! I always try to remind myself that I chose this for a reason... I wanted to be the one raising my kids! It does get lonely, though... and that's ok. You're allowed to struggle with the job you've chosen for yourself! Even the people who work outside the home have times when they question their jobs.
Bottom line is... being a mom is an extremely hard job!!! The hardest, in my opinion. My only suggestion is to try and carve out some time for yourself. My husband and I try to go out once every two weeks or so and that really seems to help me become refocused. I still have those days when I really question my job, but I just try to keep my chin up and remind myself that I'm doing what I believe to be the best thing for my kids!
I hope this helps some! You really aren't alone in this! Kudos to you for the wonderful thing you're doing for your baby!!! There aren't nearly enough mothers out there that can stay at home and raise their kids. You have my best wishes!!!
I really hope this helps at least a little! Best of luck to you and your baby girl!
~P.

Hi D.,
I wanted to stay at home with my kids (6 and 4), but I also get very lonely and depressed. I don't know if my lonliness and depression is all from being a SAHM though. We recently moved here from the Midwest and the culture out here is very different than where I was from. People are not as open or as welcoming as I am used to. It has been very hard for me. It is hard enough to make friends, but then add kids and husband to the mix and it is even harder to find people to connect with. It can be very lonely, but I just have to remember why I am at home with my boys. It is the best for them! They need me, then need the security we(SAHM)can provide, it is a scarfice for us moms, but I have to believe that we or our kids will be greatly blessed because of it. Are you a memeber of a MOMS group or a MOPS group? Both are very good outlets for SAHM moms. Work from home is also an option. I have joined a bunco group that gets together once a month also. I asked people over for dinner or I ask ladies out for a night out. I have just found that no one is probably going to ask me to do something, so I have to (: Like I mentioned before, Hanging out with friends is not commom where I live, but I NEED my girlfriend time! I love my husband to death, he is awesome, but he is not a "girlfriend". I am rambling....You are not alone, being a SAHM can be lonely, depressing, frustrating. You may find that you just can't do it. You are the only one that can answer that. You will need to search your heart and find out why you want to stay at home and do those reasons out weigh the downside of it. Also remind yourself of all the things you would have missed had been away at work. All those milestone, all the cute things they say and do, all the teaching opportunities you have to raise them with the morals and values that YOU want. I wish you luck, I hope you find the peace that you are looking for in your choice.
A.

D., have you ever thought of attending a mom's group? It's a great place to unwind with other mom's. I belong to a MOPS group which has been great for both me and my children. Not only have I met some great friends, but my kids have bonded with the other children in our program. During our meetings I get to enjoy adult conversation, listen to interesting guest speakers, sometimes do crafts or learn about new topics. The adult interaction during the day has been great for my spirits.
I also enjoy play dates with my friends and their children, but there's something different about the boost you get from adult time. (Our MOPS group provides childcare, so our meetings are truly mom's only.)
MOPS is a national organization, so you can find a group near you by looking online at MOPS.org. But I know there are other groups similar to this out there. Try looking in your local paper in the community news or even online searches.

is she in pre school? Try to make friends with the mother of some kids she likes to play with. I did that when my son was about her age and it saved me. Some of my best friends now are moms from that very first class. we used to get the group together and go to the park on a standing basis on thursday mornings. the kids are older now so we don't see each other too much anymore but I am still really close to a couple of the women.

good luck!

Hey there...just wanted to say that I am right there with you. However, it hasn't been that long for me. I am a recent SAHM with a beautiful 5 1/2 month old son. I too have worked full time (or been a student full time) for the past 11 years so the transition has been extremely difficult...mentally draining and at some times depressing. Dont get me wrong, I love being able to take care of my son and could not bare to see him in daycare, but it certainly is a lot harder than I could have imagined. My husband and I are also relatively new to the area and most of our friends and family are over 200 miles away. I think the key is to make sure you get some "me" time every week, and get out of the house whenever you can. Its definately harder to do when the weather is so crappy but even running a short errand can help. Still, at only 5 months in, I have no idea where I'll be with this in 3 years...yikes!

Dear D.,

When I had my first child in 1997, and was staying home with her after being accustomed to working full-time, I became extremely bored also, to the point of which I wished I could turn back time and not even have become pregnant! I would whine to my husband and he just didn't get it because he wished he could stay home all day with our daughter! Now, eleven years and with two additional children, I appreciate the difference between my priorities back then, and the ones I have now. It took me eleven years to really appreciate the "art" of being a wife, mom, and homemaker. During those years I joined different "MOPS" groups (mothers-of-preschoolers, which you can look up on www.mops.org to find a group in your area), formed a bible study in order to share my passions and form relationships with other moms, started a MOPS group with a friend, and volunteered at a local crisis pregnancy center. We also were able to place each of our 3 children in preschool for a few hours per week, once they turned 3 years old, so that was a nice break to look forward to.

Sticking my neck out to do these different activities has helped me become more confident in myself and more outgoing and sociable. Now, with my youngest turning 5 in June, which means she'll be attending kindergarten in September, that means the preschool years will be over in our family, and I have some decisions to make about how to spend my time earning some money. One of my passions is to encourage other moms because the preschool years were sometimes so lonely and up and down emotionally. I didn't appreciate the people who would say to me, "Oh, you just wait, you'll miss these years because kids grow up so fast!" Well, I don't miss those years, but I do appreciate having gone through them.

Don't worry or be embarrassed about the way you feel right now as a stay-at-home mom. Please try to find some other moms to fellowship with, so you can encourage one another. Staying at home with preschoolers is a tough job. Don't ever let anyone make you think less of yourself that you're not helping to pay the bills, because raising children is a priceless job!

Sincerely,
C. Phillips

join a mothers group. also sign your daughter up for some activities such as gynastics or send her to preschool if you can afford it. may be you can get a part time job. there are so many things to do so you will not feel so depressed.

It was actually refreshing to read your post today because I am feeling the same way. I think it is the winter blues/ spring fever! I don't have much advice except on days like this I try to accomplish some project even if it means not as much play time with the girls, it always helps me mentally to have a break.

Hi D.,
I find it hard as well. I have been working since High School and supporting myself until I met my husband 3 years ago. We discussed it and I was excited to know that for the first time ever I would not have to 'work.' I struggled with being at home dearly as I have no close family in this state and my friends all work. I spent many days depressed (and eating). Now it is over a year later and I have discovered going to the gym early in the morning (before hubby goes to work), joined a moms meet up group (meetup.com), visit friends that do stay at home (that I met in church) and run errands with my boy. Now that the weather will be getting nicer soon we can do parks and playdates out. I was very much a hard worker outside the home and a social butterfly so it was a very hard adjustment. I am still adjusting but am sooooo thankful to be able to be with my son and not have to worry about someone else 'raising' him. Enjoy your time because pretty soon she will be in preschool and off to full time school!
Christina

Dear D.,
I went from working full-time to being a SAHM almost overnight. The first few days were great, and then I had a few weeks where I thought I was going to TOTALLY lose my mind. That was 4 1/2 years ago. The best thing that's happened to me in the last 5 years (with regards to being a SAHM) is that this past year I joined my local MOMS club group. They have been "priceless" as the commercial says. I've found them to be an invaluable resource when I question myself, and best of all we have activities fairly frequently. For instance, this morning several of us went to a local mall with our kids (& stroller for those who needed them) and walked the mall before most of the shops opened up. We did 4 1/2 laps in about an hour. We asked a few people if anyone knew the distance, but no one did. (I'm guessing 3 laps = 1 mile?) Anyway, this afternoon they had an event scheduled at a local roller skating rink. Actually, this one was open to all moms of small children. Moms bring their kids and ANYTHING WITH WHEELS for the kids to ride, pedal, push, etc. This evening, is our monthly Moms Night Out. Once a month we have a night where everyone is invited to spend time together WITHOUT the kids. Find a sitter, whatever. (Except for nursing babies.) This time around we're going to the home of one of the mom's (who so graciously opened it to us) & we're planning some "girl time". The instructions were to bring at least one thing you do/use to pamper yourself, but rarely have the time/opportunity to do. That's just a sample of what's available. Each local group is different. To find your nearest chapter visit www. momsclub.org At the bottom of the page there are a series of links ~ one of them is to find a chapter near you. The best part is that most events are free or very reasonably priced so that cost is rarely a factor in attendance. (I've discovered that the biggest "hindrance" to attending a function is sick children.) Good luck and God Bless!

I love being able to stay at home most of the time, but I have kept a part time job just to stay in touch with reality. We also became part of a Mom's club when my daughter was still very young. It sometimes is a strugle to juggle both, but it has been worth it for my sanity. Maybe that would be something you could do too. We have worked out our schedules so that we only need a babysitter about 2 hours a day to cut down on babysitting costs and make it worthwhile monetarily. Just a suggestion.
J.

Hi D.. I stopped working outside the home about 3 1/2 years ago to stay home with my kids (now 7 and 4). I loved working and the interaction that I had with other people (adults). It only lasted about 6 months before I started looking for something to do from home. I now work part-time from home and set my schedule around my kids and their activities. It has been a great experience for me and for my family!!

Hi D.. Your not alone. There are many women out there who feel the same as you. I think what may be a good thing for you is to get involved in some playgroups or even just different groups for moms. Maybe get involved in something that interests you. Scrapbooking class or something like that. There are different places to find these groups. One is MOPS and another is Meetups.com. You can always start your own meetup. Keep busy. I am a work at home mom. Having this opportunity gives me time for me and I feel like it's not even work. In this business I get to talk to so many people and it keeps me busy. I set my own hours and I am able to be with my childern and work around their schedule. I feel like if I didn't have that I would go crazy.
A. P
www.greensthewaytobe.com

D.
I hear yah!!! I not only thought it would be the greatest staying home with my kids I resented my mom for working and swore I would never work. (I have 2 adopted boys 6 & 8 yrs)Then with the second he was so sick (bio-mom was an alcohlic)I was constantly going to drs 3x a week so I went on serious doses of antidepresents.. I Not only started thinking that Joe from Blues Clues was hot but saw that lady in the Walmart parking lot beating her kid and thought "Yeah, I get it." So with that I figured I better change my outlook or I wasn't going to make it,
Hang in there. I always said the summer is a moms reward for a long cold winter. Well spring is here and its just a a matter a time until you get to see your daughter learn how to swim, put her own shoes on, get in her car seat alone, not need gloves or a coat. THATS RIGHT by the end of this summer it will be a different ball game.
I hope to go back to work at least part-time in Sept when my 6 yr old goes to school. GUESS WHAT..I will probably be so mad at myself for not enjoying every minute that I will need antidepresents all over again.

I feel your pain. I was Active Duty Army before my son was born. I stayed in for another year after, but made the decision to stay at home with him. Now, some days I feel so lonely and sad that I feel I may never be happy again.

Like you I thought it would be wonderful, and it is. But I miss working terribly. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I love my son and would much rather be home with him, than have him in daycare. But it is lonely without another adult to talk to.

I don't know if this helped you, but it made me feel better knowing there's someone else who feels like me.