What to Do About a Depressed, Shut-in Mom?

I would join an online moms group. That way you have other women to vent/share/ and help with those hard days. You can form a bond with these women, even though they may not live nearby.

I belong to one and am a sahm as well, it made ALL the difference in the world to know that i wasnt alone.

I have no advice since I also stay at home and I get really depressed over the winter. I start as soon as the sun starts setting before 6pm. It's hard. I end up staying online more and more - at least I can talk to people without a massive phone bill and I don't have to use up gas money to get there. Eventually you will have to save up for a second car. It's not fair to be stuck in a house all the time.
In any case you can talk to me whenever you want. I have five kids and I'm usually home all day. My yahoo instant messenger is ameyace and my aol is bradfordfair.

I moved many times when my kids were young and found myself in your position at times. You have to be creative and resourceful. Because you say you are not very social, you will have to push yourself.

I would write up a schedule and try to stick to it every day. You can try an exercise program on t.v. or get a dvd, or a schedule walk. You may be able to get some from the library. Exercise will help with the depression.

You may want to try and schedule telephone sessions with friends in the meantime for that human interaction that is so important to us all.

You say there is a local library but no story time or book club, you should ask the librarian about getting one started. Odds are there are more people interested in having such programs, sometimes you have to be the one to initiate, you may have to be persistent. You may be able to meet other mothers through the library and then try to form a playgroup. Is your oldest in school? The school could be a resource for meeting other mothers.

I would also try to find a hobby that you like, maybe one that you can share with your kids, or maybe one only for you. Some hobbies like quilting have vast networks of people and information out there. You can research online or get books. You can experiment. Learning something new is always exciting. It doesn't have to be expensive, you can shop at charity shops for supplies.

I would cook enough during the week so you don't have to cook on the weekends. You can then go out yourself or as a family. Your husband may enjoy time alone with the kids, and you will be energized after getting out. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your husband and kids.

You may want to try and take a night class if any are available near you. One night out a week would be good for you and your family. The class could be anything... academic, exercise, creative.

Good luck. You will get through this.

Hi T.,

I saw from you profile that you live in Spring Valley, IL. I looked up the website, and your library has story time for preschoolers -
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http://www.spring-valley.il.us/community/library.html (towards the bottom of the page):
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6:00pm - 6:30pm.
Ages 3-5. Siblings welcome! Remember, good listeners...great times! Stories, finger plays, giggles and more

Children's Room

Lower Level
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I know you are looking for something during the day, but if I were you I would attend this one, just for the sake of meeting other moms in the area.

There is also a storytime in library in Peru, which is the town close by: http://www.perulibrary.org/youth/storytime.htm

Also, I had found a local paper online, that has classified section:
http://www.newstrib.com/
and another link to the local radio station:
http://www.wlpo.net/event-calendar/

I hope you feel better, amd good luck!

Hey T.! I googled Spring Valley. They have lots of stuff going on in the community for families:

http://www.spring-valley.il.us/

Family reading night was Nov. 10. You have a Junior Woman's Club which is an excellent way to meet a lot of women in the area. They meet at night too, so you'll have a car.

There's 4 churches in town and they're all different denominations, so you have some choice about what is more comfortable.

Two things that help:
1) EXERCISE, just get up and MOVE, inside or outside, to music or to silence, fast or slow, but MOVE your body and you will feel better;

2) Upgrade to unlimited local and long distance phone service. Get a cheap headset and call old friends and family and stay connected with people. Clean the house, rock the baby, but TALK to other humans that you already have a relationship with. Just because you moved, doesn't mean you have to be isolated. Especially now with all the technology we have.

The more you reconnect with your previous friends, the more you will feel like making new ones. Volunteer 2 nights when your husband is home (local animal shelter, food pantry, church, senior center). It's an easy way to get into a group, you'll feel good about your time away from the family and it will remind you to be grateful what you do have.

Millions of women around the world pray for a few years of 'boredom' in the name of sanity and time with their children. They're working full-time and slugging kids to daycare, still barely making ends meet and never having time to read, sing or just be with their family. Take the lemons and make some lemonade!!!

Wishing you only the best,
Anna

Get out in the day and walk. If the kids are there, bundle everyone up and put them in buggys or have them rides scooters or bikes and walk. It will feel good to be in the fresh air and your body will feel better. It really helps. You can make it a game and turn it into "I Spy" or a hunt for outdoor objects and you don't have to be in the house. It's important to move and get the outside light to keep those blues away. Remember, you have to do something for you to feel better. Have a cab come and take you somewhere that is free like a museum or zoo or park. Do some research to see if you can be part of a carpool or if there is a bus so you can get out.

http://www.igocars.org/

http://www.zipcar.com/

Hi T.,

Here are a couple options for cheap car "rentals". Can you take your kids on a bus or train? Kids are often free. Even if you took the Metra rail on town over it would get you out and into different scenery for a bit. Good luck.

T., I see you're located close to Starved Rock and Matthiesson State parks...two wonderful locations! If you can't find a way to go during the day maybe you could at least go for family outings on the weekends. There's also a great waterpark there that might offer day rates if you can't afford to stay overnight. (Grand Bear Lodge) Maybe you can find another mom close by to hang out with during the week. Otherwise get all your household chores and laundry done, and maybe even prepare meals ahead that you can freeze so your weekends and evenings can be all about play time with your hubbie and kids. Maybe if you have something exciting to look forward to every weekend the weekdays won't be so bad. Also, enjoy the moments while the kids are napping. Soak in a hot bath, read a good book, take up a hobby like scrapbooking or sewing or anything else you might enjoy doing during that quiet time. When my son was a baby I started doing daycare in my home. I only watched a couple other kids but it gave me something to do, some extra income, and at least you get to interact with the parents when they drop off and pick up their kids. It was hard being stuck home all day, but we took alot of walks, and I would do my grocery shopping, etc. at night just to get out for a while. Be glad you are able to stay home with your kids...they will be grown before you know it!

Hello T.,

Since you have looked into this 'situation' inside out....my suggestion would be to start volunteering your time at the local church. Get to know people. Then the needs and desires within yourself will come through.

If your husband doesn't work on Sunday take advantage of that day for some interaction with others then bring in the family once you have established your 'comfort zone' within yourself.

Good luck and I will be thinking of you,
Heather

T.-
I noticed that you have an "almost" 10 year old. Maybe you could set up a play date after school with some of his or her friends, in order to meet the childrens's moms. (or care givers) You may find out that they have children around the ages of your little ones. It might be a good start, anyway. You may be lucky to be a sahm, but as many here have noted, that doesn't make it easy. ;) No matter how wonderful your kids are, you still need some adult interaction! It's hard to make that first step, but it will be well worth it. Remember, if you aren't taking care of yourself, you're teaching your kids to do the same. You're worth it!

It sucks to be depressed, it it really does sound like your options are limited without a car. Maybe you could start your own mom's group/play group in your area. I don't attend church myself, but if you do, maybe that would be a good place to meet some other moms in the area too..? Maybe carpool for things, say if your hubby off on the weekend maybe that would be when you could drive the car for the group...something like that. The other thing is maybe you could take a class at the community college or the community center for that matter on the weekend, so may colleges are offering Saterday and Sunday classes now. Also, I know you said you didn't want to take away time from the little you have with your husband right now, but maybe that is exactly what you need to do to make yourself feel better. Beleive me, my husband can work some crazy hours sometimes, and that can be really tough when you are all alone with the kids for hours on end and no break. Maybe just a couple evening a week go do something for you, whether it is taking a walk, getting your nails done, a quilting group at a church, etc. you get my point. I know when I am really down, sometimes constructive alone time, instead of living up in my head as I tend to do when I am not feeling well, really helps a lot. The other thing you mentioned was that going out before or after work disrupts nap time, maybe you need to change your routine with the kids. I don't know how old they are, but I think it is important that kids learn that moms need time to themselves, and that somtime things have to change, and it's okay. If something isn't working, try something else. I feel for you, when we first moved out to Osego a few years back I felt like I moved to the ends of the earth, and between working outside and insode the home and little ones, my closest friends lived an hour away, now granted I had the car, but not very practical. I recently am making the transistion to stay at home mom, and that is a bit isolating at time. I had been a hair stylist for many years, so always socializing. Anyhow, where do you live? There might be more available to you than you think. I'd definately find a hobby though, whether it was baking, knitting, or underwter basket weaving, keeping busy is good therapy for depression, it's kept me off meds for many years now. That being said, if you are truly worried about your mental well being maybe medication is another avenue to investigate, at leaast until you get over the slump. Moves are very stressful, particularily to a place it sounds like you are not wanting to be. The other thought was this, I don't know what kind of hours your husband works, but maybe you could get a part time job somewhere for awhile and save the money you earn for a car, and it may also give you some much needed human interaction. I hope you feel better. Things will work out one way or the other, just hang in there :)

You've gotten some good advise, so I'll just add a couple things. First of all don't let anyone guilt you that you should be grateful for getting to stay at home. Every stay at home mom is grateful for that deep down, but in many ways it's the harder choice. You totally have a right to feeling ths deep need for interaction. Especially in a new town with three kids, and it sounds like your husband is not only working full days but has a comute on top of that. (Is there a way you could move closer to his work?) What I really wanted to suggest is that you find a babysitter or mothers helper to come over once a week. Even to just get stuff done or take a bubble bath, etc. Also I think going out to meet people once a week while daddy puts the kids down would be helpful. Once you make some connections you can invite people over during the day while he's at work.

Along with all the other advice, I'd suggest taking one night or time on the weekend away from the kids and husband just for yourself. Try different things at first to see what you enjoy. Maybe try a class, volunteer, do something where you are in a position to interact with others. It is nice to interact with parents of similar ages, but keep in mind that you are needing time for yourself. I'm in a book club with women inclusive of all different backgrounds and ages. I'd be bored if we all had the same opinion. You might find a social outlet where you would least expect it.

I haven't read the other responses, but wanted to share that there is a website I joined: www.meetup.com
There are moms groups on there. I know this doesn't solve your car problem, but perhaps you could join a group and share your difficulty with them. Maybe if you hosted a playdate at your home, you could meet other local moms and perhaps find someone in the group who would pick you up to take you to other moms group events.

T.- All of the moms have some great ideas. At the very least give them a try. You are in the rut I remember well, baby is so small and you can't do a lot of anything anyway with or without a car. Well, you know that part will pass. But if you do not own a home I am wondering if you could move. What reason do you need to be an hour away from your husbands job? If you do own a home then in this economy it will be hard to sell. So then all the advice about libraries and churches are really wonderful. I myself feel somewhat shy inside myself but even if it is hard if you can make some calls, or approach a few people about doing some of these things, you will feel better. Furthermore if some of these things affect nap time, perhaps purchase a cheap or used stroller and let that be naptime somewhere else. You can be creative. You will be alright it just seems so dismal. I remember going on a fishing trip with my exhusband and my brand new baby. He fished for many days while I sat in a cabin with no television, no radio, no nothing and my baby. I told him that wasn't acceptable. I'm sorry men think solutions are to fix things, such as finding things to do after your husband is home and basically you were pretty clear. And since you aren't outdoors much you probably have a vitamin D deficiency, so take a few minutes outside everyday also to feel better. Keep writing if you want to also. That might help. You need to get through a couple of things it looks like at this time and anger shouldn't have to be in that batch. You sound like a wonderful caring mom who simply needs to get yourself back.

First off I just googled where you live and there are alot of upcoming holiday events, womens clubs. You also have kids how old are they any in school. Join, join, Join PTO, church groups, exercise clubs, reading groups, start a group of something within your interests, do online surveys for extra cash for your new(used car fund) and offer to babysit others kids during the holiday season so they can get stuff done and earn more cash for your used car fund. Chat online, go for a walk with the kids, be a tourist in your area. Yes I know it's cold and getting colder. I have 3 kids and the first one was out and about as a February baby within 2 days, the second had her first dinner out with the P's at age 2 days(November baby) on the way home from the hospital and my third went with me on his first week home to his sisters 1st grade school party I was room Mom. I walk when and where I can.

If it were me I would be driving hom to work one day a week to keep me mobile and plan that day around the area he works.
Don't let a feeling of helplessness take over because it will. Also make sure you talk to your OB to ensure this feeling is not a post partum depression if you have a baby under 18 mo.

I am to a fault a joiner and often wish for a week at home.

Offer up to the library to start a reading club, have them advertise it and pick a book and lead, ask them to say it's okay to have kids come with. This will give you something to do both at home and out and give you community connections. Also ask if they during the cold months could offer special "bedtime" "suppertime" or "lunchtime" readings for kids.

I am not sure if I have any good suggestions. I am feeling awful for you. No one should feel that alone.
Have you thought about finding a church. There you could probably find a mom's group of some sort that would love to have you and maybe a new friend that would pick you up on her way there.
I wish I lived closer...

T.,

Is there a comunity web site or a bulleten board at the library? Is it possible you could maybe start a play group or Mom's group that would meet at your house? I know it's not getting out, but it is getting that adult interaction that you are missing. I was in that situation for quite some time several years ago. I joined a local group and we ended up meeting at our house, or one of the other Moms would pick us up if they were going past us. For me personally, it's very hard to meet and engage with people I don't know. But this did help.

Good luck to you!
M.

Greetings T., I am so sorry you are so disconnected from human/adult social activites in your new move but it will only get better if you take the lead. I would first like you to gather information from the librarian and ask how many stay at home moms venture at the library, next see if it is okay for you to start a mommy and me program inviting othe rmothers out with their children they probably are in need just as you are and no one has stepped up tp the plate. Next Go in town hang flyers and start a book club there, story-time for the children, music and movement and you will be surprised at the parents that would probably show up. You must step out of the sheel before you explode!! Even try a quilting class, this is just not a grandma activity. Who knows the library may be so pleased you started this program and pay you for the services pf getting the other parents involved, oh do not forget to search the net for local moms or dads who may feel just as sjut out from tthe world as you do but keep in mind your safety and meet atthe public library or another public facility. Good luck and keep your head up it will get better.

I feel your pain. Is it a possibility that your husband could take the train, or bus to work? Even if he did that a couple times a week, it would help for you not to feel, so powerless. He could look into carpooling too.

OK, you simply must find an interest group. Ask the librarian (who exist to provide help to others!). Tell your husband that
you're going nuts too. Not that he must help you, but two heads are better than one.

Then, each of you write down at least five ideas, including any old crazy ones that come up, and then go through the ideas together. Just brainstorm together. And choose one or another and try it out.

You might have to come up against your self definition of "not social" and stretch a little.

How about creating a parents group at your house? or sponsoring at the library?

Or checking out the local religious organizations? You don't usually have to be a believer to become part of a list serve at a local church or temple. Most people seem to belong to a church, not because they're religious especially, but because it's a community.

Examine all aspects of your hobby or interests and make a list to discuss with the librarian....

And, maybe even get a job, a part time job, that would just pay enough for a baby sitter, so you could change your venue.

OK, that taps me out on a Sunday morning.

R.

Dear T.,

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with depression. My sister-in-law went through something similar after moving to a new place with 3 little kids and one car which my brother had all day at work. It sounds as if you are pretty far from a lot of resources, so maybe not all of these suggestions will help, but perhaps a few will pan out.

Do any of the local churches offer any daytime groups or even just ways to connect with others in the community? I am not religious, but I find churches often offer a good place to meet others and get out. Plus, some have support groups.

On-line is not the ideal way to connect with folks when depressed since you are still at home, but it might help some. If you Google something with the terms "depression" "support" and "mom" or just "stay at home mom" you might find some on-line communities and who knows, someone else who has a car may be able to drive a ways and visit with you as well.

Social networking sites like Meet Up and Craig's List list groups by geographic area and interest. If you are pretty far out there and there are no groups, you could try starting one of your own. http://www.readerscircle.org/ lists book groups.

Your local grocery store may have a bulletin board or newspaper that lists local groups. If there is no group, you might be able to place a free ad asking if there are other stay at home moms who would like to get together during the week and/or trade babysitting services. Your library might allow you to post a similar notice. If you are not that comfortable talking to new people on the phone, you could just include your e-mail address.

Are there any car sharing services in your area? Rather than owning a car myself, I belong to ZipCar, which allows me to pick up a car at the parking lot or garage where it "lives" and pay by the hour ($8-$12 an hour) for it. Here is a webpage with a map showing generally where they have cars. http://www.zipcar.com/find-cars/ There may be different car sharing services around you. A lot of people use zipcars instead of a second car. If there are none nearby, it might not hurt to email that company or other carsharing companies and urge them to consider putting a car in the area. There might be a number of other families who could use that type of arrangement as a second car.

You also could check your local yellow pages for Avon or Mary Kay dealers in the area. I know you are on a budget, so you probably are not looking to buy, but these are people who are likely to know others in the neighborhood and would be happy to introduce you. Going to one party, even on an evening when your husband is home, could be worth it if other moms are there you could then spend some time with during the day.

You are really wise to be looking for ways to connect with people. I had a period of depression after a long-term relationship ended at the same time I lost my job, and the more I was able to connect with others and/or just get out of the house the better off I was.

I hope at least some of this is helpful.

Best Wishes,
L.

Hi T.,
I would post where your area is. This way other moms could get in touch with you & they could come to you or you could car pool with them. I would also get a bike with a child carrier that you pull behind your bike. The child carriers hold 2 kids. If your 3rd child is still too young to ride their own bike you can get a seat that attaches to the back fender, this way you could have one in the seat & 2 in the carrier. You can look on Craigs List for all of these things if you don't want to buy new. You can even take the bike on winter days as long as it's not snowing, raining or muddy. It's great exercise, the kids get fresh air & you can have an outing. I live on Mackinac Island in the summers & there are no cars aloud there. Everyone goes around with bikes, even in the winter. Some people live more than 8 miles up hill away from the town. When my son was a new born I would put him in his car seat carrier & put that in the carrier with my daughter sitting next to him. It sure did help me to get back in shape after having kids. Think of it as being green & healthy.

Could YOU start a Mom's group at the library? Or suggest a story time? Talk to the librarian. They would probably be happy to help. Any local churches? Many times they have bibles studies or mom's groups. MOPS is great. Talk to the librarian. They are a great community resource. Best wishes! I feel for you!

I feel your pain and have been in your shoes 2 years ago. Moved into the middle of no where and knew no one. I also am a solitary person by nature and although I am very outgoing and can talk to just about anyone I do not make friends very easily. The libary was just close enough that I could get there and there was NO story time or playgroups. NOTHING! Here is what I did. I went to a library board meeting and discussed that I wanted to start a story hour and a mom's group for the kids. I told them how beneficial it was and listed many MANY statistics that showed things about early reading programs and how they are needed. At first they turned me down and said that they couldnt do it because they were short staffed. I told them I would volunteer to do the program, and they again turned me down. I then called the state libarian and had them talk to the head of the library and discuss starting a program and different ideas of things to do for different age groups and a month later they began a program. If they ont want to srat a program thats fine. Start one yourself. Anyone who has a library card has access and is able to use their community room where you can have your own meetings, story time, or playgroups. When you go shopping put up flyers talking about the playgroup/meeting etc... You may be surprised at who shows up. Another idea is that you can start a workout program at the library if they have a community room. Say you do basic abdominal training and a few free weights, but you can bring your kids along. A LOT of people LOVE this by us. good luck

How about pampering yourself at home? Make family game night. Set aside some nights for you to go out alone. Find a babysitter and have a quiet night for you and your husband to go out alone. It must be really hard. I hope you find something that works for you.

You've received some wonderful advice. I also recommend the self-inquiry process from Byron Katie for dealing with stressful thoughts (thework.com). Remember that happiness is an inside job. There is a core of Peace and Joy within you that cannot be touched by any external situation- you just need to find a way to access and reconnect with it. Some ways that help me to do that are doing The Work to question my stressful thoughts, writing in a gratitude/appreciation journal, looking for positive aspects and staying present in the Now. Much love and positive energy being sent your way!

I understand what you're talking about. I went for about a year without my own car and was stuck at home due to illness - and that was before we had kids - and I realized that I was feeling like a caged animal without my ability to go anywhere. Since I didn't have any kids at the time, I ended up allowing myself to play online computer games (EverQuest) which at least allowed a social outlet. I did a lot of chat rooms and such at the time too. While I don't recommend computer games (that stopped not long after my son was born - I just don't want to have that kind of time lost on a computer game these days) as an outlet necessarily - there are moms' groups out there that have online chat groups. You can probably find people online in similar situations. If you don't find a group for stay-at-home moms to chat - you could probably start one! I know some programs, like google's chat, allow voice chat too.

As another mom suggested - go outside too! Even if there's nowhere "fun" to go, it is invigorating and uplifting to just get out into the fresh air for an hour each day. Take a walk or play in the grass/snow outside. The kids will benefit from it too. And if it's cold - coming back in for a warm cup of tea or hot cocoa could be something you make into a treat that will make the house seem warm and inviting to come back into.

I get super tense whenever my car is in the shop and I'm stuck at home. I also understand what it's like to want to spend the evening hours with my husband instead of going out, which makes it difficult to foster new friendships. I think you might be able to find others in similar circumstances who would also like to talk too. I'd do some online searching for Stay at Home Mom groups and see if you can find some with chat.

Hang in there and Good luck to you!

where do you live? It would help if we knew, we could offer more specific suggestions? Is there a local church, school etc?

I love Amanda's idea. You could also try the Meetup website to see if there are other moms nearby who would like to get together.

I think when you feel trapped and helpless, taking any kind of positive action will help. You could even start at home by bringing structure to your day - I don't know how old your kids are, but post a little schedule of things to do, nature walk, art time, and so on. On Friday we'll make our own playdough, little things like that that kids love to look forward to. I was SAH for a short time a few years ago, but I remember that it made me anxious when the days just slipped away without having any schedule or structure.

I don't know if your area has any sort of taxi service available (I lived in a small town once - we had a taxi company that had two cabs! You had to reserve in advance) but the cost of a taxi ride once or twice a week is nothing compared to the cost of owning and maintaining a second car. If possible, find something fun in your "downtown" to do every couple of weeks and make an adventure out of it.

Also, talk to your doctor. Just because depression is situational (anyone would be depressed being away from friends and support) doesn't mean that medical treatment, short-term, can't help. It's not just about your comfort and health - as you have pointed out, it's h*** o* the kids too, when you are not yourself.

Best wishes to you!

Try your best to get out of your comfort zone and reach out to others. How? If there are not mom support groups in your area, start one. Since you are feeling depressed due to living in your area and confinement, there most likely are other mothers in the same situation. The libraray is an excellent place to start. Chat with the librarian about this. They may offer toddler reading/story hours, too. When the children are being read to by the librarians, maybe the moms can discuss a book you all have chosen and read at home. Also, when you get to know other moms, you can swap children/free days. One day a week one mom gets the others' kids, whether it be one other family or 2-3, then 3 other weeks in the month you get a free day. So in exchange for "babysitting" one day, you get 2-3 days off.
Bottom line....you need an outlet.

Good Morning T.,

I understand how you feel and I am sorry that you are going through a situation like this. It is totally hard when you have nothing to get around in. My best advise to you is to write a list of things you need to do, want to do and or like to do so that your day is full of activities. You will be surprised of how much you get done and it will make you feel accomplished and productive. I would also advice to try and get some light exercise into your routine which will help you de-stress and get fit.

Hope it gets better!

If you're not religious, as I am not, the church idea is very nice but can sound like a non-option. Remember, a lot of people join church groups just to be social. Can be good for the kids as well.
What about a book club at the library? Most meet like once a week, and having that to look forward to could give you focus.

Don't ignore the depression. However, it sounds like a factor of your lack of human contact. Still, talking to a therapist can be good--I use the ENH hotline where I gave birth when I really need it.

Hi T.,

Thank you for sharing your current situation. I understand your frustration. I know you haven't been the most social person in the past, but our past does not equal our future. We are never alone in our situation, and there may be other moms in your area feeling the way you do right now. How about starting a social group, like any of the one's you mentioned at the library. Also, if you have or purchase a webcam, you can easily connect to your loved ones all over the world. You can leave a sign-up sheet for 5 social clubs for the next 3 weeks with an attached intro stating that in December 1-2 social groups will begin to meet weekly, twice a week, monthly...(whatever you think is best.) Create a new email address that does not have your personal info, and have people email this address with their first and second choice of group they're interested in joining--by the way only put the types of groups that you are interested in. At the end of 3 weeks, or prior if the responses are quite obvious, email everyone back with the info and begin to communicate with them regarding days & times.

Even if the group ends up being a trio, that's 2 more people that you'll get to know that you don't right now.

This isn't at all difficult, and until then instead of having a specific destination, how about taking the kids for leisurely strolls around the block for 30 minutes; or creating a "treasure map" for your kids where you have them point out certain unique landmarks (the house with the red door, the statue of such and such, a funky tree with a weird shape...I'm not sure about your specific neighborhood, but I'm sure you know what I mean.) It will be fun for you to walk with your kids(depending on age) as they are engaged in their walk and learning about the importance of observation.

If you have a backyard, let your imagination and theirs run free: camp in a tent (bedsheets if you don't have a tent) for the day, different sports, if you are in a colder environment, this changes the amount of time outside or the activity.

I hope this helps. I wish you and your family the best.

D.

meetup.com might have a local group in your area or you can start one. you can meet at the library so it's accessible for you and once you get to know people, you can host at your house. Put up a flyer at the library, grocery store, starbucks, etc and post something like, "SAHM looking to connect with other like-minded moms" or something like that. I know it's really hard to meet people and can be very isolating to be a SAHM. GOod luck.

Hi T.,
Been there....done that...it's not fun....GOD WITH YOU! Actually i don't know if these little tidbits will help, but I guess having been through it myself I would like to offer my 2 cents worth...you know the KEY is to just STAY BUSY every second...if you have the means, plan an outing every weekend (sunday or whatever day your hubby is home), then at least you have something to look forward to! Secondly, plan a SCHEDULE for yourself, be it rigid or relaxed...have something in place for you and your kids...you will find this is more like "work" (you know we working women need routines!) Thirdly, if you are depressed be sure to have good "self care"...when I went through this, I gained a lot of weight and felt really horrible about myself... eat well, sleep early, nourish your mind with good books (don't sit in front of the TV for junky stuff, it will truly make things seem worse and worse!) get outside even if it's only for 20 minutes...rake leaves, run around the house...sit on the steps ANYTHING but don't forget the sunshine offers you vitamin D...beleive me I am reminding myself first and foremost so don't feel like i am just spurting this all out without some heart...
i am now a SAHM but had to leave work unexpectedly...we have 4 kids ages 8, 6, 4 and 2 and another one due (last one) 12/25 so beleive me when I say I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! LOL but you can make it through with persevearance!
All the best...rememember that spring will be here soon:)
Hilarie

Wonderful, caring advice from everyone!!! Just bundling the kids up and going outside is probably the best advice, as the lack of Vitamin D (sunlight)(especially in the midwest)is the major problem found in depression, along with autoimmune diseases.
Is there a city,village, county you can contact to see if there are any groups/activities available for either the children or you? Along with bus service.
Also, in the grocery stores should be neighborhood or local newspapers, where you'd be surprised what you might find in advertising or articles about activities.There's always a caring person within these organizations that can provide rides.
Maybe once or twice a week, wake the kids in the morning with your husband, drive him to work, and spend the day in the community where he works. With the holidays coming, there should be alot to do and enjoy.
One last suggestion might be to contact the local school system, and see if they have any pre school activities within the district, or groups that meet.
Local church groups are always so supportive, and you have everything to gain by having faith. This is the only reason I'm here today. Medical conditions and life situations are too much to handle on your own. You really need to know the power of a loving God.

Phone calls to other people help break up the day if you are unable to go out or inviting friends over. Are you able to converse with other Moms in the area? Many would be understanding and could possibly just come by for coffee or something just so you do have that interaction. It is almost like you are a light house keepers wife stuck on the island. Many have gone mad, but as long as you keep yourself busy you should be fine. It is not your fault to have these feelings anyone would. You are doing the best you can; it is hard to fel isolated, I know!!!

There are some good ideas here. I can relate, even though I lived in the city when we started our family we moved to an area far removed from everybody I knew and I had no car. It was the dead of winter and I had a newborn. I got our everyday unless the weather was really horrendous, or I would get crazy cabin fever. Just bundled up the kid. But it is necessary for you to find some human contact.Even if the church thing doesn't appeal I agree that there must be other people in your area-I mean if there is a library, there is a grocery store, a school, etc. I suggest trying to connect with others even if it is hard for you and seems impossible. It may take some time and effort but there may be other moms out there with your same issue. Put up a notice at the library, grocery store, convenience store, gas station or whereever is around you. Also take one night a week to hop in the car and blow outta there! One night is not going to mess up your relationship and you can find a club or group to connect to. There has to be other people around somewhere, even if you have to drive a ways to them. It will give you something to look forward to also.

You have gotten a lot of good suggestions already about things to do. I'd also like to suggest that you talk to a doctor about your depression. I have been in your shoes. It is very possible that you have what I have - Seasonal Affective Disorder. The lack of sunlight just about does me in if I do not do light therapy every morning. (I have a special light that I sit in front of for about 30 minutes as I eat breakfast, read the paper, etc.) I am a new woman and MUCH happier now that I have discovered this need in me. I know when you're in the middle of a depression you have no motivation to look for help, but perhaps you can do it for your kids instead of yourself. I'm sure they want the "old" mommy back just as much as you do.

When I was home and feeling the way you do now, I also put us on a strict "fun" schedule. We had built-in art, singing, puzzle, etc. times in our days. We had outside time every day which REALLY helped my mood. I also exercised WITH the kids inside (they loved exercise videos) to boost my endorphins, which boosted my mood some, too.

Take the reigns and don't let your depression run you. Get the help you need and find ways to making living in the country enjoyable for you.

A.

T., I can't imagine what you are going through. I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I tend to get "cabin fever" if I am home for one day without going outside or having any human interaction (aside from my little boy who is 3). Unfortunately I don't have any specific advice as I am not in a similar situation. I work full time from home and drive my son to daycare in the morning and pick up after work hours. But, I still get that down-and-out feeling though during the day being at home even though I am working especially now that winter is here!! This seasonal blues is a real disorder and you should check with a doctor to see if you can take something that will help... sometimes a small dose of antidepressant will help to take the "edge off" of that dark, lonely feeling.

Also, when you say you are in the middle of nowhere -- what town do you live in? There have to be ways for you to meet others who live around you so if I knew the town, I could start to brainstorm with you on what and where we could look. Also, how old are your little ones? I assume they are all fairly young as they are not in school yet and take naps, etc. Ages / boys / girls? How old are you?

Would you be willing to write back either here or send a personal email to me at ____@____.com and I will try my best to research things and help think of ideas for you. I know what it is like to have postpartum depression and seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and if you don't do something now, it will get worse. You don't want that to happen. Please write back here or email me. Thanks.

K. -- I live in Hainesville (near Grayslake)

You need to do whatever it takes to have the car at least once a week. If you drive your husband to work I'm sure you can find something to do around his job. You can take the kids to the library. You can window shop at the mall. A lot of malls have little play areas. You can pack snow clothes and play outside for a while. You can go to Mc Donald's playland. Just drive around and find something. You will go stir crazy if you don't get out!

Dear T.,

Sorry to hear about situation. I too was once like you. My husband lived in Detroit Monday through Friday and was home only on the weekends. I carried, gave birth, had the 100% care of my children alone for 5 days a week. I even went through infertility treatments alone so I could have a second child. This went on for 9 years. I was very sad and lonely for most of it. I was also angry because I felt that I was carrying all the burden.

I realized that I had to change my way of thinking. My husband had a great job and this enabled me to be home with my kids. I started to think of that as a privilege, not a burden. I started to think of my household duties as showing love for my family. I know it sounds hokey but it is really about how you see things. Make your house a place that you love to be in. This situation will not last forever. You are getting to be with your children full time while they are little. Very few mothers get to do that.

I now have a job that I am away from home daily. I miss my kids and they miss me. My husband is now the stay at home dad for the past three years. He loves it. I am now jealous because I used to be the go to person. Now my kids go to him.

Enjoy this time, T.. Make the best of it. This opportunity will be gone and you will miss it. Some day you will be wanting those simple days back.

Perhaps you could find some mothers who live by you with this group. Good luck. I wish you and your family the best.

You could look into starting a group yourself, there must others like you around there. You could make friends online and meet at the library. I've done it myself. then you could invite them to your home. Good luck!

Hi T., oh man do I remember feeling like you do. My husband worked and we only had one car. I was at my wits end and felt totally trapped.

I did a few things that helped me get out of my funk - I found out that most churches have a bi-weekly group called MOPS - Mother's of Pre-Schoolers. It's ok if your child is younger than a pre-schooler, it's actually designed for moms with kids up to age 4 or 5. It's also a non-religious group, so there won't be any "recruiting" if you are not a regular church-goer.

I also started taking my daughter to the pet store down the block. I never bought anything there, I just took her there to look at the fish and animals. She would have the time of her life, we'd be in there for an hour at a time.

Another thing you can do is find out where the bus stop is and go to the mall just to walk around. Kids love the lights, the sounds, the openess. You don't have to spend any money - bring a bag with lunch items and just eat in the food court.

Try a website called CafeMom.com - it's like a myspace for moms. See if there are others in your town who may be going through the same thing and make some new friends!

I like the other ideas too about starting your own group. It won't get you out of the house but at least you will have some adults to talk to! Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

Hi T.,
First of all, I just want to say I'm sorry that you are feeling this way- I wouldn't wish the feeling of depression upon anyone. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I have an 8 month old son and I struggled through my entire pregnancy with depression. One thing that makes depression so difficult is that its kind of a Catch 22- you feel terrible because you are stuck in the house, the weather is dreary, you don't feel like doing anything, BUT in order for you to feel better you know you need to get out of the house and get busy doing something.
I drive by Spring Valley pretty often to go visit family (my hometown is by the Quad Cities) so if you'd ever want me to swing by or meet you somewhere, I'd love to talk more. You can email me at ____@____.com care and God bless, A. V.

Dear T. S.
I know how you feel. I was in the same boat about a year ago.No car that is & with 4 young ones in the cold weather I couldn't go any where. I think that getting a Moms group started is a good idea. So is finding a church near you. Good Luck!!
L. W.
A SAHM of 4, 3 girls ages almost 11, 9 & 3. One son age 5.

HI. Where do you live?

Where do you live, TIM BUC 2??? If we don't know where you're located we can't help or suggest much. How about volunteering at the local school a couple of hours a day (pre school) so you can meet some teachers or other moms. Please, write back with more information so some of us can help you.

I can't believe your bored- you have the world at your finger tips- with the computer at your disposal. I think the real issue is your depression and if you don't get that treated nothing will be enjoyable. Is there anyone you can have an adult conversation with?