Relationship Issue - Grand Prairie,TX

Just give him some space. You probably need to be all chatty and he needs to just be internal to deal with it. You're just different. Don't take it personally. When my hubs and I had some serious issues with his ex wife, I sort of went in shut down mode, quiet, just sort of going thru the motions. He kept saying over and over, "are you ok?". NO! I'm not ok, just freaking leave me alone to deal with this my own way! I had to talk to him about this and he said he just wanted me to be happy. Well, I wasn't happy and wasn't going to fake it just for his benefit. So now he understands that that is how I deal with issues, its very different than he does. So you can talk to him and tell him you need his support and give him some examples of what would help you, but honestly, he may not be able to provide that because his was of dealing with the same issue is much different. I hope this helps and makes sense to you. Good luck!

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Geesh. I think I'm a bit like your guy. I do horribly when it comes to people telling me their feelings. I mean, I can love someone dearly, but I show it in ways (by doing things for people instead of telling them...hint, hint) that many people do not understand. It's such a refreshing feeling when someone gets that about me and appreciates it and understands it. If I were on the receiving end of the texts you speak of I would have a hard time responding because I wouldn't know what to say.

I'm a little better about it now after being chewed out few times, but it doesn't come naturally. Sometimes people need to be reassured about things, but I'm not really that way, and I tend to think others are that way too. I also tend to get grouchy and uncomfortable when I'm being pressured to talk about my feelings. I will shut down like a clam, or I might get mad. There is nothing wrong with me, it's just that I'm not a feeling type of person. It doesn't mean I don't have them, it just means I don't express them like a feeling sort of person would. I used to fight with my ex a lot because he liked to talk about feelings and I couldn't stand it. He didn't understand the way I showed love and affection, and the way he showed it made me uncomfortable. I remember when he told me after a brief break up that he felt empty inside. I just remember thinking, "What?! What are you talking about??"

My husband is very much the way I am. We tell each other I love you most days, but we don't get gushy over it. He's not telling me all of his feelings and I'm not telling him. If we have a fight and he brings home a tub of my favorite yogurt I know he's sorry and that's his way of saying it.

So with that being said, if I were you, I wouldn't send the email or go over the feelings again; believe me, he knows. Just let it go and move on. That will mean a lot. When everything blows over, then you tell him how you feel. Not right now. It will just make it worse.

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Your answer is in your SWH. Read what you wrote. He is doing the same things you are doing, just not in the same ways...he is showing support - in a guy way :) Don't put expectations on others in how you think they should react/act/behave, otherwise you will be severely disappointed - as you are now.

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T., I have had similar issues lately -perhaps our husbands are related ;) Anyhow, I "had a talk" with hubby regarding relationship issues this weekend, and was befuddled as he barely talked, gave hardly any input, basically stared into space most of the time, then slept on the couch. I went to bed not knowing at all how he felt about the situation or what I could do on my end to improve things. That "uncomfortable silence" as you say is just deafening! However, the next day things had improved A LOT. It seems to me that my husband must just reaaaally hate talking about things (and the answers from other posters have been quite helpful in this regard- I can see how he may well have been feeling really upset that I have been unhappy and he felt powerless to fix it). I think that space and some time to think about things was just what he needed, because the last few days he has been trying really hard. Your hubby may need some space and some time to get his head in the game. I would continue to be kind and loving...be supportive but don't be all up in his grill ;) I have to agree with Mama11, the things he did ARE his way of showing love for you. If you haven't read it, the 5 Love Languages is a great book that might help you see more eye to eye with him, I am reading it right now and it is helping. Good luck!

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Get over it and move on. In the end, this will do you more good than rehashing how you feel. He's a man and doesn't have the warm fuzzier like women do. Sorry!

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I have read the answers and I'm confused. Why shouldn't T. expect to have the same support that she gives her husband? Doesn't she deserve support and encouragement during the rough patches? One suggested that she "get over it and move on". I have an issue with that. We all are supportive of our guys but shouldn't we expect the same support from them? I think so. If we don't then who will help us in the rough times?

That being said, T. you need to let your hubby know what you want and what you need from him. I would have this conversation during a good time and not a rough patch. If he again drops the ball, then you have bigger issues. Good luck! Everyone enjoys getting a wonderful, loving encouraging text!

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If he wont sit and talk to you about it I would type up an email or letter to him that way if nothing else you can get all of your feelings out to him.

Good luck and God Bless!

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I am sorry you are going through this. We've had - and have - many hurdles to jump over. Seems like just when things seem 'normal' again the silence starts and, my husband too, will not say much about it or just say things are fine. I wish I had the answer for you - it sounds like you are doing the right thing by simply being supportive. I am sure when whatever he's going through passes he will certainly look back and thank you for your support.

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Sometimes, in a relationship, one partner gives and gives and the other is not in a place where they can give much. Sometimes, it's the other way around.

The fact that he is trying, that is a big deal. He is trying to be supportive/understanding. And you need to reward that. Let him know you notice it and really appreciate it (even if it isn't exactly what you had envisioned).

The only concern I'd have is if you are always the one giving, being understanding, supportive, etc.

It is easy to get bogged down with the "I give, give, give, and never get anything back" mentality. But the fact that A) you let him know what you needed/how you felt, and B) he stepped up to the plate to try to give you what you needed, well, that is a sign that things are actually pretty healthy in your relationship. :)

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Why can't you just be straight out honest with him and communicate what you need to him in the first place? You know what he likes in order to feel supported, but clearly he doesn't know what you need. You sent him supportive texts but did you tell him that you needed supportive texts in response? I see nothing about you TELLING him that you needed support. Of course he's moody... you're nagging at him for something you hoped he'd read your mind about. You had no business being hurt and I'm betting after the "talk" it was uncomfortable because it consisted of him being told what he did wrong and how you want him to fix himself. That's not productive.

By the way, he did show you how much he loves you and cares/ He trimmed the trees, made you a drink, and gave you the couch where it was cooler so you could sleep comfortably. That's at least equal to cooking for him and smiling at him and sending him nice words in a text.

You need to pick up the book called The Five Love Languages.

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I know Troy comes home from work after a bad day and is just quiet. I know he had a bad day and he knows I know he had a bad day. What he just doesn't get is that his mood effects me and even though I know it has nothing to do with me after a few hours I am just as grumpy as him. Usually around then his mood is better....grrrr

The point is he just doesn't know how to express how he is feeling, pretty much he just stews on it till I want to pop him in the head. Then he doesn't understand why I am upset because I knew what was going on....I guess we just haven't figured out step two, how to keep me from wanting to pop him in the head. :p

That is kind of what I am seeing here. He reacts, you react, he reacts and somewhere along the way y'all lost score. It makes for an impossible discussion because no one can articulate their feelings because no one remembers why they were feeling them. Like him being quite is getting to you but why? I get the feeling you couldn't put your finger on it. He is moody, why, I am sure he can't either.

So the solution, when you see it coming address it then. Don't wait till the perfect time. I mean if your basement was flooding would you say well I will have more time this weekend to fix the leak knowing you will have a bigger problem then? Same thing. Don't let it grow. I can't even follow a two step, I can't imagine trying to sort out a week or two.

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