Rude for NOT Texting?

Updated on January 07, 2014
A.M. asks from Sterling Heights, MI
51 answers

Am I rude for not texting? I have no texting plan on my phone. I actually have the most basic phone I could get, the free one that came with my plan. My husband and I have no desire to text, and my children are 5 and 7, so we have no need to text for their sake. Everyone at my husband's work is cool with him not texting.

Here is the problem. Other moms and my new friends keep ASSUMING I text.

I was signed up to help with my son's Xmas party and kept asking the other moms why I hadn't heard from the party cooderdinator. I had tried calling her several times. I finally got her two days before the party, and she said, "Oh, didn't you get the text I sent out with all the party details? I sent it to the phone number on the list, and I wondered why you hadn't texted back." I said, "That phone number that the teacher wrote on the list was my home phone number. I can't get text messages through my land line."

Tonight I was going to a party for a friend. I had planned my day around the party. I got my kids bathed, my son's gluten free dinner ready to take with us, the kids all dressed up, and drove 20 min. to her house. No one was there. I called her and pretended we weren't there yet and said, "Hey, just wanted to make sure the party's still on what with the snow storm coming." And she said, "Oh, no, we cancelled it because 'hubby' is sick. I sent out a group text letting every one know. Oh, I forgot you don't text. Oh well."

I don't feel like I should have to pay for a texting plan because of other people's shortcomings. * EDIT Their shortcoming being making assumptions about which phone number the teacher provided (I gave the teacher both my home and my cell and my cell will accept texts I just ASK people not to text me. The teacher is the one who put my home number on the list), and about not letting me know she had cancelled the party because she didn't take the time to make sure everyone she invited was included in her group text and if they weren't that they got a call instead. That's what I mean by shortcoming. Making assumptions and leaving people out* Is this the norm for people to assume you text and do it without asking? Is this just going to happen more and more? Or are these just unfortunate coincidences and I should stick to my guns and keep my cell phone number to myself and close friends/necessary people?

What can I do next?

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E.E.

answers from Denver on

I don't think you are being rude, but at this point, it's kind of like refusing to have a phone.

This is just how most folks around you operate, and they're going to assume you get their messages. You aren't being rude, but as much as it may feel otherwise, they aren't either.

12 moms found this helpful
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K.M.

answers from Atlanta on

I don't think you are rude for not texting (I have a sibling that doesn't text). I also think if a friend knows you well enough to know that you don't text, they should find another way to contact you if plans change.

However, I also think you need to realize texting is the norm for most people. Most people find it easier than calling and more direct than email. For class moms that you need to coordinate with or new acquaintances, you should be very direct in letting them know you don't text and tell them the best way to contact you.

Hubby and I are the opposite of you. Both have cells with unlimited plans but we have no landline. Different things work for different folks and all these options haven't necessarily made effective communication easier!!

8 moms found this helpful
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M.F.

answers from Houston on

I don't think it's rude that you don't text, but most people are going to assume you text and I think you are going to end up having these instances more often. I don't have a landline and prefer to text as its quicker and easier than calling.

7 moms found this helpful

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K.C.

answers from Denver on

Of course, it's your choice to not text. But you should realize that, at this point, most people DO text, and more and more it's becoming the quick, easy method of communicating with a lot of people. Personally, I LOVE the ability to send and receive texts. I prefer it over phone calls and emails, by far.

It sounds like you not having the ability to text is YOUR shortcoming. Everyone else is getting the info they need. You're the one missing out here. You wasted time going to a non-existent party, you missed out on helping at your child's party, etc. It's not others' responsibility to remember that YOU alone don't text. The system is working for them, so they'll continue to text.

More and more, yes, people will assume you text, it will keep happening. Sticking to your guns is your choice, of course, but you should be aware that you might continue to miss out on stuff.

13 moms found this helpful
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O.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

Up to you! Your life/your choice.
You just have to know that these kinds of things are going to happen, and it's going to add up to more inconvenience for you.
Texting is here to stay.
Good luck!

13 moms found this helpful
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A.K.

answers from Bloomington on

My sons teacher , now sends everything via group text. As others have said, it's here to stay.
I don't think you should have to comply but it seems at this point , it would make your life a little easier.

10 moms found this helpful
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K.F.

answers from Salinas on

It's not rude but you will be left out. I don't like texting much but it's the way things are now and it's not going away any time soon.

You can cling to the past or roll with the changes but the person who will have to deal with the issues of not texting is you. You can't expect others to bend to your ways when most people communicate by text at least once in while. Think of it like email, at first it was just for business then young people and finally the rest of the world caught on. Now you'd be crazy not to have an email account.

I am not a big cell person. I don't carry it around checking it constantly and when I want to talk to a friend I pick up the phone. But when you need that thing it sure is convenient and I think you'll find it can be fun too. Why not give it a try, you don't have to become a cell zombie just make communicating easy for the people you care about.

9 moms found this helpful
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R..

answers from San Antonio on

I just did a large school project where I had to contact a ton of parents at a time.

On the form next to phone number, I asked the question: Can I text you at this number? (Check yes or no). That way I knew that I could quick and easily let everyone know via text an update or a change of schedule, etc.

I only had one person say no they did not text or email. So I had to call that one everytime something changed.

You don't have to text...and for a long time I didn't...then it came with my new plan. Wow! It is a super time saver...you can use it anywhere and anytime for a quick question or update. No longer need phone trees to call a ton of people about something for school, church, extra curricular, etc.

I will say that other people are going to have "shortcomings" more and more as the years go because in my groups it is the way to easily and quickly communicate. I at least realize not everyone uses it, but around here I am a minority.

Maybe you should think about adding it to make your life easier. The whole party thing alone would be worth $5.00 a month to me to make sure I was in the know.

8 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Not rude at all, but almost all of my clients, from the ones in their 20's to the ones that are in their 80's text..

It is just the most efficient way to contact people at this time. Having to call each person, ,leave a message or have a conversation takes time. But a quick text only takes a moment.

The company I work the most with has over 200 employees. They text their employees about emergencies.. Weather alerts, once there was a tragedy at the building and they were all texted not to go to the building for the day.. Only took 1 text to immediately contact 200 people. No need for a laptop or computer, the phone is always with you, even in the car.

I taught my mom and her best friend how to text using their voice recognition on their phones.. I swear they never email me any more..

Many Cell phone plans have basic free texting and unlimited minutes.. Maybe you could revisit your plan..

Many group texts go out through the schools too.. I know our school district sends out emergency texts.

and the emergency Alert System sends out weather warnings and amber alerts.

8 moms found this helpful
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M.K.

answers from Dallas on

I agree with AKmom. I don't know a single person who doesn't have texting. If your not willing to conform to today's communication technology then I guess you will need to stress over and over that you don't have it. It is the norm for people to assume you have it. Your expecting everyone to remember that you don't .Your kids are young but when they get older it is used in schools by the teachers for homework updates and cancellations. It's a great quick way to notify groups things have changed .Texting can be over used, but in your case it would be used in moderation, just for updates. This is today's technology why not embrace it and enjoy that you can receive a quick text about a cancelation?

8 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Richland on

Is it rude to not have texting, no. It is rude to call everyone else's use of text their shortcomings. If you are too cheap to have texting fine, then make sure everyone knows that you need a different way to get a hold of you.

I have a couple friends and my parents that don't get texts, no biggie but if they put on me or called it my shortcoming, then I would have issues with them.

8 moms found this helpful
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P.K.

answers from New York on

Texting is here to stay. Never ever any miscommunications when you text. For me it has been a godsend. Once you text, you never look back!

7 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

It is not rude to not text, but you can not be mad when you then don't get the information. The fact is most people today text when they need to send information to people, especially if there is a whole list of people. If you don't get text then it is on you to make sure you get the information in another way, either by calling or emailing the person. You don't have to text, but you can not just expect others to know you don't text, or remember you don't text, when pretty much everyone else does. Whether to have texting is totally your choice, but the moms above were not in the wrong either. Sometimes being different means a little extra work on your part.

7 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

you are perfectly within your rights not to text. i've surrendered to the ease and added it to my phone, but i have a few family members who just don't.
but you've outlined the problems perfectly. since most people do these days, there will always be the assumption that you do, so the burden is on you to stay on top of things.
you just have to pick which is least offensive to you- getting a texting plan, or double and triple checking all your plans.
it could actually work for me now that i'm not ferrying kids everywhere, but i think if you're actively parenting, you might want to bite the bullet.
khairete
S.

6 moms found this helpful
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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

I don't think that it's rude of you not to text, but I do think that texting is a pretty standard way of communication nowadays. I think that you will miss out on important information like you have already seen. I also don't think that it is a shortcoming of folks that DO text. By getting your feathers so ruffled on this, you are essentially asking folks to single you out and communicate differently with just you.

6 moms found this helpful
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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

I tell everyone I know that I do not text. In fact, I shut the plan off on my phone, so you can't text me!

I have started telling people that if they really want to text me, i'd be happy to get an IM ap for my phone. No one should be paying for text messages. Once upon a time, text messaging was how people communicated for free, it costs the companies nothing. Then they realized they could make a small fortune on it. 10 dollars a month to do something you can do for free with an ap?

I think it's rude to assume you text. I also think it's rude to assume you do "facebook." I am not going to change just to go along with the herd. It's rude to expect others to do certain things because you find it more convenient.

You can call me or email me if you want to communicate something to me, I'm not going to read your facebook page or text messages.

ETA: Texting is not here to stay. it costs too much money and there are other free ways to do the same thing. I think the free ways will win out in the long run.

5 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

The problem is, most everyone nowadays, assumes, everyone has a texting phone and texts and has a phone plan for it and that everyone has an iPhone or smart phone.
But that is not true.
Many people, cannot afford... smart phones or iPhones that text and cannot afford phone/data plans for it. So they have a BASIC cell phone.
Many people, also could text with their basic phones... but they incur an extra charge for it when receiving or, sending a text. Which may cost .50 cents per text sent or received. Because they do not have a texting plan etc.
Which is also common.
I had a co-worker once, that was bluntly made fun of on purpose... because, she owns a basic phone and cannot text. She and her Hubby, do not have texting plans. And they have basic phones only. That is all their budget allows them. So, when a co-worker told her "Didn't you get my text???!" in front of EVERYONE in the office (and that woman KNEW she did not have a texting phone or plan and said that on purpose to make fun of her), everyone laughed. And acted like she was a prehistoric dinosaur, for not having a texting phone or texting plan. But fortunately for her, SHE told them all off.... standing up for herself and 'scolding' the co-workers for judging her financial inability for the type of phone she has.

I think, it is really rude of anyone... to ONLY use texting, as a means of communication.
It is, not thorough enough, when/if the matter is important or if/when there is an emergency.
And, it is just lazy... of the texting person, to not even, follow up on anything that is of importance.

5 moms found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

It doesn't seem right to assume everyone texts, but I'm a somewhat non-texter too (I do very limited texting) and it has been a life-saver to receive some group texts for things I would not otherwise have known about. And some people who don't know me well but needed to contact me surprisingly texted me instead of calling for some important things, and luckily I got the texts. Would they have called eventually if they couldn't reach me? Maybe, but it's no skin off my nose to receive a text. Why be difficult.

Having a phone that CAN receive texts does not have to change your life much. You don't have to start texting everyone. But as to your question: "Will this be happening more and more?" Yes. It will. Texting to cells is not going to get less popular anytime soon. The same way some people didn't used to like having phones in their homes...eventually it will suck to be less accessible than most people. You'll probably start texting someday, so it's up to you when.

Worst case scenario, you never text, but you will get the occasional school or group text and you won't be left high and dry over cancellations etc. That's not so bad. It's not more expensive to have a texting option according to lots of plans.

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M.L.

answers from Cleveland on

I was a little late coming to the texting party too. And it certainly is your choice to keep things as they are.

I must say it is so much easier for me to contact my friends and aquantainces that text and use FB. I have never "Forgotten" the friends that don't but it is harder for me to find an appropriate time during the day to call and chat for even 10 mins uninterrupted. and relying just on email doesn't seem to work to well either.

so yes these people were a little rude to assume or forget, but help them out by clearly identifying you number as a landline. ( could someone more knowledge able speak to this--don't you get a message back that says the txt didn't go through due to it being a land line??) But it also puts more on you to be more aggressive if you haven't heard about the school party and it is drawing close. as for your friend cancelling the party, I don't know what to tell you about that.
from her perspective 2 mins to send a mass text and notify everyone, vs looking up and then speaking to everyone personally would have taken much longer, but she should have though to phone you personally.

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Z.B.

answers from Toledo on

I understand where you're coming from, but the only people I know of that actually do have a landline are my parents and my husband's parents. I'm not saying that it's ok to assume you text, but if think you're going to find fewer and fewer people who don't.

If it had been me, I would have just been happy to get a text and not an email. I'm one of the only people I know (aside from my husband and our parents) who doesn't have a smartphone. I missed a last minute Cub Scout location change because I couldn't access my email on the go.

I should be getting a smartphone this summer.

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

I'm with Mary L. You do not have to text. I think the rudeness occurred on your friend's part, when your friend actually said casually, "Oh, I forgot you don't text. Oh well." Really, "Oh well"? She never apologized for texting you when she obviously at least used to know you don't text?

I don't text either and neither does my husband. I have not encountered folks conveying important group information (such as school event details, party invites/cancellations) via text-- I think that everyone around here is more keyed into using e-mail, and for school events, both parents and teachers create SignUpGenius or MySignUp lists to get volunteers when needed (free, no personal details given to the sites, you are reached only via e-mail, it's easy-- If I were you, I'd suggest that it be used for all school events needing anyone to volunteer).

I do not PLAN to start texting, either. Someone posted below that it's how most folks communicate now but I do not find that's true, and even if it is -- I do not have to do it.

I do agree with Mary that you need to be super-firm, after these two incidents, at telling people, "This is my home land line number. I do not text. If you need to reach me, e-mail is the best way." I tend to not give out my cell number except to the school and a very few other people, and they all know that it should not be used for texts and that e-mail is the best way to reach me. Next time you see your friend who had the party, I think I'd say to her, "I wanted to mention, about the party -- I am being clearer with folks after that happened. I don't text and am not going to start texting, either, so please take me off any list you use for texts and either e-mail or telephone me." If she balks or gets huffy just smile and repeat.

I heartily dislike people assuming that others use certain technologies or are blithely willing to jump right on certain things. Recently something happened were it was assumed that most participants already would have Google's gmail accounts and we were told we had to get them if we didn't have them, in order to be in the loop for a specific event. I had to do it since the insistence was that only gmail would be used, but will cancel as soon as the event is done.

5 moms found this helpful

V.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

I don't think it is rude to not have texting. I do not really think it is rude for people to sort of assume that you do, either. It is so common today that it is a bit outside the norm to have a cell phone and no texting.

That said, if I sent a text to someone about something important and did not get a reply, I would follow up. Not just let it go and assume they got my message. Especially if it was to someone that I wasn't familiar enough with to know their texting "status". I actually do know people that just choose not to have it. Their phones are capable, but they choose not to have a plan that carries it, so they incur a per text charge. They are typically up front about it and ask not to send them texts for that reason. And so I don't. I would never send a text to someone that told me they incurred a per text charge, unless they TOLD me to do it. Even then, I'd probably call first instead.

It probably will happen more and more in the sense that it is an easy, fast, efficient way to communicate information. Schools use it to communicate with students and parents alike. My 7th grader's Jr. Beta Club sponsor sends out text reminders of meetings and due dates this way. But first you have to send in a text to be added to the text list. It's a great way to remind us/her of events, due dates, meetings, etc. It isn't mandatory. But I would not get reminders otherwise.

It is sort of what you make it. If you choose not to use texting, then I would make it a point to TELL people that, when you are giving them your contact info. Otherwise, they are likely to assume that you do, and behave accordingly. For me, that would mean that I might text you... but if you didn't respond, I might call to speak/leave a message to be sure you got the information (provided it warranted further contact and wasn't just a "fun" text).

It reminds me of not just email and how basic that has become for most of America, but even further back, to answering machines. THAT used to be a novelty and how awesome to be able to leave a message for someone even if they weren't home!! But remember also, that it quickly morphed into "Well I left you a message on your machine, didn't you get it??"

It's up to you whether you use it or don't. No one is rude either way. But critical information deserves follow up if there is no confirmation that the information was received---just like if she'd left that on a home answering machine and you didn't go home before driving to her house.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Good grief, no. Seriously? Assuming people text is stupid and rude. Pretty much everyone has e-mail. Sheesh. Stick to your guns and do what you want to do. It would never occur to me to just text people. You may have to be pre-emptive and call people re. events, just to stay in the loop - which might remind them to contact you in the future...

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J.H.

answers from New York on

I think it is presumptuous of them to assume you text. I only text my close mom friends - I would never coordinate something for the school through text. I'd chalk it up to unfortunate coincidences.

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J.K.

answers from Wausau on

I don't text - I don't even have a cell phone. My land line is bare-bones with no features. I have an answering machine, not voice mail. I don't have caller ID. So people call, hang up on the machine, then wonder why I don't know they've tried to call three times. If they want to be called back, they need to leave a message so I know they called.

Most cell users do have text so it's a normal thing to assume, but you need to use your voice when it comes to this with preemptive info and reminders. Be open and vocal about it. When you give your number to new people, tell them outright, "This is my land line." or "My cell doesn't have texting." With people who already know you, remind them. "I can't get texts; you need to call me or I won't know." Eventually it will stick.

I'm not opposed to cells or to texting. They can be really handy, particularly if you're out and trying to find someone, or need a map, or look up that bit of info relevant to the real-life conversation you're having. I'm also in awe of the quality of some of the built in cameras and like the ease in which someone can snap a photo. It's just that I don't actually need it in my life. Even the least expensive of the lowest level plan available in my area is more than I'm willing to pay under the circumstances. Maybe someday, but not now. :-)

4 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

The polite thing to do is to remember what communication preference a person has and then use it for them.
When I worked in an office people fell into 3 categories - email people, voice mail people, and instant message (texting) people.
If you tried to send an email to a person who never checks their email you never get through to communicate with that person and the failure is never on the part of the person on the would be receiving end.
The lady who changed her party plans was lazy and she should have done more than just send a group text out to inform people of the change.
Stick to your guns.

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B.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Here's what I think...anytime you give out your cell phone number, people will assume that you can send and receive texts because that's what cell phones are used for today.

When my husband coaches it is assumed that texts are the fastest easiest way to convey a message. If there is a change in game or practice he shoots out a text because people have access to text much more than e-mails. (Not everyone has a smartphone and can access their e-mails while they are out.)

My daughters coaches have done this as well.

With your kids ages you are just getting into school and extracurricular activities. I think it would behoove you to see if there is an additional rider you can put on your phone plan so that you can receive these important updates.

When my husband and I first saw the writing on the wall it was $5 a month on each phone for 1,000 texts. For me it became a habit. It was a much easier way to convey a short message that was not 'pick up the phone' worthy and not worth e-mailing the person.

Now I have a new phone plan with unlimited text and thank goodness because I probably blow way past that 1,000 mark now. With your kids in school, your own social circle will naturally widen and you will be communicating with more people than you ever imagined. Honestly you will appreciate the text so look into the minimum it will cost to add it on to your plan.

If you are that against it, NEVER give out your cell phone number to anyone. Give your home phone and leave the cell phone line blank. Otherwise it will be assumed that you got the (text) message and no accommodations will be made.

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V.S.

answers from Reading on

Personally, I think it is rude to assume you text. I didn't until recently, and I have an iPhone. For my friends who also have iPhones, their texts are blue and free, but when they're from someone with a different phone, they turn green, I pay for it. I only like texting with my husband and two friends. Other than that, I find it inconvenient and a lot of the time, it'll come up as a phone number and I have to play the guessing game as to who it is. I'm not a fan of texting - I'd prefer to just pick up the phone or send an email from my computer.

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M.P.

answers from Raleigh on

It's not rude that you don't text. However, it is how a lot of people communicate nowadays. My advice is to change how you sign up on these lists. Make sure that when you leave a phone number, you put the phone number and "(home)" after it. That way people know what number they are calling. "Home" would let them know that this line does not accept texting. If you don't have texting on your phone, make sure to leave an email address as a secondary form of communication. THis way they can still do electronic communication if that's how they want to go.
Hope this helps.

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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

That's a great question actually. If I were to send out a group text (I love texting) and didn't hear back from you I would have called you just to make sure you got the announcement. So I do not think you are wrong.

I actually had a mom friend tell me that she felt I did not want to talk with her because I usually texted instead of calling. It never occurred to me that she could feel that way. To me texting is a modern, time-saving miracle. I was glad she told me though. I did make a point to try to call her if I needed to communicate with her.

If I were you I'd tell people "I do not text - call me."

I think it's rude to expect people to text unless that's a clear condition of being in a group and you know that up front.

Good luck.

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S.Z.

answers from Reno on

I don't even own a cell phone. I don't like the phone, and I certainly don't want to be on one when I'm away from my house! Pretty soon, though, I know that I'll have to break down and carry one. Ugh.

3 moms found this helpful

R.X.

answers from Houston on

I have a very basic Nokia phone. However, it lets me know when my texts are not received. I then know that I either have reached a landline or that the person does not accept texts.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

If you don't want to text, don't let peer pressure force you into it.

There are a number of reasons people don't text. Sometimes the reason is that it's time-wasting. Other times it's a financial burden. Unlimited texting doesn't mean free texting. It costs money and is sometimes not affordable.

You will have to speak more emphatically when you say, "Communicate me by telephone (or by e-mail?) - I DON'T TEXT." When you are asked to fill out a communication form, put your phone number and add, "NO TEXTING," in large letters.

Assumptions are so easy! Assuming trumps thinking when you don't want to take time to think. I text, other folks text, so why in the world don't you? Well, there's no law that says you must.

I began texting only last year. The good thing about it is that I can keep in touch with some family members who, for one reason or another, cannot be contacted *quickly* any other way. But they never demanded that I text them! That attitude is for kids.

I also had a strict limit (financial) on texts per month - and that limit included the texts coming in, not just the ones going out! That adds up quickly. Only recently did the phone service upgrade my phone to free (no added charge) unlimited texting. This gives me better ability to shock my children and grandchildren, who *assumed* I'm too old to do this sort of thing.

But I'm not REQUIRED to do it. Neither are you.

It's not unusual, but it IS childish and rude, to assume all other people do something, want something, or like something. Go ahead and reeducate your friends!

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

I don't think it's rude at all.
Once upon a time, people cared enough to make sure each and every person got an important message. They would phone and, if no one picked up, they would leave a message.

I think we live in a rather assumptive age, where people regularly blast out information on a text or Facebook, thinking that 'everyone' uses these modes of communication. It's annoying and somewhat arrogant, in my opinion, but that's the world we live in.And what's ironic-- on snow days and stuff like that-- so many people ignore their phones and miss the information anyway.

Yes, it will happen more often, I'm afraid. We also use a landline for our primary phone number: and when I give out my cell number (which is a six year old pay as you go flip phone), I let people know "I don't have a texting plan". Because frankly, I don't want to pay for texts when someone could take two minutes to make a phone call if it's so important. Common courtesy... maybe becoming uncommon?

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't think you are rude not to text. However, I do think you need to realize that most people will assume you do, and you can't get too upset when they communicate with you that way. I think you need to make it clear from your end how they can best reach you, especially with your closer friends. I know it's harder from a classmate's point of view, where you don't really know each other.

If you find yourself repeatedly not hearing from people, be more specific when you call and leave messages. Instead of just saying why you're calling, add something like "please call or email me. I don't have a texting plan on my cell phone." Leave your phone number and/or email address. People who don't know you well may choose to email rather than call.

I didn't used to text at all and would get annoyed when people texted me. I could receive them, but it costs me 20 cents for each text, sent or received. And of course I would feel obligated to reply when someone did text me. Now that my plan lets me get free texts from other iphones, I text a lot more. I still don't love it though.

If you don't want to text, don't give in. Don't feel obligated. You certainly shouldn't pay for them if you don't want them. Just make sure you are clear with others and learn not to get upset if you miss info that is sent out only by text. You have to be more proactive and seek out the info.

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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't text and I'm hopeless at using my mobile phone. I wish I could get used to it, but for some reason I can't. We need a support group.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

I don't think you are rude for not texting. I don't even have a cell phone, but then again I am in Canada. While cell phones and texting are quite commonplace here, it isn't exactly expected.

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M.M.

answers from Boston on

I too have a basic phone w/o text...I have to tell people that i don't text, constantly.....about 5 years ago, one of my best buddies sent out some sort of mass text regarding the birth of her daughter and she was upset that I "rejected" her message. I t wasn't until a number of days later that I had called her to see how she was, as I had no idea, that found out about everything.

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D.N.

answers from Chicago on

It is not at all rude. Not everyone texts. I don't . I do not have a text plan and do not plan to get one. I need to save money wherever I can. It is the same assumption that people make about everyone having a computer. I have lots of friends that get online at work or the library because they do not have internet at home. MY sister has a laptop and can only get online using Wi-Fi near her home.
I can text on my cell but pay per text. If I text to a non-cell number, I get a message that the text could not be sent. At my former job, the sales people went out all the time (over 800 employees) and no one assumed everyone had texting or a blackberry (everyone that had a client list was supposed to have one but did not.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

I just recently upgraded to a plan with texting. It was actually cheaper than my pay as I go plan I used happily for so many years. I don't think it's people intending to be rude. It's like the internet...everyone just assumes everyone has internet access at home. Most people assume that if you have a cell phone, you text. I was simply in the habit of telling people. I would sign up for things and let the coordinators know with a note, Please call or email, I don't have a texting plan. Or I would only give out my home number. I would even post periodic reminders of facebook. Silly I know, but unfortunately, in this day and age, it seems necessary.

I was without texting for so long, I still ask people if it's ok to text them and I always get a strange look. So I do think it's the norm that people assume you text. So you just have to remind them.

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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

Of course it's not rude to text. You are a little in the dark ages, but not rude! I don't know anyone who doesn't text. But that being said, if I were hosting a party (like your friend) I would probably email the fact that it was cancelled instead of texting. But look! SOME people out there might REALLY be in the dark ages, and they don't email! What then?! Sorry to say it, but I think you may need to reconsider the texting. It honestly makes life easier. And I have plenty of face to face social interactions with friends! Most people my age don't text to have a conversation (like teens seem to do) - we text to say "the party is cancelled" or "wanna have lunch?" or "Hey, I'm running late." It's just a serious convenience, not a nuisance. Give it a try. You may like it :)

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I have a couple of friends that don't text. I forget sometimes but then finally remember.

When I had a regular phone I hated it completely. I hated pressing the number over and over and over to get the right letter.

I'd simply make sure that the actual person knew you did not text. Then it's on them if they do. It's rude to not remember when someone tells you they don't and you go ahead anyway.

Updated

I have a couple of friends that don't text. I forget sometimes but then finally remember.

When I had a regular phone I hated it completely. I hated pressing the number over and over and over to get the right letter.

I'd simply make sure that the actual person knew you did not text. Then it's on them if they do. It's rude to not remember when someone tells you they don't and you go ahead anyway.

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C.M.

answers from Grand Rapids on

No, I do not think it is rude for you not to text. It is your choice and people should not EVER assume anything. But we all know that will never happen.What really upsets me about your question and post is that your friend was not home when hubby was sick the night of the party. It sounds to me like it was a lie. If someone is sick they would be home,not out somewhere. They could of course been at the ER or urgent care,but if so I would think that she would have told you that. Just my thoughts.
We have used Tracfone for more than 15 years. It is how we afford cell phones. Depending on what kind of plan you have now,it might be worth it to switch.

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R.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

1. I love to text. But I do not assume everyone does, so I don't text new friends or acquaintances. I only text people I know very well (family, close friends) I have a relationship with. I don't want my text box eaten up by a acquaintances.

2. I do text people on my school PFA board because I know they accept it. I love how super easy it is. I'm not a phone person. I hate talking on the phone. I prefer email or text. But text is much faster than email: small, quick replies.

3. A lot of people do not like to text. There is nothing wrong with you. I say stick to your guns.

4. You need to tell new acquaintances who you give your cell # to that you do not have a text plan. They can make a note of it in their contacts.

5. You should have told your friend you were at her house at the time. THEN she would have felt bad about not remembering and would never forget it. "Oh well." is not a good response. She should have sent out a mass email as well. How did she invite everyone? By phone? By text? By email? She should have informed everyone by the same manner, or at least made an effort to get a confirm reply.

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I do text--a lot! However, people around here still ask. My sons play BB and the coach got our numbers and asked if it was okay to text.

It can be a time saver. The coach had to cancel practice due to weather this week and he just sent a mass-text. It took 2 minutes. Calling 12 parents would have taken much longer.

When you give out your #, just say that you don't text.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

You are under no obligation to pay for texting just to appease other people who don't pay your phone bill.
If I send a text about something important and don't get a reply, I CALL the person, which is what they should have done if they needed a reply from you.

S.A.

answers from Chicago on

No, you're not rude at all.

Up until recently, I had a "dumb" phone. I could text on it, but had no internet. I found I was being left in the dust when it came to updates from sports coaches, scout leaders etc...I would tell them that I didn't have a smart phone and that they'd have to call me or text me, but they never would...I showed up to a school (30 minutes away) for a softball game last year, and I was the only one there. The game had been canceled at the last minute and he emailed everyone. I was pissed and reminded him about what I'd told him and he said "Oh, I'd never remember that. Everyone has an iPhone..." It was so aggravating!

So many people communicate with texting now that you're bound to have this frustration over and over. You might want to look in to getting an affordable plan with texting just for these situations. If you don't enjoy it, only do it when necessary. But at least you won't be missing stuff and wasting your time going places when the event has been canceled. Just sayin'.

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K.S.

answers from Detroit on

Keep your number for your self for sure! I have had psyco Moms go crazy on my phone.

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L.A.

answers from St. Cloud on

I am a room mom and was given phone numbers and emails of parents that signed up to help. I found out later that the parents don't even check their emails(then why put it down for contact info)? Some peoples numbers were changed or out of order. Last time I just sent out a note to the whole class. If they wanted to help they did. If not then they weren't bothered by asking for a class donation. It always seems to be the same people who respond and donate so I always have those helpers contact me right away. If we don't do it our class wouldn't have much of a party. Right now my phone keeps freezing and I am not receiving everyone's texts so I know what you mean. A mom tried to respond back to me the other day and the message didn't come through to me so we both ended up at school instead of one of us. I should have called but I hate bothering people and it was over the holidays. I also would be stuck on the phone with every parent if I called. I like the note thing best. That way no favoritism or feelings hurt. The parent should have called you and told you about the cancellation. That wasn't very responsible. I feel like I have to always sit by my phone and watch for texts or people think I'm ignoring them or wondering why I didn't respond fast enough.

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I.O.

answers from McAllen on

I'm with you. I do text, but I do not assume that everyone does. And I would have been sure to get a response from everyone if I had used texting as a way to communicate that my party had been cancelled. Even people who do text don't always see the messages in time, and I would have wanted to confirm everyone's receipt of such a message.

If you don't mind not participating in certain things, then leave the balls in their courts. So what? If there's a chance that you might miss something, though, then you might want to make the announcement early on that you won't be able to communicate via texting.

Instead of assuming that everyone texts--I hate assumptions like that--they should establish early on the best form of communication by asking...SAYING THE WORDS. "Does texting work for everybody?" Even people who do text don't necessarily think that it's the best way to receive detailed information. Sometimes I send a text to say, "I just sent you an e-mail." Some people want something that they can print out.

PS. Oh, and I don't think that I would have pretended not to be there. I would have let her know that I had shown up. That way, she would have an honest understanding of what actually happened. If she thinks that you never left your house, then she won't see it as any big deal that you didn't get her message. In her mind, nothing happened.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I have that same problem, but I don't even OWN a cell phone. Have no desire whatsoever to carry around a phone - I don't like talking on the phone - I'd rather see people in person. People have no filter when they communicate through the screen rather than looking someone in the eyes. It's all just a bit too impersonal for me.

People don't do face-to-face anymore. They sit in their own little world and text. There is no interaction.

I think my boss really thinks I have a phone but won't give him the number. He's constantly saying "send so-and-so a text" and I have to keep reminding him that I don't text.

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