Reasonable to Take 2 Week Vacation to Europe Leaving Kids with MIL?

My opinion is to save this fight for after you actually have children. Who knows, maybe he'll realize that he can't be away from them for even a night, and you'll be the one clamoring for some time away. I don't mean to be flip, but you just don't know how it's going to go. Maybe you'll have a child with special needs and it will be totally off the table. Or maybe triplets!

I think it's reasonable to have general conversations about how much help you expect to get from family members and see if they're on board with that. But I wouldn't plan on the nitty gritty right now.

I was a much different parent before I had children : )

It depends on the age of the kids. If they are over about 6 or 7, why not?

At a certain age, kids can go away to camp for two weeks, so why can't adults go away to "camp."

You want to cultivate a close relationship between you and both sets of future grandparents, starting now.

I can tell you that if any of my children wanted to go to Europe for two weeks and let their children stay with me, I'd jump for joy! The grandparent-grandchild relationship is a special one; there are responsibilities, of course, but there are opportunities, too.

I hope that when you and your husband do have children, you'll want your them to have special times with their grandparents - and if it's while you're in Europe, that's OK, too.

i was a perfect parent before i had kids too :)

Once you have kids, you will probably want to take your 2 week vacation to Europe WITH your kids, not leave them behind. It's not about being selfish or making sacrifices, it's about sharing a great experience with your children.

kind of weird to fight about this before you even have kids!
i'm with your boyfriend. i have no problem with people who can't or won't leave their kids for that long but i weary of the superior i'm-such-a-devoted-parent-and-you're-not attitude that many adopt whilst yawping about 'sacrifice' and so forth.
kids whose parents have great extended family and trust that family with their kids are very fortunate. those kids have amazing relationships with grandparents and favorite aunts and uncles and cousins that cannot be developed over an afternoon BBQ here and there.
it's not 'pawning off responsibilities' to take a trip and allow your children to have a wonderful time with people they love. if you don't have those people in your life? that's another story.
yes. you're being unreasonable.
khairete
S.

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I don't think you are being unreasonable. But, already having children, I have a slightly different view of the reasons that I wouldn't leave my kids with MIL for 2 weeks to tour Europe. I would not want to be away from my kids that long. At least not at their ages. As they get older and older, I am more comfortable being away from them for longer periods...but 2 weeks is a LONG time.

If you guys are seriously looking at a 2 week European vacation, why not take it NOW. Before you have kids. Then it is a non-issue.

Wait and see. It depends on a lot of things--including how your MIL is with your child(ren), the disposition of your child(ren), etc. Our kids are 5, 3, and 8 months. My husband and I were planning a 10th anniversary trip this summer somewhere not in the continental US and we would have left our kids with my MIL for 7-10 days. My MIL (and my mom) are GREAT with our kids and LOVE having them. Our kids love time with their grandparents, too! It would have been a win/win for all--except my husband is deployed. I definitely don't see it as pawning off our responsibilities. We live in a different state, so any time with grandparents is wonderful, valuable, and appreciated by all.

If MIL has a good relationship with the theoretical children and wants the responsibility, why not. Honestly she did a good enough job raising your husband, right? Also, if you can afford it, you can hire a nanny to come with you on the trip and just bring the kids along.

There is so much that in a real life situation would make the difference.
And you will not know til you have your actual child.

The Grandparent.. Yes, my mother would have been in heaven watching our daughter for 2 weeks! My husband also only trusted my mom to watch our child for overnights and week long visits once our daughter was older. Our daughter would have loved it, even though we used to call it Grandmas Boot Camp. Hee, hee..

I would have been ok, because I know our daughter would have been happy not being dragged along at a young age, time difference, upset schedule.She thrived on schedules.

But it is my husband who would have had the problem. He would not have a good time away from her. He already felt like going to work interfered with his time with our daughter.

But good topic to discuss before children, but it really does change the moment they place your child in your arms the first time. It just changes everything.

I agree with you.. Once you have a child, everything changes. I would
hope that your husbands ideas would change too.

I think it depends on how old your future children will be if/when you go. 6 months old? I'd say no. 6 years old? I say go for it! As long as the grandparents are willling and able, it's not "pawning them off". Trust me, grandparents chomp at the bit for a chance to be with their grandkids :o)

But why not get the 2 week European vacation in BEFORE you have kids?

I actually agree with you that you are smart to start discussing these things now. I probably wouldn't leave the kids with grandma for that long till they were a little older, say hitting the 9-10 year mark. I think getting these things out in the open now will help you understand what kinds of parents you want to be. That being said, when it actually does happen be prepared for most thing you thought you would do not happening. I was told by a very sage woman once, "Honey until you step in the pot you don't know how hot the water is." It made me laugh at the time, but I understand now what she meant. There is no real preparation for parenthood. Just make the best decisions you can and go with your gut.

As another poster said: depends on the age of the kids. Also depends on the grandparents and how well visits work. For some kids/grandparents two weeks together could be heaven, especially if there's ample recreation opportunities. And if your MIL won't get to see them often because of distance, maybe an extended visit would be just the right thing.

Once you have kids, your perspective changes... you probably won't WANT to go to Europe for two weeks, nor will your husband. So don't worry about fighting about this in theory now. You'll be more on the same page once you actually have kids - and it may be your husband who can't imagine being away for that long.

Go to the Washington Post web site and search Carolyn Hax's advice columns. About a week or three ago she had a letter about just this situation, where a couple jaunted off for two weeks abroad and left a baby with grandma, who couldn't hack the 24/7 responsibility and work and waking, and grandma -- without asking the parents -- handed the baby off to sister, who then handed the baby off to an unrelated adult the sister knew but who was not the parents' friend or relative! Hax, who is very smart and savvy, basically said the parents had abdicated their parental responsibility by being gone so long and so far. Of course few cases would end up like this one, where a baby ended up in the care of someone who was a stranger to the parents after both MIL and sister couldn't handle the responsibility and 24/7 work, but it's an interesting read.

Personally, I would not leave my child with someone else for that length of time for any trip. A two-week European trip would be terrific for kids from about five up -- so wait until they are old enough and take them with you. I say that from experience because we go to England for two to four weeks a year to see our family there and it's been wonderful for our daughter who is now 10. As for adults who say "We just MUST get away," that's a lovely grown-up fantasy that should last a few days at most. It's too much to ask of other adults to take on your kids for two weeks while you're so far away you cannot reach home easily.

I just now read the "what happened" addition you made. Your husband's being so adamant about things means you are smart to talk about it now, but be sure he is clear on the fact (if this is indeed the fact) that this is a non-negotiable item. It's easy to say "He'll mellow once we have kids, he'll be more flexible," but people don't change their fundamental personalities once they have children; it's possible that kids will bring out the rigidity even more, especially if he was raised believing only method X is right for child-rearing and now that he has a child, doing X is the only way to go. If he's super-inflexible on some things now, he may be just as rigid or more so with kids. Think about whether you and he should take some parenting classes together now, before you're even pregnant, to be certain you are on the same page about discipline and schooling and friends -- not just travel. Having a third party like a counselor or class instructor talking to you both may show him that his way is not the only way, especially once kids are in the picture. Just a thought for you.

You're not being unreasonable. Honestly, this is not even something the two of you should consider discussing until after you are already parents. I say this because you really can not understand the bond between parent & child until you are a parent. You can imagine and guess, but it really is nothing like any of your wildest dreams. Now when you're kids are older (much older), you may want to take such a trip without them if for no other reason than to rejuvenate yourself and your marriage. If you want to go to Europe for two weeks without kids, do it before you have them. I can honestly promise you that once you are a mother, you will not want to leave them for two days, let alone two weeks. Mark my words ;)

You are absolutely right. And may I add that a friend of mine thought that it WAS reasonable and left her kids with her mom. Her daughter's appendix burst while she was away and her poor parents were stuck with all of that. And she was on a cruise around the mediteranean.

LOL, with my daughter I wouldn't consider an overnight, she's 17 months and still has not stayed out the house. You have to consider if you are nursing, and what truly works best for the baby. Trust me when the baby is here you will have an entirely fresh perspective as parents, and as a first-time mom. So, don't get too ahead of yourselves thinking about it and creating unnecessary tension before you realize your reality. :o)

Just my opinion (b/c this is all hypothetical)... but 2 weeks in Europe without the kiddos, especially when they are young is too long. A long weekend here or there with someone you trust (may not be your MIL) is more appropriate. Time as a couple is essential, but that can (and should) mean a set "date night" a few times a month, not a 2 week trip. As someone who travels a lot for work- 3 days is tough, 2 weeks would be too much for me.

Yes, when you decide to become parents much of your life stops being "about you" and becomes "about us". To be a good parent, you have to let go of the selfishness of "single and couple" life and realize that babies need a lot of time and can cost a lot of $$.

So, if he wants to go to Europe for 2 weeks- go, but go before you start a family. Take the trip as your "babymoon" and see what happens.

For my situation it would be unreasonable because all Grandparents still work so that would be asking them to take their vacation time from work too when they may not want to. If they were retired and my son (4) were a bit older then I would say not unreasonable. I know my mom would LOVE to be able to do it but her health does not permit her to have more than a one night sleep over with him. We live with Gma/Gpa here and I KNOW she would do it willingly and lovingly, however I would not even suggest it because she needs all the sick/vacation days she has for her asthma it gets really bad in the winter. So, long story short it depends on the situation as a WHOLE as to reasonable/unreasonable. Oh and I would go before baby or babies come and, no I would not take my kids to Europe with me unless they were teenagers (personal choice).

I don't think so.

DH and I took regular 2 weeks jaunts to Europr before we had kids. (I miss those!!!)
Once we started a family, we consider "reasonable" to be 4 days away.

That said, we take regular trips to Europe in that 4 day span (leave on Thursday, back late on Sunday). We do 2x a year, usually. You can do it, you just have to make sure you plan to do everything you want ahead of time. We've done London, Amsterdam, Belgium, Ireland (2x)...next year we're going back to Germany.
You don't have to give up Europe! I think a week is about the limit for reasonable, though.

I think in general, unless the kids want to stay with grandma for 2 weeks (and of course Grandma wants them) 2 weeks is way too long to be away. But listen, seriously, wait to have kids to make those decisions because you never know how you are going to feel and what your kids are going to be like. You might want to bring them along!

I go crazy when grandparents take them overnight! I could never go that long without my kids I think it's selfish if he wants to o to Europe for 2 weeks do it now before you start a family or after your kids are grown, or take them with you.

For our 9th anniversary we went away for 4-5 days and it was TOO much for our 2.5 yr old but for our 10th anniversary at 3 1/2 she did great for 8 days. I wouldn't go longer than that. It also all depends on what stage your future child is in and you will not know until the last minute a lot of times. Our daughter couldn't deal with 4 days this month (4.5 now) since she's going through a "miss you" phase with Daddy especially. I wouldn't do a 2 week trip until the kids are much older and can understand time.

H.

I couldn't leave my children with my IL's or even my parents for certain reasons that include my parents are still working, but also because my daughter has special needs that neither set of grandparents could cope with full time for two weeks.

But even if the situation were perfect, I wouldn't do it. My children are too young and would have some serious separation anxiety (as would I). But most importantly, vacation time is intended to be a family event. Vacation isn't intended to be "from" your children.

I think it depends how old the children are. If they are babies or toddlers, I would say no. Remember, time is a lot slower for kids. If your children are older, then it may not be that big of a deal. I will say 2 weeks is a long time. I would probably shorten to a week.

Last year my husband and I went to Hawaii for 10 days for our 10th anniversary. His parents came to stay with the kids and kept them in their normal routine as they were in school and had activities. My inlaws live in England and welcomed the opportunity cause they get much more quality time with the kids than they would if we were with them. Having said that, I know it tired them out but they would do it again in a heart beat. They also see the importance in a husband/wife relationship coming first and then the kids to make a successful marriage.

Now having said that, it's not like we will do something like that every year. And our youngest was 3 at the time, I would never leave an infant or toddler.

But I do believe it's important to have those special moments as a couple throughout your marriage and you will feel the same way once you have kids and realize how 24/7 it is. You need breaks like that to reconnect, rekindle, regroup and just be you.

I'm sure it's not something you will have to worry about for a while cause we didn't take big trips like that until the kids were at a good age to leave them.

Hope this helps.

I think it depends on the kids and the MIL's relationship. Also if you wanted to you could just take kid(s) along. I know many of my friends seem to think that you can't travel once you have kids, but you CAN and YES its still fun! :) My 20 month old has been to 7 countries so far and we have had a wonderful time and I'm 6 months pregnant with the second... went to Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay while preggo with toddler even! Its very doable....my biggest advice is learn what you NEED and what you WANT... so much baby stuff is extra stuff you don't really need....when you get rid of the fluff stuff they are VERY portable while young :)