J.T. asks from New York, NY on June 13, 2010
Travel Without Small Children
My husband and I and our two kids ages 4.5 and 1.5 are flying to Israel to visit my husbands family for one month. During this one month my husband wants just him and I to fly to another country (Italy or Spain) to vacation alone for 6 days leaving our two kids with his Mother (who my son doesn't know and my daughter has only seen a couple of times). I told him I wasn't comfortable with it for multiple reasons but said I would go away for a weekend while we were there somewhere in Israel (Tel Aviv or Eilat). He absolutely refuses and is insisting that we go to Europe. I don't get it...I told him we have plenty of time to travel in our lives, especially when the kids are older. Am I being unreasonable?
BTY I'm 28 and my husband 32 and I'm a stay at home Mom so my son has only been with me.
A.G. answers from New York on June 14, 2010
I agree with you. I wouldn't leave my kids either. f for no other reason than the kids really don't know the in-laws.
L.S. answers from New London on June 13, 2010
I would not do it unless your kids bond with the family and I would do it at the end of your month but not for a week. 6 days is a lot of days for a little one. I was 11 when my father left me with his family (my grandmother and uncle) in the philippines after only two weeks there and he left me there with my twin and we felt abandoned. We didn't feel comfortable there until after two more weeks had passed when we met friends, but it was a horrible feeling that I will never forget. the first week was the hardest. It would be different if they knew them and stayed with them often, but 6 days is a long time. I would listen to my instincts and not plan anything until you get there and see how things go.
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E.Z. answers from Los Angeles on June 13, 2010
If he really feels that you should travel to Europe, which by the way aint that close to Israel, you'll tell him the kids are coming too, and that's that.
You wont be able to enjoy the trip at all if you worry already.
I would not do it at all, I think a trip to Israel is plenty much as it is.
And besides, there is only so much change a little child can take in in a months time. Think about it.
1 mom found this helpful
H.P. answers from New York on June 14, 2010
I would see if you can play it by ear. If the kids bond well with Grandma and you see she is comfortable with watching the kids, then maybe a few days away could be nice. The problem I have more is the fact that you are in Israel. My family also lives there and I guess I'd just be nervous about leaving my kids there and G-d forbid some violence breaks out and then you can't get back into the country. Truthfully, that's the problem I'd have in any foreign country. Just the fear of not being able to get back in the country to get my kids. I know it's somewhat unrealistic that such a thing would happen, but maybe you have a similar fear. If so, you're probably right to just stick around Israel. It's beautiful there and so much to see. Europe can wait!
A.L. answers from New York on June 14, 2010
I agree with those who say see how bonding goes, don't go for 6 days, and play it by ear. There's a well-known travel company in Israel called Daka Tishim (90) where you can get good last minute deals to Europe for 2-3 nights. And there are plenty of places in Israel to go that feel different ex. Carmel Spa near Haifa if you want to get away for another couple days earlier in the vacation, closer to the kids.
E.C. answers from New York on June 14, 2010
Your husband is saying he wants time with you and he wants to know that he is more important than the kids. Remember, when the kids go off to college and move away, you will still have each other. It is important to keep the marital bond strong - and that takes time and work. It is easy to use 'but the kids will be upset' as a shield. Yes, you will miss the kids - but your husband needs time with you, too. If you talk up what a great lady their gma is, show them photos, talk about her, they will be all the more comfortable with her. And don't play in to their fussing about you going away - they will have a ball with gma. And have a great time in Europe - it is fascinating and gorgeous!
C.N. answers from Minneapolis on June 13, 2010
While I understand his interest- and it definately interests me as well, I also respect your feelings as the Mother! We have left our son with my Mother and his parents for a night, but this is a big deal. It seems like a long time to leave the kids in a strange situation. And yes, you have the rest of your lives! Even in a few years when the kids are older.
M.I. answers from New York on June 14, 2010
We have traveled a lot with my daughter, who just turned 3 years old in April. The last long trip was to Austria from New York. She also travels regularly to Los Angeles and Puerto Rico.
Regarding your concerns about leaving her with your in-laws, you may want to ask yourself whether this is an issue that you have with your in-laws or are there real safety concerns. Some of the responses you received brought up potential issues such as language barriers and that your in-laws and your children "don't know each other". I don't see how that would be an issue at that age. Most of the communication is non-verbal anyway and all that the children really need is to be well cared for, loved and and given attention. If your in-laws can give those three things, there should be no problem.
My husband took our daughter to Austria for three weeks. I was supposed to join them three days after they left, but because of the volcano in Iceland, I was not able to arrive until about 9 days later. By the time I arrived, she had already made good friends with the family who lived next door (who are not related to us, they are the family of a good friend of my husband's who invited him to Austria). They have three teenage daughters and a very tame dog. My husband had no choice but to leave our daughter with this family sometimes while he worked. Our daughter adapted so very well that by the time I arrived, she was already speaking some German! Even while I was there, she was happy to stay with this family and truly enjoyed herself. I saw her grow so much from that wonderful experience to become a much more independent and self-assured little girl. When we returned from that trip, she was better able to adapt to new environments such as day care situations.
At that age, children are just so adaptable if you give them the opportunity. You might want to consider this trip as a good opportunity for you to give your children a time to grow and to become acquainted with the other half of their family. Hope that this is helpful, even though it is somewhat contrary to the other advice that you have received.
C.D. answers from New York on June 14, 2010
I think your right the kids dont know these people to young to realize you will be back i would just try 1 night only. GO away when you get back here and they know people and surroundings