Travel Without Small Children

I would not do it unless your kids bond with the family and I would do it at the end of your month but not for a week. 6 days is a lot of days for a little one. I was 11 when my father left me with his family (my grandmother and uncle) in the philippines after only two weeks there and he left me there with my twin and we felt abandoned. We didn't feel comfortable there until after two more weeks had passed when we met friends, but it was a horrible feeling that I will never forget. the first week was the hardest. It would be different if they knew them and stayed with them often, but 6 days is a long time. I would listen to my instincts and not plan anything until you get there and see how things go.

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If he really feels that you should travel to Europe, which by the way aint that close to Israel, you'll tell him the kids are coming too, and that's that.
You wont be able to enjoy the trip at all if you worry already.
I would not do it at all, I think a trip to Israel is plenty much as it is.
And besides, there is only so much change a little child can take in in a months time. Think about it.

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I would see if you can play it by ear. If the kids bond well with Grandma and you see she is comfortable with watching the kids, then maybe a few days away could be nice. The problem I have more is the fact that you are in Israel. My family also lives there and I guess I'd just be nervous about leaving my kids there and G-d forbid some violence breaks out and then you can't get back into the country. Truthfully, that's the problem I'd have in any foreign country. Just the fear of not being able to get back in the country to get my kids. I know it's somewhat unrealistic that such a thing would happen, but maybe you have a similar fear. If so, you're probably right to just stick around Israel. It's beautiful there and so much to see. Europe can wait!

I agree with those who say see how bonding goes, don't go for 6 days, and play it by ear. There's a well-known travel company in Israel called Daka Tishim (90) where you can get good last minute deals to Europe for 2-3 nights. And there are plenty of places in Israel to go that feel different ex. Carmel Spa near Haifa if you want to get away for another couple days earlier in the vacation, closer to the kids.

Your husband is saying he wants time with you and he wants to know that he is more important than the kids. Remember, when the kids go off to college and move away, you will still have each other. It is important to keep the marital bond strong - and that takes time and work. It is easy to use 'but the kids will be upset' as a shield. Yes, you will miss the kids - but your husband needs time with you, too. If you talk up what a great lady their gma is, show them photos, talk about her, they will be all the more comfortable with her. And don't play in to their fussing about you going away - they will have a ball with gma. And have a great time in Europe - it is fascinating and gorgeous!

While I understand his interest- and it definately interests me as well, I also respect your feelings as the Mother! We have left our son with my Mother and his parents for a night, but this is a big deal. It seems like a long time to leave the kids in a strange situation. And yes, you have the rest of your lives! Even in a few years when the kids are older.

We have traveled a lot with my daughter, who just turned 3 years old in April. The last long trip was to Austria from New York. She also travels regularly to Los Angeles and Puerto Rico.
Regarding your concerns about leaving her with your in-laws, you may want to ask yourself whether this is an issue that you have with your in-laws or are there real safety concerns. Some of the responses you received brought up potential issues such as language barriers and that your in-laws and your children "don't know each other". I don't see how that would be an issue at that age. Most of the communication is non-verbal anyway and all that the children really need is to be well cared for, loved and and given attention. If your in-laws can give those three things, there should be no problem.

My husband took our daughter to Austria for three weeks. I was supposed to join them three days after they left, but because of the volcano in Iceland, I was not able to arrive until about 9 days later. By the time I arrived, she had already made good friends with the family who lived next door (who are not related to us, they are the family of a good friend of my husband's who invited him to Austria). They have three teenage daughters and a very tame dog. My husband had no choice but to leave our daughter with this family sometimes while he worked. Our daughter adapted so very well that by the time I arrived, she was already speaking some German! Even while I was there, she was happy to stay with this family and truly enjoyed herself. I saw her grow so much from that wonderful experience to become a much more independent and self-assured little girl. When we returned from that trip, she was better able to adapt to new environments such as day care situations.

At that age, children are just so adaptable if you give them the opportunity. You might want to consider this trip as a good opportunity for you to give your children a time to grow and to become acquainted with the other half of their family. Hope that this is helpful, even though it is somewhat contrary to the other advice that you have received.

I think your right the kids dont know these people to young to realize you will be back i would just try 1 night only. GO away when you get back here and they know people and surroundings

My kids are the same ages as yours. I do leave my children with my mother overnight or my older one for a weekend. But my parents live an hour away so we see them often--at least once a month--and my son who is 4 is really close with my mom. We visit my in laws out of state every summer for 2 weeks. I would not hesitate to let my MIL watch them for an evening or something. But even in that situation they know their grandparents better. I would be hesitant to leave my children with relatives in another country if I went out of that country. I would also be concerned about possible violence or emergencies in that part of the world. Taking a weekend trip in Israel sounds like a good compromise. I wonder why your husband is against it.

I'm with you, I would NEVER leave my children with someone (even family) in another country. It would be a completely different story IF they were going to watch your children at your home in the U.S. What if heaven forbid something happens in Israel (which things happen there every day) and you couldn't get back to your children quickly enough?? You would NEVER forgive yourself, especially if you have this uneasy feeling. Also, your children would be scared for life and would not want to go back to see their grandparents! P.S. I am a stay at home mom of two children, 12 and 9. My husband and I have had very few nights out, because I don't have many people I can rely on to watch them. My time to travel will be when my kids leave for college, then my husband and I can do what we want...and the time goes fast, it seems they were just the age of your children and now she is going to be a teenager soon. The most I would do is one over night in a town that at most would be a one-two hour drive from your children.

Why don't you get there and see how the bonding goes? If Grandma and son do well during the first week you still have time to book a quick trip out of the country (or do you have to get visas, coming from Israel). If it's not comfortable though, don't do it. You will be furious with your DH and not enjoy the trip at all.
S.

Listen to your gut on this one! If you are not comfortable with the idea, you won't enjoy yourself anyway. I don't understand the persistant myself, just reading your post made me feel uncomfortable for you.

I would feel the same exact way you do. If your children knew his family better it might be a different situation. Especially considering your children's ages, it's not exactly like they just welcome strangers with open arms (which even though they are family they are still strangers to them). I hope whatever happens you have a great vacation and good luck!

Maybe, a little, but there's a lot involved with that question.
How well do YOU know your inlaws. If they are healthy people, active enough to care for 2 children and you are comfortable with their parenting skills, then you are being slightly unreasonable.

If you don't know them or are uncomfortable with the way they treat your kids, then you are on more solid ground.

On your husband's side, he probably sees this as a great opportunity for you to take a little side trip since he has already taken the time off from work and there are built-in babysitters that as grandparents would most likely LOVE the opportunity to spend time spoiling their grandkids.

You may feel you have plenty of time to travel, but he may feel it is hard to take time off from work and that there won't be that many opportunites like this. Now, if you will be spending a month with them in Israel every year, you could argue for a delay. The only thing is, health is precious, and the most vibrant, strong wonderful grandparent may become struck with leukemia (or some other ailment) out of the blue and then you no longer have that resource.

You say you are uncomfortable with it for many reasons. I think you need to examine those reasons and assess the merits of each one. As long as you are comfortable with the parenting skills of your inlaws, I feel the kids will be fine (I would wait until about week 3 of the trip, so they have a lot of time with all of you together first). But, whatever you decide, make sure you have a real conversation about the issues with your husband, otherwise there will always be resentment on the "losing side" of the arguement.

You are absolutely not wrong. First of all, your kids don't know the language so they won't be able to express their needs and wants.
You in-laws don't actually know your children's true personalities.
Your in-laws, are basically strangers. Your kids never got to spend time with them on a regular basis, even if you talk to your kids about them and let them hear their voices on the phone, they are still strangers.
Now, if you leave your children with them, the kids will feel abandoned. And you don't want them to get stressed out during your vacation. And you don't want to screw with their minds like that. that can cause some serious damage.
Besides, your youngest is still too young to be away from you. Your youngest is still the baby and the baby needs to be with mom.

If your husband really wants to get away, with out the kids, go out for the day, go to dinner alone with you...or not at all. Wait till the children are much older. And if he can't handle it, too bad for him.
I know what I am talking about. My husband, since my son was 1 years old, wanted to take my son to Thailand, where he is from, to meet the in-laws, I said absolutely not. That is not happening. I did, however, allow my husband take him when my son was 3 years old..plus, I just had our daughter and was not up to traveling with a new born.

All you have to do is put your foot down with what you are willing to do. I had to when it came to my son. Now, your husband may not be too happy with that, but your the mama.

I would feel the same way as you.
Since it is 'his' family that you'd be leaving your kids with, maybe this is why he is adamant that you both go away for 6 days. But this is in another country, Europe.
WHAT IF: while you are away, there is an emergency? HOW will you get back to your kids quickly? Or you may not be able to.

ALSO, your kids will be with people they do not know, nor speak their language, and be in a country with a different culture and habits... and they will have a different perspective on "parenting" your kids while you are away and different feelings about supervision of them and 'safety' etc. The list goes on.

I would not do it.
Child abduction as well, occurs.

And, is your 1.5 year old still nursing?

Again, I would NOT do it, nor let my Hubby make me.
Why is he "insisting" on it and "absolutely refusing" to compromise? You said you'd go for a weekend IN Israel.
WHY Europe, ONLY? Like you... I don't get it.
Does he have other reasons?

all the best,
Susan

I agree with you. I wouldn't leave my kids either. f for no other reason than the kids really don't know the in-laws.

You are not being unreasonable. Stick w/ your gut on this. I would never allow my small children to stay w/o me in a foreign place--family or no family! The fact that your kids don't know these family members well yet is enough of a reason not to leave them. In due time you can both travel without kids together. Now doesn't seem to be the right time.

Personally I would not go. They are in another country with people they barely know. No chance I'd go.

If you do, would you have fun or would your heart be with them?