Would You Let Your Baby's Grandparents Take Him on a Vacation Without You?

Your mother-in-law is being EXTREMELY unreasonable! I would NEVER leave my child alone even overnight at a relative's house. I don't care how close I am to them. And to another country? Are you kidding? What is your MIL thinking? Your child is 1 YEAR old! What if he would get extremely sick in Costa Rica? Besides, your son is way too young to be away from his parents, especially you. My daughter is 6 years old and I still don't allow her to sleep over relatives houses. You just never know what could happen.

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Short answer - absolutely not! No need to argue with the mil. You both say no, end of story, and no discussion. He is much too little for this and being out of the country on a long trip on a plane without mom or dad is just not going to happen.

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Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my baby leave the country without me, even if it's with a close family member. I'm sure Grandma means well, but that sort of trip is too discombobulating for such a little fella - especially without Mommy and Daddy.

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I absolutley would never; grandparent or not. We go through this every summer when my in-laws ask to take my eldest on vacation with them. I don't mean to hurt their feelings but the physical or emotional well being of my children is most important. They've stopped asked asking.

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ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! She is ridiculous for even asking you. It's completely absurd!

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Like you said if it was an overnight trip or weekend trip within a few hours from home, I would be ok. But taking a 1 year old to a foreign country without his parents....absolutely not! No offense but I think your mother-in-law is crazy for even asking the question. Don't feel bad about telling her no. You and your husband are the parents and are in charge of the safety of your child. I think sometimes the problem is is that grandparents, and especially the ones who babysit a child while the parents are at work, feel like they have a little more say in the raising and decisions of the child. They have to remember they had their children and made their decisions. Now it's their children's turn to take care of their children. Good luck with this and stand your ground!

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I would absolutely not allow her to take him! You are not being unreasonable at all.

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It sounds to me like you may have some other culture-clash issues going on here!

First off, I agree with you that your son sounds a little too young for such a trip. Even if you totally trust your in-laws to care for him, at that age, changes in diet, travel, etc. could be upsetting to him and you would miss him too much as well.

However, that said, I think you need to chill a little and look at your MIL's motives in wanting to include your son. Obviously she is proud of him and wants to show him off to the family back home. She also - very understandably- wants to expose him to that side of the family and their culture, etc.

My former MIL was Polish and also lived downstairs from us in a duplex early in my marriage. Although it was great to have her be able to watch my son when he was a baby, we also had many of the same 'possessiveness' issues, both with her and with my Polish sister in law.

Although it made me CRAZY at the time, I have come to realize that a lot of it was just cultural. Where they grew up and came from, it is the natural way for the older women in the family to raise the kids and act as more of an authority. That doesn't mean you have to just go along with it- but do realize that by your MIL's upbringing and experience, she probably does not see anything wrong or unusual in her suggestions and might be honestly confused about why you would not want your son to go.

Stick to your guns, but in a nice way! Explain to her that you just think he is too little and you and your husband would miss him too much at this age. Say that you would love to plan for the WHOLE family to go (maybe in a year or so?) and see everyone and thank her for the offer. Point out that your son is so young, he won't really remember much about the trip or the relatives he meets and he would get so much more out of it in a year or two when he is older.

My son is now 10 and he and I went to the UK with my mom in the Spring to visit our cousins and family in Wales. It was an UNFORGETTABLE experience and so great for my son! Traveling with my mom and being there with her made the trip really special and I will always be grateful to her for taking us. But in your case, 1 is too little.

Just remember that she is trying to do something nice for her grandson. Stick to your guns, but be nice about it!Good luck!

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Absolutely not. It sounds as if grandma and grandpa have forgotten who the parents are. What a ridiculous request, I can't believe they are serious.

Hold your ground, M.. And, good luck!

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I agree with you completely. My in-laws wanted to take my kids to Florida(ages 1+4),and I said no way. Plus I was still nursing my daughter at the time. I don't even like my kids to be driven around by other people. If something happened I would blame myself for going against my better judgement. You are the parent and ultimately others should respect your decisions.Good luck!

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Absolutely not. Do NOT feel guilty about it either. He's a baby and needs his momma. You are NOT being unreasonable. You're first instinct was no, stick to it like glue. I wouldn't even let my 8 year old go without me. Especially to a country with political unrest accessed only by plane.

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M.~

My daughter is 19 months old and we haven't let her sleep over without us, much less travel without us.
I would NOT let my child travel by airplane without me at 1 yr old, much less to a different country. You and your husband are being completely reasonable! Besides, how is your MIL really going to enjoy her trip and visit if she is also having to take care of a baby the whole time?

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No way!! Don't feel bad about your decision for even 1/2 a second. That is very nice that they watch your baby but it is your child and that is a heck of a request. That is something that you should ALL do together if anything.

Wow...no no and no!

I can't even comment on what age is ok because I can't imagine letting my child go with anyone to another country with out me. How about 18...LOL!

Seriously, I hope the only feeling you have is shock and you don't feel bad about your reaction or your decision because that is your baby and a trip like that should be with his parents, no question about it.

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Its my 2 cents..I think it is her right as grandparent to ask and your right as a parent to say yes or no!

If you are not ready tell her no ans say it politely so her feelings are not bruised.

V.

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To answer your question directly, your mother-in-law's request is not the norm in the United States and I know no one who would allow such a thing. You and your husband should not question your responses to her. You need no reason or justification for your answer and your reasoning is entirely sane. I also wonder why she didn't accept her son's refusal and then went to you. That sounds immature, like my child going to mom when dad says 'no.'

Besides all of the reasons you mentioned, what if she didn't return?!? We hear horror stories of these things happening once in a while.

It does sound like your mother-in-law is one of, if not the, primarily caregiver of your child in terms of number of hours spent with the child. It sounds like the bond is close and she feels like they shouldn't be apart. It could be very difficult for a one year old to be separated from a primary caregiver as this is the attachment period and you should take her abrupt departure very seriously in terms of your baby's mental health. How long will she be gone? Be sure that you and your husband spend some time transitioning your baby away from Grandma as she prepares to leave so it isn't a shock to your child.

My sister-in-law had an au pair for a year for her one year old, and when that girl left my niece stopped eating. The attachment period is very significant ( I don't say this to scare you, but to underscore how important your MIL could be if she spends many hours with your child.).

My daughter is almost 12 and she has never left the country with anyone but her parents. We have an aunt and uncle who would like to take her on an international trip, but she isn't ready anyway. I suggested a weekend in another city when SHE is ready to go. The child's readiness is everything, as well as the family's comfort level.

Good luck!

B.

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Hi M.,
A friend of mine couldn't stand even someelse holding her baby when she was born. I think it is completely understandable to not want your little guy to leave you for a longer trip. I also think you can just say it that way. It might be a more friendly answer. I would have much separation anxiety as my friend did and everyone understood her feelings once she explained it and they also stopped taking offense to them when they understood the magnitude of the emotions.
V.

How much do you pay her for putting her life on hold to take care of your child all day everyday?

You should feel blessed to have someone who cares enough about you and their grandchild to provide full time child care.

Your child is going to miss the person that takes care of him everyday.

I don't think her request was unreasonable. Is she from Costa Rica? In our family we allowed my mother in law who was kind enough to care for all of her grandkids at one time or another, to take the kids to her country with her for visits. Even at a very young age. The kids are better for it.

You guys are doing the right thing. My girls are 6 & 3 and they wouldn't be going on any plane ride without us, not to mention out of the country! Tell her if she wants the baby to go that bad then she can pay for your husband and you to go along as well! That just might be the thing that keeps her quiet. Stick to your guns you're doing the right thing. You would never forgive yourself if something happened and you let the baby go when you didn't want to.

Hello M.,
Beside being "not such a good idea" it isn't a benefit to anyone to take a BABY from it's parents to "go on vacation." Some countries even require the absent parent to provide a legal document to the travelling dad or mom when traveling alone with his or her own child when leaving the country!
We have sll seen too many bad things happen to children lately, and your mother-in-law can take some really great photos & videos along with her to show off, instead. Play it safe and don't let ANYONE take your baby (or child) out of the country without you!
M.
I am a mom of a 15 month old boy (whose father is from Istanbul, Turkey), with a second boy due in less than one month!

It's not like the child is old enough to remember a trip like that. I could see a day/weekend trip but not a long trip and not out of the country for such an infant! A teen would appreciate it more. I traveled abroad and my best memories were teenage years more than when I was 5.

I'm just repeating everyone else, but... no no no! There is no way I would allow anyone, even my mother who I love dearly, take my son out of state, let alone out of the country, without me. As well meaning as your mother-in-law is, she is the one being unreasonable. It's practically ludicrous! I don't think I'd let my son go on a trip like that until he was 12 or so, at the very earliest.

Tell her firmly but gently that while you trust her, there are too many variables and if anything were to happen to him, you know neither of you would forgive yourselves and it's best not to even take the chance, and the best place for him is at home with his mommy & daddy, who couldn't bear to be without him that long.

You don't need to justify it to us or anyone else. You and your husband agree - problem solved. Good luck M. P and keep up the great job with your little one!

Hi M.! You answered the question in your post! You said, ". He's a baby, he's mine, and we'd miss each other." You are absolutely right! These are great reasons and they are the only ones that you need. I wouldn't allow it, for MANY reasons. What if your baby got sick? Needed medical care? The list could go on!
Your mother-in-law is unreasonable, she is forgetting that YOU and your husband are the parents, NOT HER! She also tried to pit you and your husband against each other by asking you separately AND after she got a no from your husband. What a manipulator!
If your MIL gives you anymore trouble tell her that you are concerned that she is disrespecting your decisions as parents and if she wants to continue to care for them that she needs to respect EVERY decision that you make. Otherwise, one day you will wake up and realize that she is controlling you. Trust me, I KNOW!

Don't give away your authority as parents!

My step mother in law asked me the same question when my son was 1 year old. More so she made a statement assuming that I will leave him with them for a whole day and I would just take off shopping.
Anyone that assumes you are okay with this insane proposal needs to have a reality check.
I think you are absolutely correct to refuse the trip without your 1 yr old and I would beware about other decisions the MIL makes for your child. Apparently you have very different views of how to approach this very obvious question.

Hi, M.! This is late and you have probably made your decision, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with that trip either. The baby would need a passsport; use that as your excuse if you feel you need one. To me international travel is just too risky and you have no control. Good luck and I hope your mother-in-law will understand whatever decision you make. If put in the same position when her children were young, i wonder if she'd agree to such a trip. Best, S.

Nope, I wouldn't. But I think some posters responses are a little hostile and that isn't necessary. She loves your baby and kindness goes such a long way. You are so blessed to have family close by helping out and what little baby can't use that extra love from grandma?!

Wow...I think that is a crazy thing to ask of a mom and her one year old, but that is just me. I think it is great what the other posters have said, "It is ok for her to ask and ok for you to say no!" I would never allow this either. It is your right as a parent to do as you see fit for your child. Do not waiver on that right.

Blessings to you
B.

The answer to this depends on your comfort level. For me I would let my child's grandparents take him, but I am very close to them and we have a wonderful relationship and his first time away form home was with them for a week. I did miss him alot and I was in school like you and this was durning finals.
If you do not want him gone saying no is not shelfish. He is your child and your responsibility.

All I can say is NO, I would not let my baby go out of the country with anyone, even if I knew they loved them almost as much as I do. What if the baby got sick, I am not even sure they can seek medical Tx w/ out the parent being present.

Would I let my child go? NOOOOOOOOOOOOONOOOOOOOOOOONOOOOOOOO! Absolutely NOT. END OF STORY, should never be brought up again!

Absolutely not! There's way too much involved with international travel for a baby to be without any of his legal guardians - I'm a grandmother, my grandson lives in the Dominican Republic and I would never even think of bringing him here without one of his parents....and he's 2. I'm not even sure of the legalities of taking that small a child to another country! I don't think I'd even be ok with someone other than a parent taking him across the US at his age. I'm not even sure of the legalities of taking that small a child to another country! ...and airport security, etc....

My grandparents used to take us on vacation without our parents, but not until we were 4 or 5.

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable with this. My daughter has spent weekends with both sets of grandparents since she was a couple months old, but they are both within an hour's driving distance. I think you should politely decline the invitation. Give your MIL the benefit of the doubt, she probably just got excited about the idea and got a little ahead of herself. Most likely she meant no harm, although it would irk me that she asked each of you separately. If it was me, I would say to your MIL kindly, while hubby is in the room, "Hubby mentioned your invite for the trip, but after discussing we both feel this isn't something we are comfortable with at this point, thanks for the generous offer though." Insert smile here, and change the subject. Since your MIL spends so much time with your little one, she obviously loves him and I don't think there is any reason to hurt her feelings with a rude response. When it comes to in-laws its all about setting up boundaries and picking your battles. You are the parents, be firm but kind and go with what feels right to you. If she continues to bring it up, keep repeating "no", don't give her a million justifications, she will get the point.

I think I would wait to allow family to take my son out of the country. But, I did allow my parents to take my son to California to visit our relatives when he was 11 months old. They were gone for 5 days. I missed him, but he had a good time. My son will be 19 months in December, and my parents are planning on taking my son for a short trip over the New Year holiday.
Do what you believe is right, if you are not comfortable with your MIL taking your child out of town then it's probably best to wait.
Good luck!!

I would do what feels right for you and your little family. Personally my in-laws never even see the kids without me. I spend a lot time with my kids by myself so I don't always have my husband when I take them to do things. I would not take my child out of the country without at least one parent. Do to many societal unrests all over the world not to mention accidents can happen even at home. Did you know that your child can not get medical care in this country without a parent's consent? Your mother-in-law can't even take him for a check-up without your written consent. What if something happens and he needs medical attention in a foreign country? Medicines and procedures are done differently in different countries and if you mil wouldn't make the same medical decisions as you that is something to consider as well. You would also have to apply for a passport for your little one. That can be pricey. I can't imagine you trying to get your little one to sit for a passport picture. These are just some of the what if scenarios. It really depends on you and your child. If you don't feel your child is ready to leave the country with someone other than you than that is your decision. You know your husband is backing you if he said no first so I think you are good. Good luck!

Absolutely not. I would never let my child go away that long until they are old enough to make good decisions--teenager?

Stay firm.

You are not unreasonable. There is no way I would say yes. We are not talking about borrowing your camera, we are talking about taking your child out of the country. I am sure your mother in law has the best of intentions, but it is your job to make the right choices for your child, even if not everyone is happy with your choice.

No way!!! Going out of the country with neither parent is unreasonable. I cannot believe that such a question would even be asked. It doens't matter how much she babysits your child, you are the parent, she is not.

I agree with you. Sorry no way in the world would I let my parents or his take our young child out of our home for an extended period of time - especially out of the country. Hopefully your husband will peacefully tell them not this time. Good luck.

Not in a million years would I allow my baby to be taken out of the country. I wouldn't even like it if my child was a teenager, but at least then I'd consider it.

Right now, your gut instinct is spot on. It's all of you, or none....and with the state of the world today, I'd stay home.

Your mother-in-law's sister can set up a web cam and "visit" your baby that way...or send her a DVD.

NO, not until he/she is 10 years old. Your mother inlaw should know better. Your child IMMUNE SYSTEM has not developed and 99.9% he/she will be sick.

1. I AM a grandma.. and I babysit my 1 year old grandson several days a week. .. I could NEVER think of asking such a question of my daughter or her fiance' !! Maybe if the child was older.. maybe 7 or 8 or older.. when they can do a few things for themselves, including useing a phone for help if needed. And THEN ..not out of the country. I might consider taking him somewhere if I thought it would be educational for him, or esspecially fun.. but NEVER a 1 year old. Not with out at least a parent. What would a 1 year old get out of a trip like that anyway. He'd not learn or remember anything later in life from a trip now anyway. .. You and your husband are totally right.. Don't back down..
P.S. I do remember taking a trip as a child with Aunts and Uncles to see relitives I used to write too all the time.. The relitives I went to see were 2 Great Uncles that were mentaly challenged and in an institution. It was a 3 day trip..and I was 10. Old enough not to cry about leaving home for a few days. Old enough to remember the trip to this day. It was very educational.. and I continued to write to them until thier passing a few years later.

I would have never let my kids go on vacation without me when they were babies. The first time my daughter went on an airplane trip with my parents, she was six years old. Every family is different. My mom takes the grandchildren to visit my brother and their cousins to California. She has always had the rule that they must be in grade school (first grade or older) to go with her on a vacation without parents. She did my daughter and myself to Arizona when she was nine months, but I went along!

I have to agree with you. I would not let my parents or my husbands parents take my child out of a 25 mile radius.LOL! I know how it is when you rely on your childs grandparents to take care of them while you go to work/school. You sometimes feel like you have to bend a little on your principles because they are helping you out but I think it is beyond ridiculous for her to even argue the issue with you. He is YOUR child, yes she may be a big part of his life but you are his mother. I honestly think it would be way too stressful for everyone, especially your son. I would tell her that although you appreciate the offer you are not comfortable being away from your son. I think you are doing the right thing, I know her heart is in the right place but nobody loves your son or knows what is best for him but you. Good luck, I hope she drops the issue without it causing a strain on your relationship. Trust your judgement, if something doesn't feel right it probably isn't.

I have to agree with you and your husband. I would not let my extended family take my 2 year old son out of the country without me. There are just too many things that could happen. Not to mention you will need to get a passport for your son. I feel the same as you that if it was an hour or so away, I might consider it, but not out of the country. I do think that your MIL is being unreasonable, but then mine would do the same thing. Just stick to what you and your husband want to do because you are the parents not your MIL.
Good luck!

Absolutely not! You are not being unreasonable whatsoever. I guess I am curious why you are still thinking about this. Hopefully you and your husband were firm with your answer and they understood. If they still don't understand your reasonings then in my opinion it is that much more important to have boundaries with them ... because it would likely lead to the grandparents then thinking they have more say in that childs life than they do, however generous and kind a gesture they may think their ideas to include him are. If they want to take a trip however there should be no holding them back just because they care for your son while you are work/grad school. They should get time off too.

(PS) How old should the child be? Depends on the child. But I think the child needs to be old enough to be in on the decision. Ten or older!

I absolutely do not think that a one year old should be separated from his parents for an extended period of time. This is not a business trip where he stays in a familiar environment while you are gone.

If she really wants him to go, she can pay for one of you to go too.
And you can still say no. This is your child.

Even after saying that, each family and child is different. The time will be right for him when you feel it is so, and it seems logical. Since you and your husband are both against it, it is obviously not right for your family.

Stand your ground and protect your boundaries.

You are in no way being reasonable. She is asking a lot and I would have the same gut reaction--no. You are not comfortable with the idea and it's way more than an overnight trip in another town. Just simply tell her you and your husband aren't ready for that and that's that.

My daughter turns 2 next month and I've still only done weekends with the grandparents. I didn't do any overnights without me until she was 18 months. I'm also going to visit my sister in England in February after she has her 1st baby and we can't afford to all go so I'll be leaving her behind with her Dad. I know I will miss her terribly and can't even imagine having been apart from her for that long when she was 1 year old.
Having said that it really doesn't matter what I think and it doesn't matter what your mother-in-law thinks, what matters is what you and your husband think. It's great that you are on the same page! Your mother-in-law needs to accept that you just don't feel ready yet. Tell her you'll let her know when you are, so she feels like it will happen someday. Maybe that'll get her off your back.

Hi M.,
I would not let my son out of the country without me either. Is that even legal?
Regardless though, you would likely have some problems with immunizations. I'm not sure that by 1 year old he would have received all the immunizations he would need. I went to Costa Rica at age 32 and had to get some immunizations first. He might not even be old enough to get some of the required ones. The CDC probably lists the recommended vaccines on its website, and you can check at what age they recommend children receive them.

Don't do anything you are not completely Ok with. I know I wouldn't let my 1 year old leave for a week either. I guess my only question is you said she babysits for you, does she think she can't go because you won't have a babysitter? Maybe she thinks she is doing you a favor by taking the baby with you so you won't stress over a babysitter. Just a thought, but that would not be a reason to give in. I certainly wouldn't allow that to keep them from going. Reassure her you can take a week off while they are gone or start looking for alternative child care arrangements. Is there anyway possible you can all go on the trip? Sounds like a fun family vacation to me!

I'm not sure if I'd allow it or not, but that's irrelevant. I don't think it's at all unreasonable for you to say no - regardless of the living situation or child's age. I know you have your reasons (all make sense), but it might be easiest to just say "I'd miss him too much"... no matter what she says or how she justifies it, just keep repeating "I'd miss him too much". She can't argue much with that. And it takes two sides to have an arguement, so that way you're ending it by refusing to discuss it.

Hi M.,

I wouldn't let any of my in-laws (sisters and mother)take a trip with my 1-year-old without my husband and me. I didn't like it when they wanted to take him to the zoo without me! The reason for this was it was his first time to the zoo, and I didn't want to miss that. I feel that I am his mother and I want to share every minute with him when he is at those precious years. The only time I let my brother and sister-in-law take my child (who was one at the time) was one night after my wedding. I agreed only because we were in the same city.

So, I don't think you are unreasonable...just realistic.

M.,
I do not think you, nor your husband, are being unreasonable at all. I would not my parents or inlaws take my 6 and 3 year old out of the country, and I would think hard before I would even let them go on a trip out of town with them. We have had our children stay with our parents when we have gone away for 1-3 nights. Our parents do not even live in the same state as us, so it was difficult logistically to even have them do that. But that is very different from having your child go on a trip with your parents without you!
When would I let my children go out of the country without me? Hard to say. Maybe high school? But it would be hard!

No, I would not feel comfortable with this whatsoever.

In my opinion, this is an absurd request on her part. You do not owe her an explanation other than "We're just not ready for this. Sorry."

Hi M.,

I think everyone has different ways of raising their children and what they are comfortable with. The best you can do is figure out what you are comfortable or uncomfortable with and then starting looking at why. If all the "why's" make sense, then stick with it.

I live very close to my parents (less than 1 mile away). My child is 13 now and they have watched her before and after school (taken her to/from school). I think this is a choice of theirs and should be appreciated, but I don't think it means you "owe" them something they want and are uncomfortable with doing. My parents have asked to take my daughter out of the country multiple times. My answer is still no (and they are not from any other country). I use to let them go to their timeshare (in another state) for 1 week without me (when she was 9 or 10) until she got severely sick on the trip once and they refused cut the trip short and to bring her home even though she was miserable. (They drove so this wasn't a matter of getting a flight/transportation).

I explain to my parents that I think a trip of that nature (out of country) should not be without me. There are too many crazy things that happen when traveling to other countries.

In your situation, I would definitely try to make this trip in the future together. Then, after that, listen to what you are comfortable with and if at some point you think that you would be comfortable with it, then make a change.

Best wishes to you.

Hi M. If you and your husband don't feel comfortable about this, then don't let him go!! I think a child should be about to able to take care of some of his needs such as: toliet train, talk well and put on their clothes themselves before traveling with someone other than his/her parents. So 5 or 6 yrs old is a good age to start. The older the better.

I don't think you're unreasonable...I think your MIL needs some boundaries. Although it's great that she's loving, you don't ever do anything you're not comfortable with when it comes to your baby. You're his mama and you shouldn't have to be unreasonably uncomfortable just because someone else wants to hang with your little guy. I am really close to my family, but they wouldn't ever consider taking my 1 year-old out of town. Now 2...to an ice show or something...maybe, but that's about it.

Oh my! I don't know how she could even think this was reasonable. Would she have allowed her son to be taken from the country by her mother in law when he was one?

As far as an age, I probably wouldn't consider it until at least 10 but more likely young teenage years. My mother in law has been waiting (on her own accord)to take our 8yo on a short trip to visit some relatives about 3 hours away. She hasn't wanted to do it yet as she didn't think he was quite old enough. She is just now saying that she thinks he is ready and we agree. But she is only going one state over.

NO WAY! My son is 9 and I wouldn't let anyone else but me or his father take him out of the country. We are divorced so I wouldn't even be crazy about his father taking him but he is his dad. You are not being unreasonable in the lease bit and your mother-in-law is not thinking of the ramifications. What if she takes him and has a horrible time on the plane and then when he gets there missing you he will be crying all the time and unhappy. Its really a moot point as I think she is out of her mind to even ask such a thing.

Every one is different. I would not let my parents or my husbands parents take my son at that young age. But every family is different.

Hi M.!

I just wanted to respond real quick to tell you that you are not being unreasonable at all. There is no way that I would let anyone take my child on vaction especially to another country. We've had the same situation with my mother-in-law asking us to leave our 2 year old daughter with her in Minnesota. It's not out of the country, but it is six hours away and I don't feel like my daughter is ready for that yet. Not to mention, I don't think that anyone can take care of a child like mom and dad. Just my opinion and like you, I would hate for something to happen to her!!! You have made the right decision! :)

I allowed my kids to travel with their grandparents on special vacations around the age of ten. This allowed for them to have special time together and to discuss it ahead of time. I agree with the other emails on this topic...that your baby belongs at home with you and you will need to plan for vacation time from school/work and/or a different childcare provider while your MIL/FIL are on their trip.
I also agree that if you were being invited to participate in the trip, then it would be a different decision. We also travelled as a family with baby's grandparents when our children were small and it was noisy but a nice thing to have the family all together.

Hi M., I think you have gotten lots of replies affirming that it is not unreasonable for you & your husband to not send your 1 y.o. on a trip without you. My parents are always asking me to send the kids on a plane to them. I am not ready for this.

How awesome that you have your MIL to watch your son on a regular basis. It sounds like your MIL gets to spend a lot of time with your son. She may have asked thinking about how much she would miss your son while she was gone, wondering who would watch him while she was away and wanting to show him off to her sister. She may not even thought about any of this from the perspective of you and your husband.

I don't know when or if we will be sending our kids on a vacation without us. For now, I tell my parents, "I'm not ready yet" and then I throw out some alternatives if they want to see the kids more. There are a lot of risks with travel and as a parent I enjoy sharing these experiences with them. I guess I will be more likely to change my mind when they are old enough to minimize some of the risks involved with travel and vacationing away from home. another part of my decision is considering if they are missing out on opportunities that would help them grow in a positive way.

Good luck with your MIL.

You have to go with your gut; if you don't want him to go, don't. Our girls are almost 4 and 18 months, and we have yet to leave them with anyone more than one night. Your in-laws should understand and respect your feelings on this, and not make you feel guilty. Stand your ground; he's your son.
Congrats and good luck!

I think it is ridiculous that your MIL even asked. Heck no I would not let ANYONE take my child out of the country. My son is five and I am not even ready to let him spend a week in Ohio with my in-laws yet. He is your baby, not hers, and if she wants to show him off, she can show him off to people in the neighorhood. I honestly don't think there is any age at which I'd be comfortable letting my child go on an extended trip without me and/or his dad.

I realize this is cultural (as Elizabeth mentioned in another response) but your MIL needs to realize this is not something you are comfortable with.

I took my less than one year old daughter 16 hours away to visit my family in another state for three weeks without my husband. He couldn't get the time off to visit for any extended lengths of time and I want my children to bond with my family as much as humanely possible considering the distance.

You and your hubby can't go, but she wants to show off her grandson to her family. She's proud of him and she knows you two aren't able to go.

You seem to forget that she raised your husband and maybe some other children just fine. I'm sure she traveled with them when they were small. Did she ever take her own children to Costa Rica when they were small? You don't think she loves her grandson and would be even more protective than she was with her own children.

Is it dangerous in Costa Rica? Are there kidnappings? Have you ever been there to see your husband's family? He's young and won't remember, but over the years if she is allowed to take him, it will probably be the most exciting and memorable events of his life. And if she's willing to pay the expenses why not?

Is it just that you would miss him? Do you seriously think his mental or physical development will be damaged by some time away from you and his father? Seriously he will be with his grandmother not strangers. He will be loved and doted on by all her relatives.

Do you question her abilities as a caregiver? Do you think she's irresponsible? Does she let him wonder around or do things that are dangerous? If you said yes to any of those questions, then why do you let her watch him?

I think you will just miss him and can't stand it. Unless you are afraid for his safety with her or in Costa Rica or you think she will stay there with him in essence kidnapping him....then I don't see the big deal.

With my first I had the hardest time leaving her for an hour with my mother. It had nothing to do with my mother or her abilities...I mean she raised me succesfully. It had everything to do with my heart being ripped out when I left her. I got over it and my kids have developed very strong,loving bonds with their grandparents.

I wish my own parents had let me spend more time with my grandparents that lived 13 hours away. I never really developed the really strong bond that I think grandkids should grow with grandparents.

I think you are missing out an opportunity to have your son grow stronger bonds with his grandmother, his relatives in Costa Rica and the future ability to learn so much about his heritage (though I realize he can't now).

If it's just too hard for you to let go at this time, then be honest with grandma and tell her it would just rip your heart out too much, but you promise that when he's older (set a date....like three or four before school starts) that you will allow him to travel with her and see her relatives.

NO WAY!!!!! You're on the right track, girl! Stick with your gut. A baby or toddler or preschooler NEEDS his/her mom and dad. That could be emotionally damaging for your child (and you!) to be separated night and day for a week!

You might already have a million answers to this. But maybe she wants to take him along to aleviate her guilt about the fact that she wants to go on a vacation and can't babysit. I wouldn't let my mother take my baby (ies) at the time to a DePaul basketball game so Costa Rica would be really far away.Encourage her to go and have a good time without the baby. That might make her feel pretty good and she can come back fresh.

I think your mother-in-law is completely nuts! There's no way I'd ever agree to that. I won't even agree to let our 4 year old stay out of town at my husband's aunt's house! My feeling is that until the child is old enough to request a sleep over with grandma or whomever that is just isn't necessary. And there's no way I'd let my kids leave the country without me and my husband.

Also, even if I agreed with your mother-in-law, which I do not, you are the mother, and she should respect your opinion no matter what. You get to decide where your son goes!

NO WAY. I dont care who it is, i would not let my baby go anywhere without me at that age, even if it was my own mother or father and they watch him. NO WAY. Stick to your decision. I wouldnt even think about it until he is much older, maybe 6 or later and i would still have a hard time with it. That is out of the country so i dont know if id ever let him go without me.

Absolutely not. The idea of it is insane.

If they were going to visit some where in the continental USA I would say yes, but since it is out of the country, THERE WOULD BE NO WAY! It is really simple that this your child and a lot of things can happen and you would have no control. That includes kidnappings, bodily injury, illness, etc. Unfortunately this is a fact.
You baby is only a year old and that is just to young to be away from his mother and father.

That is my 2 cents and strongly stand by that.

God Bless,
S.

Regardless of what I would do, regardless of what your mother-in-law wants, you are the parents and have made your decision. It is a reasonable one. So that should be the end of it. Don't feel bad about it at all since it is only YOUR decision to make.

You are not being unreasonable at all. Although it is very possible your 1 yr cries for grandma when she leaves, my 18 month old would cry when the babysitter left. Any person the child is close to can get this reaction. I would not even let my husband take the kids to Mexico last year because there was no way for me to step-in in an emergency. Going on an overnight trip and going out of the country are totally different. I can see why grandma would be upset but she needs to understand that you are not comfortable at this point in time for this kind of trip. I don't think I would be comfortable with this until mine were 15 or so.

I don't think anyone is being unreasonable - it's fine for her to ask, and it's fine for you to say no.

I would not want to be away from my kids without me until I was ready for it. I don't think there's a specific age - I spent summers with my grandparents starting at age 5 - but I do think it's purely up to what the parents want. I didn't like being away from my kids at that age for even one night - purely because I missed them!

Hi M.,

i definitely would not let my daughter go on any trip without me! She is also one year old (and was born just six months after our wedding, so I can relate to the busy marriage part!). I haven't even let a babysitter take her outside in the stroller without me, and to put it in reverse of what you said, I would be very unhappy if my husband were to travel somewhere with her and without me. So no, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, and in any case, you don't/shouldn't have to explain yourself in this matter! Maybe when she was around 5 years old, I would start considering such things. Hang in there!

You are absolutely right!! I think grandparents sometimes forget who the parents are and it doesn't hurt to remind them. What isn't sitting with me well is why they want to take your baby without you?

It sounds like up until now your mother-in-law has been very helpful and reasonable. I am sure, since she lives downstairs from you & babysits for you regularly, that she is very close to you, your son, and, of course, her own son. That being said, taking your son to Costa Rica, without you or your husband seems like quite a HUGE request. Not only is she leaving the country, I am sure she would be gone more than overnight or a long weekend. No matter how close she is to your son & no matter how well she takes care of him, she isn't you or your husband. Bottom line, you and your husband have the right to decide what is best for your son. It's interesting that she asked her son first. When he said "no," she then asked you. I am glad for you that your husband seems to feel the same as you do about this. If she continues to pressure you or make you feel unreasonable, I hope you & your husband can tell her that it's not that you don't love her or trust her or think she is a good caretaker (obviously you do trust her & think she takes good care of your son) but that this type of vacation is something neither of you are comfortable with right now. Heck, show her all of our replies if you have to!!! Good luck!!!

Hi M.! I thought I would add a comment from another perspective that may help you in the future. For many years in my early childhood, my dear Grandmother told me that she was going to take me on vacation to Hawaii with her. I heard this for many years...but it never came to fruition (even though she continued to travel there.) As an adult, I now understand that after my Grandfather died, she no longer felt confident to take me on her own. But it was very confusing as a child...why I never got to go. As your son gets older, you may want to be aware of what his Grandmother is promising and help him set realistic expectations (based upon your plans -- not until he's older, etc.) It wasn't a major issue for me...but I definitely could have used my parents stepping in and helping me understand the situation better.

Best Wishes!