After working in a sales environment for the last 15-16 years I am begininning to think that my heart has really always been more at home than at the office, ever since I had a child 6 years ago. I am worried about the loss of income, the loss of "control" in the family earnings/spending department, and losing what I've associated my own self to be; ie "a worker bee." I feel that opting to stay home with my child should be one of the easiest decisions of my life, but why isn't it?
I cannot thank you all for all of the very personal and heartfelt responses. It is extremely comforting to hear so many different suggestions and success stories, as well as fallbacks, from all the sides of this topic!
For me, I am finding that the sales job I have held (at various companies) for so many years, no longer means anything to me. The money is very important but to tell the truth, the cons of staying in a job I no longer love versus the pros of breaking out and doing something new (albeit paycheck-free) may be the new adventure I am leaning towards.
It's a really bad job market in which to do this, but I feel that the extraordinarily unhappy at the office Me has been leading towards unhappy in life (and home and mommyhood) altogether Me. I may or may not make it exclusively as an Stay-At-Home-Mom forever, and may start from the ground up if I later to decide to enter back into another field in the work-outside-of-the-home arena; but I am going to give it my best. The husband is very supportive and we are working on a plan. All I can do now is give it my best!
Wow...what can I say, I was home for a while and then got back to work, I LOVE working, not to mention I was really glad I had a good resume when I needed to go back again because I divorced...whatever you decide always keep in mind that financial independence is a MUST for a woman and I say even more for a mother...you never know in life! See what are other options but don't give up wprking completely. My personal advice.
No advice but I'm going through the same thing. My work is like my second home. I've have friends here I've known much longer than my husband... And I never have to ask my husband about spending money now, I worked long and hard to get my position etc. It's not an easy decision! And almost all my friends also work so I wonder if I won't have as much in common with them and they almost might resent me a bit...
I think the decision is different for everyone. You have a long and strong and what sounds like a positive experience in Sales/Work. Making the change is a BIG shift, so of course, it's difficult. It will be rewarding in a very different way, but you will be dealing with all of the things you described - but who knows, you may not feel it as you fear. But being an at home parent is a GREAT thing and a heck of a lot of work - very rewarding.
You may be leaving the corporate world, but that doesn't mean you can't work. Your child is 6 years old and in school, so I'm guessing you will have some time on your hands during the day. Depending on your time frame for transitioning, you may want to brainstorm with friends/family about how you can use your skills/connections, etc once you leave the corporate position. You MAY even be able to work something out with your company so you can telecommute or work part time. Sales positions tend to be more flexible, so you never know. Try to be open to the change and make it fun for yourself - be creative - you never know what might happen!
Isn't your child at school all day? If so then perhaps you could go part time until you and your husband can be financially set for you to stay at home more.
If you have the money put aside for their college education and several months of operating expenses in a safe place then retiring is something you can look at. Also having credit cards and other outstanding debt paid off. You certainly don't want to lose your home or transportation if your husband looses his job or the economy keeps where it is.
I was listening to the radio one day and it was on a Christian station. The person speaking was a financial planner and he said that staying home can be quite equal to working. The savings in child care, dry cleaning and extra laundry, gasoline expenses for traveling to and from work and maybe even traveling for work, all kinds of things to take into consideration. I don't know if it was Dr. Dobson or Dave Ramsey. Both are good planners but I am inclined to think it was Focus on the Family and Dr. Dobson speaking.
Do some research and visit with your husband about planning to retire from the business world. If you are both on the same page then start working on achieving the goals you set and get them accomplished and then you can leave work guilt free.
i am clueless as to why you'd think this would be easy lol. i work in an office, but i have a "job" not a career - and i can't even begin to think of my life without it. it's who you are! not to mention the loss of income. no, this is a huge step no matter how you look at it. i think those who consider walking away from a life you have always known of working hard and being proud of a job well done simple and a big vacation...well...maybe...haven't? being a sahm mom is a wonderful and difficult job as well...but it ain't the same. you are literally leaving an old life and starting new. that's never easy. good luck!
I, too, had a really difficult time making this decision. Ultimately, I decided to leave my job -- but more because I felt I was totally burnt rather than I felt my children or family were suffering because I was working.
Things I found about myself when I left my corporate job:
- It took me a while (like, over a year) to stop defining myself by my outside job. I had a hard time introducing myself without adding "...and I recently retired from XYZ company as -----."
- I had used the parameters of my job to help keep me on schedule, organized and focused at home. It took me a while to define a schedule and keep things moving forward at home -- and I could still improve at that, years later. I definitely benefitted from the externally imposed structure.
- I really enjoyed using the skills I acquired at my job in volunteer work in my daughters' school and in my community. And sometimes it still makes me crazy that SOME people/moms who never worked outside the home just don't get how to manage a project without it being about friends and personalities. I mean, we can and should certainly enjoy each others' company & have fun, but please can we get some work done without gossiping about whoever isn't in the room?
I got a funny (and unexpected and disappointing) initial reaction from my kids (who are as change-averse as I am). They were really upset that our nanny wouldn't be there anymore! It took a while, but they came to see that Mom could be as good to have around as the nanny. Guess all my worries about them suffering because I wasn't always home were for naught!
Still, for me, it was a good decision. Good luck making yours. It's not as much a "no brainer" as others think, and it doesn't mean you don't love your family because you also enjoy your work outside. Each family works through these things in the way that works best for them.
I was just interviewed on the radio about this exact topic....seque-ing from corporate to home-based businesswoman/mompreneur. You can earn money, as I have, while raising a child. You can hear my interview here:
http://ow.ly/3NQG6
It mentions my website...you'll have no problem contacting me at www.toysofdiscovery.com if you are interested in doing what I do, which involves helping other parents to enrich the lives of their children.
When I was pregnant with my 3rd child, we decided that the best decision for the family was for me to stay at home. This turned out to be very difficult for me, and I realized that I admired those moms who were successful at staying at home. Once my baby was in half day kindergarten, I went back to work part time, and have been working ever since.
Everyone is different, and I found that for me, my self-steem comes from a paycheck. Even volunteering at what I do best - teach children - was not as satisfying as making money while doing what I love. I do not make excuses or look down on myself; I simply accept myself as I am.
My suggestion is for you to find your best you - and then you will be the best mom you can be. If you are unhappy staying at home full-time, you probably will not be the best mom. If you are working but are unhappy, once again you probably are not the best mom. Best of luck on your journey!
I've been struggling with that myself lately and was thinking that you don't necessarily have to give up work completely since the kids are school for more than half the day. I am kind of in sales as well and have been doing it for about as long as you and I don't find it rewarding anymore. Was thinking of getting into something more rewarding that would allow me to be home more as well. If you find a happy medium between work and home please let us know... Lots of luck.
If you continue in the corporate world you will probably want to jump ship within the next few years anyway :) I worked for a huge corporation in management for 15 years as well and jumped ship when I began my family. One day I looked around me and wondered what was the eternal significance to some big corporate giant profited from my work. I do believe that the significance at home is high! :)
When my husband's business took a turn for the worse after I had been home for years doing simply the "mommy thing" I began working from home. I get as much, if not more, satisfaction from what I am doing now and my kids loved having me around...(My girls are now 15 and 18)
You can be the "worker bee" in a different environment. Examine where you will have the most impact. Have you ever read "The indispensable man?" My boss used to send it around once a year for everyone to read, sign and initial.....He wanted to make sure no one thought they were more valuable than the next. You ARE more valuable than the next at home. You cannot be replaced there. Look at your family's need for you and don't worry about "losing" anything....you are gaining so much more!
My two cents!
M.
It's NEVER an easy decision...for all of the reasons you stated...either way you are making a sacrifice...you are either sacrificing time with your child while they are young to be at work, or you are sacrificing advancement in your career if you stay at home (as well as the extra money, etc.). I have been at home for almost 4 years now and am just coming to peace with my decision! I don't love being home every day...it's tedious and hard sometimes...but so is doing the work/home balance...I wouldn't have it any other way though!
Hi CO! It is a big decision and given how, often, we define ourselves through our jobs it can really play head games! I experienced similar feelings years ago, having been in corporate health care for 12 years...and truly had burned out and I had my first baby who I wanted to be home with. I always had a pit in my stomach on Sunday nights before having to return to work on Mondays! I decided I needed to take control of my life and find a way to be in charge of my time, income and happiness. Luckily I am a big dreamer and decided I'd find a way. (you should have seen the look on my husbands face when I told him I needed to make big changes! But...he's been a great supporter of me!) MY suggestion is to begin focusing on what you DO want...and not what you fear.(all normal and understandable concerns and fears) and write down a clear picture of the life you want to lead. I did that many years ago as a result of a book I had read and it has changed my life! I always wanted to be home, but knew that I thrive on connecting with people and creating income on some level...I love being a 'mompreneur!' I am living that life now(not without falling back in to fear and doubt from time to time) and I absolutely know you can create a balance in your life that will serve you, your child and your family!
Feel free to contact me if you want to bounce some things around and I can fill you in on a couple of things that really changed my life. I love having these conversations with women who truly are ready to make some of these big life changes! Good for you for putting it out there....!
I know it is a hard decision...I was a stay at home mom, then went to work FT when oldest started kindergarten. That lasted four years. The job was great, but the stress along with it was too much with the stress of making sure I was ontime picking up the kids, asking for time off when they were sick...an on and on. I ended up starting a home business to give me some income and flexibility. The difference was I treated it like a business, not a hobby. Now I make business income, not hobby income. There are ways to get the best of both worlds.
Good luck
Any habit we form over years is hard to change. And then there is the human tendency toward pride - it can be as an at home mom or as a corporate person or whatever. Yes, control is a big issue, too, for sure. But the great thing about being human is that we can make decisions which are hard and require sacrfice and thrive. The PTA really needs you - you will definitely find outlets for your strengths and abilities - just without a paycheck. I find it helpful to think about the fact that I am always going to be involved - sitting watching tv during the day just isn't part of my life. So, either I have a paid job or a volunteer job - being a mom and being involved in my community - I'm off to read with 6 year olds and then do library time for my daughter's class, then help with a fundraiser for my other daughters' school.
It was a hard choice for me. I am enjoying being home but you might miss the comraderie of work. I am ok about the financial part but as long as you stay busy at home you will find it is a lot of fun (but tiring too!). Enjoy!
Change is scary. When you really want it you will do it tho. A lot of women are afraid to be sahm's because it's such hard work and a job we don't go to college and get a degree for. It's more like having a "practice" than a job. When you feel that the extra money isnt worth what your child needs from you by being more available, you won't have a hard time leaving your outside job. If you feel that home and child are doing okay while you work outside of the home then there is no reason to give up your career. You just have to weigh the pros and cons and it's different for EVERYone.
Not everyone is cut out to stay at home. It doesnt make you a bad parent!! Good and bad parenting has nothing to do with whether you work, or work at home, or just stay home with your kids. It is quality, not quantity time. I for one, found out that I am a better mom when I work outside of the home. Dont feel pressured to do either, make the decision that is right for you and for your kids based on who you are, what their needs are, and what YOUR needs are! Best of luck.
