L.N. asks from Newburgh, NY on February 10, 2008
Questions on Miscarrige
Last Friday, at 11 weeks pregnant, we found out that the baby did not have a heartbeat anymore. After 2 additional ultrasounds, a D&C was performed on Wednesday. I was prepared for the emotional piece, but I totally wasn't expecting to feel so physically sick! The cramps! Not sleeping at night! The tears!
I was just wondering if anyone who has been through a miscarriage had any advice: websites, thoughts, articles, books, hope? It took us 2 and 1/2 years to conceive our son, and after this, I'm not sure.......
So What Happened?™
What an incredible group of women on this site! Thank you for sharing your deeply personal stories and advice - I keep refering to this website and the one that were passed on to me. It is comforting to know that there are so many people who are willing to share and offer friendship! Thank you!
K.H. answers from New York on February 11, 2008
D.G. answers from New York on February 11, 2008
So sorry for your loss. Before I had my son I also experienced a miscarriage at 6.5 weeks and I was devastated. But time does heal and I did become pregnant right away so don't give up home. Things happen for a reason.
D. answers from New York on February 11, 2008
When I had my miscarriage I found a lot of support from www.parents.com. If you go to community and click on lose it's all other women who are going through the same exact thing you are. Sometimes it helps just to get it all out. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It is very hard to get past it. And if you do decide you want to try again your next pregnancy will be plagued with worry. Just remember, mourn the loss of this child, you'll the thankful you did. Good luck to you.
M.K. answers from New York on February 12, 2008
Please be gentle with yourself. Allow your grief to be...the physical aspect of your miscarriage has to happen...your body has to "birth".
I've had multiple miscarriages and a baby die just after birth. I found www.mothering.com (go to the MDC forums section) to be a source of great comfort. So many mamas - all willing to listen, share, give advice.....
Sending peace to you, mama.
S.M. answers from New York on February 10, 2008
I sympathize with you. I am so sorry. Please I know its hard but do not feel discouraged about the loss. I am a very strong person and please keep yourself strong also. I had three miscarriages. My first one was at 12 weeks. I had the appointment to listen to the heartbeat and there was none. That was my first pregnancy ever. It was emotionally hurtful and yes the cramps was horrible. I kept myself strong and I tried to be strong for my husband because he handles things so much harder than I do. I do not have any articles or anything like that but the cramps and the tears they will go away just keep yourself strong. Honestly keep god in your life and prayers and he will give you another blessed pregnancy. I never had a problem conceiving so I am sorry I have no advice there.....Good Luck and My prayers are with you...
T.W. answers from Buffalo on February 11, 2008
I'm sorry for your loss. This website has a lot of info and helped us a lot after our baby passed. Hope this helps.
A.H. answers from El Paso on February 11, 2008
Oh L., my heart is breaking for you. I have been where you are too many times. I have had a total of 7 miscarriages, some early and some late, and also have an angel baby who was born at 24 weeks with no heartbeat. I also do have 3 children that are healthy and growing like weeds. When I think back, I am so happy and proud of myself for not giving up.
Please be patient with yourself, let yourself grieve for your loss.
I never had a D&C so I am no help there. But I do know that having a miscarriages takes the same things out of you and you will sometimes feel like you have just given birth. So for 11 weeks your body was making all these changes and now it has to make all the changes again to be back to where it was before. So not only is your heart breaking right now, you have all the physical pain as well.
It took awhile but I have to believe that God has a plan and that he needed the babies more then we did.
Good Luck to you and if you want or need to talk please send me a message. You can and will get through this..
One of the websites that I use to go to a lot was babyzone.com There are wonderful women on the boards there that are or have been through exactly what you are going through right now.
This website has poems and quotes on it. http://www.godspreciousgifts.org
This is another site that has items like books and such.
W.P. answers from Albany on February 11, 2008
I'm so sorry about your loss. Miscarriage can be much harder than people realize. I have two beautiful daughters but my first pregnancy and a pregnancy after my second daughter both resulted in heartbreaking miscarriages. Now, years later, I don't really think about it so much or feel a strong sense of loss about it, but I did for a very long time.
Two words of advice:
1. Don't be afraid to aggressively question your doctor if you are concerned about your post D&C symptoms. I know that I continued to bleed and cramp for at least 6 weeks after my first miscarriage and I benefitted from getting a lot of reassurance that it was normal including a follow up ultrasound.
2. Don't be too discouraged. Miscarriage, as I'm sure you know, is very common-and many women go on to have normal and healthy pregnancies-though i know the worrying can make it hard to believe this could happen to you.
Good luck and treasure your baby boy and all the wonderful things in your life.