Last week I forgot to wear my rings to work. My 3 year old son got 3 of them and was playing with them. DH found 2 of them, retrieved the 2 from DS OUTSIDE, and didn't realize that another was missing. The third could be anywhere; it's my engagement ring.
Our neighbor's daughter is 8. She was playing with our sons that day. Her mother's English is limited. I was talking to both of them on Saturday (they were at DS's 3rd birthday party). I mentioned that the ring was missing, and maybe they could keep an eye out? I said it could be anywhere, and that for all I knew DS had flushed it, but it could be out there...
The neighbor girl IMMEDIATELY said she saw DS flush it.
It seems to me that she grabbed that excuse all too quickly and that she knows where my ring actually is.
Now I'm not accusing her of stealing. She's only 8. And DS might have given it to her. And who lets children play with an expensive ring like that? Obviously anything DS has access to must be only a toy.
But I do think she's lying. I do think she knows something, but is scared of what might happen if she comes out with the truth.
I asked DH (he's a SAHD) to tell her that there was a $10 reward if she happened to FIND it (I just want my ring, that's all). He got mad at me and said I'm putting him in the middle. And there's the language issue; I don't want to get our neighbors upset if they misunderstand that I just want my ring (no blame, no guilt).
Anyone else have any ideas?
MY RING WAS FOUND! The neighbor girl had it after all. Her mother found it in the laundry and made her return it. I gave her the $10 and didn't ask any questions. I'm just so excited I have it back ... best $10 I ever spent. Woo hoo!
Thanks to everyone who commiserated, had great ideas, and just made me feel like I wasn't crazy.
i just lost my ring the other day and my friend said it was a sign and i was all no its not! and i didnt give up and i found it! If you want it and kinda know where it's at then go get it! maybe talk to the little girl? i dont know how you can go about it but just know when there is a will there is a way! good luck!
J.
I would just laugh and say, "Oh, I know that if you SAW him flush it, you would've told me so right then!" Then I'd tell her mother that everyone's looking for an especially sentimental ring and that her daughter is included in the search.
Also, don't forget to call the water district. If it WAS flushed (why just the one? I doubt it.) they can sometimes pull them out of pipes/filters/something...I saw it on the news last year but you need a photograph of the ring to claim it. They said they have dozens waiting to be claimed. (I live in Las Vegas; maybe other cities are different.)
Best wishes,
M.
I think your instincts are probably right that the girl knows something -- too much of a coincidence! I'm surprised the mother didn't pick up on that and pursue it with the girl herself? (maybe language problem) I would give the mother a flyer too -- kinda of a subtle hint, and also lets her know that the girl could return it with no hard feelings.
I think your husband is copping out, seems to me this does fall into the realm of the SAH parent, esp since he's the one who gave you the ring! Tell him you want your engagement ring found -- or replaced!
Why don't YOU tell her about the reward? Present it as a compliment---since you're so much older than my kids and you're so observant, I was hoping you could keep your eye out for my ring. If you find it, I will give you a $10 reward!! On top of that, post a few flyers around the neighborhood. Lastly, I wouldn't be so quick to judge this little girl. She may or may not have seen your son flush the ring---who knows? If she is lying, it might be for reasons you don't even understand---not just that she took the ring or even knows where it is. Lying is very complex, as are the reasons children lie. When I was little, I stole the neighbor girl's silver dollars. My mom made me give them back and apologize, and I never stole again, but her mom never trusted me again and accused me of stealing something that I brought over to their house. We had to call my mom to come over and explain that it was, indeed, mine and not stolen from this family. (I still don't think that mom believed us.) So I work very carefully to try to not let myself jump to conclusions.
I had this hapen to myself many years ago! I wish I had thought of the reward idea because I never did get my ring back. I also agree with the flyer so that you are not targetting one child, I would suggest making there me some kind of no questins asked, just a simple reward to who ever returns the ring.
I love the reward idea. It was the first thing on my mind as I was reading your request. And, I love Linda L's idea about a flyer and scavenger hunt. You might not even need to do a flyer. Maybe you could ask the kids for help by telling them that this ring is really important to you and would they help you search for it by looking carefully through the grass, in the bushes, etc. They could be detectives. Offer them the reward if they find it. That way they're extra diligent with their search. Make sure the incentive is well worth it ($10 is good for my 5 year old, but I'm not sure my 9 year old would bite). You might not find it immediately, but the door has been opened for an "out". If someone did take it, they can return it without fear of punishment or other consequences. Some people just have trouble telling the truth even if they know it's the right thing to do, especially at 8. But, if you give them the opportunity to tell another "lie", you might just get your ring back and then you can make that person feel like a hero. I'm not saying that the 8yo neighbor took your ring, but if she did you might be successful getting the ring back. And, if she didn't, you might just have a motivated detective on your side. Also, this is something your DH could do without feeling like he's caught in the middle. He could share that he gave you the ring a long time ago and it's really special to you both. He could lead the search and recovery effort in your absence. Good luck! I feel for you. I would be crushed if I lost my rings!!!
What are all the acronyms: DS,DH, SAHD? I might understand your question better ☺
You might consider finding someone who could translate for you. I would ask a friend of mine to translate this: "I accidentaly left my rings at home. Our kids found them and not realizing how important to me they played with them. We found all of them except my engagement ring. Your daughter said she thought she saw my son put it in the toilet. I am hoping that she was mistaken. I would love to have it back. I'm putting up fliers and asking the neighbor kids to keep an eye out. I plan on giving a small reward if one of the kids finds it."
I hope you find your ring!
Print out a couple (only a handful) of REWARD signs! Hand them to your son, and stand there and watch him hand them to neighbors. (Make sure he gives one to them, but that they see him pass them to someone else too). Maybe you could ask one of us to translate for you for the sign. I'm sure that for an 8 year old $10 is a LOT of money. but you better hurry, she might just get rid of it because of being scared!
S.:
I can appreciate your desire to get your ring back and all but I would have to say what you are feeling is based on a suspicion nothing more solid. I certainly would not push it with the neighbor since you really don't know and would feel bad if you were wrong and ended up having ill feelings with one of your neighbors.
However... I do think maybe there is a fun way to pursue what you initial thoughts were. Rather than make anyone feel like they did something wrong try flipping it a bit to your advantage! Create a way if someone has it they get to be a hero! I would create a cute kid-like one page flyer you could post near and visible. Make it fun and kids love scavenger hunts! Put a heading like.. You could win $20!! Please join me in a scavenger hunt for my lost ring. Maybe put a picture of a ring on the flyer to draw attention and a spy glass image. Google images have great ones you can use. Write something about my very special ring is lost and can you help me find it? I'm lost without it and you would be my HERO if you find it! I know it's out there missing me so if you could help you would make me happy and have $20 for summer fun! I bet if you look in the grass or anywhere your good little eyes can see you may be my summer hero and win the money! If language is an issue use more images or go to a spanish/english dictionary online and translate some of it if that is the language of the child that is 8 but I would make sure it's in English and the other language so the child does not think it's geared toward her but including her in a positive way.
If the little girl or anyone else knows about it you can't force them to reveal what they have not thus far. This does allow someone to return it to you without worrying about being in trouble! I tend to believe if we offer kids a positive choice they will take it and this is a better way of pursuing it without offending anyone or making an 8 year old feel bad if she doesn't know about it. You may end up with a really wild and silly story of where someone found the ring and even if a made up story... everyone wins in the end!
Best wishes!
L.
I think your idea is a good one, you may just have to be the one to make the offer. And as long as it is not accusatory (because he could have flushed it...) it should go over well.
Let it go. Without physical proof of any wrong doing you have nothing. Your husband is right. Don't get him in the middle of this. If they are lying about the ring, the truth will come out eventually.
I'm more inclined to think that maybe she is just lying period and doesn't really know where the ring is. Maybe instead trying to be a part of this in some way. Kids that age tend to do that sometimes. She may just be trying to get DS in trouble too.
I would definitely offer the reward though to all of the neighbor kids and I guarantee you, they won't stop looking for it until it's found. Little ones are tenacious! Especially when there is money involved. Chances are they will all be out there looking for hours for it, turning over rocks etc. If it isn't found, at least one or two kids will keep looking for days even.
I think offering the reward is a good idea. But obviously you will have to offer, hubby doesn't seem to want to get involved. When the kids are playing together I would tell all of them you are offering a reward to anyone who should find your ring. Talk about how special the ring is to you and you really miss it. Turn it into a game for the kids (neighbor girl and your boys) to look for it. That way no one is being accused. Like you said, you don't know for sure so I wouldn't make accusations either.
Your idea to offer a reward was excellent. I'm not clear on why your DH thinks relaying this information is "putting him in the middle," but if he is unwilling to tell your neighbor about the reward, there's nothing stopping you from doing it. If you don't want to talk to them about it directly, you can put a "flyer" on their doorstep announcing the reward. Make sure you emphasize that it's your engagement ring and has extreme sentimental value. Hopefully this will be enough to guilt her into "finding" it for you.
I agree with you that the neighbor girl knows more than she's fessing up to.
Good luck! I hope you find it!! (and please do let us all know if it turns up)
Hi,
think Abigail P's advice is good advice, but I would add that you should make sure to say something like, "I had kinda mentioned that for all I knew my son could have flushed it, and your daughter had actually told me RIGHT THEN that she saw him flushed my ring, I hope it's not so...so please keep an eye because I'm passing flyers around with a reward to the neighborhood kids" etc. Hopefully, her parents will find their daughter's response suspicious too.
What about making some kind of flier about the missing ring with the reward on in. And either just showing it to the girl or asking her to help you hang a few near your house. Make sure the is the clause "No questions asked" written on it and explain that to her while talking about it. Hopefully this might help, good luck on finding your ring.
I agree with the reward!! GREAT IDEA! Maybe you could SUGGEST an activity where they all SEARCH for it...
You may have to increase that reward though!! $10 might not be enough of incentive...LOL
good luck! I hope you get it back
Can you find a neutral 3rd party who speaks the neigbors' language? Ask your son to tell you the truth -- he might remember if he knows he is not "in trouble"
I like the idea that's already been mentioned about the flyers in Spanish and English making it sound like a scavenger hunt. I know my boys would be out there in a heartbeat looking for it, reward or no!
I lost a favorite earring once when I was younger in my parents backyard and couldn't find it. My uncle has a metal detector and we used it to find it, along with all sorts of other odd things. Maybe ask around to see if anyone you know has one you could borrow. I don't know who expensive they are to buy one, I thought I saw a cheap one in the kids science section of the toys even.
Good luck! I hope you find your ring.
