Problem Behavior

I have to disagree with Amber, sorry Amber.

You need to remember that he is just 8 almost 9 months old. If you say "hold on," do you think he is going to understand it? I know it is hard, but sometimes if you want to get something done you just need to let him cry. He wants your attention right? So, why give it to him when he is acting negative? It is the only way I broke my oldest son. When he calms down, then give him the attention.
M. S.

I can feel for your frustration. Both of my boys are completely different around my husband and I.

I think your son just loves you to pieces. The whining and throwing himself on you, I think, is his response to someone he knows loves him with everything she has! He knows you will take care of him, make him feel better when he's hurting, and he knows that you won't judge his whining behavior--you just let him be himself and he is very comfortable with you.

This does not make it any easier to be the joy of any child's affection. I could just go crazy some days with all of the attention my boys want from me vs their dad (and he's a great dad!). I really think he doesn't play with you the same way he plays with others is because he has a very special bond with you--one that will last a long time.

Good luck with your frustration. That's what this mamasource is for!
The days and years do go quickly, so enjoy every minute, even the frustrating ones!!

Allright, I am going to be a little harsh, but please know that I am and have gone through this myself. I think you answered your own question. You feel guilty and he knows it. He is using those feelings of guilt to get what he wants, but it is not what he needs. You are excusing his behavior with tooth aches and probably tired or hungry? The biggest mistake I have made with my boys was to underestimate them. Don't get me wrong, he's not malicious. It is a child's right and job to test us. What matters is how we respond to it. He needs boundaries to feel safe and secure with us. If he whines and you pick him up even if it makes you grouchy and frustrated because the dishes really needed to get done, for your fifth try at them today, then you are teaching him that this is okay. If you carry him around with you all day to keep him from whining what else will you give him to keep him from whining? He KNOWS this. You need to test him. Please try this, for you and your son. the next time he begins to whine to you, or wants you to hold him when you can't or don't want to, tell him calmly that you are not going to right now. That is it. Then do not respond again. If he screams fire do not respond. Watch him and his reactions. He will actually watch you and your reactions and his fit will begin to calm when he sees that his worst screams are not getting a reaction. It is tough, but when you see that you are feeding this behavior it will help you do what is best for YOU and your son. And in the future when he begins his whining for you and you offer him a constructive alternative(blocks, coloring books, etc.)he will be more apt to take it. I hope this helps, I know i don't like this kind of advice, I wish you the best. P.S. this seems to come in different degrees and in different ways through out child hood, but i look at it like this: My children will have lots of friends in life. Only one mom and dad. It is NOT my job or in the best interest of my children to do or care about what they "want".

Do you have a baby sling or pouch? I have found that when mine were that age, the only thing that really helped was carrying them around in that for a lot of time every day. They got to be right with me, but I still could get some stuff done. I found that when I got a few things done and got a little bit of a break the stress didn't bother me quite as much.

I know exactly how you're feeling, as I have a 9 month old son at home. He's not too bad right now, but I remember my first son did the same thing. He knows that you will give him the attention and he's testing you on it. They usually are very needy when they are teething- which could also be attributing to the problem. They know that you will love them no matter what. One good relief for you might be to have a play date once a week, or even do a one day day-care thing. I was totally against that until I had to start working again, and now it's so nice to have a little bit of time to myself. I only work one or two days a week, but I enjoy the boys so much more when I miss them for the time I'm away. I hope this helped.