9 answers

Preparing Sibblings for a Third Child

We are expecting our third (not until April). I have a boy who turned 2 in April and another who will turn 5 in October. I am a tiny bit converned with the 2 year old adjusting to no longer being the baby, but more so concerned with fielding my very inquisitive 4.5 year old. We've already told them and while it has not sunk into the 2 year old (I did not expect it to) it has really got my 4.5 year old thinking. He has all sorts of 'medial' questions, like how the baby looks in my tummy and how it is going to come out etc. I don't mind showing him pictures of the baby but keeping trying to hold him off with some other questions simply because I don't know a good way to word it. I tried (mommy goes to the hospial and the doctor helps mommy and when baby and mommy are ready they come home) but he plainly told me "Mom, I am not a baby and I am not stupid". I took that response as him not appreciating the dumbed down version. Does anyone know of a great factual book or website that I could share with my 4.5 year old? And if you know of a book for my 2 year old just to prepare to be a big brother that would be great too.

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So What Happened?™

I like the Sears book and buying baby dolls for my sons. A great way to know whats going on and feel prepared.

Featured Answers

Hi A.,

I haven't read the other responses so if this is a repeat I'm sorry! I have three little girls....4, 3 and 1. When I was pregnant with my third my biggest concern was for my second child. I was not wanting to have a middle child. All I can say is spend extra time with him once the baby is here...and then for the rest of his life. You won't realize it but you do need to take the extra time. The best way I found to have a better feeling about the 'middle child' thing is to look at the glass as half full. Tell him over and over that he's the ONLY one who gets be both a big brother AND a little brother and how lucky he is to get the best of both worlds. My second lets her big sister know all the time that she's one too...and her little sister, well...you get the idea!

All that said, good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!

More Answers

A.,

here are a few great "Big Brother books"

"I'm a Big Brother" by Joanna Cole

"My New Baby" by Annie Kubler (this is a board book, great for a 2 yr old)

"I'm Going to be a Big Brother" by Brenda Bercun & Sue Gross

there's one more I liked called...

"My New Baby And Me: A First Year Record Book For Big Brothers And Big Sisters", by Metropolitan Museum of Art and Marie Madel Franc-Nohain

As far as your 4.5 yr old, theres a book that might help called...

"Making Me: The Pregnancy Activity Book for My Big Brother or Sister" by Julie B. Carr and Josh Cohen

"Baby on the Way" by Marth Sears & William Sears & Christie Watts Kelly...William Sears is a pediatrician, Martha Sears is a registered nurse, certified childbirth educator, breastfeeding consultant ect..., and Christie Watts Kelly has a degree in elementary education, also a prenatal yoga instructor, cofounder of Attachment Parenting International in Memphis. Just trying to give you a little background on this last book's authors so you can choose books with an educated decision.

I have four young children, and each time we would find out we were having a new one, I would break out the books, but I also bought them a brand new baby doll all their own! Yes even my boys! I was sure my DH would have a huge problem with giving the boys a baby doll, but I found baby dolls wearing blue, and Zach (my 4.5 yr old) and I carefully chose a name for his baby. He said his baby is a boy, but his baby's name is Patty. The important thing is, he gets to change his baby's diapers, feed his baby, put his baby nite nite, and love on his baby when pretending Patty's crying. It's amazing what that did to help prepare him for his baby brother. No it didn't "punk him out" like my DH said it would, tee hee.

I hope some of the resources help your little guys prepare for bb # 3, and consider getting both of them a baby doll of their own, you'll be suprised how much that helps.

Good luck, and healthy baby prayers to you,

A.

1 mom found this helpful

I was in your situation not too long ago. I had found out I was pregnant in July and due in March. I got the book, My Pregnancy Week by Week and each week, we'd read parts of it together. It has diagrams and "actual size" pictures of the way the baby looks each week as well as a small paragraph about what is developing. They really liked the actual size pictures and they'd try to find other things in the house the size of the baby, like an M&M or something. Me and my sons (ages 3 & 6) would sit down and read those little parts each week. They really enjoyed the pictures of the way the baby looked when and compare to how it looked the week before and how it will change for the next week. I lost the baby last week, so I've missed getting to do that with them, but hopefully we'll get to do that again some time soon! Good luck with your pregnancy!

1 mom found this helpful

I've taught classes for siblings and truthfully the children that are allowed to attend the birth tend to do the best at adjusting. Even young toddlers have a better bond to their baby brother or sister when they get to see the process. Most parents find it hard to believe and feel too modest to have their children at the birth. But I've seen it work wonders with sibling relationships.

As for questions, be truthful and adjust your answers for your child's age. And ask them questions to see what they already may know. It's best to use the real name for body parts, so explaining that girls have vaginas is okay and that is how most babies are born. Your son is smart, so reading books and watching videos are great suggestions. And if he wants to see the birth, at least consider it. It could be the best experience in both your lives.

My boys turned 3 and 5 just a few months after my baby was born. I explained that mommies have a special opening called a birth canal and the babies come out thru it. It satisfied him, of course I had a C section and that was also very intresting to him, he asked to see where they took the baby out, which I showed him, and then worried he would tell people (who didn't know I'd had a c)"Mommy showed me where the baby came out" but he never did.

As for books the Berenstain Bears have one "baby makes 5" about when there baby sister was born so that could help get the 2YO ready and they also have one about the "birds and the bees" I have not read this one, but I am sure it is a good level for our children, as all BB books are for like 3-8.

Good luck and don't make things harder then they really are, sometimes we thing kids are asking things they really aren't and really answering a not quite 5YO is easier then explaining it to a 10YO (in my opinion at least)

CONGRATS on #3
Please excuse any speeling and typ-o's my 14 month old is helping.

well, as far as medical questions go, I think (personally) it has a lot to do with your modesty level. If you are okay with it, just tell him that the baby comes out down by your privates, near where your pee pee comes from. If you are more of the modest variety, you could maybe find a video of a baby animal being born, like a horse or an elephant, whatever, and see if your son makes the connection that the baby comes out somewhere below. I think it's cute how many kids think the baby comes out through the belly button. OUCH!

Congratulations on number 3! I have two boys, 4 and 2 and a 6 month old little girl. I did not read any books about sibling adjustment. My husband and I always took the boys to the sonograms with us. They just loved it and it helped them see her grow and understand a little bit more!

Good luck!

R.
www.dudesanddiamonds.com

Hi A.,

I haven't read the other responses so if this is a repeat I'm sorry! I have three little girls....4, 3 and 1. When I was pregnant with my third my biggest concern was for my second child. I was not wanting to have a middle child. All I can say is spend extra time with him once the baby is here...and then for the rest of his life. You won't realize it but you do need to take the extra time. The best way I found to have a better feeling about the 'middle child' thing is to look at the glass as half full. Tell him over and over that he's the ONLY one who gets be both a big brother AND a little brother and how lucky he is to get the best of both worlds. My second lets her big sister know all the time that she's one too...and her little sister, well...you get the idea!

All that said, good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!

I HAVE 3 BOYS(NOW 18-12-7) MY OLDEST WAS ALMOST 6 WHEN MY 2ND WAS BORN AND MY 2ND WAS 4 AND 4MO. WHEN MY 3RD WAS BORN, THEY TOO HAD LOTS OF ???? I FOUND GIVING THEM CORRECT ANSWERS, JUST ENOUGH DETAIL TO ANSWER THEIR ??? WAS JUST WHAT THEY NEEDED. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH OUR BODY AND WHAT IS HAPPENENING TO YOURS RIGHT NOW AND ITS PART OF LIFE. WE VIDEO TAPED THE BIRTH'S OF OUR BOYS, AND DURING EACH OF THE PREGNANCIES, WE WOULD LET THEM WATCH THEMSELVES BEING BORN. THEY WOULD ASK LOTS OF ???? AND WE WOULD ANSWER AS SIMPLY AND MATTER OF FACTLY AS WE COULD.THEY WOULD WATCH IT OVER AND OVER AND WERE SOEXCITED TO SEE IT. THIS ALSO HELPED EACH OF THEM WHEN IT WAS THERE TURN TO BE A BIG BROTHER SEE HOW MUCH THEY HAD GROWN AND THAT THEY WERE NOT A BABY ANYMORE. EVEN JUST SHOWING BABY PICTURES AND A PICTURE BOOK ON HOW BABIES ARE BORN WOULD PROBABLY HALP.I ALSO SUGGEST A WONDERFUL SET OF BOOKS THAT PROGRESS WITH AGE APPROPRIATE INFORMATION ABOUT OUR BODIES AND HOW WE ARE MADE. I THINK THE 1ST ONE IS DESIGNED FOR 3-5 AND THE 2ND IS 5-8, THEN 9-11,AND SO ON. THEY ARE CALLED "bEFORE I WAS BORN" BY CAROLYN NYSTROM. THEY ARE A WONDEERFUL AND LESS NERVE RACKING WAY TO BEGIN CASUAL CONVERSATIONS ABOUT OUR BODIES AND HOW WE ARE MADE. TAKE A LOOK! I HAVE LET MANY MOM'S ALONG THE WAY USE MY BOOKS, AND EVERYONE HAS GIVEN IT BACK WITH A BIG THANKS! THEY LOVED IT. GOOD LUCK! K.

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