Preparing 3 Year Old for Second Child

The ideas I've seen here are fine but they really aren't necessary. The assumption is that a new baby will be a problem. Not so. You don't know how a kid will react, but being a mommy's girl now and not caring for babies has nothing to do with how she will feel when there's a new baby. In general I've found that all kids are interested and intrigued by babies, then they're bored with them because all they do is eat and sleep at first. You don't really have to get all talky about it, either, unless the child just wants to talk - just tell them they're going to have a new brother or sister, and don't tell them too early, either, or they won't believe it, because it seems to be a long time in coming (to them). Then when the baby is born it's important to make them feel like they are still important and special, not second-class. I took photos of every one of my kids sitting holding the new baby. After that, they could hold the baby or not, according to their level of interest. One thing I've heard people say is that it's a mistake to refuse to pick up the older child or tell them they are "too big" for whatever, because then they may blame the baby and feel bad for growing up! Some babyish behavior is to be expected from the 3-year-old; just roll with it and it will go away.

Some quick advice as I went through this in September with my 2 year old daughter welcoming her baby sister into the world. Of all the things that come with pregnancy, childbirth and having a new baby, the thing I was scared of most was how my Olivia was going to handle everything. This is what we did.....
1. Make sure the toddler's schedule is not interrupted too much while mom is in the hospital. Try to make sure he/she goes to the same activities or sticks to the same routine.
2. Let the toddler visit mom in the hospital BUT do not have the baby in the room when the toddler visits. We did not want our toddler to associate mom being gone from the house to the new baby.
3. Walk over to the nursery with the toddler and let her look through the window. If she seems interested or maybe after a day or so, you can mention ever so calmly that there is her new baby brother or sister. It is less threatening if they meet through the window for the first time.
4. Lastly....the homecoming. We had our toddler preoccupied downstairs while we snuck upstairs to the babies room and got her settled in her crib. We then went to smother our toddler with love and then told her we had a big surprise for her. We took her upstairs to the babies room where they officially met for the first time.

I have to say the whole experience was magical and I would not change a thing other than all the worrying I did about it. Things went more smooth than I ever could have imagined. Even almost 9 months later, the toddler says her baby sister is her best friend and nothing makes me happier.

Good luck to your friend and she is lucky to have a friend like you providing her with this support!
J.

Hi M.,
I suggest doing a social story with the older child. This consists of taking pictures of her and of her pregnant mommy and putting the pages together and making a book explaining what is happening. Of course you can always purchase other 'my new baby' books, but this way its more personal. She sees pictures of her own mom and of herself and then when the baby comes you can add a picture of her and the new baby to the book and then read the story ALOT...I did this for a little boy I nanny. I talked about mom having a new baby and how he didn't like it. I wrote it from his point of view after I asked him questions like 'are you going to be a big brother', 'do you like being a big brother'? Will you help momma change/feed the baby? I really put emphasis on how cool it was to be a big brother. I hope that helps.
blessings,
J.

Hi M.,

My daughter had just turned three when my second daughter was born last summer. I read her several books about being a big sister and the new baby coming home. We found out the sex so that we could prepare her better. She would refer to the baby by her name and it made the transition easier because she was already used to the idea of having a little sister. I also took her to a "New big sibling" class at the hospital where I planned to deliver and it was very helpful. One thing that I focused on for my first daughter was that the baby wouldn't be able to actually play with her for about 4-5 months so that she didn't expect an immediate playmate after the baby was born. I had her pick out a few rattles/toys for the baby and wrap them up to bring to the hospital. We also purchased some small gifts from the new baby to her big sister - something my daughter still talks about these days (how the baby bought her a present). Good luck to your friend!

I am in the same position and all I try to do is include my son in everything. I don't talk about the baby all the time, but if he gives me a hug, I will casually mention that he is hugging his little sister too and that makes her and mom happy that he is such a good brother. I also decided to take him along to the appropriate doctors visits. My OB/GYN lets him listen to his heartbeat first then lets him help out when listening to the baby's. It really makes him feel like he is a part of my pregnancy too. I also had to get him a new bedroom set to give him the convertable crib set he was currently using, so I made him think it was his idea to give his old bedroom set to his new sister. He was so proud of himself for coming up with the idea...lol! We went to the store and he got to pick out a small toy and then he helped pick one out for his sister. There is so much more, I could go on forever, but I think you get the idea. Hope that helps!

Hi M.,
Have her buy a baby doll with some accessories for her daughter. Then tell her that her baby needs to have a bottle, to have a daiper change & to sleep. Have them do this together with the doll & explain that Mom will need her to help when the new baby comes & what a big helper she will be. She should also read books about being a big sister every night. "I'm A Big Sister Now" is a great book. She should also buy some gifts for her daughter & put them aside, then everytime someone gives a gift for the new baby she can give one to her daughter. This way she won't feel jealous that the new baby is getting stuff & she isn't.

My son was 3 when is little brother was born. I read "I'm a Big Brother" (there's also a big sister book) to him every night toward the end of the pregnancy. It's a great book that explains what a "big" sibling can/can't do with the new baby.

Check your hospital for a sibling class/tour--they have them at Palos & Christ. And then when you talk about the baby, mention how glad you are that she is a big girl and how lucky she is because she can do all these big girl things that her baby brother/sister can't do. But most importantly, when the baby comes along, make sure you schedule time with just your 3-year old everyday and NEVER leave your 3-year old alone with the baby. There will be times when she feels a little jealous, so you will need to constantly reassure her that you love them each in their own special way.

Good luck & congratulations!

Funny you should say that. When my daughter was on her way my four year old second son didn't have any care for infants. Then one day I remembered someone gave me a baby doll for my pending daughter as a gift. So I gave it to my son because the doll resembled a newborn. I don't usually advocate giving boy's baby dolls, but I wanted him to understand what size she would be when she arrived. He was aggressive at first, but he was so fascinated by her that he grew to love her. That was five years ago and now he adores all infants.

That was my second son who I gave the doll to. When he arrived his older brother was so lovable with him, and he was a mommy and daddy's boy for a while. So you never quite know until they are introduced to the newborn how they are going to react.

My son was the same age when we had our 2nd boy. We included him in Everything! He got to help pick out outfits or toys, and help set up the room or other baby equipment. I also took him to almost all my Dr appts. so he could hear the heartbeat and be a part of things as well. My DH always goes and buys a new outfit before we leave the hosp for the babies homecoming outfit and he also picked up a gift for our son from the new baby.
Something worked I guess, he was always a Great big brother, Always wanting to help w/ the baby, take a pic holding his lil brother etc... Now if only it were that easy w/ my oldest hitting that preteen age. LOL!!

I don't know where you guys live. But in Northwest Indiana where I am there are a few hospitals that offer "Siblings" classes for 3 year olds and up. I think it's just like 1 class where your friend can go with your daughter and she will learn what to expect. Check with your local hospital. Around here, Community Hospital in Munster and St. Margarets in Hammond offers this class every once in awhile.
Hope that helps!

My son was about 4 months from turning 3 when I had my second -- I remember nursing being the biggest struggle, especially when my husband was back at work after his four days off of fun spending time with my soon-to-be three year old. I kept a basket of stuff (coloring book, sticker book, crayons, new hotwheels, books and more) with some new indpendent (that's the key) things for him to pull out to play quietly on the floor while I nursed the baby. Also, I set aside a game time a couple times each day for just the two of us (it was his potty training treat to play Hi Ho Cheery-o on the floor in the bathroom and we had a blast plus it was so successful and rewarding to have 1 on 1 mommy time every time he pee-ed or pooped! One other thing -- a girlfriend of mine got her little one a fish to take care of since mommy was taking care of someone new. Hope these ideas help!