New Baby Coming.

Get her a new baby doll about the time the baby is born so she can play mommy and take care of her baby while you're taking care of her new sibling. This will make her feel big and have a little job to do while you are busy too. You can praise her good care and she'll love that! Congratulations!

Your daughter will see this baby much in the way you frame it for her. At her age, she lives very much in the present and will not be able to visualize the future like an adult. Continue to talk in a positive way about the baby, but most of the work will come after the baby arrives. I have three children and never had problems with jealousy when baby came home. Start with the hospital experience. Several suggestions are: give her a "big sister" t-shirt to wear (homemade is fine); have the nurses make a bracelet like mommy's, daddy's and baby's (get it big enough for her to slide on and off); give her a present from her brother (we gave a doll and big sister mimicked me taking care of baby);have someone else hold the baby when big sister first arrives, let her come to you and then have someone else bring you both the baby - if she has a comfort item like a blanket, make sure it comes with her to the hospital. Continue to have "conversations" with the baby out loud about his great big sister. Make sure she hears you tell her brother how lucky he is to have such a great big sister and how she will one day teach him to walk and talk. Tell her how he is always watching her to see what he is supposed to do. Lay it on THICK and sappy. You will often have to attend to him when he cries, but sometimes say outloud things like "[his name], you will have to wait until I get your sister's milk" Give her lots of attention and when you can't give her direct attention talk to the baby about her and pretend that you don't know that she can hear you. Compliment her out loud to him constantly. Stay relaxed when he cries and calmly tell her that babies communicate that way until they can talk and though crying is loud, it does not hurt him or anyone else. If you don't tell her it is a bad thing, she likely won't view it as bad. Enjoy this time and try to stay relaxed. She will sense it if you aren't.

Congratulations on the unexpected bundle of love! When I was pregnant with my second, one thing they did at a free sibling class at the hospital where I had her, was tell my oldest that there would be lots of presents for the new baby, because she'd be coming out with no clothes on, so she had no clothes or anything else. She wasn't jealous at all at the baby showers, so it must have worked! Also, they had the kids bring a doll to the class and they taught them how to diaper it, etc. Made them feel part of the experience, and more excited about it. I would suggest the sibling class, but if there isn't one in your area, you can do the same things at home. Good luck! =)

Sometimes the biggest blessings start out as the biggest surprises in our lives! There are several books out that may help (the Berenstain Bears book was one of our faves). I would also recommend that you take your daughter to the hospital's siblings class (it is lots of fun). Making her the helper, planning things for her to do that the baby is too little to do, and just relaxing and enjoying the bond they will form. This will be a fun time...and sometimes a "Calgon take me away" time, but it will all be worth it! Enjoy!

I'm kind of in the same boat, trying to make sure our 2-yr old doesn't feel too jealous and left out when baby #2 gets here. We have a book called, "I'm the Big Sister", and we like it. We have also heard that involving her and making her feel important will help alot.
Good luck!

My 2 oldest were almost 4 years apart. At first my daughter was real excited to have a new brother, and would "help" me every chance she got. I prepared her by telling her practically everything you just said, and I got her a baby alive doll to give her when I came home from the hospital with my baby.The doll got ignored,and the baby was all she wanted to take care of. Somewhere in the second year of our bliss, my son became independant, refusing all the fussing his sister forced on him, and sibling rivelry began. If you want to read books, and you have time(it seems like you're pretty busy), I wouldn't know what would prepare you for the inevitable. Just making sure you involve your daughter as much as possible, and give them both attention, and you'll be just fine. As for the 2 of them, they're now 21 and 17 and totally in love with each other once again. As for me, having five kids altogether, I have seen the full spectrum of sibling rivelry, and it's not pretty at times, but you'll get through it, and it's a part of them figuring out who they are. Just enjoy the peace you'll have right now!Have fun!

Hi M.! I just had my second child and my daughter will be 4 at the end of this month. My daughter, like yours, is pretty intelligent for her age. The good news is you're at an advantage since your first is a daughter. There's already a maternal instinct in little girls. You are doing the right thing by talking to her and explaining. Also, the hospital where I delivered (St. Vincent's in downtown Birmingham) offered a Sibling class. I paid $5 and we attended a 90 minute class one Saturday morning. My daughter really enjoyed it and it gave good instructions for when mama and baby are at the hospital and afterwards whent he baby is home. They even had a tour of the birthing suites. The biggest thing I have learned is to do your best at keeping the regular routine once you get home with the new baby. And work hard to set aside time for the big sister each day while your baby is sleeping - it will help her adjust. Also, be prepared for exhaustion! I feel like I'll never sleep again! Good luck!

Congrats! I have a 3 year old boy and 1 year old girl. When my little girl came along I knew my son was going to be jealous. He would never let me hold my friends babies or anything. While I was pregnant we told him he was gong to be a big brother and he would have to help protect his little sister. That she would need lots of love and attention like he did when he was a baby. When she would move in my belly I would let him feel so he knew there was a baby there. We would just talk and let him help us get the crib and everything ready for her. To me that helped the most. I was including him and he loved that. When she was born he wanted to hold her and make sure she was ok. They are really close now and love each other dearly. i really think the best way is just keep talking to her and include her in anything that deals with your new baby coming. I hope this helps. Good luck.

S. Thorne
www.always4myfamily.com

I dont remember the name, but there is one (if not several) book(s) centered around this very subject. Go to your local Barnes & Noble and ask them to direct you to them. You might even consider taking your daughter along to let her pick out a child-friendly version of her own to help encourage the "this is a whole family effort" part of bringing baby into the world and caring for him or her. Congrats :]

I just had the same situation happen, and it was a nightmare. One thing I didn't prepare myself for was the baby waking my son up at night. He had trouble going back to sleep and would stay up for the day at 1 and 4 a.m. He wasn't getting enough sleep, but was too overtired and overstimulated (by the toys in his room) to go back to sleep. Maybe this is something you could practice or talk about? Our rooms are all at the end our our hall, so there was no way to separate them. Anther was how stressful the crying would get. My son would start making lots of noise because it would bother him, and the two making tons of noise can drive a person nuts. We saw a Ni-Hau, Kai Lan (sp?) episode where they would do a little hula and say 'side to side, side to side' very calmly. I thought to use this for his angry or tantrum moments, but it worked the best when stuck in the car with her crying. He would start saying it to calm himself down, I would join in, and she would calm down too! That's something you can practice now. It's alot like the 'goosefrabba' from 'Anger Management' with Adam Sandler. Good luck! The baby is 9 weeks now, and we've survived the worst. Weeks 3-4 were the worst, right after the initial excitement (and lots of help), when the novelty started wearing and off and life should get back to normal. Now he is very loving, kisses her, and even brushed her hair this morning on his own! (They are 3 years and 3 weeks apart.) Good luck!

Sounds like good advice so far. My 2 children are almost 3 years apart and we didn't do any sibling classes (timing just didn't work out) but I was happy to see that there were plenty to choose from. Each hospital offers them and a store called A Nurturing Moment offers them as well. I think what helped us was the emphasis on the fact that the baby was "ours" and not just mommy or daddy's. We also love Merser Mayer books so we read "The New Baby" frequently. Congratulations and best of luck!!!

Hi M.,

Congrats on the new baby.

My daughter just had her third and she did an amazing job of preparing her 2 and 5 year olds for his arrival. She did the same thing when the 2 year old arrived also. She and her husband had the older child start calling the baby "their" baby...the older sibling took ownership and cut out the rivalry. She also included them in picking out some clothes and toys for the new baby. By the time the baby arrived both were anticipating his arrival. Also, after the baby was born the two older were allowed to "hold" their new brother (with Mom or Dad's help of course).

I'm sure there were other things she did...I'll ask her...but the bottom line is regardless of the older sibling's age they can be made to feel a part of the new baby's arrival and care afterwards.

Good luck and again, congratulations!

W. Q

This is the exact age range of my two - also opposite sex (only my boy is the oldest and their birthdays are 3 years and 2 days apart). Everyone says 3 years is the perfect age gap, but I found it to be pretty difficult in some ways. Of course, having a girl for the oldest might change this, but my boy was still quite immature at 3. He struggled to complete potty training - last in his daycare class. And I personally found it hard to be pulled in such different directions caring for a newborn and a 3 year old whose needs were very different. I don't say that to scare you, but I sort of wish some one had tried to prepare ME a little bit - not just my son.

Beyond that, I think there are several good things you can do to help your daughter adjust. There is a Sesame Street video called Three Bears and a New Baby. It's a good one to watch. There are some good books about becoming a big sibling. Our hospital had a big sibling class for us all to attend.

We moved our son from the crib to the toddler bed well in advance of the baby coming so hopefully he would not hold her responsible for him being kicked out of his bed. Someone told me that we should call the baby "his" baby. By giving our son ownership, it helps foster a bond and a special feeling in being big sibling.

We bought gifts to take to the hospital - one for our son to give to the baby and one for the baby to give to him. They were wrapped up. When DS came to meet DD in the hospital, they exchanged gifts. Also, we made sure that I was not holding the baby at the moment DS came into the room. I did not want my arms to be "full" when he needed a hug that first time.

Someone else told me that it is helpful to the older sib if they hear you tell the baby to wait sometimes. Big sib will be told so many "no's" "Don'ts" "I can't right now because of baby," and "wait a minute's" that its hard NOT to be jealous. But sometimes if you just say outloud so that DD can hear you, "New Baby, hold on just one minute, I'm getting Big Sister some juice." This helps Big Sib feel some equality. Yes she will have to wait a lot, but it helps to know that Baby Sib has to wait sometimes, too.

Best.
J.

I have a 2-month-old and a 20-month-old and when I was pregnant I read a book called "Mama Outside, Mama Inside" by Dianna Hutts Aston which shows birds and humans in parallel stories preparing for and then caring for their babies. It's a very sweet book and my toddler loved it. I also have "What Baby Needs" by William and Martha Sears, which I've not read all of but which appears good. I guess in terms of preparation, it would be best to be matter-of-fact about things and not expect your daughter to be thrilled, but also be clear that you're not asking her permission to have another baby. I made sure to have some new games our first son could play on the couch next to me while I was recovering from my C-section, so he could be near me while I cared for the baby, and I also have given him a responsibility which he takes very seriously - he throws the baby's dirty diapers away. Good luck! Things get very interesting with two kids!

While it is wise to give her realistic expectations, it kind of sounds like your telling her all gloom and doom stuff about having a baby. In truth, they are tiny for such a short time. Try telling her how much fun it will be for her to change a REAL babies diaper, how sweet they are, how GREAT she will be at being a big sister. What a blessing it is to have a sister or brother, a lifelong best friend. My oldest daughter was not quite three when our 2nd was born and she was great. big help and loved her sister so much. Good luck.

Every time we got pregnant, we expressed lots of joy and anticipation to the "baby" of the family (we have nine kids). She will pick up on your attitude. I wouldn't even discuss the "negative" aspects, because there really isn't any! She will greatly benefit from ceasing to be the center of your universe! She will now be Mommy's big helper, and of course, you will give her some alone time, but she will adjust if you show her that this is perfectly normal and happy.

Congratulations!! My baby #3 was a surprize as well. His brothers were 10 and 3 1/2 when he was born. I found 2 books on Amazon by Dr. Sears and his wife about when Mommy is Pregnant and What Baby Needs. They were great! I can't remember exactly what the titles were. I think one was What Baby Needs. Another good one was What to Expect When Mommy is Pregnant.
Good luck! There will be days when you don't think you will ever sleep enough again. But when you see your daughter give her brother a big hug, it will be worth it!

We just had our second child 3 days ago...our oldest is a 3-year old little girl and we were blessed with a second little girl.

One thing that we did that I would definitely suggest is a sibling class. I don't know what area you are in, but at Woman's Hospital in Baton Rouge they have a sibling class for 3-year olds and one for children 4 and older. This class was VERY informative and our 3-year old got a lot out of it. I would highly recommend it. I am sure that whatever hospital you will deliver at probably offers something very similar.

We did have gifts prepared ready and waiting for the baby to give to her big sister. That went over really well.

Another thing we did is the 2nd night that the baby and I were in the hospital my mom stayed with me and my husband went home to have a daddy/daughter night. They went out to eat and spent time together and made it all about our 3-year old so she doesn't feel the slighest bit left out now that this new little person is in our lives.

We let our 3-year old help whenever possible even if it means just getting a diaper out. This makes her feel like she is all part of the process and it takes ALL of us to make our family.

And, lastly...now that we are home, my husband and I make it a point to each spend some time with our 3-year old alone every day even if we are just sitting on the floor coloring or reading a book. To be honest, she probably wouldn't mind if we didn't do anything as long as we were just sitting with her.

Don't worry...it will all work out in the end.

And, congratulations on you NEW bundle of joy.

Hey M., yes, God does tend to have an interesting sense of humor doesn't He? LOL As far as your daughter is concerned, you have to let her know that babies do/don't do what you're telling her but also, make it "her baby" as well. She will be the big sister, she will need to "teach" the baby certain things...like how to play with games and blocks, etc. Repeat these things when you talk about the new baby, that you need her help with these things....get a baby doll and show her how to "cover" the doll for a nap or how to hold it while sitting on the couch, how to give it a bottle, how she can help at bath time like handing you baby wash or a towel, etc....make her an active part of this baby....my first child was older than your daughter when my second came along but we still approached the new birth this way....there was even a sibling course at the hospital that taught them how to hold, feed, cover, play with, etc. you might check into that....but mainly instead of just giving her the negitives about a new baby, make her an active part. It's her baby too and she will be "so much help for Mom". It can't always be about the negitive, give her the positive...and you believe it as well. good luck and congrats. R.

Congratulations on your new baby! My daughter was 26 months old when her little sister was born-it was very hard-3 years apart should be a bit easier and she can help a bit more. We got a gift for our 2 year old from the baby and a gift for the baby from her big sister (which happens to be her security that she can't sleep without.) The big deal on helping mommy is great advice, she can bring you diapers, burp cloths Cassidy even put diapers in the diaper pail for me. Help pick out what baby will wear today, she would sit next to her while she was in her bouncer and try to make her laugh. We also did special things when Lizzy was taking her morning nap, we'd play outside or paint do play doh-something I couldn't really do much when I was keeping my eye on a 2 year old and a newborn. Now they are 2 and 4 and mostly love each other-sometimes love hurts! lol! They play well together most of the time and are learning to share well, Cassidy has even put Lizzy down for nap a few times, I always listen through the baby monitor, it's just too sweet!
Mercer Mayer's "The New Baby" is pretty good, it will let her know that the baby won't be interested in big kid things yet, but there are things you CAN do with a new baby, I also recall the Bearenstain Bears one from my childhood which also spoke about mommy's lap disappearing. God bless, the memories will be priceless-enjoy~

Congratulations and don't worry :)

About your daughter, I like the section on sibling rivalry and new arrivals in the Dr. Sears Discipline Book. It offers so many suggestions to cover various personality types and situations. I like that amount of variety - more suggestions than the usual "make him/her Mommy's helper" (which IS really great advice because the older sibling likes being helpful and likes having an important role to play).

About going back to work, make sure that it actually works out. I've heard about a lot of moms who pay almost as much in childcare as they receive in income. Maybe your husband can care for the kids, if his disability allows for it?

Just a thought :)

L.