16 answers

Pregnant Hormones and an Idiot Husband

I guess I'm looking to vent but want to know I am not the only one out there. This is my second pregnancy and again my husband is completely unsupportive in comments he makes or engaging me and bating me into arguments. It seems like he's worse when i'm prego than when i'm not. And I truely think that's true and not just a gage w/my hormones. I talked to him the begining of this 2nd one and told him that i felt he was soooo unsupportive the first time and didn't want to deal w/it the second time. Well, here we are again. He'll make comments like "you are imagining i said that, you are wrong, i'm not talking about this". Or "you are going to say blah blah blah and i don't want to hear it" even before I have a chance to respond. Of if he hurts my feelings he says I'm "over reacting". DON"T TELL A PREGNANT WOMAN SHE'S OVER REACTION. hello? I almost left him at the mall today I was so pissed off but I wouldn't leave my son there w/no way to get home. He just doesn't get it. I wondered if all men are such idiots or if its just mine. I am aware that hormones play a part, but really he's so insensitive and just seems like he doesn't even care. thanks

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Featured Answers

I know the hormone thing is sometimes bad, but it sounds to me like he is taking advantage of the hormones to vent some anger he may have toward you. I would suggest you seek some couples counseling. The two of you need to get these feelings out and get them resolved. How is he after the baby is born? He may just have a hard time dealing with a pregnant woman, and if so, he needs to learn why and how to deal with it. Good Luck!!

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More Answers

Hi S.,

We have two small children and both times my husband was a moron to the point that HE even says "wow, was I a moron when you were pregnant!" Until you've been pregnant you will never truly understand all that it entails...especially the rush of emotions. When you want to choke him just remember, he will also never get to feel the flutter of that baby or experience the most amazing thing - physically giving birth to another life...be patient with him...he's a man!

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S.,

Well, I don't know where to start here. I was recently pregnant so I do understand the "hormones". I truly loved (almost) every minute of being pregnant and I miss it so much. My temper was a little shorter, I was a little more sensitive and I was more easily annoyed. I think those are a given. I believe that some women have stronger effects and some have very little. I was on the lucky side most of the time. I do remember, though, that there were times that my DH annoyed the ____@____.com out of me. I would see him sitting there doing something and I would get this rush of total annoyance. I kept my mouth shut and walked away, knowing it was just my hormones acting out. Other times I would want to badly to pick a fight...for no reason. Again, I would just bite my tounge and walk away.

Personally, my husband wasn't insensitive with regard to my pregnancy. In fact, I know he kept his mouth shut more than once and looked the other way when I was overly-annoyed (usually with one of our dogs). But, in all honesty he's the type that really thinks about what he says before he says it. He's taught me how to do that and it's something that we have worked into our marraige at this point. Trust me, he has his faults (as we all do), but I never had to deal with that with him.

That being said, some men are just blockheads when it comes to their mouths. They will make comments about PMS, pregnancy, post-partum that are just idiotic.

So, just take it in stride (as much as possible) and realize that his stupid comments probably stem from the fact that deep-down he's jealous that HE can't grow a baby and experience the most wonderful gift.

Take care and congrats on the pregnancy.

T.

1 mom found this helpful

I know what you mean, the first time I was pregnant I just thought he didnt know how to deal with it and was just scared. Im 6 mo pregnant now and all of a sudden he wants to stand his ground with me. (He knows Im ALWAYS right):)

I have come to the conclusion that they must go through some hormone changes too. It seems to me like they have more manly hormones all of a sudden!! I just tell my husband he should be the one carrying this baby because he does a good job acting like a pregnant woman. That usually shuts him up. I think its just a way that some people deal with pregnancy. Good luck

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I feel you. My husband didn't want to have a 3rd kid for a while (despite our initial 'life plan' of having 3 when we got married) because he didn't like me when I was pregnant, he says, especially with the 2nd one. He claims I was mean. Funny, no one else had that assessment, just him. Really, I think I was just less tolerant of him. I was scared that my daughter's room wouldn't be ready on time (and it wasn't ready until she was nearly 3 months old and I did it my daggone self), because we had to convert it from an office/guest room to a nursery, and I realized all of the rearranging around the house that needed to be done in order for it to happen. I started "nesting" shortly after I found out I was pregnant because I realized what a big project it would be. Well, instead of being tolerant of my husband's laziness and nagging him to get stuff done and then dealing with it never getting done or getting done half-fast 6 months later than it should have, I laid out a sort of 'project plan.' He thought that was mean... that I wanted stuff done on time so I wouldn't have a one-year old sleeping in a bassinet in my bedroom! Arggh! Thanks for giving me an opportunity to vent, too! Yes, men are idiots. I hate when they blame all fights on hormones...it's just an excuse to escape blame on them.

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Get some couples' counseling. The stress isn't good for you and it sounds like he isn't just like this when you are pregnant but all the time, even if it just seems worse right now.
If he refuses, then it's time to make a decision, do you stay with an unsupportive man or find yourself a good one?
Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

S.,

Don't feel like you are alone. I am pregnant with my third child and my husband can also be insensitive at times. I just don't think they will ever understand the hormones and the tiredness that a pregnant woman feels.
Hang in there! Feel free to vent anytime! Lord, knows my time to vent may just be around the corner!
Keep your chin up!

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I'm wondering if your ob/gyn might clue him in? I say that because my husband was also seemingly clueless about what I was going thru-even during labor. I actually had a pretty blissful pregnancy but a long and natural labor. My midwife had to take hubby aside and explain some stuff. (why did we go to all those classes anyway?)It sounds like he's using your supposed hormonal reactions as an excuse to give you a hard time. You might want to take that out of the equation-in other words, he should treat you with at least the same amount of respect and sympathy as he would if you were not pregant, right? Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh sister, I feel your pain. When I was pregnant we moved to a different city and we were both not working (dh was collecting unemployment..his previous place of employment closed.) I though he was doing things on purpose just to annoy and irritate me. Looking back on it, I know that I was a nightmare to be around. My hormones were so crazy the whole time I was pregnant. I think of my first trimester as one long bout of PMS. What kind of comments is he making? My advice is to just walk away from the situation. When you feel yourself getting angry and irritated, walk into another room. Give yourself at least 5 minutes to calm down. If you're still irritated and annoyed, then I would address the situation. This give you and your hormones a chance to settle. I know how hard it is when you feel that he just doesn't understand. The fact of the matter is...he doesn't! Men can never understand what it does to a woman's psyche to be pregnant. If you think of it, mention the problem to you OB. In the meantime, eats lots of chocolate and take lots of walks. Good Luck!!!

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