16 answers

Pregnant Hormones and an Idiot Husband

I guess I'm looking to vent but want to know I am not the only one out there. This is my second pregnancy and again my husband is completely unsupportive in comments he makes or engaging me and bating me into arguments. It seems like he's worse when i'm prego than when i'm not. And I truely think that's true and not just a gage w/my hormones. I talked to him the begining of this 2nd one and told him that i felt he was soooo unsupportive the first time and didn't want to deal w/it the second time. Well, here we are again. He'll make comments like "you are imagining i said that, you are wrong, i'm not talking about this". Or "you are going to say blah blah blah and i don't want to hear it" even before I have a chance to respond. Of if he hurts my feelings he says I'm "over reacting". DON"T TELL A PREGNANT WOMAN SHE'S OVER REACTION. hello? I almost left him at the mall today I was so pissed off but I wouldn't leave my son there w/no way to get home. He just doesn't get it. I wondered if all men are such idiots or if its just mine. I am aware that hormones play a part, but really he's so insensitive and just seems like he doesn't even care. thanks

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Featured Answers

I know the hormone thing is sometimes bad, but it sounds to me like he is taking advantage of the hormones to vent some anger he may have toward you. I would suggest you seek some couples counseling. The two of you need to get these feelings out and get them resolved. How is he after the baby is born? He may just have a hard time dealing with a pregnant woman, and if so, he needs to learn why and how to deal with it. Good Luck!!

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More Answers

Hi S.,

We have two small children and both times my husband was a moron to the point that HE even says "wow, was I a moron when you were pregnant!" Until you've been pregnant you will never truly understand all that it entails...especially the rush of emotions. When you want to choke him just remember, he will also never get to feel the flutter of that baby or experience the most amazing thing - physically giving birth to another life...be patient with him...he's a man!

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S.,

Well, I don't know where to start here. I was recently pregnant so I do understand the "hormones". I truly loved (almost) every minute of being pregnant and I miss it so much. My temper was a little shorter, I was a little more sensitive and I was more easily annoyed. I think those are a given. I believe that some women have stronger effects and some have very little. I was on the lucky side most of the time. I do remember, though, that there were times that my DH annoyed the ____@____.com out of me. I would see him sitting there doing something and I would get this rush of total annoyance. I kept my mouth shut and walked away, knowing it was just my hormones acting out. Other times I would want to badly to pick a fight...for no reason. Again, I would just bite my tounge and walk away.

Personally, my husband wasn't insensitive with regard to my pregnancy. In fact, I know he kept his mouth shut more than once and looked the other way when I was overly-annoyed (usually with one of our dogs). But, in all honesty he's the type that really thinks about what he says before he says it. He's taught me how to do that and it's something that we have worked into our marraige at this point. Trust me, he has his faults (as we all do), but I never had to deal with that with him.

That being said, some men are just blockheads when it comes to their mouths. They will make comments about PMS, pregnancy, post-partum that are just idiotic.

So, just take it in stride (as much as possible) and realize that his stupid comments probably stem from the fact that deep-down he's jealous that HE can't grow a baby and experience the most wonderful gift.

Take care and congrats on the pregnancy.

T.

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I know what you mean, the first time I was pregnant I just thought he didnt know how to deal with it and was just scared. Im 6 mo pregnant now and all of a sudden he wants to stand his ground with me. (He knows Im ALWAYS right):)

I have come to the conclusion that they must go through some hormone changes too. It seems to me like they have more manly hormones all of a sudden!! I just tell my husband he should be the one carrying this baby because he does a good job acting like a pregnant woman. That usually shuts him up. I think its just a way that some people deal with pregnancy. Good luck

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I feel you. My husband didn't want to have a 3rd kid for a while (despite our initial 'life plan' of having 3 when we got married) because he didn't like me when I was pregnant, he says, especially with the 2nd one. He claims I was mean. Funny, no one else had that assessment, just him. Really, I think I was just less tolerant of him. I was scared that my daughter's room wouldn't be ready on time (and it wasn't ready until she was nearly 3 months old and I did it my daggone self), because we had to convert it from an office/guest room to a nursery, and I realized all of the rearranging around the house that needed to be done in order for it to happen. I started "nesting" shortly after I found out I was pregnant because I realized what a big project it would be. Well, instead of being tolerant of my husband's laziness and nagging him to get stuff done and then dealing with it never getting done or getting done half-fast 6 months later than it should have, I laid out a sort of 'project plan.' He thought that was mean... that I wanted stuff done on time so I wouldn't have a one-year old sleeping in a bassinet in my bedroom! Arggh! Thanks for giving me an opportunity to vent, too! Yes, men are idiots. I hate when they blame all fights on hormones...it's just an excuse to escape blame on them.

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Get some couples' counseling. The stress isn't good for you and it sounds like he isn't just like this when you are pregnant but all the time, even if it just seems worse right now.
If he refuses, then it's time to make a decision, do you stay with an unsupportive man or find yourself a good one?
Good Luck!

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S.,

Don't feel like you are alone. I am pregnant with my third child and my husband can also be insensitive at times. I just don't think they will ever understand the hormones and the tiredness that a pregnant woman feels.
Hang in there! Feel free to vent anytime! Lord, knows my time to vent may just be around the corner!
Keep your chin up!

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I'm wondering if your ob/gyn might clue him in? I say that because my husband was also seemingly clueless about what I was going thru-even during labor. I actually had a pretty blissful pregnancy but a long and natural labor. My midwife had to take hubby aside and explain some stuff. (why did we go to all those classes anyway?)It sounds like he's using your supposed hormonal reactions as an excuse to give you a hard time. You might want to take that out of the equation-in other words, he should treat you with at least the same amount of respect and sympathy as he would if you were not pregant, right? Good luck.

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Oh sister, I feel your pain. When I was pregnant we moved to a different city and we were both not working (dh was collecting unemployment..his previous place of employment closed.) I though he was doing things on purpose just to annoy and irritate me. Looking back on it, I know that I was a nightmare to be around. My hormones were so crazy the whole time I was pregnant. I think of my first trimester as one long bout of PMS. What kind of comments is he making? My advice is to just walk away from the situation. When you feel yourself getting angry and irritated, walk into another room. Give yourself at least 5 minutes to calm down. If you're still irritated and annoyed, then I would address the situation. This give you and your hormones a chance to settle. I know how hard it is when you feel that he just doesn't understand. The fact of the matter is...he doesn't! Men can never understand what it does to a woman's psyche to be pregnant. If you think of it, mention the problem to you OB. In the meantime, eats lots of chocolate and take lots of walks. Good Luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Men just don't get us sometimes. We run on emotions and when we're pregnant, hormones just intensify those emotions 100 fold. They will never get it. my husband was decently supportive, although he would get frustrated with me crying at least once a day for about 5 months. I think when a man knows his wife is upset or pissed they automatically go into defense mode. They feel bad about you feeling bad but instead of making you feel that it's normal, they make you feel like your crazy. So they get mad at themselves but take it out on you. Somewhere in that tough exterior he doesn't know how to handle his OWN emotions, therefor cant handle yours. being pregnant I'm sure can give you the tendancy to over react to some situations, so keep that in mind and apologize too sometimes when you think you have. He'll appreciate the fact you recognize your own hormone attacks. I laugh now at some of the things I burst into tears at. And laugh at myself for being so damn emotional and textbook pregnant. If you say, "I'm sorry for (....)but my hormones are out of control and I'm having a hard time." Maybe he'll be a little more understanding if you justify the crazy moments. If you constantly say it though he'll think your just using the hormone thing to attack him whenever you feel like it. Try to get him to realize he is being insensitive without attacking him. Its all in the language. Maybe some 'alone' time isn't a bad idea either ;)

1 mom found this helpful

I know the hormone thing is sometimes bad, but it sounds to me like he is taking advantage of the hormones to vent some anger he may have toward you. I would suggest you seek some couples counseling. The two of you need to get these feelings out and get them resolved. How is he after the baby is born? He may just have a hard time dealing with a pregnant woman, and if so, he needs to learn why and how to deal with it. Good Luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

Ha ha! You poor thing, I'd like to say I can't relate - but I totally can. My husband thinks he's the most sensitive, loving man on the planet but he knows he's also very self motivated and when I got pregnant that self motivated, self-centered side took over. I was so surprised by the way he reacted to me and the way he thought things should be about him...and honestly, he still does and started up with me 2 weeks after I delivered our son. I don't know what to tell you since I'm still living it, but I think my issue is that my husband is so used to things being about him that it was, and is, hard to take a backseat. He is trying and is slowly realizing he hasn't been fair to me, but I just think it will all come full circle when we have another one. That scares me a lot, but when I really think about it, I love him - even when I don't like him very much, and its more important to me to excuse things that may be a big deal, but aren't a "deal-breaker" to keep the peace. By no means, am I saying be a door-mat - at all - just know that you're probably going to get more upset reacting to stupid things he says than you will if you just blow it off. It's SO hard to do, but in the end it will be better on all of you. If it is still really bothering you, bring it up later once you've cooled down and he's in a better mood, things tend to be easier to work through at that point. I'm not Dr Phil, I'm just speaking as someone who has been there (and still is) and telling you what works for me...sometimes... ;)

1 mom found this helpful

First of all, YES, most men--excluding my dad--are idiots. But, i think if you were to ask my mom she would even say my dad is an idiot. I would like to support you and tell you that what you are feeling is normal, however, a pain to deal with. I myself hate when men blame everything on hormones and not the real reason of the problem--THEM. Anyway, I support you, and while sometimes the hormones may make us a little more sensative, I 100% support you in saying that the man must step up to the plate and help emotionally and physically. Your body is going through changes, and he needs to support you, your moods, and what ever you are feeling...Why do men become the bigger baby when we are having the real baby...Good Luck...go get a manicure, and in the last tri--have a glass of wine...it is o.k. It will relax you and help you cope with the MAN...

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My husband didn't believe me when I told him I was feeling really sick and super tired during the first trimester of our first pregnancy due to morning sickness. He thought it was in my head. The next evening, I tried to push past the nausea and have a normal dinner conversation, to see for myself whether it was all in my head. He looked at me and said, "You look green. What's wrong?" I answered him that I was trying to gut it out, and that I was trying to get it "out of my head". He then immediately told me to lay down and rest and never ever said anything more about it. He finally believed me. Perhaps it was the fact that I tried something he suggested, and it didn't work, or that we both were listening to each other. Perhaps my husband never said anything to me about my emotions because he certianly did not want to be pregnant and was really content to let me do it!

Your situation sounds really rough, and yet maybe there may be much much more going on here than pregnancy and hormones. I don't know you, your marriage or your husband, but I certianly hope you both can take a step back, take a look at things, and work together to enjoy this time before the baby comes! You can do this. Speak his language and ask him to speak yours. Good luck!

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I am sorry that you are having to deal with your husband not being sensitive and supportive right now. I was quite lucky - my husband was pretty cool. Once, I joked at how the hardwood floor squeeked when I walked (gained 50 pounds of water with the first {preeclampsia}). He responded by calling me Shorka. My name is Shawn, so he added an SH to Orka. I wasn't very happy about it at the time, even though I started the little joke. Looking back, we both laugh about him basically calling me a whale. I remember feeling pretty emotional through both of my pregnancies. At times it felt like I was on a rollercoaster. After giving birth, a couple of weeks post partum, I would just think back and be so glad to have the pregnancy part over with and two happy healthy children. You'll get through this. Just try to remember how much you actually love your husband and why you wanted to have a family with him in the first place. As for getting him to change - I think he probably won't over the course of the rest of your pregnancy. I think your girlfriends are a good place to turn to for emotional support. That and you need to pamper yourself - a spa package is always nice as a Christmas present from your husband to you! Nice pedicure, facial, new haircut!! Good luck and try to get some time to yourself! Your two year old and your husband will be happy to see you more relaxed and happier.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband is SERIOUSLY the best husband/father in the world. I truly believe that. He was so very supportive during my first 3 pregnancies and is a GREAT dad. We shared diaper changes, early morning feeding...EVERYTHING. The dream husband/father. He pampers me much more than he should when I am pregnant. BUT even though I know he is like this, something goes crazy in me when I'm pregnant and I still get so irratated with him. I know it's not him, just my hormones and such. You're not the only one out there that feels like this!

1 mom found this helpful

No ma'am, don't feel alone. Mine is a complete selfish idiot as well. He's good bout half the time. but when I have anything to say about the way he is acting or if I disagree on something, even if I have the tone of Mary Poppins when I mention it, he completely flies off the handle and starts acting like a fool. Mine also tries the mind games, like " I never said that," and " I haven't been rude to you, its all in your head." Way to make your wives remember why they married you guys. Idiots.

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