Potty Woes

It sounds like she is nervous about it. Try reading to her or allowing her to look at a book while she's on the potty. Do you have a portable DVD player? Maybe should could watch that or something else so that she's not thinking about it. I think she'll feel more comfortable with pooping once she has more experiences with it. If she doesn't like the "kerplunk," trying playing some music in there. Does she seem to be constipated? Maybe it's uncomfortable for her or painful and she doesn't want to go. What about adjusting her diet so that her bowel movements are easier for her. Try adding more apples, apple sauce or apple juice. An apple a day with help with that. She won't be able to avoid going to the bathroom. Good luck!

Hi M.,
I had a tough time with one of my sons and here is what worked for us. He would poop in a pull-up, but was very scared of doing it in the potty. So, first we had him poop in the pull-up standing in the bathroom. Once he was used to going to the bathroom to poop, we had him sit on the potty with the pull-up on and poop. Then, don't laugh this really worked, we cut a hole in the back of the pull-up without telling him. When he sat on the potty and realized that the poop fell into the potty - he decided he didn't need the pull-ups anymore. Start to finish, the process took about 2.5 weeks. This was a boy so scared to poop on the toilet that he would hold it for weeks at a time. I just couldn't wait it out like the ped. said. I figured that they learn everything else in gradual steps, so why not this too. I hope this helps you or at least gives you a smile picturing a backless pull-up.
Good luck,
C.

My son had the same potty issues, he'd yell "I need a diaper!" when he had to poop. I did use bribery. I wrapped up a few little presents (an eraser, a cool pencil, a sticker sheet...) and put them in a bowl in the bathroom. When/if he pooped on the toilet he could open one. When he had successfully pooped on the potty for I think it was 3 weeks, he earned one larger toy he could choose. I wish Ihadn't had to resort to bribery, but he was so resistant.
Good luck with whatever you choose to try!

My niece had a huge problem with this issue that prevented her form entering preschool on time. The tried all kinds of bribes, naked time and made her stay on the tiled floors of the house, etc. My sister-in-law was beside herself. They also tried a number of doctors. Some had thoughts of it being a control issue (it was something that my niece could control in her world) and others checked for physical issues. Finally one doctor they saw diagnosed her and and can't remember the actual name of the diagnosis. Over time my niece had stretched out the muscles of her intestines and really didn't know when she had to go anymore. She was put on a very high fiber diet including fiber added to her morning drink. It took awhile, but the muscles re-gained their tone and she is doing fine now. I also had a nephew who refused for a long time and decided that when he turned 5 he would poop on the potty and the day he turned 5 he did. Good luck.

Hi M., I was in the exact same boat as you not so long ago. My daughter will be 5 in Sept. She was potty trained at 2.9months and she had no problem with the peeing just like your daughter. Didn't wear pull ups at night and never had an accident. However she would refuse to poop on the potty. She would go like a week where she did it and we thought yea thats it, then back to doing it in her pants. She however knew when to go like at home or at my parents house, where she was comfortable, she never had an accident at school, I would of died, and never accidents while out. It was like she had the control and everything she just would not go on the potty. Well I got so fed up, we tried EVERYTHING!! We bribed her, yelled at her, even though I know we shouldn't have we were just so tired of it, and felt hopless about the situation. Then it got to the point where she was holding it so much that she was in pain, and would get leaking in her underwear. So I called her pedo, I was just at a loss. Her pedo said it sounds like she has a constipation issue, and somewhere down the line when she went on the toilet it must have hurt, and so she now holds it and will go when she is relaxed. She prob thinks the potty will make it hurt more. So she had me give her some mirilax everyday for a month, and that did the trick. She started going on the potty herself, and its been great. She will still say her butt stings, and for us to wipe it ect.. so I think she still is holding it a little, but doing better. So see if that could be an issue. If not she may just not be ready. It is a control thing with them. I had a friend who took her son to a therapist b/c he was 5 and he would just go anywhere, at the mall at school it was awful. But the therapy did nothing. He just started going last week, and it was just some weird thing that once my friend gave up he did it. They say they will just do it when they are ready. I am there with you though, I know how hard it is. So hang in there, it will happen I promise. Take care and good luck!!

I am no pro with potty training, but since my 3 year old son just became trained I hope I have a few suggestions.

I would definitely set up a reward chart, she is old enough to know what that is, so choose something extra special, something she has really been wanting, and after say a week or 2 straight weeks of going poop on the potty she can earn he special "toy" or thing or whatever... make sure its something really good..

Also, is it possible she is a bit constipated? so maybe she is having trouble pushing and she goes to the comfort of a diaper?
try, adding some extra fiber in her diet, and juices that begin with a "P" that is what our pedi suggested, Prune, Pear, Peach, Pinapple, the "P" as in Poop should make it easeir to go...

definitely avoid any punishment with this, it will only make it worse, when she does go in the pullup, try and get her to dump the poop in the toilet, have her flush it and wipe her in the bathroom, just say "see, poop goes in the toilet" know I used that with my son, but he was 3, not 5, but I would try it anyway,

Good luck! and you could always call her peditrician, see if they have any suggestions.. good luck!

D.

I see others have mentioned reward charts and reading the book "Everybody Poops", two things that may help. I also see advice about making sure constipation isn't causing an issue -- a good thing to talk to your pediatrician about.

Another thing that may be causing an issue is the need kids have to balance while using an adult-sized toilet. When you pee, you don't have to be on the potty for long, so balancing isn't as much of an issue. Balancing while pushing out a poop can be a bit more tricky, though. She may not like that feeling that she might fall into the toilet. You can get those soft inserts that sit on top of the toilet seat or get the kind that you install and that flip down right over the seat (or flip up for someone to use the full-size seat, as the case may be). Babies R Us carries them as does One Step Ahead. My girls have always found them very comfortable, even for the long time it sometimes takes to finish the job, as it were.

Good luck and take heart that there are others who have had this problem and prevailed!

Hi M.
I'm having the SAME EXACT problem with my three year old. She refuses to uses the toilet for poop. No problem peeing, but holds her poop for days until she's so constipated that she ends up going when napping/sleeping. Any bit of forcefulness only makes her dig her heels in even harder. I know I've read that constipation is the problem and that they are having pain so that's why they hold it in but I honestly don't think that's my child's initial problem. I think she constipates herself. I don't have any words of wisdom for you but wanted you to know you're not the only one!
A.

What do you mean "I know your not supposed to push or bribe," of course you are supposed to use what ever tools you may have at your disposal and bribery works just fine for a four or five year old.

Stop felling guilty about making your child do what he or she should be doing!

A good friend of mine whose children were older than mine gave me her trick for potty training. Bribe the child with a new toy (not an expensive toy).

It goes like this:
Buy the child a new toy that you know the child would want.
Show the child the toy as you place the toy on top of the refridgerator.
Tell the child that he or she will get the toy after going potty in the potty.

You can adjust this strategy. If your child likes suprises, then gift wrap the toy. You can also tell the child that he or she can have the gift after two days of potty in the potty or something like that.

Good luck, and you do have the best and hardest job in the world.

K. Kay

Hi michele, i was with children for 40, years. Do not allow her, in no pullup at all.no diaper, either. Thats like saying here is your pullup so now you can poop. If she demands the pull up, or diaper, be firm and say no more. Buy her pretty underware. Tell her now she poops on the potty. She may hold it back a couple of days or she will hide, to do poops. If poops in pants, hold her hand, as well with yours, and shake in toilet, with her. She will not like this, at all. Then say well you have to poop on the potty. This worked for one of my children. No bribarie.she will learn, fast. For sure, there is no need for the pull up or diaper. Not at her age. Good luck let me know how you make out, please.

Hi M.,
I've read some of the other responses about feeding her more fiber and increasing water intake, this definitely couldnt hurt but it seems like if your daughter is asking for a pull up or diaper and using it without a problem ex. no whining/crying or forceful pushing then constipation may not be the problem. My oldest son also had a problem using the potty for the dreaded #2 and rewards, bribery,books, etc. were of no interest to him. so here's hat I did. I got rid of all his diapers and put his brothers out of his reach then I got him a very small back pack just big enough for a pair of clean undies and a change of clothes. The next day I took him to run some errands and even went to the park I gave him plenty of opportunuities to use the potty but insisted that he carry his own bag with a change of clothes. When he asked me to carry the bag I would very kindly remind him that I didn't need a change of clothes because I did my poopies on the potty and that if he did his poopies on the potty instead of in his pants then he wouldn't need to carry a bag either. After only one day of errands and NO yelling or fighting he never pooped his pants again. Hope you find what works best for her and manage to keep your sanity in the process.
A.

Why aren't you supposed to "bribe"? We call it a "reward" for a difficult task - which for them it is. Millions of babies the world over have been "rewarded" for learning to poop in the potty. You can either do small rewards every time she does it, or make a chart to earn a really big reward. The method you choose depends more on the psyche of your own child and what will work best. Don't we as adults reward ourselves when we accomplish something hard? Nothing wrong with it.

Wow.... Poor you.... Is she in a preschool program? Peer pressure is great for this sort of thing. My four year old is very headstong about things, too, although we don't have the same problem, we have others! Every kid is different....I would simply make a few rules and try my best to stick to them. For example, after lunch we go to the potty.... Before we go to the store, we go to the potty.... Her issues may clear up when you toilet train your son. Take care!

I had a similar problem with my first born when she was 4 1/2 she still would not poop in the potty/toilet but was completly pee trained day and night. When our second came along I had had enough with the first pooping in diapers so I forced her. Don't do it. She then became a with holder and was constintly constipated and had to see a specialist(GI). I would try bribery but definatly don't force/push. As my oldest is now 8 and still once in awhile with holds.......

I would put a supply of books in the bathroom so that she can take her time on the potty. There's one called "Everyone Poops" which a lot of people have used. You should also put regular books there - with subjects totally unrelated to potty use. Those books should stay in the bathroom so that the only place she can read them is on the potty. I know you have a little one too, but is there a way you can spend "special time" with your daughter in the bathroom?

Increase her fiber and water intake to ensure that she is not constipated and that pooping will be as comfortable as possible.

At this age, you can push a little. And "bribery" is something you do to obtain something you are not entitled to. Like lobbyists paying off politicians, or mobsters paying off cops! But you are absolutely entitled to have a potty-trained kid, so this is not bribery. It's encouragement and incentive.

I would put the diapers and pull-ups where she cannot reach them or even see them. If you don't think she will poop in her underwear, she will have no option but to use the potty. At this age, it is time for her to master this skill and become a big girl so she can go to school where everyone poops in the potty. Try to keep it positive, but be firm.

Good luck! My son was a real late potty-trainer so I sympathize.

What is it about the pooping? My 3+ yr old refuses to poop in the potty as well. We've tried reward charts, M&Ms, the Happy Dance--everything we can think of doing. He refuses. We try not to react to the pooping negatively because we don't want to set up a power struggle, but it is hard. So I have no advice for you, but I am curious to hear what has worked for others with reluctant poopers.