Potty Training Help!!

Updated on April 07, 2008
A.Z. asks from Buffalo, WY
26 answers

I am the proud mother of a 3 year old (on May 1st) who is/was completly potty trained until about 2 months ago. She was completly potty trained in October then her sister was born in November. She did really well and had no set backs until recently. When we leave the house she wears big girl panties and has no accidents at all; but when we are home for the day it is on accident after another. She has no problems with pooping in the potty but when it comes to pee it is a completly differnt story. My husband's suggestion is to leave her in her wet pants; because she takes them off immediatly and puts new dry ones on. I have tried the pull up when at home but she takes it off. I am sure that her issue at home is her new baby sister; but have no idea how to solve the issue. Any suggestions would be wonderful! My carpets can't handle this much longer!! ;o)

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Let her go with no underware or training pants when you are in the house. Just until things are under control again. Worked for my sister and her 3 year old!
Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.M.

answers from Honolulu on

Sounds like it might be an attention issue. I potty trained my twin boys by setting a timer every 15 minutes to ask if they had to go. That way I didn't forget. It seemed to work and they also got some positive attention every so often. It worked out well.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

I found that what consistently helped was having my 2.5 year old girl naked, or with absolutely no undies. It sounds strange but I got the advise from other pre-school moms and it worked every single time. I tried with my girl and the accidents only happen when she has something on. But, when she's naked or has no undies or pants on, she actually tells me she has to go and sits right on the potty by herself. Like yours, there's no problem with No.2, but doing No. 1 was filled with accidents at home. Try this for a couple of days, then slowly put her back in her undies.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

My oldest did the samething. It has to do with jealousy of the new sister. Also wants attention. She used to b the only 1 and now has to share. Wen she pees take the panties off wash them out and put them back on her and set her in the corner on the floor in the bathroom next to the toilet. After her tantrum sit her down and explain to her that u still love her very much and that her sister will not take any time from her. That now they both will share the same amount of love that u give them no less.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.D.

answers from Las Vegas on

It is not uncommon for kids to have some potty regression, especially when there has been some change going on at home like a new baby. My first bit of advise is to not to get rid of the pull ups during the day. They give kids the false sense of being clean and dry and makes them lazy (Hey! Why bother stopping what I'm playing with when I can just poop in my pants right here and mom will clean me up.) Use the pull ups at night if she is not able to stay dry through the night but explain to her that pull ups are only for night time.

There are a lot of other strategies that you can implement that work for some kids and not others. What worked for me was making a big deal every time my daughter stayed clean and dry and an even big deal whenever she initiated going to the bathroom to do her thing on her own. This meant that there was a lot of hooping and hollering things like, "How awesome are you!?! You stayed clean and dry!" while we were tossing her in the air and tickling her and giving her "Hi-5's".

You can also keep track of her elimiation schedule and setting her up for success by reminding her to go when you know that she usually goes. My little girl would get so wrapped up in whatever activity that she was doing that she would not pay attention to her body signals until it was too late. Eventually, she learned to recognize when she had to go and was able to get herself to the bathroom on time. It just took time, a lot of patience and a lot of laundry detergent.

As for pooping on the potty, a neuro-psychologist friend had recommended to me when I was going through the whole potty-training thing, that there should be a step stool underneath or child's feet when she is sitting on the potty so that she feels a since of stability and can lean forward on the potty (best position for getting the poop out), and also have them blow bubbles while they are sitting on the potty waiting. Not only does it tend to entertain our kids while they are sitting their waiting and makes the whole process more enjoyable but the blowing action tends to loosen their bottom up so that the poop can come out more easily.

Good luck!

Next I would keep a log of her elimination schedule. Most kids go to the bathroom about 15 minutes after they have eaten

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Involve her more with everything you do with the babyy. find something that she can do to help because that would make her a big girl and mommys helper. She would feel apart of the new baby thing. I mean since you are always changing diapers on the new baby and always feeding the new baby, that is a lot of time that she misses out on. Inlude her in as much as you can. It may help.
Good luck
B.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi! The only thing that comes to mind is having her NOT wear any panties at home. It might help her run to the bathroom when the urge hits because she has nothing between her and bare body. I have a friend who tried this with her son and she says it worked like a charm. It might work different because you have a girl, but it might also help. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.H.

answers from San Diego on

Put the panties away when you are in the house and give her skirts to wear. She will know without a doubt when she pees it will run down her legs, and she had better make it to the toilet or she will be busy cleaning the floor where she let it go... This is not cruel, unusual yes, but making a child clean up after themselves, just like cleaning up toys and her place at the dinner table, will make her very aware of what her actions are. Show her where the sponge is, how to wring it out at the sink, how to wash the floor, clean the sponge and then her hands, how to dry the floor, the process should take some of the fun out of peeing on the floor. And how many times do you think she will want to repeat this??? My guess is once or twice should be enough!
E. H

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.K.

answers from San Diego on

Put her back in diapers. Don't let her take them off. You are the parent and you decide.
good luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Get stars and make a chart.Make a game out of it and see how meany stars she can get on the chart. The new baby is to young to play so its just her game.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

A., its very common for a child who has a baby brother or sister to revert back to either the bottle or going potty in there pants, She is trying to get your attention, after all before the baby came she had all your attention, don't make a big deal about it, put pulls up back on her at home, your gonna have to start over again, keep checking her pull up if she is dry then then take a penny and put it in the jar, when she has 25 pennys reward her for staying dry with something special you and her can do together, This is just her way of control, like I said the more you make a big deal out of it, and pay attention when she goes potty in her pants she will do it more & more. No scolding on this one only huge praise.
We all had to do it , well those who have had more than one child.

Good luck
T Miles

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.P.

answers from San Diego on

As your three year old and the rest of your family adjust to the new addition things will normalize and her potty skills will return. In the mean time... praise her for how grown up she is, give her as much one on one time as possible and use an enzyme based cleaner used for pets to clean up messes.

One brand that is easy to find is Natures Miracle. These enzyme cleaners bond with food, blood, grass, poop and pee, vomit and all kind of messes of this nature. The enzymes bond with and neutralize these items. It leaves behind something that is no longer what you started with. Just soak and walk away. As long as there is "mess" and water the enzyme will stay active and multiply. When one of these things is missing from the equasion the enzymes die. Just vaccum later.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Reno on

You didn't mention if you've taken her to the pediatrician to rule out a bladder infection?
If you've ruled out all medical reasons, there's a lot of reasons she may be regressing. She could have been scared going potty at home and is afraid to go now, she could have had a bad experience. She may be trying to excercise a strong will...
You can google potty training resistance and potty training regression. There is tons of information out there on both topics.
My son was resistant and we followed a hand out our pediatrician gave us on it and it worked. That was 9 years ago. :)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

I know exactly how you feel. I have 3 kids, my oldest son - when his first little sister was born, he did not regress as far as his potty training, he had begun pre school right before his sister was born and he felt I did not want him anymore and he felt I was sending him away. That was not the case, he was potty trained early and I started him in pre-school. So my second daughter was born, and then at almost 2 1/2 she was potty trained and then her little sister was born. She started soiling her underwear with #1 (thank God not #2) It is normal, just be patient, let her help you out with the new baby, try to get some one on one time with her. I know it is hard with a new baby, but this is a new adjustment for her as well. Maybe she feels she needs her "diaper" changed as well. Love and reassurance and of course time is the best medicine. Good Luck and congratulations

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

Two suggestions. First - Stop the training now and don't focus on it, but if she wants to go on the big potty let her go and give lots of praise and maybe a little reward like an M&M. Sometimes if we stop for awhile and the focus is not there the atmospher is more relaxed and they eventually go when they are ready. Second - continue the training especially if she is willing to go on her own when you are out and give lots of praise and small rewards. Special time with mommy (w/o baby) 30 mins or so will also help.

I have four children ranging from 18 to 3 1/5. Hang in there she'll come around.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.L.

answers from Honolulu on

Maybe you could try a reward chart. Everytime she goes on the potty, or everytime she has an accident free day-- she gets a sticker on her chart. When she gets a certain number of stickers you could take her to the dollar/discount store to pick out a prize, or whatever reward will motivate her. This worked for my daughter when she was that age. We only had to do it for a little while and soon she didn't need the chart.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.U.

answers from San Diego on

Hi A.,
I believe your daughter is simply trying to get your attention, which she gets when she pees her pants. Try to give her special one on one attention when the baby naps or when dad can take her for a little bit. Also, tell her how proud you are of her when she does stay dry and uses the potty. Make THAT a big deal so she knows you are paying attention to her good behaviors and progress. Good luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi,
First of all, I'd like to say that what your daughter is going through is totally normal for the situation.
Personally, I would try a few things:
I would talk to her about how she used to use a diaper too (like the baby), but now she has learned something new, and one day she will get to teach it to the baby. I would make a big fuss about how great it is that she is using the potty instead of a diaper, and give special attention to her when she uses it.

Another thought would be to have her there while you change the baby's diaper, and talk to her, reminding that when she was a little tiny baby, she used to go potty in her diaper too, but now she's big and uses the potty! And then go on about how great that is.

Sometimes when littler ones come along, the older ones are reminded of the sort of babying that they'd like to have again.
You might even play a little bit of a game, like holding her like a baby, and saying, "when you were a little baby, I used to hold you like this" and hold and talk to her, and then tell her and now that you're a big 3, I can still hold you and love you, AND we can do this, and this (maybe tickle, whatever), but if you ever need your mommy to just hold you, I can still hold you.
My thought is that if she is having needs about getting the babying attention like the baby, then it could be a way of satisfying the need without going completely into a baby mode with her, and having her focus on positive other interactions that you have.
I did things like that with my son, and would tell him that if he ever just needed his mom to hold him, that he could just tell me that and I would be happy to do it. It cut down on some of the behavior that he might have engaged in to get the extra babying (during a difficult divorce).
I know you did not mention these other things, but often times these sort of needs get awakened when a baby comes, and get expressed through behavior.
Another thought would be to have her there while you change the baby's diaper, and talk to her, reminding that when she was a little tiny baby, she used to go potty in her diaper too, but now she's big and uses the potty! And then go on about how great that is.
I'm sure this will resolve in no time.
All the best to you and your precious girls!
M.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.F.

answers from Honolulu on

Hello,

My 3 year old daughter went through the same thing. It is just a phase. They see everyone oooo'ing over the new baby and want this same attention.
Try including her in pamper changings and compiment her on how she is such a big girl and how proud of her that she uses the potty like a big girl. And if you can fit a little one on one time with her, maybe schedule a time when you read her a book before she takes a nap or something that will let her know that she is just as important! ;)
good luck. i know at times it can be frustrating but remember she is trying to get attention because she loves you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi A.,
I am a mom of 4 kids and this is very common. She is jealous of baby. The best thing to do is 10 minutes before feeding time with the baby tell her that Mommy loves her and wants to spend special time together. Each time get a good childrens book and read her a story before you feed sister. That way she still feels loved and special. Also when each baby was brought home I bought a special small present for the bigger kid or kids. That way they got a present since all the presents coming in our for the baby. My children still treasure those presents and they are 13,12,10 & 6.Good Luck. D.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think you are my twin. My daughter will be 3 may 10th and we had another this past november 8th. Our oldest, completely potty trained in Oct., has been having accidents at home lately. just with pee and not everyday. maybe once a week or so. Its usually in the afternoon. and probably at a time i think when she might feel she hasnt had enough attention. I have combatted this by reminding her that she is a big girl and in order to be a big girl and do big girl things (go to the park, pick put her own clothes, pick out her food, help mommy cook, whatever the privlidges) she is expected to go potty in the potty. When she does we make a compliment and praise her like when she was initially trained a small but rare treat for keeping it up is also nice. When she doesnt we coach and teach and sometimes take a small something away that big girls get. we have also figured out when it is more likely to happen so we can give her more attention (tell her to go potty so we can play a game or whatever.) Basically we try to beat her to the punch. Its doing pretty well.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

This is very normal. We went through the same thing with my now 4 year old when her sister was born. She was 3 then. Like someone else mentioned, it is a way she can control something. Punishment (leaving her in wet panties) is only going to make her feel worse about herself and will not get you the results you want. With potty training, including setbacks, what works is positive reinforcement. In addition to coming up with a reward system for going on the potty, it's important to make special time with just her where your husband takes the baby and you and your 3 year old go for a walk or to a movie or out for ice cream or play a game... Also, because much of your time is spent on your baby's needs (also very normal and necessary), it's possible you're not seeing the signs that she needs to go so that you can remind her. This is what happened with me, I was so distracted with baby that I didn't also catch her signs early enough - jumping around, holding self, etc. What we had to do for a little while was put her on the potty every hour not just wait for her to go or ask her - she would always say "No, I don't have to go." But when I put her on, she'd go. When you feel it's time for her to try going, I think it's ok to use reasonable consequences if she doesn't go willingly with you... like "if you don't try to go potty, you can't play with this or that and if you go, you can put a sticker on your chart." You might even want to reward for her simply trying even if she doesn't actually go. Older children sometimes revert back to baby-ish behaviors when a new baby is brought home because they see that's how you get the most attention. Encourage her Big Girl status by giving her responsibilities in helping with baby. She's worried she's not your special baby anymore, so you need to be very positive about this and help her get through it. She will do fine, I promise. Be patient, it's all normal. Be sure to explain this to your husband because while they want the best for their children too, it's harder for men to understand how certain things affect a child's feelings about themselves and it's so important that she feel confident and proud of herself, not humiliated. Tell her accidents happen and everyone makes mistakes and this is how we learn. Also, encourage your daughter to talk about her feelings about the baby or whatever is bothering her. Their little minds can't always express verbally how they feel so they act out in ways they can control. And let it be OK that she "doesn't want a new baby" or whatever she feels, but at the same time explain gently all the positives to having a sibling and what a great big sister she is and how her baby needs her!" If she feels her feelings are being heard, she will come around. There are books out there to help with this too. Good luck and hang in there, you're a good mom.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.F.

answers from San Diego on

The exact same thing happened to my daughter and it still occasionally happens (she is now 4). At first I was like you... a little freaked out by it and unsure how to handle the situation. I thought we would have to go through potty training all over again. After doing some reading on the issue I found that this is VERY common. The best way to deal with it is to just keep positive, encourage, and don't punish. It is a phase that will go away with time. Just help her clean up the mess talk about remembering the potty and DON'T make a BIG deal of it! I know it is very frustrating. I don't recommend letting her sit in her wet undies because of infections and it isn't sanitary. We did start putting pull-ups back on her when she had these problems. Hope this helps!
BTW we had to throw away a $700 pillow top mattress because of this problem so I understand the whole carpet thing!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

You might want to make a big deal about changing the babies diapers and make a comparison between how big your daughter is now and how little her sister is. "Look, the BABY peed in her diaper" not in a negative way of course, other than that, take off the pressure, keep her in a diaper to save your carpet. Easier to change diapers than clean messes.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.C.

answers from Honolulu on

I find that on the days that we have no agenda, the lack of schedule makes us ask less "do you have to go pee?" and consequently, accidents happen. You might try a pee pee alarm...set the kitchen timer (or your cell phone or watch) to go off at certain intervals...say every 1 1/2 hours or so and off to the bathroom when the buzzer beeps. Also, the buzzer beeping has more authority for some reason than your voice asking over and over. I use a buzzer all the time "when the buzzer beeps, it's time to leave the playground!" and it is much more effective than me talking.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

It very well may be that the new baby is causing your older one to take steps back...but don't worry. We used the video, Potty Power and that helped her a lot!! I wouldn't suggest leaving her in wet underwear, as that may cause embarrassment for her and be uncomfortable! Just my opinion!

Good luck!

S. B :)

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches