Ok, so here is another request for help and advice on potty training. My son is 2 yrs 5 mo and was using the potty off and on starting at about 1 yr. We had the potty that sings when the child uses the bathroom as a "reward." Well, the reward scared the heck out of him at 18 months and since then he has not wanted to use the potty at all. For a while we couldn't even get him to go into the bathroom, let alone think about sitting on the potty. So then I bought him the seat that sits on top of the regular toilet. No use. Now we have a very simple potty chair that doesn't require any batteries and he can get off an on by himself. We had him just sit for a few times yesterday and it seemed to go well. We had to keep reassuring him that it wouldn't make any noise. Finally he peed, and we made a big deal out of it, telling him how awesome he was doing and he got M & Ms when he finished. Today I put him on and he just sat there telling me he was not going to go pee or poop and he was there for almost 2 hours!!! When he told me he wanted lunch I couldn't let him sit any longer. It broke my heart. But after lunch his diaper was soaked. My questions are could he be holding it now purposefully? Do I just let it go and put the potty away for another few months? Or do I keep putting him on now and again and if he goes, great, if not, then we'll try again next time? And if I do put him on again, how long should I have him sit? I don't want to frustrate him or me or any one else who will be helping with this. Thanks in advance for all the help an advice.
To those of you who gave advice and withheld your judgement, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Just to clarify for the rest of you, 2 hours IS too long on the potty, but I should have pointed out that we were in the family room sitting at this play table singing, coloring, playing with play-doh, watching Max & Ruby (his favorite for now) and he was not sequestered alone in the bathroom, crying and upset. He did not want to get up until he asked for lunch. That said, the others who gave good advice have led my husband and me to decide to suspend the training for now. We talked to our son last night, he knows where the potty is and will tell us when he wants to use it as he did before. I realize that every child is ready when they are ready, not necessarily when their parents are. Thanks again to those who truly responded for a request for advice and not for critique, none of us are perfect and I look at each new day as an opportunity to learn from past mistakes, grow and beome a better parent for my wonderful little guy.
Dear S.,
Toilet training a boy is the easiest thing; just think of it as a game. Kids will always learn faster if you make it fun. Put a step stool in front of the toilet. Float a square of toilet paper in the bowl. The toilet paper represents a battleship, and the object of the game is to sink the battleship. Boys cannot wait to pee, and have their next battle.
Try it, it works.
W.
I would back-off quickly. You're in school for counseling, so you will soon be aware that children can control three things- communication, nutrition and elimination. Developmentally, this is the "independence" phase and he will look for areas in his life that he can control, which is why we give children at this age "choices" between two equally appropriate options. If you push this one, he will find another way to gain control possibly including witholding bowel movements, restricting food, over indulging with food or refusing to talk.
He's sending you a very clear message here. Listen and let him potty train when he's ready- he's only two.
Potty training should not be a struggle for mom or child. I just potty trained my son at 2.8 mos. We potty trained in 4 days (pee and poop). When I committed to potty training, I had my son only in underwear (except for sleeping). I took him to the potty every 30 minutes and he sat for about 2 min at a time. The potty should be a fun and safe place for your son, not a place where he has to spend 2 hours straight (away from his toys).
I think you should take a break from potty training for a few mos. Wait until your son shows an interest. Potty training needs to be driven wait for the right time, things will be a lot easier........
Good luck
Hi,
I potty trained my daughter at 18 months old. The easiest way IMO is to leave them naked from the waste down while they play. Keep a potty near by and as soon as you see him start to pee put him on the potty say "pee pee" and make a big deal about what a big boy he is and how much better it is then having a wet diaper! It usually takes about 3 day before they catch on and start telling well before they start to pee so that they can wear pants again.
I personally don't agree with the bribe method as I think somethings should just be a reward unto themselves, and I don't really like making them sit until they have to go because I think they grow to resent the potty if they are made to sit instead of being allowed to play. Same thing goes with making them sit every half hour- if they have to leave something fun to go sit on the potty, they won't be in a hurry to tell you next time. Try leaving him naked for a few days and keep that potty close. I think he will soon learn there is a better way than having a wet diaper or peeing on himself and start to tell you when he needs the potty.
Good Luck!
Hi S.. I know you wrote that you are waiting for now, but I just wanted to tell you what I did with my 2 boys...I don't know what kind of potty chair you have, but mine had the little insert that I could remove an wash. I actually would try to time when I noticed they were peeing and then just take them to the bathroom and hold that potty piece up to them, kind of like they were standing at the toilet and they would pee in there. that way there was less fuss about sitting and stuff and a lot of boys are all about play and have SO much energy, even sitting for 30 seconds to pee is too much to ask. HA. This REALLY helped my boys...also Daddy doing a demonstration on the big potty helped too. :)
Just wanted to tell ya. :)
BTW...did I mention that 2 hours is WAY TO LONG TO SIT ON A POTTY!! just kidding. HA. Sorry you felt so judged after this post. Take care and good luck training!!
Many kids (boys especially) are not ready to use the potty until closer to 3 years old. It sounds like he understands the concept and is now controlling the pee. My daughter had the best physical control of holding her pee when we really started training her... held it for hours when in underwear and refused to use the potty. She would wait until nap time when we put a diaper back on her, or cry for a diaper. We finally gave it a break for a couple of weeks, and when we came back to it, we put her in underwear, and told her where her potty's were, but never asked her to sit on them... just that she could use them when she had to go. We did a lot of playing outside (it was summer and I brought a potty out with us). After just a few accidents, she was trained. The key for us, was to give it a break for a while, and when we came back to it, let her have the control. Don't ever make a child sit on a potty for more than a few minutes! At the first go around, when we KNEW she had to go (lots to drink, pee pee dance etc.) we had her sit and encouraged her to pee, but the more we encouraged, the more she held it!
Anyway, it sounds like your little guy isn't quite ready emotionally... maybe wait a little bit... and come back to it with a different approach when HE seems more ready.
Good Luck, potty training is rarely easy. Someone once told me, there is one thing toddlers can control... food going in, and food going out... and the more parents try to control it, the more they use it against us!
Hi S., Your son is still young and he also sees how much this means to you. At 2 he already wants you to see how grown up he is and he is now in control. Yes you should back off for a while and resume at another time. Trust me, he will be trained some day. Grandma Mary
My son is 39 months and is not trained yet. I have 2 friends who said their sons were almost 4. The pediatrician said boys usually respond well between 3 and 3 and 1/2. making him sit there for 2 hours was just a very negative thing and that could now set him back even more. Please don't ever do that. I sit my son down and count to 10 while I tell a little story in between the numbers. (1...once there was a little boy and he had a pet mouse....2 the boy and the mouse blah blah blah etc) Don't stress him out. I was told that it is a physical thing too-boys don't sense they have to go as early as girls. Take it easy and it will work itself out.
try putting him on each hour for about 3 minutes... after he has a drink or food.. put him on 15 minutes later.. just put him on.. if he goes great.. if not.. don't worry about it.. just keep putting him on each hour... even if you are out someplace.. after a while he'll get it.. don't leave him on to long.. try running the water in the sink too.. sometimes this helps.. good luck..
I agree with all the other advise given, but I would also like to add that WHEN your son is ready don't confuse him with still wearing diapers while potty training. Basically it's like telling them that it's not ok one second and that it's ok the next to pee not on the potty. When I potty trained both my boys we did away with diapers and used underwear. I picked a time when we would be home all week and they would wear just underwear so they could actually feel it when they pee in their pants. After a few times they don't like the feeling of being wet and will get the hang of going to the potty to pee. I only used pull ups to go over their underwear at night so they would still feel that they are wet without ruining the sheets every night. Point is be consistant and don't push them till they are ready. Both my boys were 3yo before I started potty training them
I think it is time to put it away and then bring it out with a reward chart. When he sits on the potty he gets a Star on his chart and when he gets 5 stars..he gets to do something he really loves to do...go to a park...pick out a movie..etc... A boy definitely potty trains slower and if they get a fear it gets harder. My son was doing great and then we went into a public restroom with automatic flushers and the toliet flushed and that frightened him thinking he was going down with the water...it put us back for 6 months.
Then we started again...a potty upstairs and one down...which he could sit and watch TV for a bit while we sat. Then as he got older he would sit on the big toliet...all in all it took 2 years to have him fully trained and comfortable. Good luck. Positive reinforcement and consistant use of the potty so he gets use to it.
I'd say let him go for a weekend without diapers during the day. By Monday, you'll have a good idea whether he is ready or not. Bring him to the potty every 20 minutes or so. Reward just for sitting there at first - then for peeing. You can even keep the potty in the playroom with you if it will help. But keep in mind that he is a boy so he might not be ready yet. He certainly wasn't ready at 1 year. Just realize that it won't happen over night. Often people will tell you that their kid is trained but wht they don't mention is that the child has 2 accidents a day! So keep with it, give him time and he will learn! Good luck!
Look, he knows how to pée on it. He is willing to sit on it, no more fear, that is a big accomplishment. 2 hrs is too long. Just try to time it. Sit after waking up (when u take off his nighttime diaper). Sit before a nap or 20 min after a meal. Always praise him for sitting (words, not rewards) soon he'll be comfortable doing it all day. And say things like, "we'll have munch, sit on potty, then play in park..." So he knows he can't sit too long. Don't make a big deal if he doesn't pee for a while. Even if he pees in diaper after ten minutes of sitting, tell him he's doing great foraitting and trying and maybe next time he'll pee in his potty. Keep a few potty bks near it.
Good luck!
Graphic warning here -- but for our son, listening for the "plop" of poop got him into the bathroom, first with us, then by himself. We also started the tradition of saying "bye-bye poopoo (or peepee), see you next time!" which he did first with us, then we did with him once he started going. It's like a team sport, we all got to cheer!
Good luck. With our guy, we had to confiscate the potties and hide them all so when we brought them back out they were special and not forced on him. (The insane grandmas thought that it would be a good idea to start potty training while I was at the hospital giving birth to baby #2... WHAT were they thinking?)
Forcing a 2 year old to sit on the potty for 2 hours isn't teaching him what it feels like when he has to pee or poop and to communicate that to you. He is very young, not even 2 1/2. If he goes once, it does not mean he'll do it regularly. If you really feel that he (not you) is ready for training, put him in cloth diapers or heavy cloth trainig pants with waterproof outer layer so he knows what it feels like to be wet and becomes aware of what it feels like just before that happens, and take him to the bathroom about every 1.5 hours, but only have him sit about 5 minutes.
Hi S.,
I am from the old school of potty training. I think children can be potty trained easily with patience, and consistency. I do think having a him sit for two hours is okay that is way to long. You do not want to make it like a punishment or he will dread it and fight it. What I would suggest is to put him in regular cloth training underwear and take him every hour. Not by force make it a fun game. Do the potty song act silly whatever you have to do to not make it a chore. I once had a boy at my daycare who was turning 4 and would just not potty train for his mom over the summer. When he returned to school in September I couldn't put him with his age group because he was in diapers. He didn't care he was in his glory playing with the two year children. I spoke with his mom and asked her if she minded me helping out by pushing him a bit. She agreed. So she brought him in underwear. He would literally sit in his chair in class and just pee his pants. I wouldn't say a word I would just get him have him come to the potty, change his own clothes, and we would go back to class. I would say I will be back and we will try again. He was so smart that he would tell me that he had 4 more pairs of underwear and then I would have to call his mom to come get him LOL!! I would go get him from class and he would say to me "What do you want now!" Can you imagine!!! I would barely speak I would just say we are going to the potty. He would go, do nothing and then pee his pants. A few days into this when he knew I wasn't going to give up he eventually gave in and went potty. Well I went crazy clapping and praising him. I said to him this is so great lets call mom at work and tell her. He looked at me pointed his little finger at me and said "We are not going to tell anyone okay Miss D.". I was floored. I think he just loved being the baby of the family and wanted to stay that way. His dad would carry him in every morning wrapped in a blanket!!! Once I showed him how wonderful it was to be a big boy in the big boy class he continued to go potty with no issues. My question is how can a child who can manipulate a situation to that degree not know he needs to use the potty? As one mom said on this forum you should potty train before they can speak because sometimes it can prevent a power struggle. Point being sometimes we have to give a gently push. In your case I would keep going, prepare for a mess, don't get stressed, just take him and be consistent. You can get cloth training underwear at Target. They are extra thick to cut down on the mess and yet do not feel like a diaper like pull-ups do. Do not go back and forth with diapers and underwear (except at night) and eventually he will realize that you are not going to give up and he will go. Good luck!
I have 2 boys who were not potty trained until they were about 3 1/2 years old. I would absolutely recommend to not push it any further--it will only frustrate you both. I simply left out the potties, but didn't even start talking about it until they were 3 because they showed no interest before that. Even when they were 3, I only talked about it in short bursts, every once in a while--that's it. And believe it or not, both of them, on their own time, just decided one day that they were going to go on the potty, and that was that. If you had told me the day before that the next day they would be starting on the potty, I would have said no way. I didn't do much of anything--and these are 2 boys that rarely had any accidents once they trained themselves--at night included. Let him be for now--you may have a whole year in diapers ahead of you and that's OK.
Let it go. Obviously he is not ready. I would not
let him sit for two hours again. Just be patient.
S.,
who wants to sit on the potty for 2 hours? this is becoming battle of wills. bring back diapers and let months pass. obviously your son has had a bad experience with potty training. he needs to forget about this whole ordeal. introduce potty six months later.
Hi S., I didn't read all of the responses so my apologies if I'm repeating anything...I think every child is different and they do things at their own pace. That said, my daughter is 2 and 4 mo. and is almost completely trained...I don't say that as comparison, just to say I think your training is totally age appropriate at this point.
some things that worked well for us:
1. She LOVES the Elmo potty DVD- I would highly recommend it- she asks for it every day...and loves it better than any other Elmo DVD's we have...go figure!!
2. We have done incentive programs...when we first started I put a trree on the bathroom wall (that I made out of construction paper- very simply) and every time she peed she put an apple sticker on the tree and we did a potty dance...she was so excited (the first few days we did this I made it fun in the morning- we drank LOTS of fluids- special juice, etc. to make her pee a lot!).
3. Once she started getting the hang of it- we moved from stickers to fruit chews-- I would give her one or two every time she went-- I kept them in a container on the bathroom counter- she also liked m&m's...actually the m&m's really got her going a lot and I switched to the fruit chews b/c they felt a little bit healthier (probably not much though!!)
now we're working on the poop which is a while other story- but besides that she is out of diapers all day...
good luck!!
2 hours? that is ridiculous..........potty training is such a big issue for some moms i never understood that.....my approach is to let the child lead you......whether the child is 2 yrs old or 4yrs old.....you will never be able to control his bladder & he knows it so he is going to make you go crazy.....let him tell you when he is ready.....most kids love to wash their hands so let him know that he can play in the water after he goes potty, that worked with one of my kids........my son, i had to bribe him with toys, so we went to toys r us & he picked out 3 toys & he got one each day he went potty & got to keep them as long as he continued to use the potty but when he got all 3 he thought he could go back to diapers but i just took them all away & he had to start all over, he was 3 1/2..........i never pushed any of my 4 kids they were all different but i didnt push them it just wasnt worth it to me......good luck
I don't think your son is ready to be potty trained right now. I know it can be frustrating because you may think it's time for him to be trained. However, he doesn't agree with you :) My daughter is 4 1/2. She finally potty trained this summer. I tried everything to no avail. She had to be ready for it. Relax...let him be. It will happen...please don't force it though. Good luck!!!!
Potty training should be easy. If it's not then your son is not ready. As you can see pushing him is not working and why would it, I wouldn't want to go either if I was stuck on the potty for two hours at a time. I understand your frustration, but that is unreasonable. i was horrified reading this.
I bought a potty chair for my daughter at about 2 1/2 years old, she loved the idea in the store then completely refused to use it. I put it away completely hidden in the closet until she asked me to get it out a few weeks before she turned three. She was trained just during the day in about a week. She is turning four in about 3 weeks now and we threw all the diapers even for nighttime away about 5 months ago. They have to be ready.
