Pooping - Virginia Beach, VA

I am going through the same thing with my 3 year old. He has still not pooped in the potty. I thought he was going to today, he actually went and sat on the potty himself and I heard him grunting but he finally went poo-poo in his underwear. I would love some advice myself! Hopefully they will soon.

when we went through this, my ped told me to sneak in fiber wherever I could so she had no choice but to go. We mixed prune juice in with her apple juice, offered her fig newtons and figs and other high fiber foods. It worked. She also said not to make an issue out of accidents as this will cause her to withold even more. She said if it continued she could prescribe something that would help her go, but it resolved on its own.

He may feel proprietary about his body and is frightened about giving it away. I have read about this problem as the child doesn't understand that the food he eats passes through in a changed form and comes out in the toilet. There may be educational books to help him understand the process so he can let go of the food at the other end.

Best wishes,
L.

I have a 4 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. Both of them had trouble with the pooping part. My son just took a couple of extra weeks to "get it". Partly, I think it takes them time to understand what that feeling is in their belly and what it means needs to happen. My daughter hated to poop. She would throw the fits, scream and cry the same way. She held it for days and then it was so hard it hurt her and made her bleed. I ended up giving her Fletchers for kids to make it easier on her and after doing that a couple of times, she found it easier. She would even say "Look Mommy - no blood and it didn't hurt". There may be some other more natural alternatives, but giving them something to help their system make them go is probably going to help. Also letting them go into the bathroom with Mom or Dad is always good so they see a grown up doing it.

M.-

My son was not interested in pooping on the potty when he was going through the process. I did not make a big deal out of it. I told him he could put on his pull-up and poop and just come tell me so I could change it. Eventually he became interested and would try pooping on the potty. However, he would sometimes go back to the pull up when he first started trying. Again I did not make a big deal and he worked it out. Also, maybe have him sit backwards and try to watch himself poop - this was helpful to my daugter. One other thing, you have a small baby at home. That could be part of the reason.

Mary

my child had a similar problem and we found he is chronically constipated. he just turned 6 and finally has outgrown it. the ped had me give him and enema after 2 days of giving miralax (available over the counter) in his drink each evening (about a tbsp), the we gave him miralax daily for about a week then every other day for about a week. now we give him some as a "tune up" if i noticed he isn't being regular but not even once a week. Treat the constipation immediately! the longer he associates hurting with pooping the longer it will take to fix! diet modifications only helped a little with us.....some people are just more constipated than others!

J.

Hi M.: We went through the same thing with our son. With each successful toilet poop, the screaming and crying was less. We just continued to encourage and praise our son. We also did the special treats. I also read to my son children's stories about learning to use the bathroom. We have a kids TV channel here called Noggin and there's a show called Maxx. In each adventure Maxx is learning to brush his teeth, clean his room, got to the bathroom etc. We watched the bathroom episode seveal times. It really helped our son make the connection. Also, if your son is around other kids who are using that bathroom, that is a BIG help. For our son, the potty training experience was new and scary and it was not easy for us. Does your son have a favorite character or something that he identifies with? Try incorporating that into him going to the bathroom. I hope this is helpful and try to be patient. It's just as hard for them as it is for us!

A little about me: I am a career mom, 38, married for 5 years and we have a 4 year old son.

I have a 3 1/2 yr old son, and we went thorugh the same thing with him just a few weeks ago. He would not poop in a potty if his life depended on it. It was heartbreaking, knowing your child has a horrible stomach ache, and the only thing to make it better is to poop, but your child doesn't want to. Through this site I got some great advice and it has worked for my son.

You may have to break out the little training potty to build confidence, then have him dump the poop into the big potty, if you don't need that, he might like a step-stool to rest his feet on.

First I gave mine lots of apple juice to help make it easier to go, you can water it down of course. Then about 20 minutes after he eats, take him to the potty. My child is one of those who does better in private, than with mom or dad sitting in there with him. As hard as it is, he's got to sit there and try.

We also used long term and short term goals with him. Along with praise, if he pooped in the potty, that very same day, he got to have a bubble bath or bath fizzies that changed the water colors, little things like that, but he also got a star to go on a fun outing. We started out with a small goal, like after 5 poops (stars), we went out for ice cream. Then after 7 more, we took him to Kangaroo Jak's, 15 more was a trip to Chuck-E-Cheese. That was the last goal we had to use.

It's been weeks now, and we no longer have to fight with him to go potty, in fact he will go on his own. We have left his potty seat in the downstairs bathroom, so that when he is down here playing, he will just go, do his business and come back. Wal-Mart even has fold up potty seats that you can take with you, I keep Reece's in his backpack that we take when we leave the house, it has come in handy when we have been out. After getting this far with him, the last thing I wanted to tell him was hold it til we get home.

Also, one little thing, my son thought was cool, was getting his own toilet paper. We went to Wal-mart and bought him a package of the Huggies Clean team wipes, he likes the fact that this is his very own, no one else can use it.

I had a similar problem. I kept saying to my daughter "yucky, stinky poopy - it needs to go in the potty" and I talked about it a lot. My pediatrician suggested that I was shaming her - and embarrassing her. So, I started saying "can you help me get the poopy into the potty? That's where it belongs." After a little bit she became very willing to do it on her own. It turned out she was just sensitive to the privacy of using the bathroom. So, you might try making sure you down play the "yucky" factor. :) Good luck!

We had a similar experience with our oldest grandaughter.
She is now 7, but from infancy, she always had extemly large bowel movements. She knew it was going to hurt so she held it as long as possible, so of course that made it even worse. I would cry right along with her because I was afraid she would rupture sometime. After several trips to the doctor and several years of trial and error & extreme pain it finally got better. The best advice is lots of fiber foods and lots of water. If they will drink it, hot green tea is good too. Try to limit foods that are constipating as they make it harder to go. Good Luck & God bless! K. L

Hi M.! My son is also in the "process of training". He turned 3 in November. It took forever just to get him to pee in the potty. After my first attempt, when he "just turned 3", I chilled out for a few months and just relaxed about it. I started up again and he was much more willing. Believe me, as ridiculous as it sounds, a few months make a HUGH difference in readiness at this age. Now, for the bowel movements!! I have not pushed him as I know this is completely normal, boy or girl. When he needs to go #2, he asks for a big-boy pant (pull up), I put it on and he goes. I know eventually he will poop where he is suppose to! I also know, the more it becomes a battle of wills, the more frustrated I get and the more stubborn my kids gets! Choose your battles and time will take care of this one. Good luck!

Hi M.,

There is a SAHM meet up group that may be able to help you with your concerns.

Their website is SAHM.meetup.com/

The Norfolk Attachment Parenting Group may have some answers. If not, Dr. Katharine Leslie is a Child Development Specialist. Her address is ____@____.com

Hope this helps. D.

Check out the new children's book by pediatrician, Howard Bennett. I forgot the title but know it has helped many kids. Good luck.

Your son may be constipated to the point where it hurts to go, or he might have imagined threats in the toilet - for example, I know a boy who thought an alligator lived in the toilet (he was thinking of the food disposal in the kitchen sink) that would bite him if he sat on the toilet. It took a lot of careful conversations to get him over that.
With constipation, you'll need to up his liquids and fruits and veggies (other than bananas and applesauce). Good luck!
BTW, my husband used to be a submariner, too!

I've been exactly where you are. Thank God for children's laxative! My son did not like to poop because it's dirty and messy...But when ya gotta go,ya gotta go! So, after a time or two of the special "candy", he's fine with it. We also used flushable wet wipes versus toilet paper. Good luck!

Hi. Yes, this is very common. My son would wait so long you literally had to pick him up and do the 50 yard dash around the house to the bathroom. Then you sit in there for like 20 minutes waiting. My nephew on the other hand goes so fast that you think he's kidding that he's already done. As soon as he sits down, he says 'done'. No... but sure enough he's done.

Some things to try. Do you have a child seat for the regular toilet that has handles? Or a step at the toilet so that when he is sitting down his feet aren't dangling? When kids are 'propped' on the toilet they tend to tense up and so it hurts to go. After a few times that relate pain with going and so they do everything possible to not go.
You could also try a Fleet suppository or prune juice. The softer the stuff the less painful it is.
Just some thoughts.
M.

My son had almost the same problem. He didn't deny it afterwards but he cried and said it was painful. Finally I took him to the doctors and they put him on a daily fiber to help. And it did wonders. We also got the flushable wipes...although now he's six and hates to use regular tp...he'd much perfer the flushable wipes.

Well good luck!

I went through a similar experience with my three year old daughter. From my research on the subject and talking to other moms, I learned that this can happen to kids because they have gotten used to, as infants, feeling their BM up against them. They really think that their BM is a part of their body and form an "attachment" to it.

My daughter and I would pray every night for God help her go poop and pee in the potty. We would ask her where the poop went and what she was supposed to do if she had to go...and she knew all the right answers. Still she kept going poop in her pull ups. Trying to force her to go, was an emotional disaster for everyone. It was so frustrating. There were times I really had to remind myself that she couldn't possibly keep this up forever. I would joke around with people and tell them, "Well I've got until she's 18 to this right."

Then one day, she just went all by herself without saying anything until she was done and asked us to wipe her. She's been going ever since. This happened about three months ago. It was so weird because it's like something clicked and she was ready.

Just be patient, he'll get there.

M.:

Hello! I have an 8 year old who goes through this problem. I had to take him to the Urgent care on 4 Mar because of this. He holds his poops for days (no kidding) and when he does end up going it is EXTREMELY painful (he gave himself a small hernia because of it).

I found that he holds his poops because "it hurts" - when he was two (he potty trained at two in one week - it was amazing!) he had a VERY huge poop (I remember it still because it was as long as my leg and I'm 5'8!) and very thick (it actually clogged the toilet that's how we know this). This began the holding poops cycle.

The doctor explained to us that if allow him to continue to hold his poops his rectum will lose the ability to tell him when he needs to go and it will get so stretched out it will be dangerous.

Solution:
1. Cut out milk or at least a lot of milk as it can act as a constipator
2. He know has to TRY and poop every night after dinner.
3. I have put more roughage (lettuce, spinach, salads, peanuts, almonds, rice, etc.) in his diet.
4. He drinks about 1/2 gallon of water per day.

I'm happy to say that he is now pooping almost every night now on a regular schedule/basis and they no longer hurt him. It took about a week for everything to come together for us.

I hope this helps!

Cheryl

After reading the responses so far, I am convinced of my theory that this is a "boy thing!" My son just turned 10 and we still have issues with this. He only poops every 2 or 3 days, and holds it until it's an emergency! I've tried all kinds of things but he just doesn't like to go every day. I have now recognized certain behaviors/movements that indicate he has to go and I say something to him so he'll go. I also have wet wipes in all the bathrooms -this helps a little because they feel better than toilet paper.

I know this isn't giving you much in the way of a solution, but at least you know it's more common a problem than you thought!

Oh, do I feel your pain! I have gone through the same thing with both of my boys. The oldest is 6 now and the younger is 3 1/2. The good news is that they grow out of it . . . eventually. My oldest didn't want to poop because he had a painful BM and just didn't want to hurt again. Then it became a habit for him. The younger has used pooping as his stand for independence. I have discovered a few things: you can't make them poop (which sounds obvious, but there are times when you think there should be SOMETHING you can do to make it happen) and unless you keep them full of fiber and apple juice the problem will get worse. After consulting his pediatrician numerous times, we finally had to resort to 1 teaspoon of milk of magnesia daily to avoid an impacted bowel situation. My 3 1/2 year old is still doing it off and on (the on times are fewer and farther between now), usually when something is stressing him out. But I've been told by my doctor and by my friends who have dealt with this that it often arises with boys at potty training time. The only thing that has worked for us (and I know everyone and every child is different) is to be as relaxed and "non-issue" about it as possible. (which is ridiculously hard!!) I just make sure that their diet is full of fiber and that the milk of magnesia comes into play when it's been too long even with the fiber. And then I bang my head against the wall when they can't see or hear me do it! I hope it helps to know that you aren't alone. This is my most challenging parenting issue so far. I would talk to your doctor and develop a plan. Good luck!

I think potty training happens in stages. My son would pee before he pooped in the potty as well. When we decided to potty train him I did it over a weekend that we were at home. I put only big boy underwear on him and I made him go to the bathroom like every 30 minutes to an hour, but that was only when I knew he was ready. Your little boy may not be ready yet. Maybe give him some more time and then try it again. Potty training has to happen when they are ready, not when we are ready. I had several false starts as well. Just went back to the drawing board and gave him more time until we thought he was ready. When he started asking me to change his poopy diaper or told me he pooped, that was the signal to try again.

Be VERY careful with this issue. My son had a couple of painful bms when he was 2 1/2 and we have been dealing with chronic constipation ever since (he's 9 now!). Check w/ your pediatrician about the best way to soften his stool so it won't hurt when he goes. We see Dr. Sirlin in Northern VA, and he has my son on Miralax (now over-the-counter and totally tasteless when mixed with Gatorade or juice!). My son's constipation was diagnosed because he kept having stooling accidents between the ages 4 - 6. I finally took him to the doctor when I realized that he just plain couldn't help it! He was pooping every day, so I didn't notice that there was a real problem. I wish I would have taken him sooner, because the road to recovery is much longer when the colon gets so stretched out.
I hope this helps.

Hello my little girl will b 2 in may i went through the same thing i never understood she would scream and cry for 10 min then poop she didthis for about 2 weeks then she just got the hang of it and she to this day has never pooped in her pants. I think it is just such a big change and may be a little harder for them to use the bathroom sitting down when most as babies they stand up go into a corner and so on. Hang in there it will get better once they relize how happy you are and what they are doing is ok the crying will slow down then stop.

Hi M.,

This is more common than one would think. I know how terrible this can be and emotional at times too! Fecal retention can occur for a variety of reasons from pressure to potty (sometimes perceived by the child from well intentioned parents) to having 1 hard stool and then fear of stooling. My son has had this for about 1 1/2 years (he is now three).

The doctor recommended Miralax for us. Its non habit forming and the ingredients are not invasive (its sold over the counter). However it keeps his stool soft. (Using a fleet enema is contraindicated for this problem by the way since it involves an invasive approach only causing the child to want to gain more control.)

Also, he is on a HIGH fiber diet. (this means only whole grains, lots of nuts, only high fiber fruits, and beans) This is an example of his foods for a day:

Morning - oatmeal
snack - apple or berries
Lunch - buckwheat noodles with seasame seeds and seasame oil, edamame, broccoli and berries
snack - whole wheat rice cakes, dried peas
snack # 3 - almonds or cashews
dinner - lentils, whole wheat cous cous, stewed tomatoes, carrotts or brocolli, and some more fruit

We also put 1 spoonful of fiber (this can be bought at any pharmacy or at safeway) in his bottle.

We absolutely avoid white rice, bananas, apple saus or toast (all known constipators) and give him lots of water

My son also only pees on the potty and I told him that for poop he can ask for a diaper and he does.

This is a serious issue as the more a child holds it in the harder it gets and proliferates the intestine. The softer you keep the stools the less likely it will be for a child to hold it in.

For more information do a google search on fecal retention disorder.

Good luck!